


The Dark Prince

by borninthewronggalaxy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha Kylo Ren, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Alternative Universe - Kingdom, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux - Freeform, Ben Solo - Freeform, Blood Play, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Darkside - Freeform, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Dominance, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Falling In Love, Finger Sucking, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Fucking, Han Solo - Freeform, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Kings & Queens, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Leia organa - Freeform, Lightside, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Naked Cuddling, Naked Female Clothed Male, Oral Sex, Pain, Painful Sex, Painplay, Princes & Princesses, Protective Kylo Ren, Rey - Freeform, Rough Sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The First Order, Top Kylo Ren, True Love, True Love's Kiss, Vaginal Fingering, Violence, War, dark vs light, the resistance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 113,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24433735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borninthewronggalaxy/pseuds/borninthewronggalaxy
Summary: The Kingdom of the Resistance has always faced the threat of the First Order, a rival kingdom which grows stronger each day. You are the heir to the throne of the Resistance, and you are horrified to find out that you are to be married to the Prince of the First Order, Kylo Ren. Your families both pray that your marriage will finally bring peace to the galaxy, but what about you? You're already in love with someone else, and you know nothing about this dark prince. You can't marry a man you don't love. At least, you don't love him yet.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 51
Kudos: 218





	1. You Have An Obligation

You were woken up slowly as soft lips were planted against yours, your tired eyes fluttering open in surprise. You smiled lightly against his mouth as he rolled on top of you, his bare skin sliding through the silky sheets with ease. You giggled as he moved from your mouth, kissing down your neck and chest, tracing his tongue along the red and purple marks left on your skin from the night before. Pushing him off playfully, you tossed him back onto the mattress with a light thump, a smile painted across your lips. He laid there for a moment, staring at you with soft, love-filled eyes, making your heartbeat speed up in your chest. 

"You're beautiful." He murmured, picking up your hand and kissing your knuckles. You blushed. 

"Shut up." You chuckled, leaning down to kiss his forehead before sliding out from under the sheets and laying your bare feet against the cold stone floor. Warm yellow light poured through your giant windows, illuminating the room in a bright morning haze. You took in a deep breath as you pulled one of them open, the sweet smelling breeze flowing past you and blowing loose strands of your hair around your face. You paused as you stood there, your eyebrows furrowed as you remembered the day ahead. 

"I don't want to go," You sighed, drooping your head.

"I know," Alex replied, "But you have to." He pulled a pillow under him and propped his arms up on it as he watched you. 

"I know." You turned around, running your fingers through your hair frustratedly and making your way to the bathroom, pushing open the big french doors and walking through them. You leaned over the marble sink, splashing cold water in your face and rubbing at your skin, tan and freckled. Everyone had always said you'd gotten your mom's freckles. Alex thought they were cute. You glanced up into the mirror, watching a glimpse of him in the room behind you, his head buried in the pillow, his wavy brown hair falling over the fabric. You smiled, your heart glowing. 

"I don't even know what it's about," You called back at him as you messed with your complexion in the mirror, watching his head raise from the bed. "They just said it was important."

"Any guesses?" He sat up, sliding off the mattress and making his way towards you. You shook your head, groaning. Alex came up behind you, sliding his arms around your waist and pulling you to him, his fingertips making your bare skin tingle. His figure pressed up against your back, warming your chilled body comfortingly. You smiled into the mirror, his eyes meeting yours in the reflection. 

"You need to get dressed," You laughed, turning to face him. "Before someone comes in."

"Or we could have sex again." He suggested, looking at you sarcastically for approval. 

"Go," You laughed, pushing him back though the doorway. He smiled as he stumbled away, disappearing into your bedroom as you made your way into your closet, flicking through the hundreds of dresses in front of you. The dozens of different colors all blended together, almost making you feel dizzy. You'd always found it overwhelming to pick out an outfit, especially when so many people would be staring at you, making judgements about your character from how you looked. But that's how your life had always been. You were used to it now. After all, it wasn't something that was ever going to change. You were born into it. Born into a position you didn't ask for, but were somehow expected to just accept with no questions. 

Heir to the throne of the Resistance. It always sounded so dignified when people said it out loud. And you supposed it was, but you just couldn't take yourself seriously enough to entertain it. You'd always hated how people looked at you--what they expected you to be. And you weren't allowed to defend yourself either. You were just supposed to sit there and take it. Sometimes, you wanted nothing more than to just explode. To scream and cry and break down in front of everyone watching, just so they might understand that you were really human. Not just a princess. Not just a figure who you watch giving speeches. Not just a title. Not just a pretty face. But a human.

Sighing, you pulled out a soft blue dress, one that would fall over your feet, shrugging as you threw it over your head, the layers getting twisted as they settled over your body. While you slipped on small heels, you fumbled with it, finally getting it on after too much struggle and making your way back to the mirror. You stared at yourself, grabbing a comb and brushing it through your long hair, falling in loose curls over your shoulders. You brushed on light makeup, your freckles still showing through, before walking back out into your room, Alex--now fully dressed--meeting your gaze. He smiled at you, his eyes scanning your figure. 

"Pretty." He beamed, shoving his foot into his boot forcefully. He slipped his silver armor over his black underclothes, his thin body hidden under the thick metal. 

"I hate it." You rolled your eyes, grabbing the loose fabric in your fists and throwing it back down, huffing frustratedly. 

"Shut up, you know you look amazing." He moved towards you, his armor clanging awkwardly as he shifted from one foot to the other. You smirked, leaning forward and planting a quick kiss on his lips before slipping past him and towards the door, opening it swiftly. The long, brightly lit hallway sprawled out before you, the open space letting the morning light shine in through the glassless windows. Green vines crawled through the cracks in the cobblestone walls and pillars, tiny white flowers sprouting from them in small buds. The breeze blew softly around you, messing with your styled hair annoyingly as your heels clicked loudly along the floor, alerting anyone around you to your presence. 

You turned over your shoulder as you made your way further from your door, smiling as you watched Alex get into position by your entryway, his helmet now covering is face. His long sword leaned up against the wall at his side, freshly sharpened and shimmering in the morning light. He gave you a thumbs up as you turned away from him, your cheeks blushing brightly. 

You had no idea how no one had found out about the two of you yet. Obviously, you'd made sure to be as careful as possible. Almost never interacting in public. Never mentioning him to anyone. But he was your personal guard. You spent more time with him than anyone else. How could your parents not at least suspect that something might be going on? You assumed that they were purposely being oblivious. Because if it got out that you'd had any sort of relationship with him, your reputation would be stained like a glass of spilled red wine on white cloth. 

The princess, sleeping with her guard. Unmarried. You could just see the headlines now. You rolled your eyes as you continued down the hallway, leaving the open space and ducking into the winding stairwell at the other end, heading downward. The steps always seemed to go on forever, your legs growing tired as you finally reached the exit, pushing open the heavy wooden door, gilded with silver metal swirls. You stepped out into the lush garden below your tower, the sun's rays shining down on your hair, making it glow like spun gold. 

You'd always loved the walk from the gardens to the main palace. Multicolored butterflies flew lazily around you, passing by your flowing dress and landing on the stems of neatly groomed bushes. You stepped along the loose cobblestone pathway, green vines and moss weaving between the stones below your feet. You passed by the large, lavish fountain in the center of the garden, reaching down to run your fingers across the surface of the water, your painted nails shimmering as the droplets stuck to their surface. Birds chirped in the trees around you, their branches shading your face as you passed underneath them, the sun creeping through the gaps in the leaves. It shone in speckles against your skin before you made your way to the gate at the other end of the space, unhooking the wooden door and stepping through it. A new pathway led you to the vine-covered entrance to the palace, hidden to everyone but you. The door was sunken back into the stony wall, camouflaged under layers of plant growth. But you reached for the concealed handle, the hinges creaking with rust as you pulled the dark wooden door towards you, stepping inside. 

Instantly, you shivered, the palace's darkness falling over you. You'd come in through the cellar, which was always freezing--and honestly, terrifying. No one ever came down here. You'd always felt like it was haunted. You rushed through the shadowy space, speeding towards the stairwell as fear-driven adrenaline rushed through your blood. Your feet smacked against the stairs as you ran up them, grabbing at the door at the top and nearly slamming through it. You spilled out into a new hallway--the same kind that weaved throughout the entire palace. The stone floors were covered in a long, white rug, stretching as far as the eye could see. Along the walls hung bright torches--usually in the place of windows, which you'd always hated. But you composed yourself, brushing your hands down along your dress, smoothing out the layers before you made your way froward down the corridor, heading towards your destination. You winded down the passageways, turning corner after corner and passing room after room that you knew never got used. Palace employees and servants moved by you, regarding you with small bows as you smiled at them, nodding in acknowledgement. You knew all of their names--they'd all been around since before you were born, serving your family. A few of them even felt like a part of that family, helping to raise you as if you were their own. You even preferred most of them over your parents--even though you'd never say it out loud. But they knew. 

Eventually, you reached another stairwell, moving up into yet another wing of the palace. But this one split into two different sides instead of winding in a spiral, a tall marble statue sitting between them, reaching up towards the ceiling. You grudgingly began to walk the steps, holding the bottom of your dress up to prevent yourself from tripping on it--as, unfortunately, you did far too often. You trudged upward, finally reaching the top and heading down another hall, this one wider and covered in white banners, the symbol of the Resistance meeting your gaze. Windows finally reappeared along the walls, the light creeping into the passageway through large glass frames. Some of them were cracked open, letting the warm breeze blow inside. It calmed your increasing nerves as you eyed your destination in front of you, all the way at the end of the corridor. The giant glass doors to your parents quarters laid before you, two tall, intimidating armored guards standing at the entrance. You couldn't see their faces, their metal masks hiding their identities, but when they spoke, you could immediately place them. 

"You're late." Said the one on the right, pulling back his helmet to reveal his floppy blonde hair and freckled skin. Barrett. He smirked at you, leaning back against the wall. 

"I overslept." You mumbled, rolling your eyes at him. "Can I go in please?"

"Overslept, huh?" Said the other, stepping forward and removing his mask as well, his dark black hair falling over his eyes. "Would that have anything to do with the fact that Alex wasn't in the barrack last night?" Mason laughed quietly, running his hands through his wavy locks. 

"Shut up," You hissed, your eyes wide, "Someone's gonna hear you." It turned out that someone had in fact found out about you and Alex. Two someones, actually. They were his best friends. They'd all trained together. They'd moved from the city to the palace after they were selected when they were little, and they'd been inseparable ever since. You'd never told them that the two of you were together, but they knew. 

"Relax," Barrett chuckled, rubbing a smudge off his mask and crossing his legs as he leaned against the wall, "They won't hear us."

"Can I go in please?" You repeated.

"Of course, your majesty." Mason said in a sarcastic, mocking tone, grabbing at the door's handles and swinging them open towards you. You rolled your eyes at him once more before stomping inside, the fabric of your dress almost getting caught in the door as they slammed it back shut behind you, making you jump a little. You trudged forward, shaking your head. 

Your parent's quarters sprawled out before you, lavish and extravagant. All the furniture was edged with silver lining, shining in the morning light through their open french doors leading out to their balcony. A giant lake, the water glimmering with the sun's rays, laid below the palace in a large valley, surrounded by pointy mountains and lush forests. In the distance, you could see the beginnings of the city, the tops of the buildings coming up over the trees. A large fireplace against one of the walls roared with a bright orange flame, wooden logs piled on top of it, the fire eating away at its fibers. The spotless marble floors below you reflected your blurry figure back up at you, reminding you of how terrible your posture was. Your mother had always picked on you for it--you straightened your spine. You ran your hand along the top of the gray-fabric covered couch, feeling the softness of the fibers and the cold metal of the silver lining. 

But you quickly made your way away from the den, heading towards where you knew your parents would be: in the study. They were always there. Your father would sit at his deep brown desk, haunched over stacks of papers and books. You mom would sit on the small couch, her thin glasses--which she didn't really need--hanging at the end of her nose as she peered down at a book. You reached the door, taking a deep breath and plastering a fake smile on your lips before turning the handle and walking gracefully inside, your heart slamming. 

Your eyes fell on the exact scene you'd expected, your mother instantly looking up at you, her eyes thinned judgingly. You dad didn't even turn around, or acknowledge your presence, until you mom mumbled his name, alerting him to your arrival. He turned slowly in his chair, smiling as his gaze fell on you, standing up and walking towards you, his arms opened wide. 

"Darling," He said warmly as he wrapped you in his arms, pulling you to his chest. You hugged him back, his clean linen scent entering your nose. "Come in." He leaned away, leading you to the couch where he sat you down next to your mother, who was still eyeing you with disdain. You smiled at her, but your sentiment wasn't returned, her lips pulled into a thin line. 

"That dress..." She muttered, "Was that your only choice?" Your jaw tensed, but you kept your composure, the fake smile still painted on your lips. 

"No," You said, "What's wrong with it?"

"You just look," She paused, eyeing you up and down, "unkept." You had to bite your tongue to keep from exploding on her. Literally. It started to bleed. 

"I'm sorry," You mumbled, "I won't wear it again." Thankfully, your dad sat down in the chair in front of the two of you, sighing loudly. Both your gazes fell on him, and the tension diffused slowly as he leaned back, running his hands through his graying hair. 

"Darling," He said again, meeting your gaze. His eyes flashed with something you couldn't identify. Pain? Worry? Discomfort? Whatever it was, it didn't look good. Sweat started to appear under your arms. "As you know," He continued, "The First Order has been an increasing threat within the last few months."

"Aren't they always?" You smirked, but his face stayed blank, and you quickly stopped smiling. 

"It's a greater threat than usual." He mumbled, "And we have to find ways to reach a peace. Or at least an appeasement." You stomach churned, dread settling into your bones. What was he getting at? You furrowed your eyebrows. "Unfortunately, they have stronger weapons than us. A greater army. If they decided to attack, we would most definitely fall to their numbers." You shifted on the couch, leaning forward.

"Okay, so you write a peace agreement. You sign a treaty...I don't know, give in to a few of their demands--like you always have before. What does this have to do with me?" He tensed his jaw, clearing his throat. He eyed your mother worriedly, who shared the same expression, and you glanced between the two of them, your eyes thinned. "What is going on?" You said exasperatedly, your heart thumping. He reached forward tentatively, taking your small hand in his. 

"Unfortunately, this time...I don't think a treaty will solve things. At least not on its own." You opened your mouth to say something, but he interrupted, "The problem is, that we don't have much else to offer them, except for our territory itself. Our kingdom."

"Do you think that they'll really declare war?" You whispered, fear creeping through you. 

"It's very possible. But we want to avoid that at all costs." He sighed, his grip tightening on your hand. "And that's where you come in." You stared at him suspiciously. 

"How?" You voice was cold. Dead. You could just tell that something was off. He paused, biting his lip as he eyed your mother once more, as if he was begging for her to say it instead of him. But she ignored him. He sighed again.

"We didn't want to have to do this," He mumbled, "But the King and Queen of the First Order have a son. Your age." Your heart was really slamming now. He was not really about to say what you thought he was. "They've proposed...that you two enter into a strategic marriage. To heal the wound between our two kingdoms." 

You froze, your eyes wide with horror. You stared at him, his words swimming through your mind slowly, the syllables dripping in one by one, each one worse than the last. But as they all finally registered, the shock wearing off, the anger started to seep in, boiling up through your blood. 

"They've proposed...what?" You hissed quietly, your tone like thick venom. Your father winced guiltily.

"A marriage. You will be married to their son. Kylo Ren." Your blood went cold in your veins. Instantly, you ripped your hand from his, standing up abruptly and pushing the couch back, its feet scraping against the floor. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You seethed, your whole face turning bright red.

"Language." You mother interjected, but you spun towards her, crazed. 

"Shut the fuck up." You whisper-hissed, her face left shocked and horrified as you suddenly stormed towards the door, your dress flying out behind you. 

"Darling!" You father called after you, following you towards the exit. "Let's talk about this!" By the time you turned back to him, hot tears were already pooling in your eyes, stinging at your waterline. His face softened. You could tell that he felt bad. He didn't want to do this to you. But it didn't matter.

"I will never," You whispered, your breath hitching, "Ever, forgive you for this."

"We don't have a choice!" He cried, reaching for your arm, but you recoiled, your chest heaving. 

"I absolutely will not marry a man I don't love." You cried, the tears starting to drip down your cheeks. 

"You will." You mother suddenly piped up, standing from the couch and walking towards her, her arms crossed. "You have an obligation to this kingdom. To your people. To us."

"I didn't ask for this life!" You screamed, gesturing widely, "I don't owe anyone anything!"

"You are a selfish girl," She spat, her face twisted with disgust. "I knew you would react this way."

"How would you like for me to react mom!?" You screamed, the tears becoming a flood. "Of course I don't want to be forced into an arranged marriage with someone I've never even met! Someone I don't love!"

"Me and your father had an arranged marriage," She refuted, "And we learned to love each other with time." You choked, feeling as if you were about to vomit. But you held it back, glaring at the two of them with pure hatred. 

"You're ruining my life," You whispered, "Don't you see?"

"We're not ruining it." She rolled her eyes, "We're just restructuring." You scoffed, your sobs racking through your body. You took one last look at them before tearing out of the room and back through their quarters, your heels slapping against the marble floor. You could barely even see through the tears as you forced open the doors at the entrance, ignoring Mason and Barrett as they called after you. You rushed back through the hallways, your shoes eventually falling off your feet, but you didn't care. You ran, barefoot, back through the winding passageways, back down into the cellar and through the hidden door. You busted into the gardens, away from anyone's prying eyes, and collapsed onto a small wooden bench, green vines winding around its legs. 

You curled into a ball, your stomach pressed up against your thighs as you sobbed, harder than you ever had before, your tears seeping into the fabric of your dress. You cried for what seemed like hours, a million thoughts creeping through your head. 

You didn't know what you were going to do. But your whole life felt as if it was crashing down around you. You weren't sure if you'd be able to get out of this. In fact, you were almost positive you wouldn't be able to. Doom settled in your bones as you laid on your side on the bench, the wood pressing uncomfortably against your back. But you ignored it, closing your puffy eyes as new storm clouds began to drift over you from the mountains, hiding the sun behind its shadow. You felt that it was fitting as cold rain started to drip onto your body, soaking the fabric covering you and drowning you in freezing shivers. 

Funny how fast things could change from a sunny day to a storm in the blink of an eye.


	2. The Dinner

The warm sheets around you didn't help to comfort you at all. Nothing did. It had been a few weeks since they'd told you. Since you'd found out that your life was over. At least the life you wanted to live, anyway. You rolled over with a groan, your tired eyes fluttering open to gaze at Alex's sleeping body next to you. You sighed.

He'd tried to act strong for you when you'd told him--tried to convince you that somehow, everything would turn out okay. But you knew him too well, and you could tell that he was just as heartbroken as you were, even if he wouldn't admit it. 

Your stomach did flips as you slowly realized what day it was. Tonight was finally the night that everything would become all too real, all too quickly. The night you'd been dreading for every second of the last few weeks. You swallowed the vomit in your throat as the realization hit you. You were finally supposed to meet him tonight. 

Kylo Ren. The prince of the First Order. Your future husband--If you could really even call it that. You shivered at the thought of it. You knew nothing about him. What his personality was like. His appearance. Nothing. You knew his name, and that was it. Maybe he was just as upset about all of this as you were. Maybe he didn't want to meet you just as badly as you were dreading meeting him. But for some reason, a sneaking suspicion told you otherwise. 

You sat up, brushing your hair out of your face and slipping out from under the sheets. The air outside was filled with thick fog, rolling down from the mountaintops. Light rain was falling from the billowy, dark clouds above you. Appropriate, you thought as you made your way into the bathroom, splashing cold water in your face. You got dressed, throwing a gray dress over your head and tying the flowy fabric belt tightly around your waist. You slipped on flats, tip-toeing back out into the bedroom and eyeing Alex again, half-hoping he was still asleep. But his lids fluttered open as you walked by, a weak smile on his lips. 

"Hey," He mumbled, his voice threaded with groggy sleep. 

"Hi." You whispered, chewing on your bottom lip. "You can go back to sleep, I have to leave for a little while."

"Where are you going?" He sat up, fluffing his hair. You paused, your face falling. He noticed. "Oh," He mumbled, "Today's the day, huh?" You nodded, glancing down at the floor guiltily. You knew that you couldn't help what was happening, but you felt horrible nonetheless. 

"Mhm," You mumbled, turning your back to him and hurrying towards the door, your stomach twisted in knots. You could hear him shifting under the sheets, his feet smacking against he ground as he slipped off the mattress. 

"Y/N," Alex called after you, but you reached for the handle instead of responding, trying to escape confrontation. But just as you pulled the door towards you, his hand wrapped tightly around your wrist, holding you back. You sighed, turning towards him and meeting his gaze, your eyes wide and pleading. 

"Alex please, I don't want to talk about this right now." You whispered as you watched his jaw tense, and he released your wrist with a frustrated huff. 

"Well when can we talk about it?" He said, his voice raising slightly, "Because you've been blowing it off for weeks now." You opened your mouth to defend yourself, but changed your mind, slamming your lips back shut. "When?" He repeated, his eyes thinned. 

"Later," You hissed defensively, quickly turning away from him and storming out into the hallway, leaving him behind in the doorway. He watched you as you left, and you could feel his gaze on the back of your neck like a laser. But you shook your head, trying to push your worries about him out of your mind for the time being. You had enough to think about today already. 

~a few hours later~

Your head ached as the brush yanked through your hair, pulling it back tightly against your scalp, making you wince uncomfortably. 

"Sorry," August muttered, cringing as she gripped the handle tightly, "I'm almost done."

"It's fine," You said, your neck straining against her strong pulls. You were sitting in front of your mother's mirror, her makeup table sprawled out before you. You stared at your reflection as August pulled your hair back into a complicated bun, flattening out the lumps and fly-aways with spray. She was your mother's main servant, and someone you considered a close friend. You didn't get to have many of those. You were around the same age, though she was a few years older, and you'd known her since you were both little. Her mother had worked in the palace for years, and had become extremely close with your family before she passed away. Your mom especially. After her death, she'd grown colder. Even colder then she already was. She was one of your mother's only real friends, other than her advisors--who weren't really friends at all. 

You sighed, your hands resting in your lap as they quivered slightly. It was almost time. It was like a clock was counting down to your death as the seconds creeped by, dread sinking in further with each passing moment. Your eyes fell on your gown in the mirror, the white fabric falling in airy layers over your body, embroidered with silver detailing in the shape of small leaves and vines, creeping up to your chest and flowering in small buds and beadings along the low neckline. You felt almost naked, your breasts displayed too provocatively for comfort--but your mother had insisted. You weren't surprised at all. 

It ballooned out at your waist below the tightly cinched waist, strangling the air from your lungs. Your feet were hidden below the excessive layers, and you were barely able to move your legs, much less walk in it. You felt like a prize, being paraded around and presented to a lucky winner. You were an object. A peace appeasement. Not a person. It felt like you never were. 

"Okay," August sighed, stepping back and admiring you in the mirror, "You're ready." Your false eye-lashed gaze stared back at you in the reflection, blush covering your cheeks and smokey eyeshadow on your lids. Your lips were painted with a nude color, a clear gloss over the lipstick. Your hair was slicked back into a bun at the back of your head, thin strands falling around your face in loose curls. A luminous glitter dusted over your shoulders and collarbones, shimmering in the bright lights around the mirror. You almost didn't recognize yourself as you stared, your freckles hidden behind the makeup. But you smiled weakly at August, nodding encouragingly. She'd done a good job, but you'd just never liked looking this way. It felt so unnatural--just like pretty much everything else about your life. 

She helped you up from the chair, your gown fanning out around you as you stood. 

"I'll go get your mother," She said, walking towards the door and ducking out into the hall. You were left alone, still staring at your reflection. The longer you looked, the more horrible you felt, your emotions bubbling up inside you. You could feel the lump forming in your throat, though you choked it down, ignoring the glassy mist casting over your eyes. Your gaze was ripped from the mirror as you heard loud footsteps in the hallway, approaching quickly. 

Your mother ducked into the room, clothed in a long, red dress--her's far more modest than yours. Her hair was pulled back tightly too, but no strands hung loose around her face. She always complained when people did her hair that way. She slinked towards you, her walk far more graceful that yours ever would be. 

"Are you ready?" She asked, not waiting for your answer before reaching forward to mess with the waistline of your dress, "Can this be tightened?"

"It's tight enough." You mumbled, fighting not to roll your eyes. "And yes, I'm ready." She eyed you for a moment, looking unsatisfied, before finally nodding and heading for the door, expecting you to follow. You did, struggling against the immobilizing gown as you shuffled after her, through the doorway and into the hall. You passed by the study, your mind flashing back to the day they'd told you. You shivered. 

She led you out of their quarters, your father meeting the two of you at the door, dressed in a perfectly tailored black suit, his military badges displayed proudly against his chest. He wore a shiny pin of the Resistance next to them, glinting as the three of you made your ways into the hallway, multiple armored guards falling behind you. 

Your mind was in a haze as you walked slowly to the dining hall, your brain fuzzy and clouded. You didn't really want to think about what was about to happen. Other wise you might break down in the middle of it all. But as the tall, glass pained doorways appeared before you, you couldn't help but start to panic, your cinched waist not helping to steady your breathing. You gasped as quietly as possible, not wanting to alert your parents. They'd just make it worse. Two black suited servants opened the doors slowly, the long room revealing itself to you. An elongated table sat in the center of the room, straight-backed chairs lining its sides. Giant windows covered the walls, but as the night had fallen over the palace, only darkness spilled in now, the only light coming from the lavish chandelier hanging over the room and candles along the table's surface. 

Your mother's hand suddenly laid against the small of your back, ushering your forward into the room and towards one of the chairs next to the head of the table, sitting you down and pushing your seat in. Your father took the spot at the head, you mother sitting across from you on the other side of him while eyeing you with daggers for irises. 

"You have to make a good first impression," She whispered coldly, "Your kingdom's future depends on it." You tensed your jaw, staring back at her. "Do you understand?" You wanted to snap at her, but you controlled yourself, flashing a fake smile and nodding. 

"Of course." You said in a phony tone, but she seemed satisfied, leaning back in her chair and straightening her spine. She looked towards your father, who was adjusting his suit nervously as silence fell over the room, the empty table making your heart slam. In a few moments, he'd be sitting in one of those chairs, watching you. You wanted to vomit. 

Suddenly, the doors re-opened, a single servant walking inside, bowing before he stood straight again. He took in a deep breath, then moved sideways, his hand held out. "Introducing, the King and Queen of the kingdom of the First Order, Sir Han Solo and Madame Leia Organa." His voice boomed through the room, your blood instantly going cold as you glanced towards the entrance, your eyes wide with terror. 

After a few moments, two figures slowly appeared in the doorway, their eyes peeled over the space. The woman, brown haired and slim, walked with confidence, a black, shimmery gown falling over her body. Her hair fell in loose curls over her shoulders, but part of it was pulled back tight against her scalp, threaded with dark jewels. Her arm was hooked with a taller man, dressed in a black suit and pointed shoes, a faint beard on his chin. He glanced around the room with distain, as if it wasn't good enough for his standards. You frowned.

They made their way to the table, sitting down at the opposite end, the king taking the head chair. His wife sat next to him a few chairs down from you, leaving a seat open on the opposite side for who you knew was coming next. You stomach flipped. 

You heard the man at the door take in another deep breath, and you could feel your heartbeat through your entire body, slamming almost painfully. "Introducing," He began again, "the prince of the kingdom of the First Order, Sir Kylo Ren." 

You didn't turn your head towards the door. You physically couldn't bring yourself to. You heard his footsteps enter the room, slamming against the marble floor as he approached, but your eyes stayed locked on the table in front of you. Your lip trembled, your hands quivering as you tried to take in calming breaths, preparing yourself. Finally, you regained the ability to move your neck, and slowly, you turned your head in the direction of the sound, your pulse racing. 

As soon as your eyes fell on him, it felt as though the floor had dropped out from underneath you.

He was tall. Possibly the tallest man you'd ever seen. His eyes, as dark as the blackest night sky, pierced through you like knives, drowning you in their oceans of obscurity. His lips, full and curled into a small smirk, mesmerized you instantly. His skin was smooth, dotted with a constellation of beauty marks, shoulder-length wavy black hair falling around his face. His strong chin was defined and chiseled, your breath leaving your lungs as you stared at him, probably a little too intensely. You absolutely hated to admit it, but you couldn't deny--he was no doubt the most gorgeous man you'd ever seen. 

Your were trapped in a trance until your mother hissed at you, her eyes wide as you finally met them. It was only then that you realized your mouth was hanging open stupidly, and you slammed it shut, your cheeks burning bright red. You cleared your throat quietly as he strode around the table and to his seat, pulling back the chair and seating himself. Every movement of his body demanded attention. Even the slightest movement of his wrist or hand--and you marveled at him in awe. 

To your horror, he immediately turned his piercing gaze to you, your eyes locking with his. All the sound in the room seemed to disappear around you, a high-pitched ringing buzz entering your ears. You watched as a smirk creeped across his lips, defined dimples in his cheeks revealing themselves. You blushed again, sucking in a quick breath before tearing your gaze away and staring down at your lap, you heart slamming so loud you were sure that everyone in the room could hear it. 

"We're so glad to have you here," Your father suddenly interjected, his voice snapping you out of your daze. "It's been too long since we've last met."

"Yes," Han Solo spoke up, leaning forward in his seat, "What has it been now...three years, since the last treaty?"

"I believe so," You father nodded, reaching forward and grasping the stem of a wine glass on the table in front of him, bringing it to his lips and sipping quickly. He set it back down, suddenly turning to you. You stared at him, panic washing over you. "I have very high hopes for the future of our two kingdoms," He said with a wide smile on his lips, "I think that this marriage will be extremely successful."

"I agree," Han piped up, eyeing his son, who was still staring at you. You quickly looked away. "We were just discussing the advantages of it before we arrived."

"I pray that peace will finally be restored to the galaxy." You father said cheerily, "There's been far too much uncertainty in these past few decades." Han nodded, sipping from his own glass and swallowing slowly.

"I couldn't agree more." He nodded, his gaze suddenly falling on you. You shivered. "So," He addressed you, leaning back in his chair, "How do you feel about the arrangement?" You paused, catching yourself from saying the truth, instead taking a deep breath and slightly avoiding the question. 

"I think that both our peoples will benefit greatly from the union of our two kingdoms." You said, meeting Han's gaze with false confidence. You could still see Kylo Ren staring at you out of the corner of your eye, but you refused to let yourself look at him--regardless of how badly you wanted to. 

"That's not what I'm asking." Han chuckled, resting his arms against the table, "I asked how you feel about it." You furrowed your brow. Why did he care how you felt about it? It was happening no matter what your opinion was. So you straightened your spine, putting on your best fake smile. 

"I have no problem with it." You lied through your teeth, your eyes revealing your true feelings, but your mouth speaking otherwise. Though you doubted that any of them were paying close enough attention to notice the pain in your gaze. Han Solo nodded, finally releasing you from his focus and turning to his son. 

"And what about you?" He asked, Kylo Ren's spine straightening. 

"I'm ecstatic." He spoke, his voice instantly making your shiver. It dripped from his mouth like honey, coating your ears in the sweet melody of his syllables. You had no idea how someone's voice could have that kind of effect on you, but to your absolute horror, the space in between your legs suddenly heated up. You slammed your thighs together, your face flushing red. 

The rest of the dinner went as expected. Kylo Ren never spoke again, and neither did you. On a few occasions, the queens spoke briefly, but most of the time it was the two men at the head of the table, conversing about things you didn't understand--and didn't care to. But the prince's eyes stayed locked on you the entire time, making your hair stand up on the back of your neck. He was relentless, refusing to look away. 

But finally--and to your relief--your father stood up, Han Solo doing the same, and bowed to each other. 

"It's been a pleasure." Your father spoke, and Han nodded. Your mother stood too, as did Leia, and you followed suit. Kylo Ren was the last to stand, slowly rising from his chair and instantly towering over the rest of the figures around him. His black suit only made his dark eyes stand out more distinctly against the background, piercing through you like a spear. Your mother and father started to walk away from the table, and you stumbled after them, trying your hardest not to trip on your extravagant gown. The other family followed on your heels, and your pulse slammed. The door was only feet from you now. Maybe you'd be able to get away without having to speak to him--

Without warning, a large hand wrapped around your arm from behind you, and you froze, your blood running cold. You turned slowly, your gaze falling on Kylo Ren's mesmerizing face, all the air leaving your lungs at once. He eyed you for a moment before speaking, his lips curled into a faint smirk.

"I'd love to speak with you," He said softly, "About all of this." He paused. "Alone." You gulped. Your parents had already walked out into the hallway, his striding next to them. There was no one to rescue you now. You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out. So you just stood there, staring up at him stupidly. He huffed a small laugh, nodding softly. "Follow me." He ordered, letting go of your arm as he strode with long steps out into the hall. Follow him? You furrowed your brow. This was your home. But still, you found yourself shuffling after him, glancing over your shoulder at your parents, who didn't seem to pay any mind to you sneaking off with a complete stranger. You turned back around, having to jog slightly to keep up with his pace. His long legs carried him much quicker than yours, and you almost lost him down a few corridors as he moved swiftly through the palace. 

You weren't sure where he was taking you as he continued with purpose down the halls, taking turn after turn as if he already knew his way around. But finally, he reached a door, stopping in front of it and grasping the handle. The door to the gardens, your realized quickly. 

"It's raining outside," You squeaked, your voice coming out strangled and awkward. He smirked. 

"Are you going to melt?" He said sarcastically, eyeing you up and down. You shook your head, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. 

"No." With that, he pulled open the heavy wooden door, the smell of damp earth entering your nose. He stepped out into the downpour without another word, disappearing into the darkness of the night. You took in a deep breath, glancing over your shoulder once more before sighing and stepping out into the storm, the darkness engulfing you completely.


	3. You're Okay With This?

The cold rain seeped through the heavy fabric draped over your figure, the sticky mud beneath your feet squelching and coating the hem of your gown in wet dirt. The night was dark and cloudy, the moon hidden behind thick layers of stormy fog. Above your head, a loud crack of lightning shot through the sky, booming thunder following close at its heels, the ground shaking menacingly as you trudged forward. You could feel your thick makeup smudging down your face as you looked up into the rain, the droplets falling into your eyes and drenching your hair as the loose strands stuck to your cheeks. A cold wind whipped through the air and sent goosebumps along your skin, making you shiver as you stepped out further out into the gardens, searching for Kylo Ren in the downpour. 

For a moment, all you could see was the darkness in front of you, the lack of moonlight making your eyes strain. But a movement in the corner of your eye caught your attention, and you turned to see him, shoulders back and spine straightened, walking down the stony path leading from the door deeper into the gardens. You pulled up the hem of your gown, mud sticking to it as you tried to the best of your ability to follow him and his giant strides. He had to duck under the low hanging branches of the trees littering the grounds, the water trapped in the leaves shaking down on his figure. But he didn't seem to mind, marching forward through the torrent with no hesitation. 

He never turned around to check if you were still following--which you were, but weren't really sure why. You didn't know him. You sure as hell didn't trust him. So why were you following him blindly through a thunder storm? You had no idea, but you still felt compelled to rush after him through the thick mist of icy rain. 

After what seemed like hours of trudging through squishy mud and grass, your gaze finally fell on a small gazebo ahead of you, colored white in old, chipping paint. Smudged glass panes laid in between the wooden frames, two french doors at the front of the structure. You'd never actually been this far back into the gardens before, and you stared at it, wondering how long it had been since anyone had actually gone inside, or if anyone even knew it was there. But you were snapped out of your thoughts as Kylo Ren made his way to the entrance, grasping the door's handles in his large hands and pulling them open. They creaked loudly with rust as another flash of lightning shot through the sky, a loud clap of thunder following soon after. 

For the first time since you'd left the palace, he turned back to you, his dark eyes illuminated in the lightning's bright white color. You felt your heart rate pick back up as he flicked his wrist at you, motioning for you to follow him inside. Before you could respond, he turned away again and walked under the structure's roof, escaping the downpour. You took in a deep breath before rushing forward, ducking under the doorframe as the rain finally ceased to fall around you, its muffled sound pouring over the glass ceiling. Droplets danced over the domed surface, rolling down the sides of the structure and hanging in round beads on the outsides of the walls. You were panting slightly as your heavy dress weighed down your body, the wet fabric sticking uncomfortably to your skin. But when you looked back up at the towering man before you, your breath completely left your lungs. 

His gaze pierced through you, and you almost felt as if he could hear every thought swirling through your mind. His hair was flattened by the rain, sticking to his face and neck, the strands curling into loose tendrils at the ends. His skin was dripping with water, droplets rolling down his cheeks and falling from the tip of his nose. His suit was drenched and clung tightly against his chest, revealing defined, rippling muscles underneath the fabric. You gulped. 

He shook his head, water flinging into your face as he made his way to the wall, leaning back against the glass as his eyes continued to dance over your figure, a small smirk on his lips. 

"See," He finally spoke, crossing his arms, "You didn't melt." You smiled weakly, moving to the opposite wall and leaning against it. 

"Well, some of me did." You laughed quietly, pointing to the smeared makeup all over your cheeks. Only then did you really realize how terrible you must have looked, your hair ruined and your face smudged with smoky eyeshadow and splotchy foundation. You reached up and wiped your under eyes with your sleeve, attempting to fix your appearance at least a little. 

"So," Kylo Ren continued, his voice deep and intimidating, "I wanted to speak to you. Without our parents listening in." You nodded, your heart dropping a little at the reminder of the situation you both were in. 

"Yes," You sighed, tucking a dripping strand of hair behind your ear, "Me too."

"How do you really feel about all of this?" He muttered, uncrossing his arms. You paused, chewing on your lip. 

"I--" You stuttered, searching for the right words. "I'm not exactly happy about it."

"Why not?" He questioned, pushing off from the wall and standing straight. "Didn't you always know that this was going to happen eventually?"

"I don't want to be forced into a marriage with someone I don't know, much less love." You furrowed your brow, thinning your eyes, "Why would I be happy about it?"

"Because you're serving your people. Fulfilling your duty as the heir to the throne." He said matter-of-factly, as if it was an irrefutable truth. You shook your head in disbelief. 

"Wait...So you're saying that you're actually okay with all of this?" He shifted his weight from one side to the other, a far away look flashing across his eyes. 

"Completely."

You stared at him, your expression a mix of shock and for some reason, anger. How could he be okay with what was happening? He didn't know you. He certainly didn't love you. You'd barely even spoken. You could be the worst person in the world for all he knew. You could make his life miserable--a living hell. And here he was, saying that he was completely okay with all of this. You blinked disbelievingly. 

"That's bullshit," You breathed, your eyes narrowed into slits.

"Excuse me?" He suddenly stepped forward from the wall, his eyes locked with yours. His sudden advance sent a shiver down your spine, but you didn't relent. 

"I said that's bullshit." You repeated, your voice in a hissed-whisper. "I don't buy it for a second."

"What's bullshit," he whispered, his eyes thinning, "is that you're unwilling to serve your kingdom. This is what you were born for." He took another stride towards you and your heart nearly leaped out of your chest. 

"This is not what I was born for." You breathed, a chill running through your soaked body. He stepped forward again, now only a few feet from you.

"Really?" He whispered, his voice low and cold. You tried to keep your face blank. Strong. But you felt as if he was staring straight through you, identifying every doubt running through your mind. You opened your mouth to say something else, but stopped. What else could you say? Maybe you were being selfish. He was right, your peoples would both benefit greatly. And it was your duty to serve them. It always had been. You'd been raised to do just that. It was what you were born for. But you couldn't get rid of the sick feeling in your gut, knowing that you'd never be able to choose the course that your life took. You'd always be tied to this position, even if you didn't ask for it. 

"Yes," You finally choked. You didn't even sound convincing to yourself. 

"Hm," He huffed disbelievingly, stepping even closer. When he spoke again, his voice was smoother, sending a shiver through you. "Maybe I can help to change your mind." He mumbled, now standing about a foot from you, his chest rising and falling in slow movements. His words circled through your mind like a tornado, overtaking all of your other senses and drowning you in the addictive sound of his syllables--the heat between your legs suddenly reappearing.

"How would you do that?" You breathed, the warmth between your legs spreading up through your stomach and chest, your skin tingling. He towered over you against the wall, and you suddenly forgot how to breathe, all the air around you seeming to evaporate. He stared down at you, his eyes locked with yours in a way that made you feel terrified and alive at the same time--your heart skipping a beat. He reached forward suddenly, his hand resting on the wooden window frame beside your head, his fingers grazing your hair lightly. You stared at each other in silence, the only sound the patter of the rainfall against the glass ceiling and the rolling thunderclouds outside, bright lightning shooting through the sky once more with a loud crack. 

Slowly, he began to lean towards you, his face growing closer to yours as your heart slammed like a drum. Your breath hitched as your gaze flickered down to his lips, full and wet, parted slightly. You couldn't deny--you wanted him. Badly. Regardless of what he'd just said, he was gorgeous. But you wouldn't let yourself fall that easily. 

"I think we should head back to the palace..." You whispered, his mouth just inches from yours. "They'll be wondering where we went." He paused, eyeing you before he smirked, his eyes locking with yours once more. 

"We have time."

Before you could protest again, he shot forward, his lips slamming against yours hungrily. For a split second, you hesitated, your overthinking mind threatening to take over, but in a flash the indecision was gone, your body melting against his. His hands flew to your hair, releasing it from the bun with incredible ease and letting it fall loose over your shoulder, his fingers digging into your scalp. His tongue forced its way into your mouth, swirling around yours as you ran your hands over his chest, feeling his firm muscles underneath the fabric. He was all you could think about as he pressed against you, pushing you up against the wall as his hands moved from your hair to your face, his fingers tracing your skin, making your nerves dance excitedly. You struggled for quick breaths against his mouth, your head buzzing with thrill as his lips moved from your mouth to your chin and then down your neck and across your exposed collarbone. Your low cut dress served as an advantage as his lips ran across your sternum and down to the gap between your breasts, your skin tingling under his touch. 

He was intoxicating, infecting your body and mind with an all consuming greed for more of him, your hands drifting down to the hem of his pants before you could tell yourself to stop, your brain a fuzz of lust and need. But as soon as your fingertips traced over his belt, he pulled back, his lips leaving yours as his hands lifted from your body. You heaved in shallow breaths as he stepped back, eyeing you up and down with a smirk on his lips. 

"So..." He mumbled, "you're still completely against this arrangement, huh?" Your cheeks blushed deep red as he spoke, and your gut felt as if it had dropped to the floor below you. You hoped that in the darkness, he wouldn't be able to tell. You didn't respond--just stared at him stupidly, your lips still prickling with excitement, and he smiled wider, his dimples showing in his cheeks. He waited a moment, then slowly stepped towards you again, his mouth lowering back to yours. You closed your eyes, expecting him to kiss you again, but instead, he paused just centimeters from your lips, sucking in a quick breath. "I'll see you soon, princess."

With that, he pulled away again, turning his back to you and suddenly ducking back out into the rainstorm without another word or so much as a glance over his shoulder. You stood there--half humiliated and half confused, but didn't call after him. You couldn't have even if you wanted to, your voice frozen in your throat. You watched as his figure disappeared out in the darkness of the night, the misty rain masking him in thick fog, your mind spinning. 

You stood there for a while, not knowing exactly what to do. But eventually, you sighed exasperatedly, picking up the hem of your dress and making your way back out into the torrent. He was long gone now as the rain pelted your skin and the cold wind whipped through your hair, sticking to your neck and shoulders. Your eyes were fogged with water as you trudged forward, struggling a little to find your way back to the palace. In the darkness, everything in the garden looked the same--a jumble of soaked branches and swaying trees. But you stomped on, crushing vines and flowers under your soggy heels. 

After what seemed like forever, your eyes fell on door in front of you, leading back inside. You ran towards it, almost completely forgetting about the immobilizing gown around your legs. But you were quickly reminded as you tried to stride forward, your foot catching on the heavy fabric, sending you falling face down in the mud, your head smacking against the ground with a squelching sound. You groaned angrily, prying yourself off the floor and wiping the dirt from your skin. When you finally struggled back to your feet, you looked down to find that the whole front of your dress was coated in thick mud, your hair covered as well. You rolled your eyes, letting out a frustrated scream. Hot, angry tears bubbled in the corners of your eyes, but you took in a deep breath and exhaled, calming yourself.

You stomped forward again, reaching for the door's handle and prying it open, trudging inside and leaving muddy footprints behind you. The entrance slammed shut at your heels as made your way further into the palace, dreading the moment that someone would see you like this. But that moment came all too quickly as you rounded the corner back to the dining hall, your gaze immediately falling on your parents, as well as Kylo Ren and his, standing in the same place they'd been before. Before you could run and hide, all of their heads immediately turned to face you, your mother's face turning a color so pale you would've thought she was dead. Her mouth hung open as she stared at you, embarrassment coursing through your blood as they all watched you with shocked expressions. Your first response was to smile awkwardly, which you immediately regretted when no one returned your sentiment, straightening your mouth into a thin line. Your gaze fell on Kylo Ren, who was eyeing you up and down with an infuriating smirk painted across his lips. Somehow, he still looked clean, his suit free of any mud. You glared at him. 

"What...happened to you?" Your mother suddenly hissed, her eyes wide with horror. You paused, glancing quickly at Ren before turning back to her, sighing. 

"I fell in the mud." You said simply, tucking a dirt-coated piece of hair behind your ear.

"Why did you go outside?!" She cried, "It's like a hurricane out there!" You just shook your head stupidly, gritting your teeth. When she got no response from you, she quickly turned to King and Queen. "I'm so sorry," She apologized profusely, "I don't know why she's acting like this." You had to fight everything in you not to scream at her, or at least not roll your eyes. 

"It's alright," Han Solo chuckled lightly, "We really should be going anyways. We've long overstayed our welcome."

"Thank you so much for coming," Your father interjected, sticking out his hand for the King to take. "I look forward to the future of our two kingdoms."

"As do I," Han agreed, gripping your father's hand tightly and shaking it before letting go and bowing slightly. He reached for his wife's hand, taking it and slowly walking away down the hall, a group of armored guards joining behind them. Kylo Ren paused as they strode away, catching your gaze once more. You froze, his stare once again making your breath hitch in your throat. He smirked once more, winking quickly before whipping around, his dark hair flowing around his face as he walked towards his parents, his long strides catching him up quickly. You stood there, your heart slamming as your mother and father walked up to you, their voices entering your ears in muffled sounds, your mind still focused on Ren. But you were snapped from your thoughts as your mom's palm rested on your shoulder. 

"Ugh," She groaned as she lifted her fingertips, mud coming off on her hand, "What were you thinking?" You just shook your head, not offering her any answer. "You've humiliated us, do you understand?" She hissed, looking you in the eyes. You just stared blankly back at her. You didn't have the energy to fight right now. 

"Yes." You mumbled, the wet mud starting to crust uncomfortably against your skin. 

"You--" She sighed, her gaze flicking over your body, "Go get cleaned up." You nodded, gladly taking any opportunity to get away from her. You pushed past them, "accidentally" wiping your dirt-covered shoulder against your mother's. You heard her scream dramatically as you shuffled away, and you couldn't help but smile as you rounded the corner into a new hallway, leaving the two of them behind. 

August helped to clean you up, prying the soggy dress off your figure and washing the muck from your skin. She rinsed your hair, blowing it dry and brushing it free of tangles. You slipped into one of your mother's many nightgowns, thanking August before heading back to your room, the rain having finally ceased. The sky was still cloudy as you made your way back out into the gardens, the moon still hidden behind the fog, but you were glad to stay dry. The grounds was soft with water, but your stayed on the stone pathway, keeping the moist soil away from your skin. 

Eventually, you made your way to your door, stepping inside and beginning to wind up the staircase, your body feeling as light as a feather without the constraints of the gown. You walked into your hallway, your gaze falling on your door at the end of the corridor. You reached it, your hand gripping the handle and yanking it open. But as soon as you did, you froze, your blood going cold. 

The first thing you saw was Alex's sleeping body, curled up in the sheets, his head laying sideways on his pillow. Guilt instantly began to seep through you, your heart aching painfully. 

You hadn't even thought about him. 

When you were with Kylo Ren, Alex hadn't crossed your mind once. What kind of horrible person were you? You'd let another man kiss you, and you'd even wanted to go further. Shame washed over you like a tidal wave as you watched his chest rise and fall with slow, sleepy breaths. He didn't deserve any of this. 

You tip-toed forward, your teeth gritted, to the side of your bed. You felt like a traitor as you slipped into your sheets next to him, his arm suddenly wrapping around your figure. It was something he always did, but now, it felt foreign. Wrong. Your heart lurched as he touched you. You didn't deserve him, and you wished that you could have been anywhere else in that moment. But you tried your best to close your eyes and ignore his arm hanging over your side, pretending that somehow, all of the events of tonight hadn't happened. 

But they had, and you knew, deep down, that things with Alex would never be the same. It made you sick, but you couldn't deny it any longer. It had to end. And soon.


	4. I Didn't Want To See You

"Raise your arm, please." The seamstress sighed, yanking you before you could respond, extending your arm out to the side. She held the lacy fabric over your wrist, her eyes squinted as she moved it around in different positions. She replaced the textile with a yellow cloth tape measurer, taking the length of your waist, arms, and legs. You sucked in as she wrapped it around your midriff, making a disapproving clicking sound with her tongue. She scribbled your measurements down on a small pad of paper with a pen that she kept tucked behind her ear, then set it back down on a small table, looking up at you. 

"Are you excited?" She mumbled, turning to pick through different fabrics hanging from hooks on the walls. 

"Mhm," You knew she wasn't really listening--just making small talk. And you didn't feel like getting into it with someone you knew wouldn't understand. 

"I've heard he's very handsome--that prince. Is it true?" Your mind flickered back to the memory of his face, just the thought of it making your heart rate pick up.

"Yes," You muttered, blushing, "He is."

"I think what you're doing is very brave," She said, looking back up at you, "You're making a big sacrifice for your people."

"Oh I--" You were shocked at her words, "Thank you." 

"Of course." She walked behind you as you stared at yourself in the mirror, running a hand over your hips. Your hair fell in loose curls over your shoulders, light makeup painted over your skin. Your freckles still poked through the pigment, dotting along your face like a constellation of stars. The seamstress came back in front of you, holding something in her hands. A dress. Or at least the beginnings of a dress--white and long, threaded with delicate beading. A wedding dress, you quickly realized. 

"It's nowhere near finished," She said, letting it flow down to the floor in her grip, "But what do you think of it so far?"

"It's--" You paused, taking a deep breath. You weren't sure what to say. It was a gorgeous dress, but it was a wedding dress. For you. The sight of it--no matter how beautiful--made you feel sick. "It's--" You suddenly felt a wave of nausea wash over you, your face going pale. The seamstress furrowed her brow worriedly, reaching for you as you leaned forward slightly, your head spinning. 

"Are you okay, miss?" She rested her hand against your shoulder, searching for your gaze. But your eyes were focused on the gown in her other hand, seeming to mock you with its presence. Putting on that dress would mean submitting to the reality that your freedom was gone. Really gone. For good. You slammed your lids shut, trying to block out the sight of it. But the picture still burned behind your closed eyes, vomit bubbling up in your throat. You shook your head, suddenly turning away from the seamstress and bolting towards the exit, your hand slapped tightly over your mouth. You whipped open the door, spilling out into the hallway and booking it towards the front entrance of the palace. You needed fresh air, your head buzzing painfully as the building's walls seemed to start closing in around you, suffocating the air out of your lungs. 

The entryway finally appeared before you, the giant wooden doors towering high above your head. Two guards stood on either side, eyeing you with concern as you rushed toward them. 

"Let me out, please." You choked, fighting to swallow the vomit. 

"Miss, are you alright?--" One tried to reach for you, but you interrupted, your voice raising.

"Let me out, now." You repeated. They looked at each other, then back to you, finally nodding and reaching for the handles. They pulled the wooden slabs towards you, and as soon as you could fit in between the gap, you sped through the doorway, rushing out into the open air of the courtyard, gasping for breath. The bright sun beat down on your face, warming your skin comfortingly as you ran to the steps leading to the front of the palace, collapsing down on the smooth stone. You gripped the surface tightly, searching for some sort of stability as you head spun in circles. 

You took in slow, deep breaths, calming your racing heart as you glanced around at the stone lawn in front of you, tall walls surrounding the space with guards mounted at each corner, looking down over the valley. The gates at the far side were closed, interwinding metal bars blocking out the outside world from your reach. 

They usually stayed closed, since you and your family barely ever left the palace's grounds. You could've probably counted the amount of times you left on your fingers, actually. The only times you ever went out was when there was a public appearance for you to make, which wasn't often, because usually your parents went alone. Your mother had never trusted you to make a good impression on the public, which you'd never understood. 

But as you stared at it, the gate suddenly started to move, lurching into motion with a low metallic creak. You furrowed your brows and thinned your eyes, peering across the giant courtyard to see a long, black limousine begin to pull into the space as the gate lifted. It rolled inside, its speed slow as it moved towards you, the window's dark tint preventing you from seeing into them. It continued in your direction, the sun glinting off the sides of the dent-less car doors, shined and polished to perfection. You still had no idea who it was or why they were here as the limo pulled in front of the steps, rolling to a stop as you peered down at it with a glaring gaze. 

It sat there for a moment, motionless, until the driver's side door finally popped open, a man dressed in a black suit emerging from the vehicle. He was facing away from you, and didn't seem to notice you sitting on the steps as he stood up straight, his shoulders rolling back as he dusted off the front of his jacket with black gloved hands. He cleared his throat, slamming his door back shut before beginning to walk around the back of the car, moving past the trunk and making his way to the other side, his back to you again. He paused, stopping at the back door and straightening his jacket before leading down, gripping the silver handle. With a yank, he pulled it open, stepping to the side as the dark interior of the limo was revealed, still masking whoever was inside. 

But slowly, someone shifted in the shadows, a large hand reaching out to grip the side of the doorframe. Shiny black oxford shoes stepped out from the darkness, their perfectly smear-less surface glinting in the sun. As he came into view, dressed in a jet black suit-jacket and long dark pants, his raven hair standing out against the bright background, your heart nearly stopped. Kylo Ren didn't seem to notice you at first, flipping his hair and brushing the rogue strands from his eyes, buttoning the middle button of his jacket over his chest. As he fully stepped out from the limo, standing to his true height, his tall shadow cast over the ground, reaching the bottom of the stairs. He glanced around, his eyes peeled over the palace's facade. But as his gaze finally lowered to the door behind you, his eyes suddenly caught with yours, a surprised smile flashing across his lips. You didn't return his sentiment--just stared, your face blank. 

He turned and nodded towards the man who'd opened his car door, the man doing the same before closing it back and returning to the driver's side, hopping inside and starting the engine. The limo slowly rolled forward, circling around the large fountain in the center of the courtyard and heading back towards the gate, the metal bars creaking open once more. Ren watched it as it left, disappearing as the gate closed back, then turned around to you, the same stupid smirk across his face. He moved in your direction, taking slow steps until he was standing on the steps below you, only a few feet away. You said nothing.

"It's good to see you." He spoke, sliding his hands into his pockets. 

"Hm." You looked down at the ground, fiddling with your nails.

"It isn't?" He chuckled, stepping closer as his shadow cast over you. 

"I didn't really want to see you again, if that's what you're asking." You said coldly. "Why are you here anyway?"

"I wanted to come," He said, searching for your gaze, "To get to know you better."

"I think I already know everything I need to know about you, thanks." You stood up quickly, turning your back to him and beginning to walk towards the doors, hoping that he wouldn't follow you. But to your disappointment, his hand suddenly wrapped around your arm, holding you back. You rolled your eyes.

"I'm sorry if I upset you the last time we met." He said, releasing you. "I shouldn't have been so judgmental." You stood in silence, your back still to him. He continued. "You have every right to be upset about the situation we're both in." With that, you finally spun around, glaring up at him. As your gaze settled on his face, you tried your best to keep your composure, even though he was still just as handsome as the last time you'd seen him. Even if he was an asshole, you couldn't keep yourself from being mesmerized as he stared down at you, his dark eyes pulling you in like silent sirens. But you pretended that he didn't have any affect on you at all, thinning your gaze. 

"Yes. I do." You hissed, "And how about when you left me in the pouring rain all alone?"

"Again," He shook his head, chuckling softly, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sure." You said dryly, turning away again and starting towards the door. 

"Wait--" He called after you, but you ignored him, shaking your head. When you didn't respond, your heard his footsteps rush after you, slapping against the stone with loud cracks. "Wait," He repeated, and you finally paused, sighing loudly. "Take a walk with me." You turned around, your head tilted to the side. 

"Why would I do that?" You said annoyedly.

"So that I can redeem myself." You thinned your eyes, watching him. But his complacent smirk was gone, replaced with a look of sincerity. At least he seemed sincere. "Please." He added, his gaze locking with yours. Finally, you nodded. 

He smiled, his dimples again catching your attention. "I'd love to see the gardens again." He offered, "You know, now that it's not pouring rain." You nodded, turning without another word and heading back down the steps to the side of the courtyard. A tall, vine covered arch marked the entrance of the lush lawn, your feet crossing over from the stone of the patio to freshly trimmed grass, the light breeze blowing through your hair. You could hear Kylo Ren walking behind you, close at your heels, but you didn't look back at him. You didn't want him to think he was forgiven just yet. 

But slowly, he moved to your side, saying nothing but stealing a few glances in your direction--which you pretended not to notice. You walked in silence for a while, the sun beating down on the two of you as you strode through the grounds, swaying willow trees brushing against your arms as birds sat perched in their branches, singing softly. You walked past the fountain, once again dipping down to run your fingers across the surface of the water, the droplets melting into your skin. He watched you carefully as you did, his curled hair blowing across his face and into his eyes, but never breaking his gaze. 

"You're not at all what I expected you to be." He finally mumbled as you stood back up, wringing out the water on your palms. 

"What did you expect?" You chuckled.

"Someone like your mother." He said, smiling again, "I'd met her before."

"Fortunately for you," You laughed again, "We are almost nothing alike." He smirked, nodding.

"Am I what you expected?" He asked, the sun shining directly into his eyes, their dark color turning chocolate brown. You could see little flecks of what looked like gold in them, catching the light with a glimmer. You paused, distracted by them for a moment before you cleared your throat, blushing.

"No."

You continued through the gardens, noticing that with every new step, he seemed to shift closer by your side, his coat-sleeve even starting to brush up against your arm. You led him down the moss-covered stone pathway, ducking underneath trees and making your way back into the spacious lawn, away from the confines of the palace. Up ahead, a small stream appeared before you, a wooden swing covered in green vines sitting on the grassy bank. You made your way towards it, running your hand along the faded timber as you sat down, taking in a slow, deep breath. He sat next to you, making sure to keep a good distance between the two of you, which you appreciated. But deep down, you wanted him closer. Much closer. 

The two of you rocked back and forth on the bench, the stream's water running slowly over small rocks and pebbles, bubbling quietly. You could feel his gaze on you again, scanning over your figure. But this time, you looked up to meet it, immediately falling into his dark irises. 

"Do you ever feel trapped?" You whispered, getting too deep all too quickly, but you were almost never in the presence of someone who was in the exact same situation you were in. Someone who would understand. You couldn't help yourself. He blinked, something swirling behind his eyes. 

"Sometimes." He replied. 

"I do." You sighed, "Every day."

"Because of the marriage?" He questioned.

"Even before that." You mumbled, staring down at the brook. "I don't think I was meant for this life."

"Sure you were," He said, "You just have to commit to it."

"But what if I don't want to?" You shook your head, "Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just...left." Kylo Ren didn't respond, just stared at you, his hands sliding into his pockets. He sighed.

"When I was younger I had a problem with it." He muttered, "But then I realized that running away wasn't an option. It's my duty to serve my kingdom, even if it's not always what I wanted to do with my life."

"What did you want to do?" You turned your gaze back to him, "With your life." He paused, his eyes focused on his lap. 

"I never really figured it out," He mumbled, "Never really got the chance to."

"Yeah..." You said, shaking your head solemnly. "Me neither." Silence fell over the two of you, the birds chirping overhead becoming the loudest identifiable sound along with the gurgling of the stream. You noticed after a moment that the sun was starting to lower overhead, threatening to hide behind the mountaintops as dusk began to fall over the valley. But your attention was pulled back to Ren as he suddenly stood, rocking the bench backwards. 

"Let's keep going." He said, offering you his hand--which you took, his palm's size engulfing yours in comparison. He pulled you up, your fingers lingering slightly against his skin as he let you go, your nerves tingling at his slightest touch. He started to walk again, back the way you came, not waiting for you to follow. But you still did. 

He led you back down the loose stone path, his shoulders rolled back and his gaze forward looking, focused on your surroundings. Darkness continued to roll over the sky, the sun dipping below the peaks of the cliffs surrounding you, casting night over the basin. You passed by a grove of thick trees, their tall trunks towering over your head. Kylo Ren paused in front of them, suddenly turning to walk in their direction. Again, you followed. 

"Does anyone ever come back here?" He mumbled, staring up into the canopy.

"I don't think so," You laughed, "Pretty much just me." He turned, suddenly meeting your gaze with a new intensity. Instantly, you felt the heat reappear between your legs, sending a shiver through your body. Slowly, he took a step towards you, his eyes still locked with yours. You stepped backwards, your heart starting to slam in your chest. 

"So no one will see us?" He said quietly, his syllables flowing like sweet honey from his lips. 

"See us doing what?" You whispered, backing up again and feeling the thick trunk of a tree hitting your back. You rested your hands against it as he continued to step towards you, now only a few feet away. Your breath hitched. He smirked, taking one last big step and coming up directly in front of you, his figure towering over your head. You stared up at him, your entire body shaking. Without another word, he slowly leaned down, his hand coming up to trace against your cheek, your skin tingling under his touch. His face was inches from yours now, your eyes locked together as his hand moved to your chin, slowly raising it towards his. 

Before you knew it, his lips were pressed up against yours, lightly at first, but quickly the kiss deepened, his hands flying into your hair and tugging at your scalp. Your hands traced over his chest, again feeling his defined muscles underneath the fabric of his jacket. His tongue slipped into your mouth, swirling with yours as a low moan rumbled from his throat, turning the heat between your legs into a full flame. Your hands shot up into his hair, grabbing tufts of it in your fists for support as he pressed against you, your back rubbing uncomfortably against the trunk. But suddenly, he pulled away, his breaths short as he grabbed around your waist, a small yelp escaping your lips as he lifted you up with ease, your legs wrapping around his waist as he propped you against the wooden column. Instantly, he returned his mouth to yours, sucking in a quick breath through his nose as he pushed you back against the surface, his body pinned to yours. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck as his lips moved from your mouth to your chin, then down to your shoulders, sucking lightly at your skin. You were afraid that he might leave marks--afraid that someone might see them. But you were too distracted by his touch to really think about it, another low moan echoing from his throat. You blushed deep red as he pushed you harder against the trunk, the hard outline of his cock pressing against the side of your leg. He bucked his hips towards you, his mouth returning to yours, kissing you feverishly as his hands suddenly grabbed around your wrists. He lifted your arms above your head, pinning them tightly to the trunk of the tree. You groaned, but he ignored you, silencing you with his lips, suffocating the sound from escaping your throat. 

Without letting you go, he removed one hand from around your wrists, tracing down your chest and moving to your hips, his grip wrapping around the hem of your dress, fanned out around his waist as your legs wrapped around him. Slowly, he began to pull it up, his fingers moving underneath the fabric and coming in contact with your bare skin, your nerves exploding with excitement. He traced up your thighs, his fingertips ghosting over the inside of your legs near your entrance, making you quiver under his touch. He reached the hem of your underwear, slipping his hand underneath them and grabbing the fabric. He pulled it down your legs, your heat now completely exposed against his waist. Your clit was throbbing for attention as his hand again teased at the inside of your thighs, making you shiver as a quiet moan spilled from your throat. 

"Tell me what you want." He mumbled against your mouth. You could feel a smirk on his lips as he spoke. 

"I want--" You blushed, feeling humiliated having to say it out loud. 

"You want my fingers inside you," He whispered, moving his mouth to your ear, his words making your cunt throb desperately, "Don't you." You nodded, squeezing your eyes shut as your face burned red. "Don't you--" He repeated again, his thumb ghosting over your clit so lightly that it was as if it hadn't happened, but it send fireworks through your nerves nevertheless.

"Fuck--please," You breathed, your eyes rolling back in your head, "Please." With that, he ran his thumb back over it, a pleasure filled scream spilling from your lips. And without warning, he suddenly slipped a single finger into your cunt, your entire body burning with explosions of euphoria. You moaned deeply, your hands still pinned over your head. 

He slipped another finger in with a quick jolt of his hand, your walls clenching tightly around him as you screamed, your lids fluttering closed. But as soon as you did, he paused. 

"Look at me." He ordered, your eyes snapping back open to meet his, dark and drowning in hunger. You shivered. You could feel the pressure building in your stomach as he slipped a third finger in, filling you completely, earning another loud moan as you leaned your head into his shoulder. Panting as sweat began to bead at your hairline, you buried your face in the fabric of his jacket, your skin flushed pink. 

"You want to cum?" He whispered, his breaths short and heaving. You hummed in agreement, biting at your bottom lip with a whine as his thumb swirled faster around your clit, the pressure in your stomach increasing. You couldn't believe how quickly he was getting your body to respond. "Beg." You froze, your cheeks burning even brighter red. 

"I--" You started to protest, but he suddenly pulled back, your head losing the support of his shoulder. He stared at you, his chest heaving. 

"Beg." He repeated, slowing the pace of his fingers. You gulped.

"Please--" You choked, humiliated, "Please." With that, he sped up again, his lips slamming against yours once more. He was frenzied, his mouth hot and needy against you, his tongue swirling around yours with furious aggression. You could feel your climax approaching, your entire body buzzing with pent up energy, begging to be released. You were right on the edge, holding on by a thread as he spoke again, his words like silk as they rolled off his tongue. 

"Cum for me," He whispered against your lips, "Now." 

With that, you snapped, a tidal wave of pleasure crashing over your body, sending chills through your limbs. Your legs quivered as they stayed wrapped around him, a choked moan spilling from your lips, the sound suffocated by his mouth still pressed against yours. White light flashed behind your eyes as your head rolled back, smacking against the trunk of the tree, but you barely even noticed. Your walls clenched tightly around his fingers as he continued to curl them inside you, earning more quiet moans from you. He stayed pressed against your body, his skin hot and sweaty as he continued to hold your arms up over your head, pinned tightly by your wrists against the wood. But he finally pulled back from your mouth, heaving in quick breaths as he watched you, your body still shivering. 

As your orgasm finally started to slip away, your nerves dancing as the last aftershocks washed through you, he continued to move his thumb over your clit, now swollen and throbbing. You winced, and he finally slowed down, his fingers slipping out of your cunt one by one. You watched with half-lidded eyes as he slowly brought his fingers to his mouth, opening it and sucking down his digits, tasting your juices. He hummed, swallowing and bringing his hand back to your waist to trace up along your side. Your skin prickled under his touch, and he smirked, staring down at you. 

"I hope I've redeemed myself." He mumbled, suddenly releasing your hands, your arms falling limply by your sides with a smack. You reached up to massage your wrists, your hands half aching and half numb. You were still catching your breath as you unhooked your legs from around his waist, dropping to the ground and slipping your underwear back on, your dress covering you completely as it fell to the floor. He watched you in silence, seeming to ignore the long, hard bulge in his pants. You eyed it, biting your lip. 

"I have to be going now." He said, interrupting your gaze, "I was expected home hours ago."

"Oh, I--" But before you could finish, he turned his back to you, striding away through the growing darkness. You almost called after him, but stopped yourself, watching his figure disappear up ahead. You furrowed your brow. Was he always going to leave like this? The sky above you had now turned dark blue, the tiniest bit of light still shining from behind the mountains. But you could see stars starting to appear over your head, twinkling brightly as constellations started to form, their shapes standing out against the darkness. The chirping of crickets was just beginning to sound through the gardens, the day slipping away more with each passing moment. 

You sighed, your head still spinning from what had just happened as you began to trudge back towards the courtyard, a dull ache appearing between your legs. But you tried to ignore it, praying that your walk would look normal.

You ducked back into the stone yard after a few minutes, heading up the steps and making your way back into the palace. The hallways were darkened without the light shining through the windows, but lit torches illuminated the corridors, casting their fiery luminance down on you. You sighed again, not knowing exactly how you felt about anything at this point. You were torn in a million different places. You really didn't want to feel anything for Kylo Ren. You really didn't want to. 

But you couldn't deny, that no one had ever made you feel so alive--so electric. Not even the man you thought you loved--which just made everything so much worse.


	5. His Touch Felt Different

His touch was the same as always, his hands moving slowly up your body just as they usually did. But this time, it wasn't him that was different, but you. 

You squirmed uncomfortably as his hand ran over your breast, your body failing to respond like it normally did. He heaved on top of you, his head buried in your shoulder as he thrusted into you with sloppy movements--but you felt nothing. You stared up at ceiling from under him, your eyes wide open and your throat sealed, no sound escaping past your lips. You could tell that he was exerting more energy than usual. Nothing was working. 

After a few moments, he pulled back, propping himself up on his forearms and staring down at you as he sucked in quick breaths. He furrowed his brow, exhaling deeply. With a groan, he leaned away from you, pulling out and tucking himself back into his pants. He sat back on his calves as you slipped your underwear up your legs, a frown on your face as you slid to the back of the bed, leaning against the headboard with your knees pulled to your chest. He stared at you in silence for a while, catching his breath.

"What is going on?" He finally whispered, his voice threaded with thinly veiled aggravation. You just shook your head. What could you tell him? There was nothing you could say to make this better. He thinned his eyes. "Seriously."

"I don't know." You mumbled, looking down at the mattress. 

"You do." He spat, his voice raising, "You just won't tell me the truth."

"Alex--" You started, sighing. 

"No," He interrupted, suddenly standing up from the bed and throwing his hands in the air, "Don't play dumb with me."

"I'm not--" You tried, but he cut you off again, pointing an accusatory finger towards you.

"I haven't changed at all Y/N. You have. And I don't know why you've suddenly decided that you don't want to be with me anymore, but this is just ridiculous."

"I never said that." You mumbled, your heart aching. 

"Really?" He seethed, his eyes now glaring at you in narrow slits. "You're really going to try and tell me that you're still dedicated to this relationship?"

"I'm trying Alex!" You exclaimed, your voice cracking, "You of all people know how hard this has been for me!"

"For you!?" He cried, pain seeping through his tone, "What about me! You've never asked how all of this makes me feel."

"I'm sorry that you're hurt," You shook your head, "I really am. And I wish that things were different, but you have to understand that this is not about you." He scoffed at your words, looking wounded. He took a step backwards, shaking his head disbelievingly. 

"You see," He whispered, "If you were really in love with me, then it would be." His words slashed at your heart, pain and guilt washing through you. 

"Alex--" You tried, but he just scoffed again, flicking a hand towards you dismissively and heading towards the exit. Before you could stop him, he grabbed his armor by the wall and ripped the door open, slamming it back and storming out into the hallway without another word. You could hear his heavy footsteps stomping against the hallway, headed away from you. With each new step, your heart panged with anguish--wishing that there was some sort of quick fix to make things feel the way they used to. But you knew that even though it killed you, you needed to let him go. It wasn't fair to keep him holding on when you knew that it would never work, with or without Kylo Ren in the mix. You were from two different worlds, and no matter how much he tried to, he would never fully understand yours. 

~hours later~

You could feel Kylo's gaze on you even from across the room, focused on you like a laser. But you kept your eyes on your mother and father, who were smiling forcefully as the staff brought out the extravagant platters of food, laying them down in front of each of you. They thanked them, and you did the same, clearing your throat as you continued to ignore Kylo's unrelenting stare. 

"So," Your father suddenly interjected, looking in his direction. Finally, Kylo's gaze moved from you. "I'm glad that you could join us again."

"Oh yes," Kylo nodded, smirking, "Me too." You reached forward and grabbed the stem of your water-filled wine glass, sipping quietly.

"Have you had a chance to look around the palace yet?" You mother added, smiling with fake sincerity, "Or the gardens?" At that, you choked on your drink, everyone's gaze falling on you again as your cheeks burned, but you cleared your throat. 

"Sorry." You mumbled, shaking your head and holding back the coughs trapped in your esophagus. You mother looked at you disapprovingly, but you ignored her, catching a glimpse of Kylo out of the corner of your eye, who was smiling slyly down at his lap. 

"I have actually," He piped up, meeting your father's gaze, "Y/N showed me around a few days ago."

"Wonderful!" Your father exclaimed, beaming. You winced. "What did you think of them? Do they compare to the ones around your home?"

"Definitely." Kylo responded, smirking again. You blushed. "In fact, they were much more beautiful than I could have imagined. Ours don't even compare."

"Oh I'm sure that's not true," Your father chuckled, sipping his wine.

"Oh yes, it is." Kylo looked towards you, your heart skipping a beat as you eyes locked. "Yours have something that ours are just...missing." With a gulp, the heat between your legs re-ignited. You took another frantic sip of water.

"I'm glad that the two of you seem to be connecting." Your mother said, not knowing the true extent of her statement. You bit your lip nervously before realizing that she was looking at you for a response. 

"Oh--" You stuttered, "Mhm." She thinned her eyes at you. 

"Yes, we have been." Kylo interjected, making your heart race pick up. "She's been very gracious."

"Has she been?" Your mother pried, her tone filled with doubt, "I would certainly hope so." Kylo nodded, smiling towards you. 

"Absolutely."

The rest of the meal was uneventful. Your parents shot question after question at him, his response for every one perfectly worded. You were in awe of him. How he was able to capture everyone's attention without even trying. You couldn't take your eyes off him as he spoke, his words not even registering as you got lost in thought, or memory, rather. You pictured his body pressed up against yours. His voice in your ear. His mouth against yours. His fingers...

"Dear," Your father's voice snapped you from your daydream, calling at you from across the table. "Are you going to stand up?" You glanced around, noticing that everyone but you had risen from their seats, Kylo looking down at you with a small smirk on his lips. Your cheeks burned embarrassingly. 

"Oh, sorry, yes." You mumbled, quickly standing and pushing in your seat. Your father nodded, leading the group out into the hallway, Kylo walking up next to you. The four of you stopped as you crossed the threshold into the corridor, your father reaching up to pat Kylo awkwardly on the back. You cringed. 

"You're welcome to stay and tour around the grounds some more, if you'd like." He said, "Y/N can take you." Again, you cringed. They had no idea what they were suggesting. 

"I'd love that." Kylo responded, glancing down at you. You flashed him a weak smile, your stomach doing flips. 

"Great!" Your mother said fakely, "We'll be in the study if you need us, dear." Dear. She never called you that. You had to fight every instinct not to roll your eyes. She hooked her arm through your father's, taking one last look at you and Kylo before turning away and leading him down the hall, rounding the corner and leaving the two of you completely alone. You gulped. 

"So," Kylo began, smirking lightly, "Where do you want to take me?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door to your room seemed comically small as Kylo ducked through it, his head almost hitting the frame. 

"Sorry," You laughed. Making your way inside, you walked quickly into the bathroom to make sure that you were alone. You'd worried that Alex might be guarding the door when you came up from the gardens, but luckily, he was no where to be found, your room seeming to be empty of his presence as well. You moved to the front of the space, closing the open windows from when you'd left them in the morning, dusk now beginning to fall over the valley again. You stood there for a moment, looking out over the landscape and beginning to think about just a few weeks go, when you'd stood in the same spot the day you'd been told the news. It felt like a million years ago now. Things were so different then...

You were snapped from your thoughts as you felt a hand wrap around your waist, yanking you around to face Kylo's focused gaze, his figure towering over you. Before you could say anything else, he leaned down, placing his lips against yours and sucking in a deep breath through his nose. You melted against him, your fingertips tracing over his chest, wanting more than anything to rip the fabric from his skin. He moved his hands to the sides of your face, deepening the kiss as he slowly backed you up, walking towards the bed. The back of your knees hit the side of the mattress, and you made a small sound as he gingerly leaned you back onto the surface, your body sinking into the soft cushion. He propped himself on top of you, your legs being crushed under his weight until he shifted, sitting up to start to fumble with his belt buckle. 

"Take off you underwear," He demanded, his eyes piercing through you intensely, "Now". You nodded, your clit suddenly beginning to throb with excitement as you slipped the fabric down your legs, throwing them off on the ground. He continued to fumble with his belt, unhooking it and tossing it away, the metal clanging against the stone floor. He loosened the hem of his pants, but didn't pull them all the way down, instead collapsing back on top of you, his mouth returning to yours with feverish intensity. He sucked roughly at your lips, his tongue moving past your teeth and swirling hungrily with yours. His hands roamed your skin, moving down your chest and suddenly gripping tightly at your breasts. You yelped, fireworks of pleasure shooting through you as he pinched your nipples between his fingertips, the heat between your legs pleading for attention. 

"I haven't stopped thinking about you--" He breathed in between kisses, his voice a low growl. "Of your tight little pussy..." You moaned deeply, your hands digging into the back of his jacket. He moved his mouth from your lips to your neck, biting lightly at your skin as he continued to whisper words into your ears. "I want to fuck you until you can't walk anymore..." He mumbled, sucking pink welts onto your shoulder. 

"Oh--" Was all you could get out, your mind overloaded with lust and a hurricane of emotions. But his words set you on fire, and you bucked your hips towards him needily, seeking friction. He laughed, his head buried in your hair as he moved a hand from you tits, sliding down your stomach and slipping his fingers under the fabric of your dress. His hand traced up your leg, sending shivers through you as he reached higher and higher up, his fingertip suddenly ghosting over your mound. You moaned again, your grip digging painfully into his shirt. 

As his hands roamed over you, you couldn't help but think about the fact that Alex had never made you feel this way--even when things had been good. Kylo's touch felt different. It was electric. Alive. Exciting. You'd never felt this before, and your body was overwhelmed with new sensations, seeping through your blood with each new movement of his figure on top of you. 

He pulled back suddenly, eyeing you with animalistic hunger as he messed with the hem of his pants, yanking them down to expose his underclothes, the outline of his hard length meeting your gaze. Instantly, your mouth started to water as he smirked, pausing with his fingers wrapped around the hem of the fabric. But suddenly, he pulled it down, his cock springing out and slapping up against his abdomen, your jaw dropping at its size. He fisted it in his grasp, rubbing up and down his long shaft as he stared at you, choking back a quiet moan. 

"What do you want?" He whispered, refusing to break eye contact.

"I want your cock--" You breathed, your breath hitching as you stared at it.

"Beg for it, fucking slut," He hissed, smearing a droplet of precum down his shaft. You moaned. 

"Please," You whined quietly, your cheeks burning, "Please, Kylo."

"Fuck--" He moaned under his breath, throwing his head back as his heaving sped up, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "Spread your legs." You obeyed, hiking the dress up to your hips and exposing your heat to him, his eyes dropping back to you, flashing with desire. He leaned forward, his weight crushing you slightly before he adjusted, propping himself up on his forearms. He rocked forward, his cock grazing teasingly through your folds, sending shockwaves of pleasure through you. You yelped, his hand suddenly flying up to grab around your throat, choking back the sound. You groaned, your eyes wide with surprise, but he silenced you, squeezing tighter, his hand wrapping around your neck with incredible ease. 

Without warning, he shifted on top of you, suddenly thrusting forward, his cock ramming into your core, splitting you open with a deep, rumbling groan from his throat. You screamed his name, a mixture of pleasure and pain exploding between your legs, your walls clenching tightly around his length. He plunged deeper into you, your eyes watering as he continued to squeeze his grip around your throat, your moans quieted under his grasp. 

He worked up a steady rhythm, his face buried in the crook of your neck as his cock sunk into you, seeming to fill you further with each thrust. Every time you thought it couldn't go any deeper, he slammed into you again, proving you wrong as silenced yelps poured from your lips. 

"Shit...you're so tight--" He heaved, moving to kiss along your shoulder blade and up to your chin, sending fireworks through your nerves. You hummed, his thumb suddenly beginning to rub circles around your clit, your senses overwhelmed as your stomach began to tighten, your climax approaching. 

"Yes--" Your breath hitched as you arched your back towards him, "Ugh--yes." You could feel his thrusts becoming sloppier, the backboard of your bed slamming against the wall with loud smacks. His grip on your neck just continued to tighten as he grew closer to his orgasm, his wrist beginning to shake slightly. He kissed along your chest, his breath hot against your skin, his tongue drawing circles over your breasts before returning to your mouth, sucking hungrily. He bit at your bottom lip, his teeth sinking into your skin, making you yelp. But he ignored your resistance, his hand moving faster and faster around your clit. He continued to thrust deeper into you, groaning quietly every time he moved. 

You could feel yourself tilting right on the edge, about to explode, when suddenly, he slowed down, leaning up to stare down at you. You groaned, but he tightened his hand around your neck again, his teeth bared as the sound come out in a tiny squeak. 

"You don't get to cum yet," He heaved, continuing to sink into you as he threw his head back, his eyes closing. "Scream my name." Your cheeks burned with humiliation, your eyes wide.

"But what if someone hears--" He cut you off, suffocating your mouth with a sloppy, wet kiss. As he took breaths between kisses, he spoke again, your core nearly imploding. 

"Scream my name, whore." He whispered, moving to nip lightly at your ear, "Scream it and let everyone know who gets to fuck you." You moaned, pausing before you sucked in a deep breath to the best of your ability. 

"Shit," You breathed, preparing yourself. You exhaled, closing your eyes. "Okay."

With that, he picked his pace back up, his thumb rubbing your clit as he plunged even deeper into you, filling you so completely that your eyes flashed white behind your eyelids. 

"Fuck--Kylo!" You screamed, your voice strained under his choke-hold. 

"Louder." He demanded, his movements becoming quicker. He was right on the edge--you could tell. "Who gets to fuck you, slut?"

"You do!" You cried, your orgasm threatening to overtake your body, "You--ugh--you do Kylo!"

"Fuck," He choked, throwing his head back, heaving as he delivered one last, strong thrust to your core, a loud, pleasure filled scream pouring from your lips as your climax suddenly tore through you, not able to hold it back any longer. Your walls clamped down tightly around his cock as his cum spilled into you, his body shaking as he continued to pump in and out, groaning loudly as his hand refused to relent around your clit, rubbing it raw. Your limbs tingled with bliss, your heart slamming as blood rushed through your veins, seeming as though it was soaked with electricity. Waves of euphoria spilled from between your legs, seeping through you as you shook underneath his heavy figure, pinned to the mattress. You only realized how lightheaded you really were as your orgasm started to fade away, your ability to think clearly returning slowly to notice his hand still clamped around your throat, depriving you of oxygen. You groaned, but he ignored you, still riding out the end of his peak. But slowly, you watched as he snapped back into reality, his eyes refocusing on you as he loosened his grip, his hand sliding down from your neck and tracing over your sternum. He watched you in silence, catching his breath as his irises danced with something you couldn't place. 

"You're beautiful, you know." He suddenly mumbled, your heart fluttering. A smile crept across your cheeks. You weren't sure how to respond with words, so you just reached forward, pulling him by his shirt towards you, slamming your lips against his. You could feel him smirking against your mouth, and your cheeks glowed with joy, happiness seeping through your veins. After a few moments, you pulled back, admiring him close up. He was even more gorgeous as your face hovered just centimeters from his, your eyes scanning over every inch of his complexion. His skin was soft and smooth, no blemishes in sight. His lips, full and wet, were parted slightly, his perfectly straight nose grazing against the tip of yours. You reached a hand up to his cheek, tracing over his beauty marks one by one, imagining them as stars and what constellations they would form. 

You stayed underneath him for a few minutes, dead silence falling over the two of you as you just laid against the mattress, admiring each other. It was one of those moments that just felt too good to be true. Too perfect to be real. But all too soon, he sighed, planting a quick kiss on the tip of your nose before finally pulling out, tucking himself back into his underwear and rolling over onto the bed next to you. His hair fanned out around his head, sweat-slicked strands sticking to the sides of his face. 

"I need to go," He breathed, glancing in your direction. You turned your head towards him. 

"Why?" You whispered, "Can't you just...stay?" He shook his head, frowning. 

"No," He sighed, "Not yet." Your heart panged a little, but you nodded, watching him as he sat up, running his fingers through his hair and fixing his clothing. He pulled his pants back up his legs, adjusting his jacket and flatting out the crinkles. He looked put back together way quicker than you thought possible, and he cleared his throat, glancing back down at you, still sprawled out on the bed. 

"I'll see you soon." He muttered, not even waiting for you to respond before turning and walking to the exit, gripping the handle and slipping out into the hallway, the heavy door slamming shut behind him, leaving you completely alone. You laid there, your head still spinning and your body still buzzing from his touch. 

His touch. Not Alex's. And with a sad, sickening realization, you suddenly knew without a doubt that his was the only one you ever wanted to feel again.


	6. How Long?

The first thing you heard was the sound of muffled voices, stirring you from your sleep. You rubbed your tired eyes, your fogged mind taking a moment to process what was happening. But quickly, you sat up, staring towards you door as you searched for the source of the sound. It sounded like it was coming from the other side of the wall, out in the hallway. You furrowed your brows, slipping out from under the silky sheets and wrapping a robe around you before you made your way towards the entrance. You leaned your ear up against the wooden surface, trying to make out what was happening in the hallway. You could hear two voices, and could understand a few words, but not too clearly.

"Who are you?" One asked, the identity of the speaker still muffled. You couldn't make out the response, but someone spoke, their tone threaded with aggravation. "I'm--" The first voice spoke again, but you couldn't understand again. You rolled your eyes, wrapping your hand around the handle and slowly pulling the door open. When you did, you immediately wished that you hadn't, your eyes falling on a scene that made your stomach drop to the ground. 

The first thing you saw was Kylo, standing with his shoulders tensed a few feet away in front of you, his jaw tight and his eyes narrowed. But not at you. As you turned, your eyes fell on Alex, standing next to the door with his helmet removed, his face a mixture of confusion and what looked like anger. You shivered. 

With a quick snap of his neck, his gaze turned to you, his eyes flashing as if they were on fire. His lips were pulled tightly into a straight line, not his usual cheery smile. You just stared back at him, not knowing what to say. But he spoke first.

"Does someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on?" He hissed, his teeth bared. You opened your mouth, but only silence escaped as you glanced between him and Kylo, your heart beginning to slam. 

"I'd like to know, too." Kylo suddenly mumbled, shifting his weight to one side, his shoulders slumping. 

"Um--I, uh..." You stuttered, your cheeks burning. You cleared your throat. "Alex, this is Kylo Ren." You paused, gulping, "He's the prince of the First Order."

"I know who he is." He seethed, his voice cracking with anger. 

"Okay..." You whispered awkwardly, looking to Kylo, "Kylo, this is Alex. He's my, um...personal guard." As you spoke, you could feel heat radiating off of Alex's body, which was now quivering. Kylo just continued to stare at you, his eyes thinning further. 

"Is that all I am to you?" Alex whispered, "Or do you just not want to tell your new fiancé that you've been fucking me for years now." Your heart crumpled at his words, Kylo's expression shifting from aggravation to shock, then just going blank. Your lip trembled. 

"Alex, stop." You pleaded, your eyes beginning to water.

"How long have you been sleeping with him?" He breathed. You could hear the pain in his voice, seeping through each syllable. You didn't respond. "How long?" His voice cracked again, his eyes getting misty. 

"I--" You didn't know what to say. There was no response that would make this okay. You sighed, your hands shaking as you instinctively reached towards him, but he slapped your arm away, recoiling his body. 

"Oh no," He shook his head, "You don't get to touch me anymore. Not ever again." Your face fell, your heart feeling as though it was cracking inside your chest with his every word. 

"I'm so sorry," Was all you could choke out, the tears now starting to drip down your cheeks, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I'm sure." He shook his head, glaring once more towards Kylo, who was standing as still as a statue, his expression still showing no emotion. But Alex whipped towards you again, a single tear trickling down his face. "I hope you're very happy together." He hissed, "And I hope he's everything that I apparently couldn't be for you." 

"No", You whispered, guilt creeping through you, "Please don't think that. You didn't do anything wrong."

"You're right." He scoffed, "I didn't." With that, he grabbed his helmet off the floor and pulled it over his head, his face disappearing behind the silver metal. Without another word, he stomped forward, his shoulder bumping harshly against Kylo's as he stormed past. Kylo didn't react. You watched as he walked away, your heart crumpling with every step away from you. You'd known that this was coming. The moment when you'd have to let him go. But it didn't make it any less painful. Any less heart wrenching. And the guilt you felt was crippling, nausea washing over you. After a few moments, your gaze fell back on Kylo, who was still completely still, his only movement the rising and falling of his chest. You stared at him, shaking your head disbelievingly. But he was the first to speak.

"I didn't know there was anyone else." He muttered, his jaw tensed. 

"I was trying to end it." You breathed, "I just hadn't found the right time yet."

"Is this why you were so against the arrangement? Because of him?" He stuck his hands into his pockets, his spine straightening. 

"At first." You sighed, "But not anymore." Kylo looked down at you, his eyes flashing with something unidentifiable. "I should have told you," You stepped towards him, "I'm sorry."

"Are you still in love with him?" Kylo asked, his eyes still thinned. 

"No," You said quickly, which was the truth. You didn't love him anymore. Not in that way, at least. "I'm not." Kylo nodded thoughtfully, his gaze falling to the ground. 

"I came to see you," His hands were curling in and out of fists, "But I think I need to leave."

"No," You tried, reaching for him, "Please," But just like Alex had, he recoiled from your grasp, your heart throbbing painfully.

"I'm going to leave." He mumbled, "I'll see you...another time." You nodded, wishing that there was something you could do or say to make him stay. But you knew it was probably better if he left. You needed to be alone for a little while. 

"Okay." You whispered, offering him a weak smile, which he didn't return. He just turned, walking away from you in a slow tread. You watched him leave, taking deep breaths to slow your heart and stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks. He ducked into the stairwell at the other end of the hall, disappearing from your view and leaving you alone. 

Completely alone. For the first time in a while. No Alex. No Kylo. Just you and your brain, going over every memory and forcing yourself to imagine how you could have done things better. But it was too late now. You couldn't take back the past, no matter how badly you wanted to.


	7. The Further You Went, The Darker It Became

The letter came about a week after you'd last seen Kylo, the envelope sealed with a red wax stamp. You pealed it off slowly, admiring the symbol of the First Order pressed into the surface as you pulled out the paper. Your finger traced along the edge as you unfolded it, your eyes falling on the perfect handwriting, written in gorgeous cursive letters. It read:

Y/N,

I hope that you'll be able to join my parents and I for a celebratory dinner tomorrow night in our home. They would love to speak to you more about the engagement and the future of our two kingdoms. I'll be waiting for you at the palace's main entrance at 7:30 PM to escort you to the dining hall. My parents are greatly looking forward to seeing you again,

Sincerely, Kylo Ren

You ran your fingertips over his name, feeling the slightly raised lettering against the paper. It felt like forever since you'd seen him, and your stomach twisted at the thought of it. And he wanted you to come to his palace. To see his parents. To talk about the engagement. The whole thing made you feel nauseated. And you weren't sure if he was still upset about Alex. You'd assumed he was--why else would he have avoided you for the last week. You set the letter down with a loud sigh, collapsing onto your mattress and pulling the sheets over your head. Maybe if you were asleep, you wouldn't have to think about it.

~a day later~

The dress was tight. Uncomfortably tight. It fought the air as it entered your lungs, refusing to stretch at all so that you could breathe. You were almost afraid that the seams would burst as you walked--or shuffled--towards the limousine, the driver opening the door for you and bowing as you drew close. You smiled towards him, nodding appreciatively. 

"Please," Your mother said dramatically, gripping tightly to your arm, "Don't embarrass us again."

"I really appreciate your confidence in me." You muttered.

"Oh please," She rolled her eyes, "Last time you showed up sopping wet and caked in mud."

"I--" You wanted to defend yourself, but you bit your tongue, reaching the door to the car. "I won't embarrass you."

"Good." She said shortly, helping you slump down into your seat, fixing the layers of your dress over your feet. The black fabric, laced with jewels and embroidery, was even tighter around your waist sitting down, squeezing in your stomach. The neckline came low over your breasts, exposing more than you'd like. But again, your mother had insisted. She stood in the doorway for a moment, staring down at you with a blank expression. She opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but quickly changed her mind, slamming her lips back together in a thin line. With that, she pushed the door closed, the darkness of the car's interior consuming you. 

You heard the engine start, the wheels underneath you beginning to roll forwards, slowly at first, then picking up their pace as you rounded the fountain towards the gate. The metal bars started to raise as you drew closer, their loud metallic groan sounding through the courtyard. You quivered as the limo passed underneath them, leaving the palace's grounds and driving out into the countryside, towards the city. It felt so foreign to leave--it happened so rarely. You stared out the window with wide eyes, admiring the scenery that you never got to see. Rolling, grassy hills surrounded you, seeming to go on forever into the horizon line. Craggy mountains circled around the valley, and the road suddenly started to curve upwards, climbing the bluff's side higher and higher. You shifted windows, staring down at the basin now below you, the beginnings of the city shining in the distance as night started to fall. It had been years since you'd been there, the bustling streets and crowded sideways a distant memory. 

But your attention was drawn back to the road in front of you as you suddenly started to slope down, crossing over the mountain's peak and leaving the valley behind. You'd never left it before--you suddenly realized. Past the canyon was no longer your territory. It was a neutral zone, not owned by anyone. At least for now. You curved back down the cliffside, a sharp drop off just below the edge of the road. You look away from it with a sharp inhale, closing your eyes.

The road eventually winded back onto flat earth, calming your nerves as you stared out the window again, darkness hiding the landscape. But the moon was starting to shine down, bathing the countryside in a faint, misty light. You drove for a while, the dress seeming to become tighter with every passing minute, your head throbbing from lack of oxygen. But finally, the lights of a new city appeared before you, setting your nerves on fire. It looked more modern--more advanced than the cities you remembered. But then again, you already knew that the First Order was more technically advanced than your kingdom was. Your father had always been insecure about it. As you began to pass through the streets, the people on the sidewalks eyed you suspiciously, pointing and whispering as the limo drove by. They couldn't see you through the tinted windows, but you felt awkward anyway, as if they were staring straight through your soul. 

Up ahead, you could just begin to see the walls surrounding what you assumed was the palace, your blood going cold as you drew closer. The entrance laid at the edge of the city, a giant wooden bridge and flowing river separating it from the metropolis. You felt the wheels of the car bump up onto it, rolling towards a towering gate at the mouth of the entrance. The driver pressed on the breaks as you came up on it, rolling down his window and speaking briefly to an armored guard approaching the limo. He nodded, waving his hand towards the gate as it slowly began to creak open, the bridge shaking against its movement. You shivered again as the car passed underneath it, entering the palace's ground and leaving the city behind. You drove into a large courtyard, a lot like the one's at your home, but this one was lined with beautiful landscaping, a large fountain in the center of the space. Up ahead, a giant, towering palace laid before you, seeming to glow like it was under a spotlight against the starry sky. The car rolled around to the front steps, slowing to a stop, your heart slamming. 

You heard the driver open his door, stepping out and walking around to your side, his hand wrapping around your handle. With a jerk, he pulled the door open, offering you his hand as you gathered up the bottom of your dress, stepping carefully out of the backseat. Your sharp heels clicked against the stone ground as your gown fell over your feet, the dark rhinestones gleaming in the moonlight. Your face pointed towards the ground, you sighed, smoothing out the creases in the fabric and clearing your throat. 

But as your gaze rose slowly, your eyes immediately fell on Kylo Ren, standing at the top of the steps in front of you. Clothed in a jet black suit, he stared down at you, his expression as blank as the last time you'd seen it. His shoulders were back, his spine perfectly straight and his hair combed neatly around his face. The moon caught against the gold flecks in his eyes, and even from a few meters away, you could still see them, gleaming like diamonds against the darkness of his irises. His gaze was already locked on you by the time you realized he was there, having almost completely forgotten that he'd said that he would escort you inside. But you flashed him a weak smile, praying that he would return the sentiment. He didn't.

You gulped, beginning to walk forward towards him, hoping that you wouldn't trip on the hem of your dress. You stepped up the stairs, glancing up towards him as you approached, stopping a few feet in front of him. He regarded you in silence for a moment, your stomach churning painfully. But finally, he spoke. 

"This way." He mumbled coldly, suddenly turning and walking towards the entrance of the palace. You furrowed your brow. He was definitely still upset. But you scurried after him as fast as you could, trying to keep up with his long strides--fighting against the constraining fabric. You caught up to him, making your way to his side as he marched forward, pretending not to notice you next to him. 

"How have you been?" You asked, searching for his gaze. But he barely even acknowledged you, refusing to look in your direction.

"Fine." He said shortly, his jaw tensing. He said nothing else, the two of you passing through the front doors, guards standing at the sides of the entrance. You walked into the palace, a high ceiling towering above you, a giant, crystal chandelier dangling over your head. The walls were covered in windows, the moonlight pouring in and highlighting the hundreds of banners along the surface. The symbol of the First Order was everywhere, burning into your memory as you glanced around, eyes wide with captivation. 

Kylo led you down what seemed like never ending winding hallways, the light getting less and less bright as you ventured deeper into the palace, a cold, intimidating feeling casting over you. The further you went, the darker it became, your heart rate speeding up a little as you scurried closer to Kylo's side. Everything looked the same, each turn looking identical to the corridor before. But before long, a new sight appeared at the end of the hallway: two tall, glass-pained doors. A guard stood on either side, nodding as Kylo approached them, reaching for the handles and pulling the entrance open. Kylo passed by them as soon as he could fit through the space, but you hesitated, sucking in a deep breath before stepping forward. You crossed the threshold into the new room, the doors shutting back behind you as you stared into the space, a very different scene meeting your gaze. 

The dining hall was painted in dark black, red detailing along the walls. There were windows, but only darkness poured through them now, providing little relief from the overwhelming gloom. A long, deep-brown stained table laid before you, intricately carved detailing on the sides. Chairs lined around it, pillowed with red fabric over the backs. 

Han Solo sat at the head of the table, your eyes locking with his in a way that made you feel like you'd never be able to escape. But slowly you turned, your gaze falling on his wife next to him, who was staring at you as well, but at least she was smiling. Han Solo's face was blank--solemn. Free of any emotion. Just like Kylo's. You shivered. But suddenly, his face shifted, a grin creeping across his lips. He stood, pushing back his chair and opening his arms wide, gesturing over the table.

"Welcome!" He called to you, pointing to the chair at the opposite end from where he was sitting, "We're so glad you could join us." You nodded, smiling awkwardly before shuffling to your seat, pulling it back and collapsing into it, your dress fanning out around your feet. 

"I'm so glad I could come," You lied through your teeth, hoping that you sounded convincing. "I've always been curious about what the First Order looked like."

"Are you impressed?" The King said jokingly, but his eyes looked serious. You nodded quickly.

"Very."

As you spoke, a small door in the side of the room opened, a platter of food being wheeled out on a silver cart by a group of servers. They made their way to the table, laying the buffet out before you, filling your wine glass with chilled water. Your plate was lined with golden embellishments, painted in the shape of vines and leaves. But you weren't hungry as you stared at the feast, your stomach still churning nervously. Kylo had sat down next to his father, still refusing to look at you. The King took a sip of his drink, his gaze still on you. 

"So," He called across the table, his voice echoing against the walls, "It seems that the two of you have been getting along well." You casted a quick glance in Kylo's direction, who was staring down at his plate, messing weakly with his food. He seemed to ignore his father's words completely, not even flinching. So you responded instead.

"Yes," You nodded, "Much better than I expected us to."

"He must think very highly of you then," Han chuckled, reaching across the table and nudging his son in the shoulder, "He doesn't get along with most people." Your cheeks burned as Kylo suddenly looked up, glaring towards his father like he was trying to kill him with his eyes. His jaw tensed as his stare shifted to you, his gaze filled with an angry expression. His irises flicked with a fire that instantly made you quiver. It was like you could feel the heat radiating off his body even from across the room.

"Ben," His mother interjected quietly, reaching her hand towards him. You furrowed your brow. Ben? Who was Ben? He snapped his gaze towards her, his lip twitching as he shot out of his chair, the wooden legs squeaking against the floor. You winced as he turned, throwing his napkin from his lap to the ground with a flick of his wrist, stomping towards the door before anyone could stop him. You watched him go before turning back to the King and Queen, your mouth hanging open awkwardly. 

"I'm sorry," You said after a few moments of silence, your face burning, "I think I upset him the other day, I can go get him if you'd like." They looked between you and one another, their expressions just looking confused. But finally, the King nodded. 

You stood up, bowing weakly before turning towards the door, your gown swishing around your feet as you strode out into the hallway, the doors closing back behind you. You couldn't see Kylo anywhere up ahead of you, and you scurried forward, searching for his tall figure in the darkness. You reached the end of the hall, turning down another and still finding nothing. You stepped along slowly, your eyes adjusting to the lack of light. He couldn't have gone far, it had only been about a minute since he'd stormed off. But he was no where in sight, seeming to have vanished completely. You sighed, turning down a new hallway, trying to remember which way you were going so that you wound't get lost on the way back. 

"Kylo?" You called, no response coming. "Kylo!" You tried a little louder, feeling incredibly stupid. But again, no response. You groaned, walking by a small wooden door in the wall. You paid it little to no attention as you made your way past it, but suddenly, it swung open violently, smacking against the wall as a figure shot towards you. You screamed, but a large hand wrapped around your mouth, suffocating the sound and pulling you inside, the door slamming back shut, trapping you before you even had a chance to fight back. You were dragged into a tiny room--a storage closet, you quickly realized, your back being slammed forcefully up against a rack holding mops and brooms. You tried to scream again, but the hand was still pressed tightly over your mouth, trapping your voice in your throat. So you bit at the person's fingers, clamping down as tight as you could as a pained growl echoed off the walls. Immediately, you recognized the voice. Kylo. 

He released you as you gasped for panicked air, shaking out his hand and cursing under his breath. You stared at him in the darkness, your eyes wide with fear and now--anger. 

"What...the...fuck," You whisper-hissed, glaring daggers in his direction. His gaze slowly fell back on you, his lip twisted into a snarl. He didn't respond, just growled again, turning his back to you and continuing to rub at his hand. "Kylo." You said loudly, reaching towards his arm. But as soon as you touched him, he spun back around, his hand flying to wrap tightly around your neck. With a smack, he forced you backwards and slammed you against the wall, a broom falling to the floor. Stars exploding as the back of your head hit the surface, and you yelped to the best of your ability, but he only pressed harder against your neck, his fingertips digging into your skin with a sting. You stared at him with wide eyes, your mouth open but no words escaping, the breath fighting to enter your lungs as he crushed your windpipe. Your hands reached up around your neck, clawing at his hand to try to pry it away, but you were no use against his strength, his grip like metal claws clamped in an unmovable position. You could feel your head starting to tighten, your body screaming for oxygen, but Kylo didn't flinch as you choked, your eyes beginning to blur. You didn't even notice that your feet were dangling off the ground until you were suddenly released, your limp figure flopping to the ground with a smack. 

You gasped for frantic breath, your head spinning as you laid on the ground, staring up at Kylo's looming frame. As your mind started to function again, you pushed yourself off the ground and onto your hands and knees, struggling to lean your back up against the wall. You caught your breath as you sat there, touching lightly at the raw skin on your neck as you glared up at him. You probably should have been afraid as he stood over you, his face hidden by the darkness. But for some reason, you weren't at all. The only thing you felt was anger--and begrudgingly you noticed that the spark between your legs had reignited. 

"What is wrong with you?" You seethed, still catching your breath. Again, he didn't respond, but you could hear him huffing quietly above you. "Seriously." You struggled to your feet, rubbing at the back of your head where it had hit the wall. He stared at you, his chin tensing. "Is this about Alex?" You asked, straightening out the fabric in your dress. But as soon as you said the words, Kylo suddenly shot forward again, his hand flying into your hair and pinning your head back against the wall. You groaned, trying to fight him off, but again, he was stronger than you, holding you in place. 

"I don't want anyone else putting their hands on you," He finally hissed, his eyes locked onto yours. "Only me." You squirmed underneath his grasp, your scalp aching, but he pulled harder at it, making you groan again. 

"You're the only one," You said, wincing, "I ended it with him."

"He didn't seem to think you'd ended it the other day." He moved his other hand to your face, gripping your jaw tightly and forcing your face towards his. Your skin stung against his grip, puffy red marks forming underneath his digits. 

"I ended it," You whispered, "I swear that I did. And I promise I'll never be with him again."

"I don't believe you," He seethed, his grip tightening. He paused, his eyes flashing hungrily as he stared into yours, "You'll have to prove it to me." The spark between your legs flickered, warmth spreading up through your abdomen. 

"How would I do that?" You breathed, eyeing his lips--wet and soft. You watched as his mouth slowly curled into a small smirk, his hand pulling again at your scalp. He leaned forward, his warm breath tickling your ear as he spoke again, in a low, rumbling growl. 

"Take off your dress." 

You weren't sure if you'd ever moved faster, your hands fumbling with the tight corset around your waist. You felt as though you were breaking the strings in half as you untied them frantically, tearing the fabric from your body and sliding the rest of the tulle down your legs. All that was left as the dress hit the floor was your underwear and a strapless bra, your bare skin feeling chilled against the cold air. As your gaze returned to Kylo's face, you clit throbbed desperately, his eyes scanning over you as if he was memorizing every inch of your skin. Just then, it occurred to you that he'd never seen you naked before. Not all the way. You shivered as he wet his lips, his mouth parted slightly. His gaze finally returned to your face, his hand still holding your chin tightly as the other gripped your scalp. He smirked again. 

"Good girl." He muttered, his words making you feel as though you were about to melt. You moaned quietly, and he chuckled, his clutch tightening around your jaw. "I barely even have to touch you." He whispered, his hand suddenly leaving your hair and tracing down your neck and onto your chest, sneaking under your arm and to your back. With a quick movement, he snapped the clasp of your bra, the fabric falling from your body as your breasts sprung free, his eyes flashing with desire. A low grumble echoed from his throat as he moved his hands back to your chest, his fingertip grazing over your nipple, sending a shiver through your body. You squealed as he suddenly wrapped his hand around your breast, squeezing tightly as he leaned into you, his head by your shoulder. He planted soft kisses along your neck as he continued to grope your tits, your jaw beginning to quiver under his touch. 

"I'm gonna fuck you until you can't remember anyone else's name," He whispered into your hair, nibbling lightly at your earlobe. "Only mine." You moaned again, letting your eyes flutter shut as you felt his hand drift down to your hips, his fingertips digging into your sides. He slipped his fingers through your underwear, grazing lightly over your entrance. You hummed, reaching your hands up to wrap around his neck, gripping onto his jacket for support. He ghosted a single digit over your clit, teasing you again before he finally pressed his thumb against it, drawing small circles against your nerves. Your eyes rolled back in your head, pleasure seeping through your bloodstream as he exhaled softly against your shoulder, his lips trailing over your skin. 

Your breath hitched as his whole hand slipped underneath the fabric, your body quivering as he paused in front of your entrance, still rubbing your clit in a steady rhythm. You could hear him taking in slow breaths as he moved his face in front of yours, his eyes glancing down at your naked figure before looking back up at you, the air around you seeming to evaporate. You were sucked into his pupils, the darkness of them drowning you in lust, and for a moment, it was if you'd completely forgotten how to function. But you were snapped back into reality as he suddenly shot forward, his lips slammed against yours with feverish intensity. You hummed against his mouth, melting against him as your hands flew into his hair and traced along his scalp. 

He continued to massage your clit, earning another deep moan from your throat, but after a moment, your nerves exploded like fireworks as he slipped a single finger into your cunt, exhaling softly. You screamed against his mouth, your walls clenching around him as he groaned, his voice low and rumbling.

"Shit," He mumbled, "You're so wet." At his words, you whined, and he slipped another finger in, grunting quietly. His thumb moved over your clit as his fingers twisted inside of you, seeming to push deeper with every flick of his wrist. Your eyes were closed, your mind swimming in a sea of pleasure until suddenly, he stopped, ripping his digits from your core. You groaned in protest, fighting against his hand still clamped around your jaw, your eyes flickering open to watch him. He stood in front of you, smirking annoyingly. 

You groaned again, but before you could blink, his fingers were between your lips, pressing down on the back of your tongue. You gagged, tasting the salty tang of your own juices, but he ignored you, spit dribbling out of the corners of your mouth. His eyes locked with yours, his irises flashing with hunger. 

"What do you want?" He whispered. 

"You." You tried to speak, "Onwy you." Your cheeks burned at your slurred speech, but he finally released you, his digits leaving your mouth. His hand was still wrapped around your chin, but after a few moments, he let go, your skin feeling deserted without his touch. But you only had a few moments of relief before he reached forward, grabbing around your waist and flipping your back to him. His hand shot to your shoulder, gripping tightly at your skin as he forced you towards a wheeling cleaning cart next to the wall. 

"Bend over." He ordered, his lips next to your ear, "Now." You complied, arching your back down and leaning over the trolley, your hands gripping tightly around the edge. His hips pressed up against your ass, and you felt his hands move from your shoulders and down your back. He paused, silence falling over the room as you waited for what he would do next. 

But suddenly, his hand smacked with a loud crack against you, and you yelped, the cart rolling forward a little. A hot, puffy red mark was left behind as he lifted his palm, breathing heavily as your skin tingled with prickly pain. Your cheeks flushed deep red as your cunt throbbed for attention, his hand smacking against you again, searing pain shooting through your nerves. 

"Fuck...you like that?" He hissed, slapping you again, a pained yelp spilling from your lips. You didn't want to like it, but you did. It spurred you on as you whined, your chest pressing against the cart. You could hear the clicking of his belt as he fumbled with it, the clang of the metal buckle hitting the ground echoing against the walls. The sound of a zipper, the movement of fabric, and a moment later, his hips were pressed against you again, but this time, his bare skin met yours, his pants pulled away. With a quick snap of his wrist, he broke your underwear away from your waist, the thin fabric falling to the ground in a crumpled ball. 

You shivered, feeling his hard cock press against the back of your leg, his hands gripping roughly at your hips. Your sex was throbbing for him now, and you leaned against him, searching desperately for any kind of friction. He laughed under his breath, teasing you as you felt his shaft drag across the back of your thigh. 

"You want my cock, slut?" He whispered, and you whined, nodding feverishly. "How badly do you want it?"

"So badly," You breathed, "Please--" But you were suddenly cut off as Kylo slammed forward, his dick splitting you open and sinking into your heat, a pleasure-filled scream flooding past your lips. You were rammed into the cart, the wheels rolling underneath you, but Kylo steadied it with one of his hands, beginning to thrust in and out of you with strong, deliberate movements. 

"Fucking whore--" He huffed, picking up his pace, "Thinking you can fuck someone else and me at the same time." You could barely even understand what he was saying, your mind flooded with euphoria.

"Ugh--fuck, Kylo," You moaned, your eyes fluttering--fighting to stay open and not roll back into your head. One hand sinking into your waist and the other on the cart, Kylo rammed against you harder and harder, his cock sinking further into your cunt with every thrust. You could hear his ragged heaving from behind you, sucking in quick breaths as he plunged himself into you. Sweat beaded along your hairline as the air in the room heated up, the sound of skin against skin filling your ears. Your walls clenched tightly around his length, filling you completely and setting your nerves on fire. 

You could feel your climax creeping up, faster than it ever had before. A tight ball began to form in your stomach, and your clit begged for attention, throbbing desperately. You moaned as Kylo delivered a particularly strong thrust to your cunt, white light exploding behind your eyelids. You were right on the edge, just a few more thrusts and you'd be there.

"Yes..." You hummed, "Kylo, yes, yes--" But just as soon as you spoke, he suddenly pulled out, his hands wrapping around your waist as you groaned, frustration flooding your brain. Your pussy throbbed, being robbed of release, and you reached down instinctively, rubbing your clit to try and save your orgasm from slipping away. You moaned at your own touch, the feeling building back up again, but just as you were about to explode, Kylo's hand wrapped around your wrist, yanking your digits away from your sex and pinning them to the cart. You protested, turning around to stare at him with narrowed eyes, but before you could, his arm was wrapped around your bare waist, flipping you around to face him. He lifted you off the ground with a quick movement, leaning you back with a rough smack against the top of the cart, your body instantly pinned underneath his. 

Before you knew it, he was back inside of you, your legs wrapping around him as he sunk into your pussy once more, groaning deeply. As you watched his face, twisted with ravenous hunger, he glanced at you, your eyes locking together for a split second before he leaned down, his lips slamming against yours. His mouth was wet and hot, and he sucked in shallow breaths between kisses, his tongue swirling around yours. You could feel his pulse slamming against you, his skin beaded with sweat underneath his hot jacket. 

"Do you want to cum?" He muttered against your lips, moving to trace his mouth along your chin. You nodded, your eyes fluttering closed.

"Yes," You pleaded, your body throbbing for release. You could feel it building again as he sunk deeper and deeper, pleasure exploding through you. 

"Who gets to fuck you?" He whispered, sucking red and purple welts into your neck. 

"You do."

"Who gets to fuck this pussy, you fucking whore--say it." His voice was raising with every word, his thrusts becoming sloppier. 

"You do--ugh--you do Kylo."

"Who do you belong to?" He nearly yelled, his voice echoing against the low ceiling and walls. "Who owns you?"

"Fuck, you do." You weren't even paying attention anymore, your mind too clouded with ecstasy to process information clearly. But your words seemed to spur him on, his thrusts speeding up again. You could tell he was close. 

"Scream my name when you cum," He demanded, his face buried in your shoulder. But suddenly he raised his chest off of yours, continuing to slam into you as his hand shot forward, gripping your chin tightly in his grasp. You groaned, but he jolted your face from side to side, forcing you to stare straight into his eyes. "Tell everyone who gets to fuck you." With that, he delivered one last painfully strong thrust, his cock sinking into your cunt and sending you over the edge, your orgasm ripping through you like a tidal wave. 

"Fuck--Kylo!" You screamed, your voice choked by the bliss rushing through you. You felt him snap, a loud moan spilling from his lips along with a string of whispered curse words, his seed spilling into you. He continued to pump in and out, riding out the ends of his climax as his cum began to seep down your thighs, coating your skin in hot, sticky semen. The two of you sucked in desperate, exhausted gasps, the air around your bodies balmy and thick with sex as you winded down. Your mind began to return to normal, Kylo's figure still pressed against yours, his hands gripping your sides tightly.

But after a few moments, he pulled away, looking down at you with calmed eyes. His chest was still rising and falling in a quickened pace, but he reached up, wiping the sweat from his brow and scanning his gaze over your naked body, a small smirk on his lips. He was still inside of you, his cock growing soft as he finally pulled out, tucking himself back into his pants and threading his belt back into place. You were still gasping for breath as he finished fixing himself up, looking just as put together as he had before, as if nothing had happened. Your legs were covered in cum, dripping from your cunt like sticky syrup. 

He eyed you momentarily before stepping forward and running his fingers through your folds, sending a shiver through you as he lightly grazed your sore clit. He lifted his hand to your mouth, shoving his digits between your lips and forcing you to taste his seed. You offered no resistance, sucking along his fingers and cleaning them of all remnants of his cum, tasting the salty, tangy flavor. You hummed, your saliva mixing with it as you swallowed, his eyes locked with yours. 

"Good girl," He mumbled, drawing his digits from your mouth and slipping his hands into his pockets. He paused, staring at you again. "Get dressed." He glanced toward your gown, discarded on the ground, "We still have to finish dinner."

Your stomach dropped at the reminder, and you shot up, sliding off the cart and onto the floor. You grabbed the garment, struggling to pull it back up over your hips, hoping that it would cover your sticky legs. Your underwear laid ripped on the ground, the fabric frayed beyond repair. You'd just have to do without them. You found your bra, clipping it back around you and pulling the corset over your waist. You fussed with the strings, tying them back to the best of your ability, your waist cinched tightly. Kylo watched you closely as you dressed yourself, and you blushed, running your fingers through your hair to brush out the tangles and smooth back the sweat covered strands, sticking to the sides of your face. You weren't even sure when your shoes had fallen off, but you slipped them back on, sighing and glancing up at him.

"Ready." You smoothed out the creases in the front of your gown, the tulle falling over your feet. He nodded, turning to reach for the door handle, opening it and stepping out into the hallway. As he did, cold air rushed into the room, and you sighed, letting the cooling sensation wash over you. You hadn't realized just how hot that room had really become. You walked along with Kylo in silence, your face pointed towards the ground as a forbidden smile creeped over your lips. You hoped that by the time you got back to the dining hall, you'd be able to wipe it from your face. 

The guards opened the door for the two of you as you walked through the entrance and back into the room, the King and Queen turning their gazes towards you expectedly. Han Solo sighed, smiling towards the two of you.

"Oh good!" He exclaimed, gesturing towards your seats, "You found him." You nodded, your cheeks burning as you fought the urge to laugh. You slumped back into your seat, taking a frantic sip from your glass. As Kylo sat back down, avoiding the gaze of either of his parents, his father looked towards him, frowning.

"Please apologize to our guest for making her search for you instead of enjoying dinner. I hope that whatever the conflict was between the two of you, it's been resolved." Kylo's gaze stayed on the table in front of him, but you watched as a tiny, almost unrecognizable smile appeared on his lips. Slowly, he turned towards you, a silent conversation passing between your eyes.

"I'm sorry," He said, his voice smooth and low, "For the inconvenience I caused." You nodded, your cheeks blazing. He turned back to his father, his eyes flashing with a look only you understood. 

"But don't worry father, we already made up."


	8. All Eyes On You

The bright shine of the cameras and show lighting surrounded you, bleeding even though the thick curtain hanging between you and the stage. You exhaled slowly, shaking out your hands with nervous energy--but it was no help to relive your stress. 

You'd always hated giving speeches. You really couldn't think of anything you dreaded doing more than being on television--broadcasted in front of millions of judging eyes, just waiting for you to make the smallest slip up. Then they'd plaster your face on the front of every newspaper, every tabloid--the headlines mocking you with relentless insults. 

It almost made you nauseated, thinking about having to put on that fake, trained smile and walking out to the podium, saying your speech without tripping over any syllables. Making no mistakes. Being robotic, not human. They never wanted you to seem human--because then you looked weak. 

You were lost in thought, your stomach churning painfully as you suddenly heard footsteps approaching behind you, stopping at your heels. You spun around, dreadingly expecting your mother or father. But to your surprise--and relief--neither of them met your gaze, but Kylo, towering over your head as he stared down at you. His hair was combed back carefully, not a strand out of place, and he was dressed in a perfectly-fitted suit, a red tie standing out on his chest. He eyed you blankly, his expression not revealing any sort of emotion, and you heard him exhale softly. 

"Hi," You muttered, flashing him a weak smile. He didn't smile back.

"Are you ready?" He asked simply, choosing not to reply to your greeting as he slid his hands into his pockets. You gulped, your stomach twisting again.

"No," You said, your voice threaded with barely-veiled anxiety. "Not at all."

"Well we're on in five minutes," He mumbled, pulling his hand back out of his pocket and bringing a folded piece of paper with it. He untucked the corners, flattening the note between his fingers as his eyes scanned quickly over the words scribbled on the surface. "Be ready by then."

You furrowed your brows as he pushed past you, wondering why he was still acting so off. Was he still mad at you? You'd thought that he was over the whole Alex thing. He'd said it himself. You'd made up. But he was still acting distant. Cold. It was like he was a whole different person than the man you'd met that night in the dining hall--like a flip had switched and a new side of him had been revealed. And so far, you weren't too big of a fan of this new attitude. 

But regardless of how he was acting, you were at least glad that there'd be someone else on the stage with you. Usually you were alone, and it was a big relief when you'd been told that you'd be speaking together, as a "new couple" being presented to the people. Whether there was any real truth to that statement, you weren't sure. 

But today would be the day that your two peoples would learn of your future marriage, and the uniting of your two kingdoms as partners, not enemies. You weren't sure how the public was going to take it. It had been this way for decades--the constant fear dwelling in the back of everyone's minds that at any moment, war might break out over the galaxy in the blink of an eye. You guessed that most would be happy to hear that peace would finally be secured, but something told you that not everyone would trust the First Order's intentions--and you weren't necessarily sure that you did either. 

But you shook your head, sighing again as you fixed the fabric over your figure, the deep red color cascading down your frame. The dress was tight against your skin, fitted to the curves in your body and trailing down to the floor. A slit was cut up your leg, revealing your bare skin and stopping below your waist. You'd thought it was too much, but you didn't have much of a say as your mother hissed at you to get dressed, practically forcing you into it and tightening the corset around your midriff. Your hair was pulled back into a tight bun at the back of your head, a white-jeweled crown digging into your scalp. 

You shifted uncomfortably, your heels way too high and making the balls of your feet begin to cramp. It was almost time now. You could hear the production crew shuffling behind the curtain, shouting orders and directions as more lights clicked on, preparing for the broadcast. Your stomach did another flip as you suddenly felt someone approach by your side, their shadow casting over you. You quickly realized it was Kylo again, glancing sideways at him and gulping. He didn't look down at you, but you watched as his chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm, his expression appearing to be completely calm. You wondered if, deep down, he was just as nervous as you were. But you doubted it. He seemed like he would be a natural at these things. Whenever he spoke, people listened. His physique itself demanded attention, drawing recognition even with the slightest flick of his wrist. He was born for this life--unlike you, who struggled to meet any sort of expectation. It was almost unfair, how aggravatingly perfect he was. You rolled your eyes, scoffing.

"What?" He muttered, finally looking down in your direction.

"Nothing." You shook your head, staring at the velvet curtain in front of you. 

"Tell me." He pushed, shifting closer to your side.

"How does this not freak you out?" You whispered, "I don't understand how you can be so calm about this."

"I never said I was calm." He responded, folding his hands in front of his waist. "I'm just a good actor."

"You're not that good." You muttered, your eyes thinned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

You heard the producer on the other side of the stage, yelling orders and directions as the timer clicked down. You guessed that there was only about a minute now. 

"You're not good at hiding when you're angry." You said quietly, getting ready for the moment when the curtain would raise.

"You think I'm angry?" He looked down at you again, but you kept your gaze in front of you, readying your fake smile for the cameras. "Angry at what--you?"

"Yes," You hissed, wishing that he would stop talking. It was almost time. "We can talk about this later."

"No I want to talk about it now," He pressed on, leaning closer to you. But just as he did, you heard the producer start to count down from ten, your heart beginning to slam. You swatted Kylo away, shushing him and plastering your forced smile across your lips, taking in a shaky, deep breath. You heard him grumble defeatedly next to you, watching as he straightened his spine out of the corner of your eye. He adjusted his tie, clearing his throat before standing perfectly straight, his hands in fists by his sides. 

"Five, four, three," Your breath caught in your throat, "two...one!" The producer's voice stopped, the bottom of the curtain slowly beginning to lift off the ground. You felt your heart skip a beat as bright light shined in from the stage, the sight of what seemed like a hundred cameras meeting your gaze as the divider lifted all the way, exposing you to the eyes of millions. You tried to control the shivers coursing through your limbs, but you were sure that some people noticed your trembling hands as you and Kylo walked up to the podium at the front of the platform, stopping behind the tall wooden stand. Your body was largely hidden behind it, only the top part of your waist visible to the cameras. It was big enough for two people to stand between its sides, wooden walls confining you and hiding the lower half of your bodies. 

You could barely process the mumbling of the announcer as he read out both of your full names and titles, bowing towards the two of you. You were snapped out of your daze as Kylo flicked your side, motioning for you to bow back--which you did, after a few seconds of awkward delay. The announcer then stepped off the stage, silence falling over the room as they waited for one of you to speak. Kylo's speech was first--to your relief. 

"The day has finally come," He began, his voice steady and calm, no hint of nervousness in his tone, "That we put aside our differences. That we let go of the assumption that the other is the enemy. That we unite as one for the good of both of our peoples and for the preservation of peace." You could hear quiet murmurs from the camera crew, watching you with wide eyes. "As the heir to the throne, I know and have always known that my first and most important duty is to my kingdom--above any and all else." You gulped. "And I know that the best way I can serve my people is to finally usher in an era of peace and stability that has been long overdue." Your stomach was churning painfully again. For some reason, knowing what he was about to say made you feel sick. It was strange--you'd known this was coming for weeks. You'd known that eventually you'd have to announce it to the public. But telling everyone suddenly made everything feel so much more real. So much more inevitable. More inescapable. You shivered. "And that is why our families have come to an agreement," He glanced toward you, a fake smile plastered across his face. You weren't smiling anymore, but you felt like you were turning green. "That we will be married--an action which will unite our two kingdoms in a peaceful alliance. The threat of war will be but a distant memory."

As he spoke, you heard the camera crew erupt in thunderous applause, hollers and cries of happiness echoing through the room. Kylo stood next to you, still beaming in a way that you knew wasn't genuine, but you couldn't even bring yourself to force it. Your lips were pulled into a thin, straight line, all the color having drained from your face, leaving a pale, ghostlike expression behind. He eyed you as the celebration continued, a concerned look flashing over his face. 

"Hey," He whispered, his hand floating to the small of your back. "What's wrong?" You stared up at him with glassy eyes, struggling to focus on his complexion. The sound in your ears had started to reduce to a loud ringing, all the voices blurring together, and you could feel your legs wobbling underneath you. 

"I--" You stuttered, your mind clouded with panic and confusion, words refusing to form in your brain. You just stared at him, your expression flashing with anxiety as your mouth hung open wordlessly. His eyes flicked over you, his hand still holding you steady, before he returned his gaze to the cameras, taking in a deep breath. 

"There's only a minute left until commercial," He whispered out of the side of his mouth, "Try to hold it together until then." You nodded weakly, the bright lights blurring your vision. You were grateful that the cheering had drowned out your conversation, but you were sure that people watching had noticed the slip in your facade. You felt like you were about to throw up, tightness building in your stomach. Kylo said a few more words, but you weren't listening. All you could do was think about what people would be saying about you after this was over, and you were sure none of it would be good.

"That's commercial!" The producer finally called, clapping his hands, "Five minutes until we're live again." As soon as the cameras switched off, Kylo turned to you, gripping your shoulders tightly.

"What's going on?" He said, his eyes washing over your pale face, "Are you about to be sick?"

"Maybe--" You choked, swallowing the bile burning at the back of your throat.

"Do you want me to get you some water?" He let go of your shoulders, turning to leave before you responded, but you stopped him, pulling him back towards you.

"No, I'll be fine." You shook your head, rubbing at your temples, "For some reason announcing it is just freaked me out."

"But you've known this was coming for weeks." He said, leaning against the podium.

"I know." You muttered, "But really doing it just felt way too...I don't know--real. I guess up to this point I tried to convince myself that maybe it wasn't actually happening." Kylo furrowed his brows as you spoke, his mouth pulling into a frown.

"Wait--" He scoffed quietly, "Do you still not want to do this?" You paused, considering your words.

"I mean, If I had a choice...I wouldn't do it." He scoffed again, looking wounded as he ran a hand through his hair.

"But I thought that if I--If we," He stopped, shaking his head. "I thought that if we got to know each other you would be okay with it."

"But that's the thing," You protested, "I don't know you. And you don't know me. Not yet at least." He stared at you, his eyes thinning as he stepped back, his hands sliding into his pockets. He was silent for a moment, watching you, before he finally spoke again, his tone having shifted to a cold, low timbre. 

"You're right," He hissed in a whisper, "You don't know me at all."

"Kylo--" You reached for his arm, but before you could, he turned away, stomping towards the back of the stage and disappearing behind one of the wings. You sighed, turning back to the podium as you watched the production crew start to get back into position, the one minute countdown beginning again. You straightened your dress, feeling some of the color flush back into your face as you regained control over your body, the panic passing. It was your turn to speak, and you were sick of messing up. You wouldn't let yourself this time. 

"30, 29, 28..." The countdown continued as you heard heavy footsteps approach behind you, Kylo suddenly reappearing by your side with a blank expression. He adjusted his suit, clearing his throat and fixing his hair before he glanced down at you, his eyes still thinned. Slowly, he leaned down to beside your ear, his warm breath tickling against your skin as he spoke.

"You were right before," He whispered, "I am mad at you, and there will be consequences for your actions." You shivered, your breath stalling. 

"What kind of consequences?" But Kylo didn't respond, instead straightening his spine and looking straight towards the cameras, his expression stern and solemn. You frowned. But you couldn't dwell on it for long, the countdown reaching "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." The cameras clicked back on, the intro music swelling as the lenses focused on your face. You took in a slow, calming breath, smiling towards them and preparing your speech in your mind. Don't mess up, you repeated to yourself, praying that if you said it enough times it might come true. 

"Peace has been deprived from the galaxy for far too long." You began, your voice echoing through the studio. "And I am so proud to be a part of the road to change." You paused, breathing deeply. "The Kingdoms of the Resistance and the First Order will enter into an all--" You stopped mid-word, nearly forgetting how to breathe. 

There was a hand on your thigh. Kylo's hand--digging tightly into the fabric of your gown. You stalled, staring blankly into the cameras as your heart began to slam. What the fuck was he doing? You cleared your throat, trying to slap him away with a flick of your wrist, but he ignored you, gripping tighter. "Sorry--The Kingdoms of the First Order and the Resistance will enter into an alliance, therefore ending the decades of unrest between our two peoples. It is our hope tha--" You stopped again, sucking in a quick, terrified breath as Kylo's hand suddenly slipped underneath the fabric through the slit over your leg, his fingers tracing over your bare skin. Your hands started to tremble, your stomach dropping to the ground. He wasn't really about to do what you thought he was about to do...was he? You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, trying to send him a silent signal to please stop. But he refused to look at you, staring towards the cameras as if nothing was happening, his hands hidden below the podium. 

This was the consequence he was talking about. You suddenly felt nauseated again.

"It is our hope that with time, our two peoples can come together as one, and that there will be no more animosity between our populations." You sighed, happy to get a sentence out without him interrupting you, but just as you did, his hand began to move higher, his digits teasing against the inside of your thigh. You sucked in a breath through gritted teeth, fighting the heat beginning to spark between your legs. "We don't expect for it to be an easy transition. We've spent decades with the assumption that the other was the enemy--that they were to be conquered." With a horrible realization, your remembered that you weren't wearing any underwear--it would have shown through the form-fitting dress. You gulped, trying your hardest to seem unphased. But you could feel your body starting to respond to his touch, your legs beginning to shake. 

Your heart slamming, he slowly dragged a single finger over your mound, sending a strong shiver through you as you stuttered, smiling awkwardly towards the camera. This wasn't actually happening. There was no way. You tightened your jaw, your breath hitching as you exhaled. 

"But from now on," Your voice came out less confident--shaky actually, your tone trembling, "We will be working towards an alliance that should benefit both of our kingdoms in--" His digit lowered, ghosting over your clit. You shuddered, warmth seeping up through your core as your nerves danced at his touch. "--g--great ways." You could see the camera crew casting confused looks between each other, shaking their heads as they watched you stutter. 

"Both our families believe that this will be a great m--oh--move for both of our peoples," You winced, your face burning bright red as a quiet moan spilled from your lips, Kylo's finger beginning to rub tight circles around your clit, his digit moving down and tracing through your folds. You shivered again, desperately praying that it wasn't too noticeable through the TV screens. "And will hopefully help to usher in an even more successful future." You smiled brightly at the cameras, trying to mask your sheer horror at the fact that Kylo's fingers were now teasing at your entrance, threatening to slip into you with every passing second. But he paused, as if he was waiting for you to speak again so that he could throw you off focus. You gulped, dreading what you had to say next.

"Thank you," You sighed, finishing your speech, "Are there any questions?" As soon as you spoke, Kylo drove his digit into your core, and you had to bite your tongue until it bled to choke back the loud moan trapped in your throat. Your legs were shaking violently underneath you, but thankfully, were hidden behind the podium, away from the prying eyes of everyone watching you crash and burn on live television. The press sitting in front of the camera crew exploded all at once, standing and shouting unidentifiable words and questions towards you, their mics pointed towards you as they fought for your attention. 

Your body felt like it was overheating, your senses exploding all at once. Kylo's digits were pumping in and out of you as you struggled for steady breath, gripping tightly at the podium with white knuckles. You wanted to scream--or moan, or maybe a mixture of both. You couldn't decide, but you knew that you couldn't do this for much longer. 

You realized after a few moments that you'd neglected to chose a reporter, your mind fogged with anger, lust, pleasure, and a million other emotions you couldn't discern. You pointed frantically towards one, not bothering to even look at their face as you haunched over the stand. You were leaning weakly against the podium now, your legs having turned to jello underneath you. You heard Kylo snicker under his breath. 

Fuck, you really wanted to cuss him out right now. But you also wanted to hold him against your body, to feel him inside of you, to run your hands along his muscular frame, to feel his plush lips pressed against yours...stop. You ordered yourself, shaking your head as you choked back another moan and smiled towards the reporter. 

"When is the wedding taking place?" She asked, her face round and pale. She looked young, smiling up at you with wide, innocent eyes. For a split second you caught yourself wondering if she believed the fantasy. The one that everyone always asked you about. That your life as a princess was perfect. That you had everything you'd ever wanted. That it was magical. That you were living a dream. That you'd found your prince charming without even having to try. But you were ripped back into reality as Kylo drove into you again, slipping another finger into your cunt. You coughed to cover up your choked-moan, leaning harder onto the podium and gripping even tighter to the edges. 

"In about two months--" You struggled to spit out, a tight ball forming in your stomach as you felt your climax approaching. She nodded, sitting back down with a cheery expression on her face. As soon as she did, more questions exploded, and this time, Kylo pointed towards a taller man sitting close to the stage. You were relieved--maybe you wouldn't have to talk for a little bit.

"I have a question for the princess," The man called, your heart dropping. Awesome. "Forgive me my lady, but do you really expect for us to suddenly trust the First Order and their intentions? We've been enemies for decades. How are we supposed to just flip the switch and forget all of that history?"

You chewed the inside of your lip, wincing as a wave of pleasure surged through you, threatening to let a whimper escape past your lips. Kylo's digits twisted inside of you, filling you as your walls clenched around him, your body tilting on the edge of your climax. You were fighting it with every ounce of power left in you, your hands aching from how tightly you were gripping the stand. 

"Like I s--said before," You sucked in a deep breath through clenched teeth, "I realize that the trans--sition will not be easy. Or simple. But I hope that with t--time, ugh, it will feel more natural."

"Are you alright, my lady?" The reporter stared at you concernedly, his brows furrowed. 

"Yes, fine." You shook your head, the moan in your throat crying to be released, "But to finish answering your question--fuck..." You cursed underneath your breath as Kylo's digits slid even deeper, praying that the mics didn't pick it up. But by the confused looks on the reporters faces, you guessed that they had. Shit. Against your best judgement, you kept going, drawing in a shaky breath, "Unfortunately, all we can do is trust that their intentions are pure, like ours are. But I'm sure that Kylo R--ren could better reassure you that there is no danger." You glanced over at him, your eyes thinned into slits. He didn't look at you, instead smiling towards the reporter as if his fingers weren't knuckle deep in your cunt. 

"Of course I can't convince you to believe that we only have good intentions, but I can give you my word that all my family and I want is for peace to finally be brought to the galaxy. It's been long overdue, and I can assure you that you aren't the only ones that are sick of it." Somehow, he continued to pump his digits in and out of you as he spoke, not missing a beat. You wanted so badly to roll your eyes. The reporter smiled at him, nodding and sitting back down as he muttered a quiet thank you. 

You were praying for it to all be over. For the cameras to shut off. For the reporters to leave. For the camera crew to disappear. So that you could slap Kylo across the face and scream at him for what he was doing to you...right after he finished you off. But you assumed that there were only a few minutes of the broadcast left. Then you'd be free of the prying eyes, watching you squirm underneath the podium as your climax threatened to crash over you. Waves of pleasure were washing through you, your limbs shaking as your eyes tried to roll back in your head. 

You couldn't fight it for much longer, your fingers curling as Kylo called on yet another reporter, smirking horribly. He was loving watching you struggle. You wanted to kill him. You didn't even hear what the man asked, his voice a dull murmur in your ear as you focused your gaze on the podium, holding off your orgasm as long as you could. But you were shuddering, choking as you held back all the sounds begging to spill from your lips. 

But suddenly Kylo's digits slid in even deeper, his thumb somehow twisting to return to your clit, your nerves nearly exploding under his touch. With that, you couldn't fight it anymore, and you snapped like a twig, your climax tearing through you as you clung to the stand, your body going limp. You whimpered as quietly as you could, feeling your core surge with pleasure as the bliss seeped through your bloodstream, spreading through your chest and into every crack and crevice in you. You could hear the reporters whispering with concern. You were sure to them, it looked like you were in some sort of pain. Horrible pain, from the way you were crying. The last thing they would expect to be going on was what was actually happening. 

Kylo continued to work his digits through your folds, huffing quietly as he continued to circle around your clit, the nerves raw and aching. You shifted away from his hand, groaning quietly, and he finally relented, his fingers slipping out from under your dress and back into his pocket, as if it had never happened. You stared at him out of half-lidded eyes, heaving exhaustedly. 

"Miss," One of the reporters spoke up, "are you sure you're alright?" You glanced towards him, the end of your climax still rushing through you as you caught your breath. You nodded slowly, standing back up straight and clearing your throat. You could feel your cheeks burning as you slowly noticed that the cameras had cut off--at what point, you weren't sure. But the quiet buzz of recording was gone, awkward silence having fallen over the room like a thick fog. 

"Yes, I'm sorry," You shook your head, "I'm just a little nauseated."

"Do you want me to call a nurse?" The reporter scrambled for the phone hanging on the wall, but you interrupted.

"No, no," You assured him, "I'm alright. Thank you, though." He was still staring at you with concern, but nodded, giving up. You paused, staring over the room and watching as the small crowd peered at you with confusion and concern. "Thank you all for coming," You said as if everything had gone completely normally. "The palace guards will escort you back to the courtyard when you're ready."

With that, you tore away from the podium, leaving Kylo behind as you stomped backstage, your head fuzzed with a million different thoughts and emotions. But the strongest ones, anger and pure humiliation, overtook the rest, your blood boiling in your veins. You wanted to scream at him. To land a punch straight to his perfect, stupid fucking face. He was an emotionally unstable, insufferable asshole--and you wanted to tell him exactly that. But as a hand wrapped around your arm from behind you, spinning you back around, your gaze fell on his face once more--and for a split second all of your anger dissipated. That was just the effect he had. But it faded quickly, the fury returning as you seethed at him, ripping away your arm. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You hissed, your voice cracking. 

"I told you there'd be consequences." He said dryly, his face blank.

"You humiliated me on live television--in literally the worst way I can think of. Why--I don't understand how you would think that that was okay." Your face was twisted with humiliation, your chest heaving.

"I didn't say I thought it way okay. That's the point. I said it was a consequence for your actions."

"Look," You shook your head, rubbing your temples, "I'm really, really sorry that I was still sleeping with Alex. I really am. I shouldn't have done it, and I've apologized lots of times. But he was in my life long before you were and you have to understand that I couldn't just cut him off. He meant something to me for a long time. That doesn't excuse my actions, I know. But if this is something you're not going to be able to get over, you need to tell me now." He paused, staring down at you with thinned eyes as he considered your words in silence. But slowly, he let out a loud sigh, running his hand through his hair. You winced, wondering if that was the hand he'd used on you. 

"Fine." He snapped, his jaw tightening, "I--I'm sorry." It sounded like saying the words physically pained him, his shoulders tensing as he spoke. "I'll try to forget about it."

"Thank you," You sighed, feeling some of the anger dissipate as you stared down at the ground. You paused, standing in silence for a few moments before you looked back up at him, meeting his gaze. "You're an asshole sometimes, you know." He smirked, scoffing softly.

"Oh, I know."


	9. It's Just A Name

Kylo's quarters were pretty much just how you'd expected them to be. Perfectly clean--almost like no one had ever touched anything in the rooms. There was no dust. No clutter. Nothing was out of place. It was like a museum, and everything looked just as expensive as the palace itself. Walking into them made you feel like if you took the slightest misstep, the whole thing would crash down around you like thin glass. 

Kylo walked ahead of you, leading you down a window-lined hallway as the sun was just beginning to rise over the mountaintops, the morning light pouring in and warming your chilled skin. A tall door stood in front of you at the end of the corridor, Kylo reaching for its handle and stepping inside. You followed, the frame high above your head, making your way into a large square room, the darkness of it immediately consuming you. It was a stank contrast to the passageway you'd just been in, the windows covered in think curtains, drowning the room in a shadowy gloom. A giant bed laid before you, covered in black sheets and pillows, the symbol of the First Order once more imprinting into your memory as it lined the edge of the fabric. 

You could see the door to what was probably a bathroom and closet, and looming bookcases lining the walls. You shook your head in disbelief as you stared at them--there must have been at least a few hundred titles, tucked tightly into the shelves. 

"So you like to read?" You asked, turning to him as he flopped down onto his mattress. He nodded, chuckling. "I hate reading."

"I'm dyslexic, actually." He chuckled, "So I've always had to try twice as hard--you know, when I have to give speeches or anything. All the reading helps me practice."

"Ah," You nodded, running a finger over the spine of a blue-sleeved book, the title swimming through your mind. 

The Mystery Of Love. Printed in curly, silver font. You stared at it, intrigued. You pulled it out, running your hand down the cover before flipping it open, your eyes scanning quickly over the first page. 

What is love? It read, the font shaped in perfect cursive. And how do you know when it's really love, and not just lust any longer? I often find myself confusing love for lust, no matter how many times I try to separate the two. You see, lust is an expression that I often replace with the word: infatuation. To be infatuated with someone is not to be in love. Sometimes that's difficult to come to terms with , but it doesn't make it any less true. When I know that I'm truly in love with someone is when I think about whether my life would crumble without them. If I didn't have that person, would I no longer be able to function as I normally would? If you could, then it's not love. Maybe some would call that being co-dependent, and I'm not fully disagreeing with them. But if you're truly in love with someone, or at least have true love for them, doesn't it make sense that you wouldn't be able to live without them? Or at least it would be the most painful thing you'd have to do--to go on without them in your life. I suppose it's different for everyone really, but I know that I knew I'd found the one when I couldn't even bring myself to imagine a reality without them. That was my true love. Which offers up my next question--one that I'm not sure can ever really be answered. What is true love?

You traced your fingertips along the paper, pausing on the last sentence. What was true love? You mulled it over, staring at the font as you considered it. You'd thought you'd found it in Alex--true love. But clearly, that wasn't the case. So how could you even begin to answer the question if you'd never really felt it? You snapped the book shut, sighing as you returned it to the shelf, tucking it tightly between more titles. But just as you were about to turn back around, Kylo was already behind you, his hand moving to your shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," He mumbled as you turned towards him, "I have to go talk to my father for just a minute. Are you okay waiting here? I'll be right back."

"Of course," You nodded, and he sighed, shooting you a weak smile before jogging towards his door and out into the hallway, leaving you alone in his bedroom. For a while, you just stood there, not really knowing what to do with yourself. But eventually, curiosity took over, and you stepped towards his bed, running your hand along the soft comforter. Upon closer observation, you noticed a small side table, journals and books piled on its surface. You walked over to it, thumbing through the papers and then turning your attention to a small drawer tucked inside it, pulling it out towards you. Inside laid more journals, some random scribbles and sketches, and more items you didn't care to pay attention to. But something in particular caught your eye, standing out from everything else. 

The edge of a picture, tucked in the very back corner. You reached for it, gripping the border and slipping it out of the drawer. You held it out in front of you, your eyes scanning over the image that met your gaze. Your heart began to glow as you stared down at a young boy, dressed in a much-too-big-for-him military uniform, his tiny hand raised to his forehead in a salute. His raven hair was shaggy and fell over his eyes, a wide smile across his face as his dimples stood out in his round cheeks. You immediately recognized the beauty marks dotted along his skin, in the same pattern you'd stared at a million times now. You could almost hear his laugh through the photo, and you caught yourself beaming at it, your cheeks glowing warmly. 

He was adorable, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he chuckled, his eyes flashing brightly. You assumed it was his father's jacket, lined with badges and medals across the chest. The long sleeves consumed his thin arms, the fabric nearly swallowing his figure whole. You giggled, knowing that if he tried on the same outfit again, it probably wouldn't fit him. 

You slid the photo back into the drawer, pushing it closed and looking across the room. Your gaze fell on another door you hadn't noticed before, and you made your way to it, pulling it open and stepping into a new space--this one largely different than his bedroom. 

Giant windows lined the walls, bright light pouring in and illuminating the white-painted surfaces. Tall pillars scattered the perimeter in carved marble, towering over your head as they stretched up to the high, ribbed ceiling. The room was giant, your footsteps echoing loudly as you stepped forward, but the walls were mostly empty. The only thing you saw up ahead, across from where you were standing was a big, white piano, a long, wooden stool in front of it. Red detailing was painted along the sides, standing out against the simple base color. 

It was beautiful, the surface covered in glossy paint, making it shimmer under the sun's rays as they poured through the windows, and you stepped towards it eagerly. You ran your hand along its side, perfectly smooth and clean, not a speck of dust in sight. Your fingers begged to dance across the keys--you hadn't played in so long. It had probably been years, and you slid onto the bench, your digits falling over the surface. The black and white tiles felt immediately familiar underneath your touch, and you smiled warmly, pressing down in a soft chord. The melody echoed loudly off the empty walls, reverberating back into your ears in a calming chime. You sighed happily, moving to play more difficult patterns, but you were quickly frustrated as your rustiness bled through your memory of how to maneuver your fingertips. Off-key chords sounded through the room, making you wince. But you kept trying, starting to regain your old flexibility. 

But a sound behind you made you pause, and you spun around, your gaze falling on Kylo standing in the doorway. He smiled at you, stepping in your direction.

"Sounds good." He said, making his way to your side with long strides.

"I haven't played in years," You looked back to the keys, "I'm pretty rusty." Kylo paused next to you, staring down at your seated figure.

"I can help," He muttered, suddenly sliding onto the seat next to you and pressing his side against yours. The wide frame of his shoulders overwhelmed yours as he sat beside you, his hands slowly floating to the keys, his pinky grazing against yours. You shivered. "You just have to keep your hands relaxed," He mumbled, his digits grazing over yours again. "You can't be stiff." You nodded, keeping your eyes on the keys but glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. 

"Can you show me?" You whispered, turning towards him. He paused, staring at you, before nodding and returning his gaze to the black and white tiled surface. Your arms were quivering slightly as he lifted his hands from the ivory, moving to lay his palms on top of your digits, his size dwarfing you in comparison. His fingers ghosted above yours, your skin tingling under his touch. 

"Here," He said quietly, guiding your hands over the keys slowly at first, pressing down on a few simple chords, the sounds echoing through the space. But he picked up the pace of his movements, your fingertips dancing over the surface, a melody starting to form underneath your digits. He guided you to play a series of minor chords, the menacing sound vibrating through your fingertips. 

~playing Kylo Ren's theme~

While he played it, his arms were tensed, his muscles hard to the touch as the veins in his hands strained underneath his skin. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him frowning slightly, his eyes focused closely on the keys. But slowly, the melody began to switch into something different. It sounded nearly the same, but the notes changed from minor to major, the melody picking up into a cheery, heroic sounding air. 

~playing Ben Solo's theme~

When his fingers guided you through the new progression, his hands relaxed over yours, his jaw un-tensing and his eyes lighting up like torches. The chords somehow made you feel warm inside, like they would be played at the end of a movie when the character finally redeemed themselves after a troubled past. They were comforting. They felt natural underneath your fingertips, your flexibility returning as Kylo slowly threaded his digits through yours, until you couldn't tell who's fingers were even playing the chords anymore. You were melted into one, your cadences syncing into a cohesive rhythm. But all too soon, the song came to an end, the final notes moving slower than the previous tempo, the gentle echoes reverberating through your ears. It concluded with one final movement, silence falling over the room as you and Kylo sat completely still, your hands still threaded together over the keys. 

You were almost afraid to move--to possibly ruin the moment, which was almost too perfect to wrap your head around. You felt like you were completely connected, like you could understand him perfectly from the careful movements of his hands over yours. You could feel his pulse as his wrist laid on top of your arm, steady and strong. Your breath hitched as you slowly turned your face towards him, immediately meeting his gaze as he stared back at you, his eyes swimming with an emotion you couldn't recognize. But the rest of his expression was blank, his lips in a straight line. 

"Thank you," You whispered, not knowing exactly what you were thanking him for, but you felt the need to say it. His expression softened at your words, his heartbeat speeding up slightly as you spoke. 

"For what?"

You didn't respond, just leaned forward slowly and pressed your lips to his, your thumb rubbing against his palm. He sighed against you, his one of his hands lifting from yours to move to your cheek, holding your chin in his grasp. You stayed there for a few moments, savoring the soft feeling of his lips against yours. But slowly, you pulled away, just enough to lean your forehead against his in silence, your heart glowing. Again, your mind flickered back to the question from earlier: What is true love? You still weren't sure if you'd ever be able to answer it, but maybe you were on the right path to. 

As you sat there, his hand still lingering against your cheek, a question that had been left unanswered for a while now popped into your mind, the words floating to your tongue before you could consider them.

"Kylo," You whispered, and he nodded against you, leaning back to look you in the eyes. "Um...who's Ben?" He paused, looking slightly taken aback by the question, his hand leaving your face. But then he sighed, glancing down at the bench. 

"That's my name." He muttered, shifting on the seat, "My real name." You stared at him, your mind swimming with confusion. "How did you hear it?" He asked.

"Your mom said it to you, just before you stormed off the other night."

"Oh," He nodded, his eyes shifting back to you. 

"Why do you go by Kylo Ren?" You shook your head, continuing to rub your thumb softly against his other hand.

"My father decided that I needed a stronger name to go by." He muttered, "He felt like Ben sounded too--I don't even know, soft."

"I like the name Ben." You offered him a smile, but his face stayed blank, almost sad looking. 

"My mother picked that name." He said, "That's what she always calls me. Even though my dad doesn't like for her to." You paused, watching carefully as his eyes threatened to expose his true emotions. 

"...Does that upset you?" You tried, shifting closer to him.

"It's just a name." He said dismissively, "Doesn't really matter."

"Are you sure--" You pried, but he cut you off, his voice raising slightly.

"Yes." He snapped, moving his hand out from under yours and suddenly rising from the bench, turning his back to you. Clearly, you'd struck some sort of nerve. 

"I'm sorry." You said after a few moments of silence, your voice echoing against the walls. 

"It's fine." He said shortly, his tone cold and emotionless. You winced. No one spoke for a new moments--though it seemed like hours of stillness. But eventually, he sighed, shaking his head. "I just remembered that I have to be somewhere." He breathed, his shoulders tensed. "You can let yourself out."

"Kylo--" You reached for his arm, but before you could touch him he began to stride forward, his footsteps loud and resounding. He left the room before you could stop him, his figure disappearing behind the doorframe. Moments later, you heard his bedroom door slam shut, the sound of his stomping tread vanishing out into the hallway. 

As you sat alone on the wooden bench, running your hand over the spot where Kylo had been just moments before, you desperately wished that you hadn't brought it up. It was just like you to ruin a perfectly happy moment by saying something that would set him off. But you supposed you couldn't blame yourself too much. How were you supposed to know that it was such a sensitive subject? You sighed, standing up slowly and casting one more gaze over the piano before walking away, making your way back into his bedroom. You opened the door to the hallway, leaving his quarters and moving tentatively down the passageways of the First Order, not quite remembering how to find your way out. 

You rounded a corner, your eyes wide in the darkness, searching for some sort of exit. But instead, your gaze fell on a man walking towards you in a quickened pace, dressed in a tight black suit. Badges laid across his chest, his orangy-red hair standing out against the gloom. He was pale--like he hadn't seen the sun for ages, and his greyish eyes pierced through you in a way that made you feel almost violated. You really didn't want to speak to him, something about his presence sent an uneasy shiver down your spine. But no one else was around to tell you which way to go.

"Hi," You said as he walked by, "I'm so sorry, but I'm a little lost. Would you happen to know where an exit is?" As you spoke, his eyes focused on you like a laser, a disgusted-looking expression flashing over his face. He was silent for a moment, considering you as if he was thinking about just not responding. But slowly, he sucked in a breath, his lids thinning into a glare. 

"You're the princess," He grumbled, an accent seeping through his tone, "Aren't you." It wasn't really a question. He was just stating it. 

"Um, yes, I am." You stuttered, feeling immediately uncomfortable. 

"Hm," He grunted, looking you up and down. "So you're engaged to Ren, huh?" You furrowed your brows.

"Yes?" He smirked, scoffing lightly. 

"Good luck." With that, he turned away, striding down the hall with quick steps. You stood, frozen in place with confusion. Good luck? Who was this guy?

"How do I get out!?" You called after him, but he ignored you, turning the corner and disappearing from sight. You sighed, rolling your eyes as you continued in the opposite direction.

It took a while, but eventually you stumbled into the foyer of the palace, the front doors looming ahead of you. You passed the guards standing on either side, nodding as you pulled at the handles and strode out into the courtyard. 

Your limo was waiting for you at the bottom of the steps, the driver stepping out as soon as he saw you and opening your door. You climbed inside, pulling your dress out of the way and buckling your seatbelt. The car pulled forward, rolling towards the gate and leaving the palace behind, your heart panging as it got farther and farther away. 

You hoped that the next time you saw Kylo, you'd be able to make things better.


	10. I Hate You

"Look." Kylo slumped down next to you at the piano, his voice a little less cold than the last time you'd been there. It had been a few days since the name incident, and you hadn't brought it up again--half hoping that he'd forgotten that it ever happened. But you knew that wasn't true, his air hardened and detached when you were around him now. 

He threw a newspaper down over the keys, glancing over at you as you tentatively picked it up, the flimsy material bending between your fingertips. You glanced down at it, scanning across the headline, written in bold white font. But as soon as you did, your stomach dropped. 

The Princess--Unable to Give A Speech, Much Less Run A Kingdom. Will She Ever Be Fit To Rule?

You read it over and over again, the words swimming through your mind as humiliation started to sink deeper into your bones with each passing moment. Your eyes were glued to the cover, refusing to rip away as you felt Kylo slowly slide closer to you on the bench, a light chuckle escaping past his lips. Anger instantly exploded through you as he laughed. He still thought this was funny? Fuming, you whipped your head towards him, glaring with daggers for eyes. You blood boiled angrily as you sucked in a deep breath. 

"Do you really still think this is a joke?" You seethed, your teeth bared.

"No." He lied with little effort, a smirk still on his lips. That only made you angrier, your mind a fuzz of humiliation and fury for what he'd done to you. And to think, you'd felt the need to apologize to him just days before for something so much less horrible--even after he still hadn't expressed any remorse for torturing you in front of a million people. 

Before you could even think of what you were doing, your hand was raised. And in the blink of an eye, your palm had connected with the side of his face in a loud smack, your skin tingling as you both froze, staring at each other with wide eyes. You were trembling, enraged huffs spilling from your lips as you sat there, your hand still held out in the air in front of you.

He was stunned, you could tell. It didn't even seem like he was breathing as he stared at you--his face completely blank in pure shock. You couldn't really process what you'd just done either, your mind still too clouded with fury to think clearly. But before he had a chance to recover from the blow, his cheek turning pink from where you'd hit him, you stood up abruptly, shoving the bench back as it screeched against the ground. You shook your head as you glared down at him, his eyes following you as you crumpled the magazine in your hand, chucking it at him and turning to walk away. 

You could feel hot tears starting to well in the corners of your eyes, the humiliation overwhelming your senses. But just as you were about to reach the doorway, a hand wrapped around you arm, yanking you backwards. You whipped around, seething as Kylo stared down at you, his eyes now flashing with fury. 

"Let me go." You hissed in a whisper, your voice quivering. 

"No." He yanked you again, back towards the piano, but you fought against him, growling angrily as you ripped your arm from his grasp. You stumbled backwards, toppling to the floor as the tears now started to pour down your cheeks like a river. You laid there, sobbing pathetically as Kylo stared down at you in silence, his chest heaving. But eventually, you sucked in a pained gasp, glaring up at him with glassy, red eyes. 

"You humiliated me," You choked, your words coming out strangled. "And you're not even sorry." He didn't respond. "All my life," You gasped, "I've tried so, so hard to be fucking perfect. And I never am. I thought that maybe, for once, I'd be able to do something right--that I'd be able to make someone believe that I had something under control. But you ruined that--don't you see? You're a selfish asshole."

Something behind his eyes flickered. Maybe remorse? Maybe regret? Or maybe it was nothing at all--something that really wasn't there but that you convinced yourself existed. But he stayed silent, refusing to speak as your gaze left him again, your body flopping weakly against the floor. You wrapped your arms around your head, crying into your gown and letting your tears seep through the flowy fabric. Slapping him hadn't taken the anger away--and though you wished that it had, it didn't bring you any sort of relief either. But it didn't seem like he was ready to offer any sort of apology, so you sat up, sniffling and avoiding his gaze. You pushed yourself off the ground, standing back up and fixing your appearance in an attempt to preserve any shred of dignity you had left--which wasn't much. You almost forgot he was standing there for a moment, your mind focused elsewhere, until he finally spoke again, his voice echoing through the empty room. 

"You can't talk to me that way." He said coldly.

"What way?" You shook your head, scowling at him. 

"Like--" He stuttered, searching for the right words, "Like--"

"Do you mean I can't tell you what you've done wrong? I can't criticize your stupid fucking dumb ass decisions?"

"Stop." His voice raised slightly as he stepped towards you, his eyes narrowing. 

"You're an asshole, Kylo." You continued, anger-spurred confidence egging you on. 

"I said stop."

"You're an asshole, and I hate you." You breathed, wanting to see how far you'd actually go, surprising yourself with each new word. "I fucking hate you." He took another step towards you, his defined muscles rippling underneath his thin shirt. You began to back away, your heart slamming as he continued to approach you, a darkness flickering behind his eyes. You sucked in a quick breath as you felt the back of your foot hit the wall behind you, trapping you as he took another stride, coming up directly in front of you. He towered over your figure, staring down at you in silence as your heartbeat slammed like a drum in your ears, your pulse racing with a mixture of terror, anger, and for some reason--excitement. 

"You hate me?" He whispered, his voice spilling like honey from his lips. You shivered, nodding. 

"Yes." You breathed, not believing your words in the slightest--but he didn't need to know that. The spark of heat between your legs had returned, your nerves begging for his touch. You watched as his chest rose and fell slowly, his eye twitching slightly as he tensed his jaw, his gaze flickering over your body. You opened your mouth, about to say something else, but before you could blink, his hand was suddenly raised, flying towards you in a quick snap. 

You felt the stinging against your skin only a moment later, your head being thrown sideways as a sharp pain exploded through your lip. You screamed, your hands flying to your cheek and mouth, red blood coming off on your fingers when you pulled them away. Your split lip dripping iron, you groaned, an aching, puffy red handprint left behind on your face as you stared back at him in complete shock. But his expression had changed, his fury seeping through the cracks in his calm facade. His lip was twisted into a nasty snarl, his teeth bared as he glared down at you. His brows furrowed, the veins in his neck were strained, his hand that he'd just connected with your cheek balled into a fist by his side. He was heaving, a low, quiet growl escaping past his lips. 

You exhaled in disbelief, your eyes wide with shock, and you opened your mouth to say something, but before you could, his hand was flying towards you again, but this time to squeeze around your neck, choking the air from your lungs. You gagged, your hands flying up to grasp at his, attempting to pry him away, but to no avail. He only gripped tighter, a quick jolt of his arm shaking your whole frame. 

"You hate me, huh?" He hissed, driving your head back against the wall, pain exploding through your skull. "I'll give you a real reason to hate me, you fucking whore." You moaned, hating the fact that a big part of you was enjoying this--really enjoying this. 

In the blink of an eye, his hand had moved from your throat to your scalp, shoving you down to your knees with a smack. You groaned, the heat between your legs bursting into a flame as he continued to force you down, his other hand reaching for your face. He grabbed your chin with a tight squeeze, his digits digging into your skin with a sharp sting, shaking your head from side to side and yanking your face up towards him. He pressed roughly on the back of your jaw, his fingers popping it open at the hinges as he glared down at you.

"You like this, don't you?" He hissed, and you hummed in response, spit pooling at the corners of your lips as he forced your jaw agape. With that, he smirked devilishly, the darkness in his eyes surging as he yanked your head further back, your neck strained as it stretched upwards. Your eyes were staring up at the ceiling, and you could barely see the top of his head as you listened to the sound of fabric rustling and a zipper being undone, his hand leaving your chin momentarily. 

Moments later, he forced your head back down by your scalp, slamming you back against the wall once more as your gaze suddenly fell on his cock, hard and throbbing as his pants rested at the bottom of his feet. Your mouth watered as he fisted it in his grasp, a choked moan catching in his throat as he ran his digits up and down his shaft, smearing a bead of precum from the tip. His grip on your hair tightened as he suddenly yanked your head back up towards his face, his eyes locking with yours. His expression was animalistic--primal. Untamed. You shivered as he bared his teeth again, heaving with short breaths. 

"What do you hate about me?" He seethed, yanking your scalp again. You groaned. 

"You're selfish," You spat, your jaw aching. "You don't think about anyone's feelings but your own." With that, he smacked you again, spit and blood flying from your mouth, your face held steady by his hand lodged in your hair. You were gasping for breath as he pulled you forward violently, shoving your face down to his cock. You reached hungrily for it, but he stopped you, delivering a quick jolt to your neck. 

"What else?" He whispered, and you whimpered up at him, sweat beading on your brow. 

"You're impulsive--" You heaved, "You can't control your emotions. You just act without any regard for the consequences--" Crack. Another smack to the other side of your face. You yelped, your hands flying back to your cheek, rubbing at your tender skin. But before you could recover, your head spinning a little from the strength of his impact, you were suddenly shoved forward, his cock in front of your lips. You stared at it with eager, hungry eyes, your mouth watering as you glanced up at him above you. He smirked.

"You want this?" He said teasingly, his brows lifting. You nodded against his hand buried in your scalp, wincing as he yanked you again. His hand returned to your chin, his digits working at the back of your jaw and popping it open once more. You whined, shifting on your knees. "Take it." 

With that, he thrusted his hips towards you, his dick sliding into your mouth, his size immediately hitting the back of your throat as you let out a loud gag. But you didn't pull back--and you couldn't have even if you wanted to, his hand holding you in place. You hummed against his length, running your tongue up the sides of his shaft and letting the warm wetness of your mouth engulf him. He moaned deeply, his voice rumbling through his body in a low growl as he pushed deeper into the back of your throat, choking any air out of your windpipe and refusing to allow any in. But you didn't even care that your vision was going fuzzy from lack of oxygen. All you could think of was his cock as he pushed in and out, going further with every movement. 

You lifted your hands to the base of his dick as he thrusted forwards, ghosting your fingertips along his shaft and dragging your saliva along with them, earning another eager moan from his lips. Through hazed eyes, you glanced up at him, catching a quick glance of his face, twisted in pleasure as he threw his head backwards, pointed up towards the ceiling. You could taste the salty taste of his precum mixing with the irony tang from your split lip as you ran your tongue over the head of his cock, his body trembling as you circled around it in slow movements, dragging him further towards his approaching climax. You could feel it, the throbbing of his shaft against your tongue as he grew closer and closer, his hand in your hair beginning to shake. Your lips were tingling faintly as they started to go numb, your jaw aching as his size thrusted in and out of you in a vigorous, unrelenting rhythm. 

"Fuck--" You heard him gasp above you, "Yes," You swirled your tongue over his tip once more before he pushed even deeper into you, his length slamming into the back of your throat as a loud gag spilled from your choked lips. But he pretended not to notice, shoving your head even closer to his hips, your vision flashing white as he slid even deeper into your throat. He was trembling, balancing right on the edge as you slowly dragged your tongue up the bottom of his shaft, feeling his veins twitch against you.

With that, he let out a loud, desperate moan, his head flopping forwards and his hair falling like a mop over his eyes, sweaty strands sticking to the sides of his face. You were even more drenched than he was, your skin feeling as though it was on fire as the air around you burned with hot sex, refusing to provide you with any relief.

"Fuck--" He gasped, suddenly yanking you from his dick and holding your face out in front of his cock, his hand flying to fist himself. He jerked his length, heaving as he stared down at you, spit dribbling out of the corners of your mouth as you gazed weakly up at him in a haze of exhaustion and pleasure. "Open your mouth." He demanded, yanking you back once more as you obliged, your jaw popping open once more as his hot cum suddenly shot over your skin, coating your eyes, nose, and lips in his seed. You hummed as it dripped down your face, your lids sealed shut as you felt him finally release your scalp with a low growl, relief flooding through you.

You could hear him groaning as he jerked himself through the end of his orgasm, gasping exhaustedly as he tried to regain his steady breaths. Your eyes shut tight, you couldn't see what he was doing, but you could hear him winding down, his climax slipping away and leaving him heaving over you in ragged huffs. 

A few moments passed in silence, and you wondered what you were supposed to do, your eyes sealed shut with his sticky cum--your knees sore from kneeling for what felt like forever. But eventually, you heard him shifting over you, his pants rustling as he moved them back up his legs and buckled them around his waist. Your face still dripping with his seed, you suddenly felt his hand reaching up to wipe the semen from your eyes, a wet weight lifting from your skin. You fluttered your lids open tentatively, your vision blurred as you stared up at him, holding out his hand in front of your face, his cum dripping from his fingertips. But just as soon as your eyes were opened again, he shoved them forward and between your swollen lips, pressing down on the back of your tongue--which had pretty much gone numb. 

You hummed, swirling your tongue over his digits and cleaning the salty load from his fingers, sucking down along them as he pulled his hand from your mouth, moving it to his side with a slow, satisfied exhale. 

"Good girl," He mumbled, his jaw finally relaxing as he stared down at you. He paused, his gaze flicking to the doorway before slowly moving back to you. "Come on." With that, he reached down again, offering you his outstretched hand. You furrowed your brow, but took it tentatively as he helped you up off your knees, your bones aching uncomfortably. He led your from the piano hall and back into his bedroom, the dark gloom falling over you as you stepped into the space, shivering. It was such a stark contrast from the last room, the sun all but disappearing from sight. 

Kylo led you back into the space, towards the doors that you'd assumed to be a bathroom. You were right, peering inside as Kylo pulled the doors open, walking inside ahead of you and switching on the sink. The water poured out in a strong stream as you stepped towards it, eyeing him cautiously as he reached for the wall, pulling down a soft white towel from a metal rack. He leaned forward over the basin, soaking the cloth in the flow and switching off the faucet with a quick flick of his wrist.

"You can sit on the counter," He called over his shoulder, turning to you in an expectant gaze. You nodded, moving next to the sink and pulling yourself up on the marble surface, the back of your legs cold against the stone even through your dress. 

You watched--almost in awe, as he moved towards you, the towel pressing up against your face as he rubbed down your cheeks in slow, careful strokes, wiping the left over cum from your skin. The way he handled you was so delicate, so filled with care, that it was almost more intimate than anything sexual you could have done. You shivered as he paused near your split lip, a concerned look casting over his expression--which was almost funny. He was the one who'd done it to you. But you didn't think about that as he lifted his other hand to your face, touching delicately at the cut before sighing and leaning back. 

"Let me get some alcohol to clean that." He said, pausing and smirking slightly, "Something could have gotten in it." You rolled your eyes as he rummaged through his drawers, finally pulling out a bottle of rubbing alcohol and dousing the towel in the stinging liquid. You winced as he pressed it against your lip, your skin throbbing painfully as the towel bore down against it. But he dabbed lightly against your wound, wiping away the dried blood and leaning away to admire his work. "It should heal pretty fast." He mumbled, tucking his materials back into the cabinet. 

"Okay," You nodded, touching lightly at it, feeling satisfied as no blood came off on your fingertips. You laughed, "But how do I explain this to my parents?"

"Tell them you ran into a door or something," He chuckled, "You're pretty clumsy already."

"Shut up," You rolled your eyes again, smiling towards him. You watched as his eyes floated down from yours to your lips, his irises flashing with that same emotion that you just couldn't put your finger on. It was killing you to know what it was, but you stayed quiet as he leaned towards you, his hand sliding up on your thigh and squeezing into your muscle. Your eyes fluttered shut as his lips pressed against yours in a soft kiss, his breath warm and comforting against your skin. Your heart fluttered as his other hand moved to the side of your face, his touch so different than only moments before. 

He cupped your chin like you were made of glass--a sharp contrast to how he'd handled you previously, his thumb rubbing lightly over your cheek, caressing the areas where he'd hit you almost as if he were trying to heal them. Quickly, he deepened the kiss, leaning you back against the mirrors lining the wall, his hand moving from your thigh to your waist, pulling your hips towards him on the countertop. You hummed as his hands traced back through your hair, but he wasn't yanking this time, just playing with the rogue strands hanging around your face, twisting them between his fingertips. 

Between kisses, your eyes fluttered open momentarily, just long enough to catch a glimpse of a single window on the other side of the bathroom, the sight of a darkening valley meeting your gaze. You hadn't even known what time it was, and you suddenly groaned, pulling back from his mouth and huffing annoyedly. He looked at you confusedly, but you reached up, tucking a piece of his raven hair behind his ear. 

"I'm sorry," You sighed, "I have to go home. It's getting dark out and I promised I'd be back before the sun set." He flattened his lips into a straight line, exhaling and nodding slowly as you slid off the countertop, his hands leaving your body. 

"Can I walk you out?" He asked as you crossed the threshold back into his bedroom. You smiled. 

"Yes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kylo stood in the doorway of the limo, watching as you tucked the hem of your dress into the car.

"I wish you could stay." He mumbled, leaning against the side of the coach.

"I know," You flashed him a weak smile, reaching up to weave your fingers with his, his palm pressed against yours. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," He muttered, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on the top of your head, "I'll see you soon." You nodded, sighing as you let go of his hand, the door snapping shut and leaving you alone in the back of the limo, watching Kylo's figure through the tinted window. As you pulled away, his eyes followed you as he slid his hands into his pockets, his hair blowing softly in the wind. 

You finally turned away from him as you crossed underneath the gate, rolling away from the palace and back home. As you got further and further away, a thought popped into your head, pleading to be considered. The quote from the book re-entered your consciousness, swirling through your thoughts. 

To be infatuated with someone is not to be in love. Sometimes that's difficult to come to terms with , but it doesn't make it any less true. When I know that I'm truly in love with someone is when I think about whether my life would crumble without them. If I didn't have that person, would I no longer be able to function as I normally would? If you could, then it's not love.

It repeated like a broken record in your brain as you considered it, and with each repetition, you only became more confused. What did you feel for Kylo exactly? Certainly there was lust. There was no denying that. But the real question gnawing away at you was if there was something more than that. Something else that couldn't quite be given a name yet. You felt it when you looked at him--and you didn't mean the spark between your legs. It was something strong--undeniable. A connection. A bond. Maybe the kind that people have when they've shared a similar trauma--though you weren't exactly sure that that was what you could call it.

But nonetheless, it was there, growing stronger each time you laid you eyes on him. And as you rolled away from the palace--away from him, you wondered how long it would be until that unnameable feeling turned into one that you couldn't deny any longer.


	11. I'm Sorry For A Lot Of Things

A knock at your door snapped you out of your sleep, sitting up alarmingly to rub your tired eyes. You never tended to nap, but this particular day had been especially exhausting--having spent most of it with your mother going over wedding plans and absorbing her many emotional punches. It was truly your worst nightmare. 

The knock came again, rapping at the wooden surface with increasing intensity. You groaned, pulling the silky sheets off your body and sliding onto the ground, your bare feet chilled against the floor. 

The knock came again, growing more and more demanding as you reached for the handle, lazily attempting to fix your appearance before yanking open the door, Kylo meeting your sleep-blurred gaze. You were surprised to see him as he smirked down at you, his hands in his pockets and his hair hanging messily around his face. 

"Hi," You said, feeling slightly embarrassed at how you looked, clothed in a nearly see-through white nightgown and nothing else. 

"Hi." He replied, sighing as his shoulders relaxed. A few moments passed in dead silence as you waited for him to say something, but he just stood there, staring at you as if you were supposed to know exactly why he was there. You furrowed your brows, leaning against the doorframe. 

"Sorry, why are you here exactly?" You laughed, "I mean, I'm happy to see you but--"

"Oh," He shook his head, chucking, "yeah, sorry. I came--" He paused, chewing on his bottom lip as he glanced towards the ground. "I came to say that I'm sorry."

Your immediate reaction was to laugh. But when he looked back up at you with a completely serious expression, you quickly stopped, your eyes widening. 

"You're--" You stuttered, "I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm sorry." He repeated, his tone sincere, "For a lot of things." You just stared at him, your mouth hanging open in disbelief. He was actually apologizing? "And I should have said something sooner, I know that." He continued, shaking his head, "But I was still mad at you for--you know, and I let my pride get in the way." You nodded slowly, trying to savor each word. "I shouldn't have done what I did at the broadcast. You were already nervous and I know that I only made it worse. And I embarrassed you in front of so many people, which wasn't fair. I was hurt so I acted selfishly and I didn't consider your feelings, and for that, I'm sorry." You blinked at him, still in disbelief but smiling slowly at his words. You hadn't expected this at all, and your heart fluttered with joy. 

"I--" You stuttered again, shaking your head, "Thank you for saying that."

"Wait," He stopped you, "There's more."

"Oh okay," You laughed, crossing your arms over your chest. 

"I'm also sorry that I was so mad at you for the--uh, the other guy. I should have realized that you had a life before I met you. You had other connections. It wasn't fair of me to get that upset."

"No," You reached your hand forward, resting it against his arm. His muscle tensed under your touch. "You had a right to be mad about that. I shouldn't have done it."

"But you had every right to," He mumbled, "I mean...we never said what we were anyway. You didn't have to be loyal to me." You paused, biting your lip. 

"What about now though?" You breathed, meeting his eyes, "What are we exactly?" Kylo shifted his weight, swallowing as a strand of hair blew over his eyes from the open windows lining the hallway. 

"Now...You're mine." He said, leaning towards you, "And I'm yours." You heart glowed, and you smiled widely towards him, joy seeping through your bloodstream.

"All mine?" You leaned towards him, running your hand down his chest. His breath skipped. 

"All yours."

You dug your fingers into his shirt, yanking him towards you and shutting the door as he stumbled into the room, wrapped in your arms. He melted into you as the two of you tumbled towards your bed, moving to grip around your waist as he kissed along your exposed neck and shoulder, his lips trailing lightly over your skin. You hummed, your hands running through his scalp and tracing over the edges of his ears, usually hidden behind his mop of thick black hair. You could feel him smiling as he kissed up to your chin, his hands suddenly flying up to your face to cup your cheeks in his grasp. He smothered your mouth in a deep, needy kiss, his lips plush and soft against yours. 

Tumbling backwards, you collapsed onto the bed, your body on top of Kylo's, your faces pressed together. You adjusted above him, your legs straddling his hips as you leaned over his chest, moving to kiss down his neck and chest, his shirt getting in the way near his collarbones. You tried to fumble with the fabric, but he pushed you away after a few buttons, instead moving your hands down to the hem of his pants. You smiled against his mouth, refusing to relent from the kiss as you unbuckled his belt with furious intensity. Your digits were working overtime as you ripped it from his waist, the metal clanging loudly against the floor. 

Your mind was a blur of lust and hunger as you shoved the fabric down his legs, your hands immediately finding his hardened length and fisting it in your palms. He moaned against your mouth, squirming underneath you as you stroked up and down his shaft with slow, teasing movements, your thumb rubbing at his sensitive tip. His hands flew to the bottom of your nightgown, suddenly yanking it up towards your head. You aided him, having to break the kiss for a moment as you lifted your arms, Kylo sliding the thin dress over your shoulders. He tossed it aside, moving back to your lips as you went back to stroking his length, earning another satisfied hum from him. 

He bucked his hips towards you, his cock attempting to thrust into your palm, but you suddenly pulled back, smiling against him. 

"Do you want to fuck me?" You whispered deviously, "Do you want your cock inside my pussy?"

"Fuck," He breathed, growling quietly as he bit at your lip, "Yes."

"I don't know if you deserve it," You teased, pulling back from his mouth, "Do you?"

"I do," He heaved, lunging back towards your lips, but you pulled away again.

"I'm not sure..." You traced your finger over his tip again, and he choked back a loud moan, staring at you with desperate eyes. "You'll have to beg for it, Kylo." He looked stunned--frozen at your words. And part of you was too, but as you straddled his waist, your hands wrapped around his cock, you felt completely in control for the first time. The power trip spurred you on, a flame of bravery flickering through your core. For a moment, he just stared at you, the roles being reversed from what they usually were. But slowly, his face relaxed, and he gulped, taking in a shaky breath. 

"Please," He whispered, swallowing another moan as you slid your digits up the bottom of his shaft in a slow drag, "Please, let me fuck you." You smirked, leaning down and ghosting your mouth back over his, your tongue teasing at his bottom lip. 

"I said beg."

"Please!" He suddenly yelled, growing impatient as he thrusted into your palm again. "God--please let me fuck you!" You smirked once more, suffocating him in another kiss as you took his length between your digits, positioning it in front of your entrance. 

You sucked in a deep breath, your nerves tingling with excitement before you finally sunk down onto his cock, his size splitting you open with one thrust as you screamed. Kylo shivered, moaning loudly as his hands moved to grip at your bare ass, his fingers digging into your skin as he bucked his hips into you. He was desperate, fucking you like he'd been deprived of any touch for years. You kissed along his chin and neck as he pushed deeper into you, rocking you back and forth on top of him as he built up a steady rhythm. 

His breathing was ragged, his heart slamming though your hands as they moved to his chest, his pulse racing. Sweat began to bead along his hairline as he bucked his hips viciously, one of his hands suddenly moving to your clit, his digits swirling around it as you moaned, leaning away from his face and throwing your head back towards the ceiling. Your eyes threatened to roll back into your head as he continued, your nerves feeling as though they were exploding with euphoria.

But suddenly, Kylo reached up, grabbing you behind your neck and forcing you back down towards him, your face hovering in front of his. He was staring directly into your eyes, his teeth bared as he heaved, his expression crazed with uncontrolled hunger. It was like he was desperate for some sort of control of the situation, unfamiliar with his new position, but you weren't giving up your power that easily. You turned your head toward his wrist, planting soft kisses along his forearm and down towards his elbow. He shivered as you worked your tongue over the lines of his veins, your lips plush and warm, and you smirked. 

Without warning, you bit down, sucking roughly into his skin as he yelped, yanking his arm away from your neck. He stared up at you with wide, shocked eyes as he rubbed at his arm, a red mark left behind. But you just smirked again, readjusting on top of him and continuing to rock back and forth on his dick, the rhythm edging you closer and closer to your climax. You could feel it building in your core, a tight ball of nerves forming in your stomach. 

"Shit..." You breathed, your hands moving to run up his chest, the defined muscles of his abdomen tensing under your touch. "Kylo f--fuck," He moaned as your legs began to shake, still straddling his waist, your cunt clenching around his length. 

You were right on the edge, just a few more seconds and you'd be there. Your eyes fluttered closed, your nerves fizzling with bliss as you leaned back down to Kylo's mouth, kissing him with feverish intensity as you felt him grip your ass again, plunging even deeper into you with one strong, final thrust. With that, you felt yourself snap, your orgasm ripping through you as you screamed, collapsing onto his chest and gripping his shirt between your digits. You pulled at the fabric as your core exploded with ecstasy, your mind going blank as the waves of pleasure washed through you. 

Through your blurred vision, clouded with euphoria and bliss, you watched him crack underneath you, his orgasm crashing over him as he moaned, his hands digging roughly into your skin. You felt him cum into your cunt as he gasped, his semen beginning to drip down the insides of your legs as you straddled him, still absorbing his sloppy thrusts as he rode the end of his climax. He was huffing desperately, his eyes closed tight as he continued to choke out grumbling moans, his body shaking underneath you.

A few moments passed, both of your bodies slicked with moisture, the air around you humid and hot. You laid against his chest, still gasping for breath as you continued to wind down, your heart racing wildly. You traced a single finger along the edge of his ear as you hugged his figure, his pounding heartbeat still vibrating through you. Your body felt sticky with sweat, and you shifted uncomfortably as you finally leaned away, Kylo pulling out as you flopped down on the mattress next to him. You heard him beginning to fumble with his clothing beside you, sliding his pants back up his hips and concealing his length from view. You frowned. 

You both laid there for a moment, catching your breath, before you sighed, sitting up and covering your bare breasts with your arm. 

"I'm gonna take a shower," You suddenly muttered, glancing back at him as he nodded. "I'll be back in just a minute." You slid off the bed, feeling Kylo's eyes on you like a laser as your bare skin prickled against the cold air. You stepped forward towards the french doors of the bathroom, yanking them open and heading for the shower. You pulled open the glass door, reaching for the handle and turning it as a hot stream of water shot out of the head. 

You stepped into the space, the marble floor being warmed quickly by the jet as the stream began to fall over your head, drenching your hair. You ran your hands along your scalp, brushing the rogue strands from your face and wiping the sweat from your brow. The air around you was becoming steamier by the second, a misty fog hiding your figure in the thick haze. You rubbed the sex from your skin, the insides of your thighs aching slightly as you moved around. 

You were distracted by the stream of water pouring over your shoulders, your eyes closed, not noticing as the french doors slowly opened again, Kylo's figure stepping into the room. You were alerted to his presence as you heard his footsteps approaching the shower, a blurry outline of his frame showing through the steamy glass. You wiped your lids, staring as his hand reached for the door, pulling it open as he met your gaze. His eyes scanned hungrily over your naked figure, his chest rising and falling with slow movements. 

He said nothing as he watched you, wetting his lips before slowly reaching up to his shirt, a black button up, and beginning to unhook them one by one between his fingertips. You were frozen in place, your breath stalling as he continued, pulling the fabric over his chest away and sliding it down his arms, the textile floating to the floor. His bare chest met your gaze, which you suddenly realized that you'd never fully seen as you admired him, his rippling muscles cascading over his frame. Along his skin, you observed small scars and cuts, some fully healed and some still in the process. You wondered where he'd gotten them as he moved his hands down to the waist of his pants, his fingers working to undo them yet again. 

The room seemed to become even hotter as he gripped the sides of the fabric, sliding it down his legs and to the floor, his eyes never leaving yours--not even for a second. But your eyes were focused elsewhere, specifically on his cock, which had now been exposed again as his pants were tossed to the ground, leaving him completely naked in front of you. You'd never seen him like this before--completely exposed, and your mind was refusing to form cohesive sentences in your brain as you stared at his figure, drowning in a sea of lust and admiration. He was gorgeous, like someone had carved his body out of stone, no flaws in sight as your eyes moved from his feet to his face, scanning him up and down. He smirked, stepping forward into the shower with one long stride and coming up in front of you. 

You stared up at him, your mouth hanging open slightly as the sound of the falling water filled your ears, hot steam surrounding the two of you in a misty, humid haze. He was silent, his eyes flickering over your face and then moving down your body, admiring your bare breasts as the water bounced off of them, rolling down your stomach and legs. His hand raised slowly from his side, reaching up to graze lightly over your nipple, sending shockwaves of pleasure through you. You whimpered quietly, and he looked back up to your face, his jaw clenching as he wet is lips again. 

His irises flickering with hunger, he stepped forward again, backing you towards the wall of the shower as his figure loomed over you. Your back pressed against the cold wall, the stream of water from the shower head cascading over his back as he leaned down, his face just centimeters from yours, your eyes locked together. 

"You still haven't had enough?," He whispered, his lips teasing at yours as his hand moved to run over your stomach, settling at your midriff. You shivered.

"No," You breathed, feeling his hardened cock suddenly press against your leg, dragging across you skin. You let out a quiet moan as his hand squeezed at your waist, pressing harder against you as the water fell over his shoulders, dripping onto your chest below him. Your cunt ached for him as he leaned over you, his hand teasing at your tits again as he reached up to squeeze them in his grasp, pinching at your nipple and earning another hum from your lips. 

"I've already fucked you once," He mumbled, his mouth moving beside your ear, "Can you handle another time?"

"Yes," You gasped, his hand moving from your waist and suddenly ghosting over your sensitive clit, waves of euphoria rushing through your core. You smirked. "But I'm pretty sure last time I was the one that fucked you." Kylo growled, his arms wrapping underneath your ass and lifting you up into the air, your cunt pressed against his waist as your legs wrapped around him. He shoved you back against the wall, and you felt your hip push against the shower handle, turning the knob dramatically. 

The water began to grow hotter, scalding your skin as the steam grew thicker around your bodies. But maybe it was just you as Kylo began to kiss feverishly along your neck and shoulder, sucking purple and red welts into your skin. You moaned, feeling his cock graze the side of your leg, and as he shifted against you, it slid through your folds, the water making you even wetter than you already were. 

Your hands ran along his bare back, savoring the feeling of his skin against yours, again noticing the scars lining his frame. As your fingertips ran over them, he tensed, his shoulders growing rigid as he leaned over you. He pulled back suddenly, staring at you with storms behind his eyes, his lips straightened into a rigid, straight line. He sucked in a deep breath through clenched teeth, glancing down at his chest. 

"Do you think they're disgusting?" He whispered, his jaw clenching tightly. "The scars."

"No," You said quickly, your hands flying to cup his face, "No, not at all."

"How can you not?" He breathed, his muscles still tensed, "I do."

"Kylo," You shook your head, smiling up at him, "I would never think that. I--I think you're perfect." As you spoke, you could feel him relax against you, his expression softening as he gradually let his guard down. You smirked at him, your heart glowing as you rubbed your thumb over his cheek. 

A few moments passed, and instead of speaking again, you tentatively moved your hands from his face to his torso, glancing up at him for approval before lowering your face to his chest. You pressed your lips lightly against one of the scars, feeling his breath hitch as you did, his grip on your waist tightening. You continued to kiss along them, as if you were healing him in some way, your mouth careful and delicate as you traced your tongue over the white lines. You could feel him shaking slightly as you moved further up, towards his neck, your lips moving over his collarbone and up to his ear. You nibbled lightly at the side of his face, and he exhaled deeply as you felt the tenseness melt from his body. 

"Shit..." He breathed, "You're amazing." You shivered at his words, warmth creeping through you as you moved your lips to his face, kissing along his chin and meeting his mouth, sucking feverishly at his lips and slipping your tongue between his teeth. He moaned quietly, his voice vibrating through you as he forced you back against the wall once more, one of his hands flying into your hair and massaging your scalp. The water continued to pour over the two of you, any sweat mixing with the downpour and washing away in the stream. 

He pulled back from your mouth, shifting against you and positioning his length in front of your entrance, your cunt aching desperately for him to stretch you open again--to fill you completely. He met your eyes momentarily, his irises animalistic and misty, before he suddenly thrusted forward, his cock slipping into your pussy with ease, the water aiding him. You yelped, his size splitting you open as it always did, a low growl spilling from his lips. 

"Fuck--" His breath hitched as he sunk into you, your clit still raw as one of his digits ghosted over it, beginning to rub in small circles. You were filled with warmth--whether it was from his touch or from the shower you weren't sure, but it seeped through your core nevertheless, your nerves coming back alive. "I can't get enough of you," He heaved, pressing you harder against the wall, and you whimpered, your fingernails digging into the bare skin on his back, tracing feverishly over his scars. Again, as you touched them, his body tensed, but this time it seemed to spur him on, his thrusts becoming more violent as he rammed into you. 

The steam seemed to get thicker and thicker around you, the humidity sticking to your skin and catching in your throat in a thick, hot coat. You ran your digits through Kylo's hair, gripping at it for stability as you felt yourself beginning to slide down the wall. But Kylo was quick to respond, gripping tightly at your ass and hoisting you back into the air. His mouth moving back to yours in a smothering kiss, he carried you to press up against the glass, your body making a wet imprint on the steamy surface. 

"Kylo," You whimpered between kisses, his tongue slipping between your teeth and swirling around yours in a furious intensity. "Fuck--ugh," He rammed into you, seeming to drive all the way up into your stomach, and you screamed, your legs clenching around his waist. Your eyes slammed shut, white light flashing behind your eyelids as he continued to pound your cunt, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the shower. 

Feeling yourself slide again, you groaned against his mouth, and Kylo hoisted you up once more, moving you into the corner between the stone wall and the glass shower door, your body trapped between the two sides. He growled lowly as he picked up his rhythm again, his thrusts powerful and deliberate as he sunk further and further into you, your walls pulsating around his thick length. He had control again, and he was loving every moment of it. 

"Do you want to cum again?" He whispered, his mouth moving beside your ear and nipping at your chin as his hands dug painfully into your hips. You whimpered again, nodding against him. "Do you want to cum on my cock?"

"Yes," You breathed, your mind melting as he slammed into you. "Please--ugh, please!" His thumb began to stroke your clit once more, his digits sliding through your folds with ease, his fingers slippery with the water.

"Cum for me," He moved back to your mouth, biting at your lower lip, "Now."

You snapped, your legs shaking violently as you clung to his figure, leaving puffy red marks along his skin. A loud, pleasure filled scream spilled from your lips, but Kylo caught the sound in his mouth, suffocating it from ever escaping all the way. He worked his tongue back past your teeth as your orgasm continued to rip through you, your entire body shivering and buzzing with ecstasy and bliss. 

Kylo continued to push in and out of you as you came, his second orgasm crashing over him just moments after yours, his hips jerking forward as his cum spilled into you in hot jets. He moaned loudly against your mouth, his voice vibrating from the depths of his lungs and quivering at the edge of his lips, his body shaking slightly as he climaxed. One of his hands was still digging into your hips, the other continuing to rub circles around you increasingly sensitive clit. 

You groaned, pushing him off lightly and feeling your clear consciousness return as the last waves of your orgasm washed through you, your skin tingling with excitement and relief. You could feel his seed beginning to drip down the sides of your legs again, the salty mixture mixing with the stream of water and seeping into the drain.

You were still wrapped around him, heaving for quick breaths as you ran your hands though his tangled mop of hair, closing your eyes and resting your face against his soft shoulder. He was doing the same, still holding you up against the wall and huffing as he finally stopped thrusting, his climax slipping away. He moved his head, burying it in the crook of your neck and planting soft kisses along your skin, your nerves dancing under his plush lips. 

Again, you couldn't tell whether you were warm from the water or from the glow of your heart, but either way, you were beaming as his hair fell over your face, the wet strands tickling the end of your nose. You laughed quietly, brushing them away and wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling your bare chest against his, the comforting feeling of skin against skin sending waves of calm through you.

It just felt right--his body pressed against yours, the water continuing to trickle over your heads. It wasn't just you exposed to him anymore. He was just as uncovered as you were, his whole figure on display for you to admire. To memorize. You wanted to remember every inch of him perfectly. Every little mark on his skin. Every freckle. Every scar and scab. You were infatuated with every bit of him, and part of you wished that you would never have to leave the moment you were sharing.

But slowly, Kylo pulled away, his eyes locking with yours as his breathing returned to normal, a small smile on his lips. You reached for his chest once more, tracing lightly over another one of his scars and looking up at him for approval. He said nothing, but didn't pull away, and you continued, tracing one especially long one up to his collarbone. You leaned forward, pressing your lips up against it once more, your tongue following the line as if you'd be able to heal him with it. He shivered again, but this time, instead of tensing, his body seemed to relax under your touch. You smiled, continuing up to his neck and to his chin, eventually reaching his mouth and placing your lips against his, as soft as a feather. 

You pulled away after a moment, your heart glowing warmly as he stared back at you, his hands slowly caressing the small of your back. 

"You--you amaze me." He whispered, his eyes drifting down your body. "I never expected for this to happen." You just shook your head, smiling widely and running your hands back through his scalp, tracing over the edge of his round ears. 

"I thought I would hate you," You laughed quietly, "And after we met, I still wanted to. But you've just made it so hard for me to." He smirked, kissing you quickly before grunting and pulling you off the wall, your body still wrapped around him. With one hand, he shut off the shower, the water ceasing to fall as he moved to the door, the glass sliding open and releasing the steam from the small space. You almost gasped as the cold gust hit your bare skin, the contrast shocking as the dry air entered your lungs. It almost felt as if you hadn't really breathed for hours, the steam clogging your windpipe with humidity.

Kylo walked out of the bathroom, his wet footsteps puddling along the floor as he moved towards your bed, stopping in front of it. He sighed, leaning down and laying your back against the mattress, your sopping body and hair instantly drenching the sheets. As he pulled back, he finally slipped out of you, your body suddenly feeling vacant without his length filling it. He stood over you, watching his cum continue to seep down the insides of your legs as his bare skin dripped with water.

But without another word, he turned away, ducking back into the bathroom and returning after a few moments with two towels. He made his way back to the bed, wrapping one around his waist and covering himself--much to your disappointment. After he was done he took the other, leaning down to wrap it around your figure, the soft warmth of it engulfing you. Your heart glowed as he handled you--so carefully, like you were fragile or something, tucking the edges of the towel under your legs and wiping the semen from your skin. 

After he was finished, nodding his head as if he was satisfied with his work, he climbed up on the bed next to you, flopping down at your side. You laid in silence for a while, staring up at the ceiling as your skin began to dry, your eyes following the lines in the wooden planked ceiling. But Kylo's movement by your side drew your attention back to him. 

He leaned over you without a word, his hand wrapping around your waist and pulling you towards him. He sat up, sliding against the headboard as he pulled you with him, tucking himself under the sheets. He did the same with you, his hands guiding you through the silk and tucking it under your figure. He turned your back to him, your head resting against a fluffy pillow. 

You nearly forgot how to breathe as you felt his arm reach over your waist, laying against your side and pulling you back towards him. Your body fit into his like a puzzle piece, your frames melting together with ease. You could feel his warm breath against your skin as he nestled his head into the crook of your shoulder, his hair falling over the side of your face and tickling at your skin. His legs winded through yours, and you noticed with an exhilarating realization that his towel had slid off, his cock pressing up against your ass as you laid next to him, your cheeks burning bright red. 

"Kylo," You started, peering over your shoulder to look at him, but immediately he shushed you, his hand moving up to trace through your hair, massaging your scalp. 

"Shhh," He whispered, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat vibrating through your bones. "Sleep." You paused, warmth creeping through your bloodstream.

"Okay." You breathed, closing your eyes slowly and melting against him. Minutes passed, relaxation washing over you as your mind drifted off, a wide smile still painted across your face. Your last thought was of you trying to think of anywhere you would possibly rather be than in his arms, cradled by his strong frame. 

You couldn't think of anything. Anything at all.


	12. Was Any Of It Real?

When your eyes finally fluttered back open, your mind still blurry with sleep, the first thing you noticed was Kylo's arm, still reaching over your waist and pulling you close to him. You could feel his warm, steady breathing against your shoulder, his face still buried in the crook of your neck. His messy hair fell over the side of your face, and you felt a wide smile creep over your lips as you snuggled back into his frame, savoring the feeling of your bodies pressed together. 

The sheets enveloped your naked figures, hiding the two of you from sight, but after laying there for a few minutes, listening to Kylo's calm breathing, you sighed. You carefully lifted the comforter off of your legs, moving with slow, cautious motions as you slid out from under Kylo's arm. You watched as it flopped down on the mattress, seeming not to disturb him at all, a quiet snore escaping past his lips.

You slid off the bed, your bare feet touching the ground as you shivered, the cold air sending goosebumps over your skin. You glanced around the room, the morning light just beginning to trickle through the wide windows. You eyed your nightgown, strewn onto the floor from the night before, and you smirked. It laid in a crumbled ball, the thin fabric wrinkled and creased. 

You tip-toed over to it, grabbing it in your fist and holding it out in front of you before slipping it back over your head, making you way into the bathroom. You figured you'd retrieve Kylo's clothes for him--lay them out on the bed for when he woke up. But in all honesty, you wished that he'd never put them back on. 

Your eyes fell on his garments at the base of the shower door, still looking soggy from when he'd walked over them, dripping with water. But you picked them up anyway, taking his shirt and pants in your hands and flopping them up onto the counter, attempting to lay them out to dry. 

But as you picked up the pants, your fingers running over the rough fabric, you felt something. It caught your attention, poking out of his pocket, and you furrowed your brow, carefully prying the pouch open and reaching inside. Your digits gripped onto a folded piece of paper and a pen, and you pulled them out of the damp trousers, dropping them to the floor. 

The paper was thick as you unfolded it, playing with the pen between your fingertips. But as you pressed innocently on the pen's cap, it suddenly started to vibrate, startling you as you yelped and threw it to the ground. You stared at it with wide eyes as it continued to buzz against the floor, a new sound suddenly echoing through the room--instantly sending a shiver down your spine. 

The sound of voices. Voices you recognized. Your voice. And Kylo's. 

"Tell me what you want." His voice mumbled, and yours was quick to respond. 

"I want--" You stuttered, but he cut you off. 

"You want my fingers inside you," He whispered, "Don't you."

"Fuck--please," You voice pleaded, sounding increasingly pathetic as you begged, "please." A loud moan followed your words, echoing against the walls as the pen continued to vibrate for a moment, a clicking sound eventually cutting off the voices and leaving you standing in complete silence, your eyes wide with panic and confusion. You were frozen--feeling your heart begin to slam painfully in your chest, horror settling in. 

What the fuck was that? 

You remembered that moment--like it was yesterday. But you couldn't comprehend why the pen had just played it back to you, or how it was even recorded in the first place. Your mind was swirling with a million thoughts, your blood starting to run cold as the sick realization of what was happening sunk into your bones, nausea beginning to wash over you. You felt as though you couldn't breathe, vomit bubbling up in the back of your throat as you stared down at the pen, your lip trembling as you suddenly remembered the piece of paper in your fist. 

You unfolded it with feverish intensity, your digits trembling as it finally came undone, the sight of perfect cursive handwriting meeting your gaze. You recognized it immediately: Kylo's handwriting. 

Your eyes scanned over the words, your heart nearly stopping as you read them, dread and panic creeping through your bloodstream. 

\- When you first enter the palace, two guards stand on the inside of the main door, reinforcements would most likely come from the guards barracks, door to that is at the end of the same hallway

\- the princess has a personal guard, usually there when she sleeps but has been taken care of

\- the door to her tower remains unlocked for most of the day

\- the king and queen's quarters are on the third floor of the palace, two guards stand by the entrance

\- the main gate is controlled by a scout at the top of the wall surrounding the palace, take him out and the gate would be able to be taken

The list went on and on, each new word made you feel even more sick, your hands quivering as you held the paper between your fingertips. You couldn't believe what you were reading, your mind refusing to process the information in front of you. But slowly, they began to register, your blood going from cold to boiling as you read it over and over again like a broken record, the words settling in a sickening pit in your stomach.

Hot tears had already appeared in your eyes as you looked up from the paper, staring into the mirror with an expression on your face that you could only describe as the look of pure horror. Pure heartbreak. The realization that everything you knew was a lie. That the man you trusted--the man you cared for more than anyone else in your life, wasn't actually the man you knew. He was someone else.

A traitor. 

You suddenly snapped, taking the paper between your fists and tearing it clean in half, your tears dripping down on the surface and making the ink run in wet blotches. You were sobbing as you ripped it to shreds, your mind spinning dizzily and your heart feeling as though it was cracking through the middle, a painful throbbing emanating from your chest. 

After you were finished with it, the paper turned into a pile of scraps on the floor, you moved to the pen, grabbing a handheld mirror off the counter and smashing down on it furiously as you let out a horrible scream, collapsing to the floor in a heap. The mirror cracked as well as you continued to beat at it, the recording device shattering into a pile of broken parts, your tears falling over them like a river. 

You were wailing now, curling into a ball and pulling you knees to your chest, rocking back and forth to try and give yourself some sort of comfort, but nothing helped. You slammed your eyes shut, wishing that you could just black out and pretend that none of this had ever happened. That you hadn't seen it. That you could just go back to living in blissful ignorance, believing that Kylo really did care about you. 

You couldn't remember a time that you'd been happier than you were the night before, which only made things all the more painful. Because now that memory was stained with the realization that all of that was probably a lie too. His apology. His words of affirmation. Him telling you he was yours--and that you were his. Had he meant anything he told you? Was any of it real? Or was it all just a lie--a way for him to get close to you so that he could eventually bring you down? All of it just made you sob harder, your body trembling as you laid pathetically on the ground. 

But you were suddenly ripped from your thoughts as you felt a hand on your shoulder, your entire body instantly freezing. 

"Y/N?" Kylo's voice entered the room, his figure looming over you, "Hey, are you okay?" Your lids snapped open, the tears momentarily ceasing to fall as you stared at the ground with wide, crazed eyes, your blood bubbling with pure, uncontrolled rage. "Y/N?" He repeated again, pulling at your shoulder in an attempt to roll you over. But you jerked away like he'd slapped you, jumping to you feet and stumbling backwards, gasping for breath as he stared at you with confusion and concern. He'd wrapped his towel back around his waist, but the rest of him was bare, and you almost choked thinking of just last night, when the thought of his touch had made you happier than ever before. But that was then. This was now. 

"You--" You heaved, pointing a shaking, accusatory finger in his direction, "You fucking snake."

"What?" He breathed, shaking his head and stepping towards you, but you moved back again, your heartbeat slamming. 

"I know, Kylo." You cried, the tears starting again as you gestured wildly towards the pile of shredded paper and plastic parts on the floor. "I know everything. I found your recording device. I found your list." He paused, furrowing his brows as his gaze fell on the destroyed mess in front of you. For a moment, he was silent, considering his next words as he chewed on his bottom lip, his irises flashing with something you couldn't recognize. But slowly he looked back to you, a look of regret--sincere or not, on his face as his lips parted. 

"Y/N," He started, stepping towards you once more with an outstretched hand, but you recoiled again, lunging towards the shattered mirror on the floor and grabbing the handle. You held it out in front of you, the sharp shards of glass sticking out dangerously as you waved it around. 

"Don't," You hissed, gasping through tear-choked words. 

"Y/N, will you let me explain?" He asked calmly, holding his hands up. 

"Was any of it real!" You screamed, your arms flailing, "Any of it?!"

"Yes," He cried, "Yes, it was real!"

"You're a liar." You cried, stumbling back again, "You're a fucking liar."

"Please let me talk to you, I can explain this."

"There's nothing you can do or say to convince me that you were here for any other reason than to collect information on me. To blackmail me into bending to your sick demands. You're a fucking liar, Kylo!"

"You think I wanted to do this!" He suddenly exploded, his voice threaded with what sounded like legitimate pain, but you couldn't trust a word out of his mouth. Not anymore. "They forced me I--I had no choice!"

"Oh they forced you," You laughed crazily, shaking the mirror at him, "They forced you to pretend to care about me?! Was that your plan all along? To make me feel loved--to make me feel like someone finally understood me and then to just rip it all away? And who the fuck is they?"

"My parents!" He cried, his eyes looking slightly misty, "They wanted me to get information on you--on the palace. To help plan for an attack." You froze, your heart slamming painfully. 

"An attack?" You whispered, your blood boiling hotter with every passing moment, "So there was never really going to be a marriage...was there?"

"No." He said shortly, his expression filled with guilt. You choked, running your hands through your hair in disbelief. "I told you I didn't expect for any of this to happen," He rubbed his temples, shaking his head, "With us--I mean. I didn't want to do this to you!"

"But you did." You sobbed, the tears pouring down your cheeks like a waterfall, refusing to relent even for a moment. 

He stared helplessly at you, his mouth hanging open but no words escaping. There was nothing he could say--he knew that just as well as you did. But his eyes pleaded with silent words, attempting to worm their way back into your heart.

"Get out." You suddenly snapped, feeling as though your heart was cracking in two. "Now."

"Y/N, please." He reached towards you again, seeming to forget about the shattered weapon in your fist. "I really do care about you--please believe me." You stood, frozen as he continued to approach you, his hand reaching tentatively for your arm. 

But as soon as his fingertips touched you, your felt yourself snap, your mind going completely blank as anger took over your body, a horrible, pained scream spilling past your lips. You lunged towards him before he even had a chance to react, catching a quick glimpse of his horrified eyes as you brought the mirror down on his exposed shoulder, the shattered glass cutting into his bare skin with a sickening blow. He cried out, but you didn't stop, hitting him again and again as you watched deep red blood start to seep down his chest, shards of the mirror sticking into his skin. 

You expected for him to fight back--to shove you off--to do something. Anything. But he didn't. He didn't even try. He just took the beating, standing there like a statue as you cut him deep with the sharp shards, his blood mixing with your tears as they dripped over him. Eventually, you dropped the mirror, your mind still blurred with fury as you turned to using your fists instead, beating at his figure with feverish blows. 

You didn't know what you were doing--and you didn't care. You just couldn't control the anger as it poured out of you in a torrent or punches and kicks, your limbs flying at him faster than you could process. 

But after a while, you tired yourself out, exhaustion washing over you as you fell back onto the floor, your sobs racking through your figure with powerful shakes and shivers. Through blurry eyes, you glared up at him, watching as he just stood there, silent, touching gingerly at his many wounds, deep red blood coming off on his fingertips. But he didn't react, as if he was used to this kind of thing, and just looked back down at you, his expression still as filled with remorse as before. 

"I really am sorry, Y/N." He choked after a moment, his voice cracking slightly. "I never wanted to hurt you."

You didn't respond, just stayed curled on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. You watched as he leaned down, picking up his pants and grabbing his shirt off the counter where you'd left it. He took one last look at you before turning to leave, but he stopped at the doorway, glancing over his shoulder and sighing.

"I won't tell them that you know." He muttered, exhaling slowly, "That's all I can think to do to prove to you that it wasn't all a lie. That we were real." He paused, "I do care about you, Y/N. Maybe one day you'll believe me."

With that, he left the room, the bathroom doors shutting behind him and leaving you alone. Through closed eyes, you heard his footsteps crossing your bedroom and making their way into the hallway, the sound slowly fading as he walked away from you. 

If you'd ever see him again--you weren't sure. But all you could think of now was how he betrayed you. How he lied. How he tricked you into caring about him--a little more than you'd like to admit. 

Your mind was a storm of emotions, clouding your brain with heartbreak and confusion. But you knew one thing for sure. 

You had to warn your parents about the First Order's true intentions. And quickly.


	13. Be Ready

"I can't believe this." Your mother was leaned over on the couch, her elbows resting against her knees and her hands rubbing at her temples. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." You breathed, the soft cushion you were sitting on neglecting to provide you with any sort of comfort. "I'm a hundred percent sure."

"How did you even find out?" She shook her head, lifting her gaze to fall on you. "Did he tell you himself?"

"I found a note and a recoding device in his jacket pocket." You said solemnly, "He'd taken it off when we were in the gardens." That was a lie, but you didn't think your parents needed to know that you really found the evidence in his pants pocket, because then the next question would be why were you touching his pants. Or why were they off. And that was a discussion you couldn't bear to have at the moment. 

Your father sighed, slumping back onto the couch next to your mother and rubbing at his eyes.

"How could we have been so blind?" He muttered, suddenly standing again and beginning to pace around the room. "I should have known that all they ever wanted was our territory. Peace was never their objective."

"Do the King and Queen know that you found out?" Your mother interjected, her eyes wide with panic. 

"No." You said shortly, a lump forming in the back of your throat as you remembered Kylo's last words to you. His promise. You could only hope that he'd kept it. "He promised me that he wouldn't tell them."

"And how do you know that he isn't lying again?" Your mother hissed, "Clearly everything he's said to you up to this point has been a mirage. A plot--to destroy us and everything we have." She paused, rubbing her temples dramatically, "I'm sure he's told them by now."

"No," You shook your head, not knowing exactly why you were disagreeing. Maybe because a part of you just hadn't accepted all of it yet--the possibility that it really could have all been a lie. Every moment. Every word. Every feeling. But deep down you knew, that even if his original intentions weren't pure, he did feel something for you. You'd seen it. And you refused to accept that it wasn't real. "He wouldn't do that."

"He wouldn't do that?" Your mother exclaimed in a sarcastic, crazed laugh. "Darling, your naivety sometimes amazes me."

"I am not naive," You choked, the lump in your throat growing as your voice cracked, "I know him."

"You know the person he wanted you to know." Your mother spat, picking up her wine glass on the table in front of you and sipping slowly. She swallowed, looking at you pitifully, "You do not know him."

That was it. You stood from your chair suddenly, hot tears welling in your eyes as the legs scraped against the ground with a loud creak. You glared down at her, your lip trembling as you sucked in a quick breath. 

"You're wrong." You whispered, a single tear falling onto your cheek before you suddenly tore away from your parents' gazes, running out into the hallway and heading towards your tower. 

Maybe she was right. Maybe you didn't know him. Maybe the person you'd grown to care for didn't really exist. 

But you weren't ready to accept it. Not yet at least. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you came up the winding staircase, reaching the top and pushing open the heavy door into your hallway, all you wanted to do was to collapse onto your bed and cry until you blacked out. Sleeping was the only time you were able to escape from the new hell you'd been thrust into. But even then, sometimes Kylo's face appeared in your dreams, haunting you even in your sleep. Maybe today you'd be able to escape. But unfortunately, it seemed that the universe had other plans for you. 

The first thing you saw when you glanced towards your door was Alex, his face hidden by his heavy mask. You'd forgotten what time it was--and you immediately regretted coming back to your room when you knew he'd be on his shift. But it was too late now--his spine having straightened as soon as he saw you, his figure stiff and tall. 

You sighed, hanging your head as you trudged towards him, praying that he wouldn't try to talk to you when you walked by. You hadn't spoken to him since that day when Kylo had shown up at your door, and it hadn't gotten any less awkward as you approached his armored figure, keeping your eyes on the ground in front of you. 

You reached for your door handle, silently celebrating that he hadn't tried to say anything yet, but just as you opened it, rushing inside, he reached out his hand--stopping you in place. You cringed, but took in a deep breath, plastering a fake, painfully awkward smile across your face and looking up at him. You stared into his emotionless mask, your blurry reflection shining back at you in the silver metal. 

"A letter came for you." His voice seeped out from under the helmet, distorted by the barrier in front of his mouth. He raised his other arm, sticking out his hand towards you and offering you a thin beige envelope between his gloved fingertips. You nodded silently, reaching forward and taking it from him as quickly as possible. But your hand grazed lightly against his as you took it, and you winced, hoping that he didn't notice. 

Awkward silence fell over the two of you as you played with the envelope between your now shaking digits, glancing down at the writing scribbled across the surface. 

To Lady Y/N of the Resistance

To anyone else--the author of the words would have been a mystery. But looking down at the perfectly formed cursive letters, you knew exactly who'd wrote them. You'd recognize Kylo's handwriting anywhere. 

You could feel Alex's hidden eyes scanning over you like a laser as you finally looked back up at him, your heart leaping at the paper between your fingertips. You opened your mouth to try and say something--to escape from this horribly uncomfortable interaction and to get to the letter that felt as if it was burning in your hands--screaming to be opened. But before you could, he sighed loudly, reaching up to grab at the sides of his helmet. 

Your heart nearly ceased to beat as he pulled it off his head, his wavy brown hair springing free as his eyes locked with yours, his irises flashing with an emotion you couldn't place. His usual cheery expression was gone, his face blank and solemn, his lips pulled into a straight line. 

"It's been a while since we've spoken." He said coldly, his voice not exposing any emotion. 

"I know." You muttered, the same guilt you'd been feeling for weeks returning. 

"How are you?" You opened your mouth, nearly blurting out he truth. But you caught yourself. You were sure he didn't really want to know.

"Good." You said shortly, chewing on the inside of your lip. "You?"

"Pretty shitty actually." He snapped, his jaw tensing. "But it's great to hear that you've been good."

"Alex..."

"I just don't understand it," He shook his head, laughing disbelievingly, "How you can go from loving someone to just replacing them so fast."

"I didn't--"

"And to think--I thought that you might actually choose me." His voice grew quieter. Less angry. He looked away from you, gulping as he sighed again. "Stupid of me to believe--I know. But I really tried to convince myself that maybe I wouldn't loose you." You stared at him, your heart lurching painfully. "I thought: maybe we'll be different. Maybe we'll be the first to defy the rules. The princess, ending up with her guard, and not a prince." You watched in horror as his eyes began to grow misty, glazing over with undeniable pain. 

"I'm so sorry Alex." You whispered, wanting nothing more than to give him a hug, or to comfort him in some way. But you knew that nothing would help. Well, nothing except for something you couldn't give him anymore. 

"Yeah..." He muttered, sniffling quietly, "Well, it's done now."

"I loved you," You breathed, your lip trembling, "I really did." He glanced back up at you, sighing again and offering you a weak smile. 

"I know you did." His smile dissipated, "Just not enough." With that, he raised the helmet back over his head, his face disappearing from view behind the thick metal. And before you could say another word, he was walking away, his footsteps echoing down the hallway and entering the stairwell. You exhaled sadly as he vanished from sight--leaving you alone at your doorway with the letter still between your fingertips. 

You glanced down at it, re-reading your name as it flashed up at you. 

To Lady Y/N of the Resistance

You couldn't hold off from opening it any longer, spilling into your room and slamming the door shut with a loud smack. Your mind spinning, your ripped feverishly at the envelope, tearing it open and pulling out the letter inside. You unfolded it faster than you thought your fingers could move, your eyes instantly devouring the cursive words that met your gaze. 

Dear Y/N,

I know that you don't want to speak to me. I don't blame you. If I were you, I wouldn't want to speak to me either. But I need to explain to you in detail what exactly happened, so that you can be prepared for what is to come, because there's nothing I can do to stop it now. 

I was instructed, by my parents and their advisors, to record our interactions and to take careful note of the layout of the palace--to help to prepare for an invasion of the Resistance. When I was informed of the plan, I didn't know you or anything about who you were. You were just another step in our scheme for dominance. 

At the time, I had no problem with the idea. I was supposed to get to know you. To learn about your family. To possibly find ways to blackmail you in case our original attack didn't work. They wanted leverage over you and your family--so if I had something incriminating on you, we would have a way of getting what we wanted from your parents. 

What I ended up getting was the recording of the time in the gardens, on the second day we met. My father, specifically, wanted to humiliate you. I told him that I had it before I realized how I felt about you, and a day doesn't go by that I don't regret it. I knew it was wrong as soon as I pressed record, but I did it anyway. 

I wanted to impress him so badly. I wanted to make him proud. He's never trusted my ability to be a fit ruler one day. I thought maybe, if I did my part with you, then he would finally trust me to lead. 

It was wrong. I know that now. The last time I took note of anything to relay back to them was after I found out about you and the guard. I was so angry, and that fueled me to do what I did. But that isn't an excuse. All I can do is tell you that I am so, so sorry. I know that I betrayed you. I betrayed your trust, and it's something that I will regret for the rest of my life. 

But Y/N, you have to listen to me. The First Order will attack in exactly one week. I found out this morning. I haven't told anyone that you know, and I've risked a great deal to send you this letter. If someone found out that I told you, I would be killed. My father cares much more about his kingdom than he does about me. 

Alert your parents. Start to prepare for battle. I don't want anything to happen to you, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that nothing does. 

I wasn't lying when I said that I really do care about you, Y/N. More than anything else in my life. I miss you so badly. I miss the feeling of being with you. I miss your face. I miss your body. I miss everything about you, and if it is the last thing I do I will not let you get hurt. I promise you. 

Be ready.

-Kylo

You stared down at the words, your mouth hanging open in disbelief. Your heart was slamming, scanning over and over his handwriting in an attempt to absorb what he was saying. But what caught you eye the most, sending a shiver down your spine, were the words: The First Order will attack in exactly one week. You'd known that there was a possibility of an invasion. But hearing a definite timeline--an inevitable countdown to impending doom, sent your brain into a tailspin. 

You suddenly realized that the whole time you'd been reading the letter, you weren't breathing, your head starting to buzz from lack of oxygen. You gasped, sucking in sharp inhales and stumbling to your bed, collapsing down on the mattress and staring up at the ceiling. 

As you laid there, your mind a mess of emotions, you started to think about another part of the letter. The last part. The part where Kylo had said that he missed you. And to your surprise, you felt a smile creep across your face before you could stop it.

You couldn't deny, you wanted nothing more than to tell him that he was forgiven. To rush back into his arms and never leave them. But you knew that you couldn't. 

Not until you knew that you could trust him, at least. You weren't sure when that would be, or if it would ever really become a reality, but he promised that he would keep you safe. Maybe if he did, then you would believe him again.


	14. The Resistance Is Dead

The first word of the attack came at 7 AM. 

A break in the front lines, at the very edge of the city. The sun was just beginning to peak over the mountaintops, warmth spreading through the valley in a way that almost made it seem like today wouldn't be catastrophic. But you knew better. 

Your mother was pacing, her hands in her hair as she stared up at the ceiling, muttering inaudible words to herself as if she was having a full blown conversation with the voices in her head. You could make out a few things, but it was all you really needed to hear. 

"Horrible--I don't deserve this--why are you doing this to me--please let me live--"

You just rolled your eyes. It was just like her to only think about herself in a situation like this. You hadn't expected anything else from her. 

Your father stood at the door, speaking in a low tone to a tall, armored guard, his brows furrowed and his eyes thinned. You could tell he was worried. And of course he would be. You didn't blame him. So were you. 

The First Order had a better army. Better weapons. Better generals. There was no debating that, and your father knew it just as well as you did. You were actually kind of impressed with how calm he seemed--even though that might not have been the truth on the inside. But to anyone watching, he seemed confident--unphased. You could only tell by the way he was fiddling with the hem of his jacket that he was nervous. He'd always done that when he was worried about something. 

"Send in reinforcements," You heard him mumble, shaking his head, "We need to keep them out of the city for as long as possible." The guard nodded, turning back to the hallway and disappearing from sight. Your father sighed, closing the door slowly and walking to the couch, collapsing down on it defeatedly. "I'd say we only have about two hours." He said solemnly, rubbing at his eyes. "Maybe less."

"Until what?" Your mother whispered in a shrill, unbearable tone. 

"Until they storm the palace." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Until the Resistance is no longer." Your mother let out a dramatic wail, leaning against the wall as if she couldn't stand on her own and fake-crying into her sleeve. You just glared at her, taking in a deep breath. 

"You really think that our army will fall that quickly?" You asked. He nodded slowly.

"Our men are talented. But we do not have the technology that they have. We are no match for their power. At least not for long." You sighed, standing and walking to the large window in the wall, staring out across the valley. You looked sadly over the city far in the distance, the tops of the buildings poking out from under the canopy of trees. 

It was strange to think that in just a few hours, those buildings might be no more. The people that once lived in them might be killed, or captured. Your stomach churned painfully at the thought. You wished that there was something more that you could have done to stop it. 

You hadn't heard from Kylo again since he'd sent you the letter, and you still didn't know if you could trust what he told you or not. He'd been right about when the attack would happen, but whether he was really sorry for what he'd done to you, you weren't sure yet. But if there was ever going to be a day when he could fulfill his promise--that he'd keep you safe from danger--today was certainly that day. 

~an hour later~

The city was taken. The First Order had broken through the front lines and wiped out the reinforcements in less than an hour, setting fire to the buildings and taking the survivors prisoner. You could hear their screams even from inside, echoing through the valley in a way that made you feel physically sick, your face going pale as you stared blankly out the window. You could see the smoke rising from the flames, a dark fog settling over the treetops and seeping up into the atmosphere. 

You felt so guilty, being held up in the palace and protected as if your life was any more valuable than theirs. But wanted so badly to do something. To help in some way. But you knew that even if you were able to escape, there would be nothing you could do that would make any sort of difference. 

The Resistance was falling right before your eyes, and there was nothing you could do about it. 

~thirty minutes later~

"We have to evacuate the three of you," The guard panted, pulling his helmet off his head with an exhausted huff. "Now."

"Are they at the gates?" Your mother whispered, her voice shrill with horror. "Already?"

"Yes." The guard nodded solemnly, "Our army has been nearly wiped out. We were no match for their numbers." He paused, eyeing the three of you. "If we don't move quickly, it will be too late." You glanced towards your father, who's face had gone completely pale as tiny beads of nervous sweat began to gather at his hairline. He gulped slowly, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he stared toward the guard, his eyes looking as though they'd seen a ghost--wide and unblinking. Finally, he sucked in a slow, shaky breath, his hands quivering as he reached up to adjust his jacket over his chest. 

"Well then," He shuddered, "Let's go."

Before you could even blink, you were being herded out into the hallway, two tall soldiers at the back of your heels and one on either side of you. The rest of their battalion followed behind them and around your parents, and you eyed them as your heart slammed, anticipation for whatever was about to happen next nipping at your nerves. You had no idea what to expect as they led you and your parents out of their quarters and down the winding hallways of the palace. 

You noticed quickly that they weren't leading you to the front doors--you wouldn't be able to escape from there anyway. The First Order was already at the gates. 

Instead, it seemed that you were headed towards one of the back doors, the same one that you'd come though the day that you'd been told about the arrangement. The one that went through the cellar, the door to escape hidden in the vine-covered wall of the gardens. You gulped as you were led down the stairway into the cold, dark space, the light of the hallways disappearing as you descended further and further into the basement. The soldiers were close at your heels, guns in hand and swords at their sides. You gulped. 

You reached the door, one of the guards pushing it open and poking his head outside, surveying the surroundings. When he was sure that it was clear, he waved his hand towards his men, signaling that it was safe for them to follow. They pushed you forward, out into the open space of the gardens, the bright sun shining down on you. But as you glanced up, you did notice a dark cloud rolling over the top of the mountains ahead of you. Fitting. 

The guards marched you forwards towards the edge of the gardens, and you could hear your mother behind you, sobbing dramatically and muttering selfish pleas. You rolled your eyes for the millionth time, wanting nothing more than to just throw her to the First Order as a peace offering. Not that they would want her either. 

You furrowed your brows as you were led towards the tall shaped bushes surrounding the space, glancing back confusedly at the guards behind you. There was no door here. But now that you thought about it, you didn't actually know what was behind those shrubs. You'd never even thought to ask. You just assumed more forest, but maybe you were wrong. 

One of the guards caught your confused gaze, offering you an answer. 

"There's a hidden passageway here." He told you, "In case of a situation just like this one. Leads to a road where a car will be waiting to take you away to a safe location."

"Oh," You said, wondering how you'd never heard about this, "Thank you." He nodded, standing back up straight and marching you forwards. But just as you reached the wall of tall shrubs, the guards fanning out from around you to try and locate the hidden exit, you suddenly heard a loud slamming noise, coming from the front of the palace. A few moments passed, and then another sound, but this one more metallic as it vibrated through the air with a loud crack. The gate--you realized with a sickening gulp. The gate had fallen. 

You all froze, whipping around to face the courtyard, your eyes wide with horror as another crashing sound echoed through the valley, followed by what seemed like falling stones, tumbling to the ground all at once. You could see plumes of thick smoke beginning to rise up from the front of the courtyard, the sound of loud voices and cries entering your ears with a sickening ring. But you were ripped from your state of terror and shock as you felt the guards strong hands on your shoulders, shoving you behind their bodies and readying their guns out in front of them. 

They stood in a solid line in front of you and your parents, their weapons cocking into position in an in-sync click. You could hear the sound of more slamming from the courtyard and suddenly--gun shots. Your blood went cold as the explosions boomed through the air, the ground beginning to vibrate as what seemed like a million feet started in your direction, the sound growing closer and closer with each passing moment.

You expected for an entire army to storm into the gardens. You expected for it to be over before you even had a chance to blink. But as you stood behind the guards, your limbs quivering with terror, you suddenly heard another sound. 

A cracking--snapping sound. And as you realized what it was, momentary relief washed over you. 

There were trying to break down the front doors of the palace. And that bought you time. 

The guards realized it too, instantly breaking the line and scrambling back towards the wall of bushes, searching frantically for the passageway.

They grew more desperate with each passing moment that they didn't find it, and you continuously glanced over your shoulder, your heart slamming with panic. Still, it seemed that no one was coming, so you tried to breathe deeply, your heart rate quickening with dangerous speed. 

"Maybe we have the wrong spot." One of the guards breathed, his voice shrill with panic. 

"You have the wrong spot?" Your mother hissed, her tone sharp and biting. "How do you not know where it is!? It's your fucking job to keep us safe and you imbeciles--" A terrible, pained scream flooded past her lips as her body was suddenly thrown backwards with a sickening crack against the ground, the sound of shattered bone filling your ears. A shot rang through the air, and your face instantly went pale, your mother's crippled body thrashing on the floor, her eyes wide and filled with shock. 

You watched in horror as deep red blood started to seep from the hole her chest, her hands quivering as she brought them to her wound, touching at it and bringing the vital liquid back on her fingertips. She let out a disbelieving huff, her face turning white as snow as she stared at it, her lips trembling. 

The bullet had passed straight through her ribcage, the front of her gown now drenched in red iron as she convulsed, retching horribly as the same blood bubbled up through her throat and onto the ground next to her, staining her face in the bright color. 

You just stood, completely frozen, watching her as she gasped for breath, beginning to let out strangled sobs as she clawed at her chest. You couldn't bring yourself to move even if you wanted to--your brain refusing to process what was happening in front of you. 

Your mother had just been shot. In the chest. And she was bleeding out on the ground. And there was absolutely nothing you could do to help her. 

You watched as your father fell to her side, cradling the back of her head in his arms as he pulled her body into his lap, a loud sob spilling from his lips. She was staring up at him as she cried, pools of blood beginning to seep out of the sides of her mouth and down onto her neck. You felt vomit begin to bubble up in your throat at the sight of it, and you had to swallow the bile at the back of your tongue before you retched. They were both wailing, wrapped in each other's arms, but you couldn't really hear it, the sounds entering your ears all reducing to one deafening ring, your brain fuzzing and refusing to process your surroundings. 

But you were snapped out of your shocked state as one of the guards shoved past you, guns cocked and firing in quick shots. You whipped around to see an approaching army of about a hundred men rushing towards you, guns drawn and firing with swords at their sides as your blood ran cold. You dove to the ground, crawling on your hands and knees towards your mother and father as more of your guards rushed in front of the three of you, shooting towards the approaching threat in an offensive line. 

You could hear bullets whizzing by, landing just inches from your limbs as you struggled forward, hot tears pooling in the corners of your eyes. You reached your parents, your hand accidentally landing in the puddle of your mother's blood as you clambered up next to them, your face going pale again in horror. 

She glanced at you as you slid towards her, her eyes wide with panic as she continued to bleed out, reaching her hand towards you weakly as she breathed your name. You gulped, your heart slamming painfully as you leaned towards her, taking her hand and letting her pull you to her chest, the front of your gown absorbing her blood into the fabric. 

"Y/N--" She gasped, her breaths shaky as she drew them in slowly, "Y/N--I love you--I'm sorry that I didn't ever tell you that I do."

"I know you do." You whispered, rubbing your thumb against the back of her hand comfortingly, "I know."

"Good," She choked, more blood seeping from the corners of her lips, "Don't ever forget."

"I won't--" You swallowed the lump forming in your throat. "I promise." You and your mother had never been close. You'd never connected. But you still felt the horrible pit in your stomach as she gripped tighter against your hand, a new burst of pain shooting through her chest. She coughed once more, blood spewing out onto her lips as she leaned back in your father's lap, her eyes closed as she struggled for breath. "I love you too, mom." You whispered, a tear falling onto your cheek as you leaned forward, stroking the top of her head lightly. "You know that, don't you?"

"I know." She whispered, her eyes still closed. You watched as a faint smile crept over her lips. "I know." She was still holding your hand, and as she finished speaking, she sighed shakily, your father's tears dripping down onto her chest. Her eyes stayed closed, but you watched as her face relaxed, her eyebrows un-furrowing and her lips falling open. Her grip on your hand started to get weaker, her muscles loosing control as she began to fade away, the warmth gradually leaving her skin. 

"Darling?" Your father choked, stroking her cheek lightly with the back of his hand. No response. "Darling?" He repeated again, louder. Again, no response. At that, silence fell over the three of you, the rest of the word seeming to fade away for a moment. You watched as he quivered, reaching forward and grabbing her shoulders as his face twisted into a picture of pure agony, snapping and falling over her body as a loud cry escaped his lips, tearing through his body in shaking sobs. 

You reached for him, resting your hand on his back as he hugged her to his frame, her blood seeping into his jacket and staining his skin deep red. Silent tears were dripping down your cheeks as you watched him, closing your eyes as the rest of the world started to fade back in, and you heard the gun shots behind you, approaching quickly. 

You whipped back around, your gaze falling on the mass of soldiers still rushing towards you, your guards continuing to shoot towards them in an attempt to hold them back. But you watched in horror as they started to get picked off one by one, falling back with a sickening crack as the bullets passed through the gaps in their armor, lodging in their bodies and beginning to pour out rivers of blood. 

You yelped as the soldier in front of you fell back with a loud cry, a bullet striking into his leg and getting trapped in his muscle. He tumbled back on top of you, his armor smacking against your head and sending shooting pain through your skull. You struggled to shove him off of you, his weight pinning you down as you squirmed, your heart slamming with panic. 

If you didn't find a way to escape, you were going to die. And soon. 

You shoved his body off of you with a labored grunt, staying on the ground as you crawled forward on the grass, your chest pressed against the floor and your arms pulling you forwards. You could hear your father behind you, still haunched over your mother's now dead body, sobbing into her hair. 

"We have to go!" You called to him, panic threaded through your tone, "Dad!" But it was as if he couldn't hear you cries, staying curled over your mother and rocking her back and forth. "Dad!" You called again, but he continued to ignore your pleas for him to follow. You choked back a sob. You didn't want to leave him. Your heart felt like it was shattering as the realization of what you had to do washed over you. 

You knew that that if you didn't get away now, it would be the end for both of you. The end of the Resistance. The end of everything your family had built. It would all be destroyed--forgotten. And you couldn't let that happen. You had to survive. 

You tore your gaze away from him, tears streaking down your face as you crawled forward, your body pressed to the ground to avoid the stream of bullets firing above you. As you left the line of soldiers behind, you pulled yourself behind a tall, thick shrub, your body hidden behind its closely woven branches. 

You glanced up, scanning your surroundings for any sort of escape point, your eyes clouded over with hot tears. Gasping, your eyes fell onto the same door you'd came into the gardens from, hidden by vines in the wall of the palace. Maybe you could get to it. You pulled yourself forward, noticing as you glanced down at your hands that they were covered in deep red blood--sending a shiver down your spine as you choked out another sob. 

A loud crashing noise behind you alerted you to look over your shoulder, the horrifying view of the attacking army meeting the line of guards meeting your gaze. You had to bite your tongue to keep yourself from screaming, and you whipped back around, moving to your hands and knees and crawling forwards towards the door, praying that no one had spotted you yet. You could hear screams and gun shots going off behind you, painful cries and the sound of colliding swords ringing through the air. 

You continued to sob as you were almost to the door, pushing yourself slowly up off your hands and knees and onto your feet. You were shaking as you frantically reached for the door handle, your hand wrapping around the metal and readying to yank it open. 

But just as you were about to, you heard quick footsteps behind you, and you whipped around just in time to see a First Order soldier approaching faster than lightning, striking you down with one move, sweeping under your legs. You fell to the floor, your head smacking painfully against the ground as the soldier's foot immediately slammed down on the side of your head, his heel digging into your cheek. He let out a sneering laugh, twisting his foot on top of you and watching gleefully as you squirmed underneath him, your hands pushing frantically at his leg.

But it was no use. He was stronger than you, leaning forward and applying more pressure to your skull as he chuckled. 

"So, you're the princess?" He said mockingly, his foot momentarily leaving your head as he moved to his knees next to you, his hand instantly replacing it and forcing your face down into the dirt. "How regal you look now, my lady."

You growled, attempting to push him off again, but he just clicked his tongue, laughing again. Your blood ran cold as you suddenly heard the cocking of a gun above you, the metal clicking into place. 

"It's really a shame that I have to kill you," He muttered as you suddenly felt the barrel of the gun pressed against the back of your head, your body freezing in terror. "I always thought you were hot." He laughed again, twisting the barrel against your skull as he toyed with you, taunting you with death. "Oh well..." He sighed, "Long live the First Order."

You choked out a loud sob into the dirt, expecting for your mind to go blank as the bullet passed through your brain at any moment. You waited for everything to go black. For it to all be over in the blink of an eye. 

But as you laid there, your face pressed into the dirt--something else happened. 

You heard the sound of a punch from above you, the hand and gun on your head suddenly flying away. You laid, frozen in place as the commotion continued, the sound of a strangled gasp and more punches entering your ears. You could hear someone crying out, their voice becoming more and more panicked as the seconds dragged on, the punches refusing to relent.

You were tempted to roll over--to see what was happening. But you were frozen with fear, your limbs refusing to respond to your brain. 

The sound of a gun cocking made you shiver once more, your eyes squeezing shut even tighter as you waited for the bullet to blow through you. But again, it didn't. You yelped as the gun fired, a pained cry spilling from someone's lips--but not yours. After that, the scene went quiet for a moment, the only sound the battle happening in the background. 

You laid there, still frozen, waiting for something to happen. You were incredibly confused and terrified. Someone had been shot, but not you. Your mind was trying to come up with an understanding for what was going on--an explanation as to how you were still alive as suddenly--and to your absolute horror, someone gripped onto your shoulders, yanking you off the ground. 

You yelped, jerking away from the mystery person's grasp, fearing that it was the same man from before. But when your gaze floated up from the ground, your eyes fell on polished boots, shined to perfection except for a new specs of wet mud and now, deep red blood. As your eyes continued up, your gaze fell on a jet black jacket, the fabric expensive and perfectly tailored. And the person's hands, large and strong as they gripped the silver gun--looked oddly familiar. Suddenly, you knew exactly why.

You felt a shiver run through you as you slowly raised your gaze all the way, a wide smile creeping across your lips as your eyes fell on the person's face. A face you'd imprinted to memory. A face that had never brought you so much joy to see. 

Kylo. 

He stared down at you, his chest heaving with exhausted breaths, his face covered in sweat and droplets of thick blood. But to you, he'd never looked more beautiful.

You choked, a sob spilling from your lips as you launched up from the ground, slamming into him and wrapping your arms desperately around his wide frame. You dug your fingers into his shirt as he pulled you towards him, his arms holding you tight as they enveloped you, his face burying into your hair. He exhaled against you, dropping his gun to the ground as his warm breath sent a shiver across you skin. 

"God--I'm so happy to see you," You sobbed, your hands flying into his hair and running through his scalp, "I missed you so much I--" You were interrupted as Kylo suddenly pulled back, grabbing your face in his hands and slamming his lips against yours with feverish intensity, his hands rubbing comfortingly at your cheeks. He wiped away the tears lingering against your skin, your nerves dancing under his touch as you melted into him. 

It felt like years since you'd felt his touch, and your heart glowed as he pulled you closer, one of his hands moving into your hair and rubbing at where the soldier's boot had been pressed against your skull. All too soon he pulled away, smiling as your foreheads pressed together, his hands still tracing over your cheeks. 

"Fuck, I missed you." He breathed, your heart fluttering happily at his words. "I was worried that I would be too late. I was trying to find you and I--" You wrapped him in another hug, cutting him off and laying your head against his chest, letting his warmth envelop you. He sighed, holding you against him as his heart slammed loudly through his ribcage. 

You almost forgot about what was going on around you as he rocked you back and forth in his arms, until a bullet suddenly whizzed by Kylo's shoulder, snapping you out of your daze. You yelped, ducking as Kylo immediately reacted, leaning down to snatch the gun off the floor and back into his grasp. He shot as quick as lightning at the attacker, striking the man right in the chest and sending him flying back to the ground with a loud smack. 

You stared, wide eyed as Kylo whipped back to you, sticking out his hand and motioning for you to follow. You did, your heart slamming nervously as you glanced around, noticing the dead body of the man who'd stood on your head on the ground a few feet away, his blood in a dark pool around him. 

"Stay back until I say it's safe," Kylo instructed, moving forward slowly, "I'll take care of them." You nodded, gulping nervously. 

In a flash, Kylo charged forward towards the battle, his gun blazing as he fired on the crowd of First Order soldiers, their eyes wide with confusion and fear as their prince turned against them, striking them down one by one like dominos. Rivers of blood exploded from their bodies, a loud, animalistic growl spilling from Kylo's lips as he tore through their numbers, dodging their shots and ducking from their advances. 

You stayed back as you watched him, your body hidden behind the trunk of a thick tree. Luckily, their numbers had already been decreased by the soldiers still guarding your father's huddled body, but there were still too many of them, and you winced every time Kylo charged towards one of them, his gun blazing ferociously. 

You watched, nervous sweat beading at your brow as you noticed one of the soldiers suddenly charged towards him from behind, a silver dagger in hand. 

"Kylo!" You screamed, and he turned around at the sound of your voice, his eyes instantly falling on the man. He reacted quicker than you thought anyone could possibly move, his gun raising and firing in the blink of an eye, striking the man square in the forehead. You stared, horrified, as the soldier's head exploded with a sickening crack, his brains spilling onto the freshly trimmed grass as his body collapsed limply. 

You shuddered, your heart skipping a beat as Kylo resumed his rampage, his teeth bared as he charged forward again, coming up directly in front a group of three soldiers, swords in ready position. They all came at him at once, but he was ready, disregarding his gun for a moment as he attacked with bare hands, striking one of them in the face with his fist and knocking them on the ground with ease. 

The second one raised his sword over his head, ready to slice down through Kylo's back, but he caught the man's arm mid-strike, twisting it backwards and jerking roughly. You could hear the sound of a bone snapping even from far away, your stomach twisting sickeningly as the man screamed, dropping his sword and rolling onto the ground in agony. 

The third swung at Kylo's neck, screaming angrily, but Kylo ducked, his gun slinging back into action as he shot the man right in the center of his chest, simultaneously knocking him away with a strong punch to his face. The man stared at him for a moment, shock slapped across his expression as he stumbled backwards, coughing up a stream of blood before he collapsed, his body going limp on the ground. 

Kylo paused for a split second, his chest heaving as he whipped around to search for you. His eyes locked onto yours, and you saw a faint smile creep across his lips, splatters of blood streaked across his cheek. 

But as he stared at you, distracted--you caught a quick glimpse of something out of the corner of your eye--or someone, rather. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched a man lunge towards him from behind, a gun drawn and aimed at his chest. You screamed, Kylo turning around just as the man pressed down on the trigger, the sound of a bullet firing ringing through your ears. 

The moment seemed to move in slow motion, your blood going cold as Kylo attempted to duck out of the way, but the bullet was already on him, sinking into his skin as your blood went ice cold. Your mind went blank--your heart ceasing to beat. 

Kylo had been shot.


	15. Dead Weight

You screamed, your voice shredding your vocal cords as it tore through your throat, threaded with panic and agony. You watched in horror as Kylo's gun dropped to the ground with a metallic smack, his figure jerking backwards as the bullet sank into him, his shoulders tensing as the pain shot through him. 

But he didn't scream. He didn't fall. He just stood there--frozen, glancing down at his wound as his chest rose and fell slowly. 

But you weren't so calm. You charged forwards--no plan in place as your body exploded from behind the tree, your feet moving at lightning speed underneath you. It was like you were watching yourself from outside of your body as the adrenaline spurred you on, fury coursing through your bloodstream. 

You came up behind Kylo, your arm ducking down as you ran to grab his gun off the ground, gripping it tightly in your fist and placing your finger against the trigger. Your knuckles white from how tight you were gripping it, you spun out from around his wide frame, surprising the man before he could even see you coming. 

You watched as his face flashed with terror, the barrel of your gun already aimed at his face before he even had a chance to react. Your blood boiling into steam in your veins, you snapped, fury spilling from you as you screamed, snapping back the trigger and shooting directly into his forehead--the bullet passing through his scull with ease. 

He gasped, his eyes crossing before they rolled up into the back of his head, his figure standing for a split second before collapsing backwards, blood seeping from the gaping hole in his forehead and running down his face in a sickening stream. 

You stood over him--feeling no remorse as his body went limp, the life draining from him as you choked out a loud sob. Your head spinning, you turned back to Kylo, your eyes clouded over with tears as his gaze fell on you, his face completely blank. You looked down at his chest, expecting to see a hole blown through his ribcage--but to your relief, there wasn't one. Though the reality still wasn't great. 

It had hit his arm. You could see the puncture wound in his bicep, deep red blood seeping from the edges and staining his jacket in the irony liquid. 

It was still horrible--and looking at it still made you want to vomit. But it was manageable. He could survive. There was hope. 

You choked, rushing towards him and resting your hand against the side of his face, pulling his blurry gaze to yours. When you looked into his eyes, he looked like he was off in another world, not connected to reality in the slightest. 

"Kylo," You said, rubbing at his cheek, "Kylo--hey, look at me." Slowly, his irises focused, the blur dissipating as he gulped, reality starting to seep back into his mind. 

"It's stuck in my arm." He muttered, like it was a normal thing to say. Oh yeah, there just so happens to be a bullet lodged in my arm. Whatever. 

"I'm gonna help you--okay? But we just need to get out of here." He nodded slowly, glancing down once more at his arm, his eyes seeming to get blurry again. 

"Not yet." He mumbled. 

"What?"

"Not. Yet." As he spoke, his tone darkening with each new syllable, his expression shifted. You watched as he straightened his spine, his jaw tensing as his lip slowly twisted into a snarl. You could almost feel the heat radiating off of him as he pulled his face away from your hand. "Give me the gun."

"Kylo, you're hurt--"

"Give me. The gun. Now." You gulped, nodding slowly as you handed him the weapon, your fingers lingering against his for a split second before he shoved past you, his bloodied arm brushing up against yours. You flinched, the blood seeping into the fabric of your gown. But he didn't react at all--as if he was completely fine, using his other arm to raise the gun, aiming towards more First Order soldiers and resuming his rampage with a loud growl. 

He snarled, firing rapidly and striking more and more men down with ease, their eyes wide as they fell back to the ground, their blood spilling in rivers across the freshly cut grass. His bullet-wound seemed not to phase him in the slightest, his arm hanging limply by his side as he shot at the attackers, the gardens filled with agony-filled screams, bodies toppling like dominos. 

Once again, a group of men began to approach him, swords and daggers in hand. But Kylo barely even gave them a glance, his gun aiming and firing into their chests with a flick of his wrist. More came from behind, and as if he had eyes in the back of his head, he spun around, shooting all of them straight in the face as their sculls exploded, their brains spraying over his body. 

But Kylo paid it no mind, his lip still twisted into a snarl as he went on, decimating their numbers with ease. The group was down to only about twenty men now, your guards still firing on them in addition to Kylo's rampage, tearing through them like it was nothing. 

You were sure he was spurred on by adrenaline, his arm still spilling blood as he battled on, the dark liquid splattering onto his victims as he spun around them, knocking them to the ground with occasional punches to the face. He used the back of the gun as a makeshift battering ram, smashing into their foreheads when he got close enough and cracking the bridges of their noses, red iron leaking from their nostrils. 

One unlucky man charged up to him, dagger drawn and flying towards Kylo's face. But Kylo dodged him with a smirk, as if it was so easy that it was boring, catching his gun in his other hand and using his good arm to snatch the man's face in his grasp. With a sickening twist, his fingers were digging into the man's mouth, sliding between his lips and his chin and suddenly jerking roughly, the man letting out a horrible scream as his jaw lurched out of place, hanging limply as he wailed. 

He collapsed to the ground as Kylo threw him to the side, growling as he wiped his hand against his jacket, returning the gun to his grasp as his chest heaved with angry, animalistic breaths. There were only a few men left now, and Kylo stepped towards them, but you yelled his name, catching his attention as he whipped around. 

"We need to go." You shook your head, "Before more come." Kylo paused, his jaw tensing as he glanced back at the line of guards battling the attackers. You could tell he wanted to fight--to get revenge. But slowly, he exhaled, finally nodding and moving towards you. 

His blood was dripping down through his jacket now, falling off the tips of his fingertips as his arm swayed beside him. He was still pretending that he couldn't feel it, but you could see his eye twitching every few seconds, and you could only imagine the growing pain surging through his nerves with every passing moment. 

"I know of a way out." He mumbled, "But you're not going to like how I found it." You paused, sighing. 

"How?"

"There's a gap in palace wall." He muttered, looking ashamed, "I found it when I was still--well you know."

"Trying to collect information on me? Yeah, I got it."

"I'm sorry--There's an access road behind it, I have a car waiting for us there." He said, rolling his shoulder uncomfortably, his expression beginning to expose his pain. 

"It doesn't matter now how you found it--Let's just go please." You shook your head, and he nodded, stepping forward and motioning for you to follow him. You did, staying close at his heels as he marched toward the entrance of the gardens and into the courtyard. You stepped onto the stone, glancing up and nearly gagging at the scene that met your gaze. 

Hundreds of bodies lay butchered on the ground--guards' bodies, their necks slit and blood pooling around their heads on the rough stone. The smell of death flooded your nose, and you choked, nearly keeling over at the sight of it. But you swallowed your vomit, tearing your gaze away from the gore-filled scene and watching Kylo's feet as they moved forward, one step at a time. 

You walked solemnly through the courtyard, glancing over your shoulder every few seconds to make sure that no one was coming. So far, no one was, but the hair on the back of your neck still shot up at every small noise--every change in the breeze. Every click of a heel. You were on high alert, your mind spinning as you tried to process what was going on. But it was too much to bear, panic settling into your bones as dead bodies sprawled out around you, their blood sticking to the bottom of your shoes. 

As you trudged on, your head hung, you suddenly heard a noise--catching your attention and sending a shiver down your spine. It sounded like a voice--a familiar voice, coming from somewhere around you. You stopped walking, your eyes peeled as you searched the mass of bodies, trying not to look to closely at their mangled figures. Kylo noticed your pause, and stopped in front of you, turning around with his brows furrowed. 

"What is it?" He questioned, rolling his shoulder again and wincing as his arm moved. "Is someone coming?"

"No..." You breathed, still scanning around, "I thought I heard--"

"Y/N," The voice came again, the tone strangled and pleading. Your blood went cold. Alex. 

You spun around, searching for the source of the sound. A moment later, your eyes finally fell on him, but instantly, part of you wished they hadn't. 

He laid, sprawled out on the ground, face up, blood seeping from a deep slash in the side of his leg. You gasped, your face going pale as you stumbled backwards, loosing your balance for a moment as you stared at him, his mangled figure looking up at you with pleading eyes. 

"Y/N," He whispered again, his voice coming out shaky and weak, "Please--help me." You let out a choked sob, rushing to his side without hesitation, collapsing next to him and cupping his face in your hands. 

"Oh my god--Alex," You cried, tears welling in the corners of your eyes as you stared down at him, his blood seeping into your gown. "Don't worry I--I'm gonna help you."

"Y/N." Kylo mumbled from behind you, "Don't."

"Don't what?" You whipped around, tears beginning to streak down your face. "Don't help him?! He's dying!"

"We don't have time for this--he'll be dead weight," He said quietly, his face blank. "I'm sorry."

"No," You shook your head, sniffling, "I'm not leaving him." Alex was silent as you argued, his eyes blurry as he stared up at you, his face pale and cold to the touch. 

"Seriously, we need to go." Kylo said, his tone more urgent. "Now." But you just shook your head again, pulling Alex's frame to your chest. 

"I'm not leaving without him." You said, staring up at him with pleading eyes. "Please Kylo." He paused, his chest rising and falling slowly as he tensed his jaw, sighing. 

"Shit Y/N..." He reached up with his good hand, rubbing his eyes, "Fine." You smiled thankfully, turning back to Alex and carefully sliding your arms underneath his back, helping him sit up as he groaned in pain. You pulled his arm up over your shoulders, hoisting his body up and onto his feet, supported by your frame as he leaned against you. 

"Okay," You breathed, looking back to Kylo and nodding, "Let's go." He sighed, turning his back to you and moving forwards. You lugged Alex's weak body along with you, making sure that he wasn't using his leg as you trudged after Kylo, having to scramble to keep up with his incredibly long strides. 

The courtyard seemed impossibly large, as if you were crossing an entire planet's surface, but eventually, you came up on the spot Kylo had mentioned--a tiny gap in the wall, just big enough for you to squeeze through. You wondered how you'd never noticed it before, but you were more concerned with how Kylo was supposed to fit through the tiny opening, his figure much wider than the space allowed. 

You eyed him concernedly, but he pretended not to notice, sighing and stepping out of the way for you to slide through the space. 

"Will you help me get him through?" You asked, motioning towards Alex's limp body. Kylo sighed, pausing for a moment. You could tell he wanted to say no so badly, but he chewed the inside of his lip, begrudgingly agreeing with a weak nod. "Thank you," You sighed, leaning Alex against Kylo's side as you slipped through the gap, coming out on the other side. 

Kylo helped Alex through carefully, his lips pulled into a frown but still making sure that his leg avoided the wall and handing him back to you. You smiled gratefully at him, and he nodded again, silently acknowledging your sentiment. 

Kylo paused as the two of you made it through, staring at the gap in the wall as if it was his arch-enemy, his brows furrowed. But suddenly, he pulled his gun back out, cocking it and aiming towards the wall. 

"Stand back." He ordered, and you moved out of the way quickly as Kylo began to pelt the stone wall with a barrage of bullets, the surface crumbling and allowing for more room. He stopped, tucking the weapon away once more and slipping through the gap, the bloodied arm of his jacket rubbing against the wall and leaving behind a streak of red iron. 

You winced, feeling the pain for him as he finally came out on the other side, stepping next to you and scanning your surroundings. You glanced around too, observing a thin, neglected gravel road in front of you, tall trees shading the pathway and casting a dark shadow over it. But no car. 

"Where's--" You began to ask, but Kylo shushed you, stepping forward into the road and staring down the path. 

"He should be coming."

You stood there in silence, your brows furrowed as you waited, the quiet more aggravating to your ears than too much noise. But after a few minutes, you started to hear the crunching sound of gravel underneath the tires of a car, an engine rumbling from far away. The sound grew closer and closer as the moments passed by, the sight of a small black vehicle coming into view around a curve in the road. 

It rolled towards you, slowing to a stop as it pulled in front of the three of you, the windows tinted dark black and hiding whoever was driving. But Kylo walked up to the door, tapping lightly on the dark surface with his good hand. 

Slowly, the window began to roll down with a mechanic buzz, a man leaning towards the opening from the driver's seat. 

"Where's my money?" He said shortly, his eyes thinned as he glared up at Kylo's looming figure. Kylo sighed, reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out a sealed bag, filled to the brim with wads of cash. You stared at it, wide eyed as he handed the driver the sack, the man's pupils dilating greedily as he chuckled. "Good." He smirked, "Get in."

Kylo nodded, turning back to you and motioning for you to follow as he reached for the back door. He pulled it open, and you moved towards it with Alex still leaning against you, helping him to the opening and leaning him down into the seat as carefully as you could. He slumped into place, and you fastened the seatbelt over his waist, your eyes flickering worriedly over him as he exhaled, his head flopping backwards. You stood back up, closing the door and walking with Kylo to the other side of the car. 

He opened the door for you again, and you took one last quick look at the palace, your heart lurching as you leaned down into the seat, leaving your home behind. Kylo followed you, carefully tucking his arm close to his side as he slid into place next to you, wincing as your shoulders pressed together. He shut the door, closing the three of you inside as you heard the lock click, the car beginning to roll forwards once more, taking you away to a place you didn't know. 

Not that you knew many places anyway. You'd never left the palace for more than a day, and your stomach churned nervously as you drove further and further away from the only place you could call home. The only comfort was Kylo sitting next to you, and the familiarity of Alex's presence, but still, you could feel your heart lurching painfully with each new turn of the road. 

You didn't notice that you were making a face--but Kylo leaned towards you, whispering into your ear and snapping you out of your daze. 

"You okay?" He mumbled, pulling back a piece of hair from the side of your face.

"Yeah," You said, offering him a weak smile, "Just a little shaken up, that's all." He nodded, moving his good hand underneath your chin and pulling your face towards his. He pressed his lips softly against yours, his thumb rubbing lightly over your cheek. Warmth spread through your body in a way that seemed to make all your heart-ache temporarily disappear, and you melted against him, savoring the feeling of his touch as his hand moved up into your hair. 

You hummed against him, reaching up and running your hand down his chest. For a moment, you seemed to forget where you were--the sudden realization that Alex was in the seat next to you snapping you out of your trance. Luckily, he was pretty much out of it, but you pulled back from Kylo's lips anyway, your face flushing bright red as you sat back in your seat, sighing. 

Kylo chuckled, leaning back and adjusting his shoulder to try and find some sort of relief, but by the scowl on his face it seemed that he didn't find any. You glanced over at his wound, the skin red and inflamed where the bullet had passed through, blood still seeping from the edges, though it seemed to have slowed down a bit. 

"You have to let me help you with that." You muttered, your hand sliding down to grab his as it laid across his lap. He smiled, weaving his fingers through yours and rubbing his thumb across the back of your palm. 

"Alright." He said quietly, leaning his head back against the seat and closing his eyes, letting out a long, slow sigh. You just watched him, his chest rising and falling in calm movements as his hand squeezed around yours in a way that made you feel completely safe. Even though that was the last thing you should have felt. 

Your stomach did painful flips as you thought about what had just happened. Your mother was dead. Your father possibly was, too. Your palace had been overrun, your city taken and destroyed, your people tortured and killed. You wanted to vomit just thinking about all of it. And why you were still alive, you weren't sure. If it hadn't been for Kylo, you wouldn't be. 

But as you were taken further and further from the palace, one thought kept swirling through your mind like a broken record, drowning you in a sea of defeat and agony. 

The Resistance was dead. And you couldn't help but feel that it was your fault.


	16. Bandaids Don't Fix Bullet Holes

At first glance, the cabin was tiny. So tiny that you wondered for a second if all three of you would have to share a bed. But luckily, as you walked inside, the smell of mildew and and dust flooding your nose, you realized that what the cabin lacked in width, it made up for in length, spanning back through long hallways and corridors. 

"It's a safe house." Kylo said, closing the door behind you as you walked inside. "It was supposed to be used as a place to hide if the Resistance ever attacked us. Ironic, huh." You could hear the sound of the car speeding away as you looked around the nearly empty space, the darkness of the house casting over you. As you glanced around, a small, neglected kitchen met your gaze, spider webs and dust covering the countertops. There was a sink, but you wondered if the water would even run. It didn't look like anyone had been inside in ages. 

A simple seating area sat next to it, a couch, a table, and two chairs covered in the same grey soot as the kitchen. Even the air felt as though it was heavy with grime, a musty smell seeming to seep off the walls. 

"Won't your parents know to come here?" You furrowed your brows, turning towards Kylo with Alex's arm wrapped around your shoulders. "I mean, if they come looking for you?"

"There's hundreds of these houses." He mumbled, running his fingertips over the dusty countertops, white powder coming off on his digits. He wiped it off on his jacket, scowling. "Even if they came looking, it would take them a while to find the right one. And we'll be gone by then anyway."

You sighed, lugging Alex along with you as you stepped down the long hallway, observing the many doors that lined the walls. You peeked into one of them, a small window illuminating the room from the darkness and shining down on a small, white bed, just big enough for one person to fit on. The rest of the room was empty, and you sighed, stepping inside and taking Alex's weak figure along with you. 

You walked him to the edge of the bed, sitting him down on the side as you wiped the dust off the surface of the comforter, the cloud of powder blowing up into your face. You coughed, fanning it away as you continued to work at the sheets, checking that there were no bugs underneath before pulling them back. You helped Alex back up, easing him onto the mattress and laying him down against the soft surface, his head sinking back into a pillow. 

He sighed, his brows still furrowed as his leg continued to seep out blood onto the white sheets, the wound starting to look infected as you stared down at it. 

"I'm gonna find some stuff to help you with that, okay?" You whispered, leaning down and stroking his hair comfortingly. "Just hold on a little longer." He nodded weakly, his eyes closed tight as he winced from the pain. 

You stared down at him, your heart lurching at the thought that he was suffering. Your relationship might have changed, but you still loved him. And you hated to see him like this. You sighed, your hand leaving his hair and falling to your side before you turned to walk back out into the hallway. 

But as you spun around, your gaze fell on Kylo standing at the door, his hand on the frame as he watched you. His face was blank, but you could see something flashing in his eyes. You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could, he turned and walked away, disappearing back out into the hall. 

You took one last glance at Alex before following him, shutting the door and leaving Alex alone to rest. When you made your way back into the living room, Kylo had walked to the kitchen, and was standing with his back to you, his shoulder tensed stiffly. His jacket had been discarded onto the dusty couch, the bloodied fabric laying in a heap. 

You made your way to him, reaching out your hand and laying it against his good arm. But as soon as you touched him, he flinched, pulling away slightly. 

"What's wrong?" You questioned, standing behind him. "Is your arm--"

"Do you still have feelings for him?" Kylo's voice snapped as he cut you off. He turned to you, his expression aggravated--but his eyes seemed softer. More hurt than angry. Your heart lurched again.

"God, no!" You whispered, stepping towards him again and putting your hand back on his arm. This time, he didn't flinch away. "Not at all--why would you think that?"

"The way you care for him." He mumbled, his gaze on the floor, "It just seems like there's still something there."

"I'm just worried about him." You ran your hand down Kylo's arm, searching for his gaze. "That's all, I promise." He looked up at you finally, his pupils widening as his gaze met yours. "I never felt as strongly about him as I do about you." You whispered, offering him a weak smile. His eyes flicked down to your lips, and you wet them slowly, his pulse speeding up in his chest. 

"You didn't?" He breathed, shifting closer to you. 

"Never."

Kylo leaned down, his lips meeting yours in a needy, sloppy kiss, the heat from his body washing over you as he pulled you closer. You melted against him, your tongues swirling together as you reached your hands up to run through his hair and lock around the back of his neck. He was breathing heavily as one of his hands grabbed around your waist, turning you around and shoving you back against the countertop.

You groaned, and he responded immediately, wrapping his hand underneath your ass and hoisting you up onto the surface with one quick motion. You slid back, your head hitting the cabinets on the wall behind you as you yelped. But Kylo pretended not to hear you, his hand flying up to your breasts and groping desperately at them over the bloodied fabric of your gown. 

You slid the dress off of your shoulders without breaking the kiss, your tits springing free as he continued to grope at them, his digits pinching at your nipples and making you squeal with pleasure. 

His mouth left yours as he began to kiss down your neck and chest, his lips replacing his digits as he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth, sending a wave of warmth through you. You moaned, reaching up to grip is hair in your fists, tugging at it as it threaded through your fingertips. His tongue drew circles around it, your nerves dancing under his touch, and you closed your eyes, leaning your head back against the cabinets and humming in encouragement. 

You moved your hands from his hair, down the sides of his face and to his shoulders, your digits resting on his wide frame. But as you continued down, tracing along the edges of his biceps, you accidentally touched his wound, and he groaned, yanking back from you and wincing. 

"Oh god I'm so sorry," You started, your hands leaving him as you stared, cringing at the blood coming off on your fingertips. But as he looked back to you, his eyes pinched with pain, a new expression suddenly washed over his face. He eyed your fingertips, covered in his scarlet blood, and strangely--he began to smirk, his irises flashing hungrily. 

"Lick it up." He breathed, his voice low and rumbling through the nearly-empty room. For a moment, you didn't know what he meant. But after a moment, as he continued to eye his own iron dripping from your digits, you understood. Your breath hitched as you glanced down at your fingertips, the deep red liquid trickling down to your palm. 

Slowly, with your eyes still locked on Kylo, you brought your hand up to your mouth, your lips closing around your digits and sucking down the sides of them, the taste of iron flooding your palate with a metallic tang. You hummed, sliding your fingers deeper into the back of your throat, the blood catching on the sides of your lips and trickling down your chin in a sickening drip. 

You wanted to be disgusted. Horrified. But you weren't. Not at all. 

You were enjoying this, moaning quietly as you licked up the metallic liquid, swallowing it with ease and bringing your digits back out of your mouth, completely clean of the red stain. You cleaned the blood from the sides of your mouth and chin, your tongue moving slowly over your skin as Kylo stared--his lips parted as he wet them. 

"Now the rest." His voice dripped from his throat like flowing honey.

"What?" You questioned, swallowing the last of the irony liquid. 

"The rest." He shifted, his bloodied arm moving in front of your mouth. You paused, furrowing your brows as you stared at his wound, the skin reddened and inflamed. 

"Kylo, I'm not sure that that's safe--"

"It wasn't a request." Your breath hitched again as you blinked up at him, his face blank as he stared at you with expectant eyes, his jaw tensed and his lips pulled into a thin, straight line. But as you hesitated, he growled, his other hand suddenly shooting forward and grabbing your chin between his digits, squeezing tightly.

You groaned, squirming underneath his grip, but he jolted your head to the side, forcing your mouth to his. You could feel his lips brushing up against yours, but he didn't kiss you, teasing you devilishly. 

"Are you going to be obedient?" He breathed, his words leaving his lips and moving against yours. "Or are you going to be difficult?" Your heart was slamming in your chest, and you attempted to lean forward and kiss him, but he yanked you back, clicking his tongue. "If you want that, you'll have to follow directions first." He mumbled, wetting his bottom lip. You whimpered. 

At that, he forced your face back down to his bicep, your lips hovering in front of the bloodied gash. "Now." He said, baring his teeth, "Lick it up."

You nodded weakly, leaning towards it and pressing your lips softly against the edge of his wound, Kylo sucking in a pained breath through clenched teeth as you touched it. You glanced up at him, wondering if you should stop, but he just forced your head back down, his hand threading into your hair and lodging into your scalp. 

You hummed, your tongue slipping past your lips and trailing over the outside of the wound, lapping up the stream of blood still flowing slowly from its core. Kylo hissed in quick air again, but didn't pull away, instead leaning his arm closer to your mouth, his skin hot to the touch. 

You worked your tongue over the dried iron, cleaning it from his skin until it was completely gone, the only remnants left on the very edges of the lesion. You paused, pulling back slightly, but before you got too far away, he shoved you back, your nose grazing the inside of the gash. He growled, his teeth bared, but he seemed to like the pain, shoving you towards it again. 

You groaned, the smell of blood flooding your nose as you kissed lightly at the core of the wound, your tongue slipping into the hole as Kylo howled, gripping tightly at your scalp. His other hand moved to the side of your waist, squeezing at your ass and pulling your heat towards him. 

But you were concentrated on the bullet hole, your tongue working in circles in and around it. You were completely shocked at yourself--being able to stomach what you were doing. But you tried not to think about it too hard, focusing on Kylo's huffed breathing above you, his hands digging into your skin. 

After a few minutes, your lips and tongue covered in deep red blood, you finished, his bicep void of the irony liquid. Finally, he released you with a low growl, your head falling back against the cabinets as you sucked in quick breaths. He glanced down at his arm, his teeth still clenched as his gaze returned to you, his eyes churning with desperate hunger. 

"Good girl," He mumbled, leaning towards you as he smirked, one of his hand floating up to your chin and rubbing softly against your bottom lip. As he pulled it back, blood came off on his fingertips, and he exhaled slowly, bringing it to his own mouth and sucking down his digits, moaning quietly as he stared into your eyes. 

He leaned towards you, his waist pressing against your legs hanging over the sides of the countertop. As he did, you felt his length press against you through his pants, hard and erect. You whimpered softly, his hand floating down to your thigh and hiking up your dress. 

He pushed it up to your waist, holding the fabric there and moving to toy with the hem of your underwear. He wrapped the cloth around his digits, pulling it slowly down your legs and slipping it off your feet, the thin silk floating to the ground. 

Without skipping a beat, he was fiddling with his belt, undoing it with feverish desperation, practically ripping it from his waist and throwing it to the floor with a loud clang. 

A moment later, his pants were resting at the bottom of his legs, his cock springing free from the fabric and meeting your wide-eyed gaze. Your mouth began to water as you stared down at it, reaching for it greedily. But before you could, Kylo grabbed your wrists, yanking them upwards and pinning them against the cabinets above your head. You groaned, but his grip only tightened, his eyes flashing deviously as he held you captive.

"What do you want?" He breathed, leaning towards your ear and nibbling softly at the side of your chin. 

"You." You whispered, your voice dripping with desperation. 

"And what else?" You paused, gulping and feeling your heart rate pick up at what you were about to say next.

"I want you to fuck me." You choked, your face burning with embarrassment. Kylo moaned softly, sliding forward and dragging his length through your folds, teasing you annoyingly. You whimpered, one of his hands suddenly appearing at your clit, rubbing slowly around it. Your nerves felt like they were on fire, and you bucked your hips towards him needily. But he just laughed, pulling back once more and pressing harder against your wrists. 

"I want to hear you scream my name." He breathed, his words trailing over your neck as he sucked soft kisses into your skin. 

"But Alex--" You began. But instantly, you regretted the words, Kylo pulling back and staring at you with fury filled, crazed eyes. 

"What about him?" He hissed, his voice like venom. 

"What if he hears?" You shook your head, glancing quickly towards the hallway. But in the flash of an eye, one of Kylo's hands was back at your chin, his digits digging into your jaw once more. He jolted your head to the side, forcing your face towards his as he glared. You shivered, his teeth bared as he spoke again. 

"I want him to know," He seethed, rage radiating through him with every breath, "Who gets to fuck you now." You gulped, your skin tingling with terror and also, excitement, anticipation for whatever was about to happen next nipping at your nerves. You nodded weakly against his grip, and he shifted in front of you, his length positioned in front of your core. 

You closed your eyes, expecting for him to thrust into you, but instead, he let go of your hands above your head, moving instead to your thighs and digging his digits into your skin with a sting. You winced, but didn't resist, whimpering again as Kylo shoved your legs even further apart than they already were, your heat now completely exposed to him as he stared at you with hungry eyes. 

Without another moment of hesitation, Kylo pushed forward, splitting you open with one strong, painful thrust. You screamed, leaning against him and wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders, searching for any kind of support as he slammed into you, picking up a quick rhythm. He rocked you back and forth on the countertop, the back of your head hitting the cabinets every time he pushed forward, but you barely even noticed it, your nerves dancing with euphoria. 

You wrapped your legs around Kylo's waist instinctively as he huffed loudly, pushing deeper into you, his length filling you completely. Your walls clenched around him, waves of pleasure seeping through your core with each movement. 

You only noticed after you ran your hands down the sides of his arms that he was bleeding again, much more rapidly than just a moment before, and you pushed back from his chest, staring at it with wide, horrified eyes. 

"Kylo--stop," You huffed, trying to pause his thrusts, but he just grunted at you, refusing to relent, his face twisted in a mixture of pain and bliss. "Stop, you're bleeding again--"

"I'm fine." He said shortly, his breaths short and rushed as he continued to pound against you, a quiet moan escaping past his lips. 

"No, you're not, please just stop--" Suddenly, Kylo erupted, his hand flying into your hair and pinning your head back against the cabinets, his teeth bared as he hissed at you. 

"I decide when I need to stop." He seethed, his eyes looking completely crazed, like he'd lost all ability to think clearly. "I'm fine." You paused, staring at him with pleading eyes. But you could tell that he wasn't going to listen to you. You couldn't stop him. You sighed, nodding to the best of your ability as he finally released your scalp, your head hanging in defeat.

He picked his pace back up, the sound of skin slapping against skin replacing words, Kylo's mouth moving by your ear and nipping at your neck. You hummed, trying to forget about the fact that he was still bleeding out and instead focusing on his lips against your skin, now sucking sloppy marks along your exposed chest. 

Despite your overthinking mind, you could still feel the tightness beginning to form in your stomach, your climax creeping up slowly. You moaned, one of Kylo's hands again returning to your clit, drawing circles around it and sending a shiver through your body. You could feel your legs beginning to shake, your hands digging into the fabric of his undershirt, your knuckles going white as you held on for dear life. 

You could tell he was close too, his thrusts becoming sloppier and less strong, exhaustion seeping through his performance. 

"Kylo--" You whimpered, feeling your body start to tense in preparation. He groaned, somehow sinking even deeper into you as he gripped your ass tightly. 

"Scream my name when you cum." He heaved, biting your shoulder lightly. "I want everyone for miles to hear it."

"Kylo," You moaned, biting your lip and closing your eyes. 

"Who gets to fuck you?"

"You do," You breathed, your face buried in his shoulder. "Only you do."

"And no one else." He hissed, driving harder into your core, his own words seeming to spur him on. "Only me."

"Only you." You repeated, the air around the two of you hot with sweaty sex. 

"You're mine." He muttered, as if he was reassuring himself. "Forever. Mine."

"Mhm." You couldn't really process what he was saying anymore, your orgasm just thrusts away. You were gasping for breath, your hairline slicked with perspiration, beads of sweat dripping down the sides of your face. And Kylo was even hotter, his skin warm to the touch as your hands ran along the back of his neck, gripping his shaggy mop of hair for support. 

You moaned again as Kylo rammed into you once more, your climax so close. And as he thrusted again, his thumb pressing against your clit, you snapped, your orgasm crashing over you as you screamed. 

"Kylo, ugh, fuck--Kylo!" As you moaned his name, your voice cracking with pleasure, you felt him crack, his climax tearing through him as he groaned deeply, his body collapsing on top of yours. He cum shot into your core as he kept thrusting, moaning quietly as he continued to kiss feverishly along your chest, sucking your nipple back between his lips. You hummed, your head still buried in his shoulder with your eyes closed, catching your breath as your climax slowly dissipated. 

You shivered, warmth seeping through you as your nerves tingled excitedly. You were gasping for air, sweat beading at your brows as your arms stayed wrapped around Kylo's shoulders, holding him to you as he finished thrusting, slowing to a stop with muffled grunts. Your eyes fluttered back open, and you rubbed your hands over his back and tracing along the seams in his undershirt, the fabric soft to the touch. 

Again, you tried to ignore the river of blood still pouring from his wound, choosing to say nothing and to enjoy the moment. 

Bliss seeped through you as you laid against him, his hands still grabbing at your ass and sliding up to the small of your back, pulling you closer as he exhaled slowly, his orgasm slipping away. You moved your hands up to his head, running your fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp, kissing at the edges of his ears and earning a satisfied hum from his lips. 

Once more, you had that feeling of safety in his arms. Like nothing would be able to hurt you as long as he was there. And you wanted to savor it for as long as possible, the feeling like a drug that you just couldn't quit. 

But you were snapped out of your daze abruptly as you suddenly heard the clearing of someone's throat across the room. Your eyes snapped open with horror and you looked towards the hallway, your stomach threatening to empty as your eyes fell on Alex, leaning against the wall with a pale, sickened look on his face. 

Along with that, he also looked extremely pissed, but you weren't as focused on his facial expressions as you were with the fact that he was staring at you, wrapped around Kylo's waist with your tits out, his dick still inside of you as you sat on the countertop. You'd never wanted to die more in your life. 

Your jaw fell open, your face going as white as a ghost as you stared at him, your heart refusing to beat in your chest. Humiliation and shame washed over you like a tidal wave, along with guilt, and you had to force back the bile in your throat, bubbling up through your esophagus. 

"The walls are thin here." He said shortly, his voice tense and cold. "Just so you're aware."

"Oh--" Was all you could choke out, your chest tight as air struggled to enter your lungs. 

"Yeah." He shook his head, turning back around and limping down the hallway, stopping at his door and turning back to you once more. "Also, if you have time, I threw up a second ago. I think I have a fever." He paused, shaking his head again, "But it looks like you're busy right now, so. Don't feel any kind of rush to help me." He sighed, disappearing back inside his door and slamming it closed, leaving you and Kylo--staring blankly at where he was just standing. 

Dead silence fell over the two of you, humiliation sealing your throat shut as your mouth hung open in shock. For what seemed like hours, neither of you said a word, but slowly, you took in a shaky breath, gulping. 

"You said you wanted him to hear." Was the first thing you could think to say, glancing at him with wide eyes, your mouth still hanging open. 

You expected for him to snap back at you. To somehow say that it was all your fault. But instead, you watched as his expression slowly shifted from one of shock to a smile. A wide smile at that, the dimples in his cheeks reappearing as he threw his head back. 

And to your surprise: he started laughing. Of all things. Laughing. At your absolute misery.

"Holy shit," He reached up, rubbing at his temples. "I didn't think he actually would. I thought he was half dead in there."

You smirked, a quiet laugh spilling from your lips as you leaned back against Kylo's chest, his hand moving into your hair and stroking it calmingly. 

"You need to go help him." He mumbled, pulling back from you and slipping out, tucking himself back into his pants and adjusting the fabric over his hips. You scoffed, looking down at yourself, your dress stained in Kylo's blood, your chest covered in what seemed like a million hickeys, and sticky cum dripping down the insides of your legs. 

"That is the absolute last thing I want to do right now." You groaned, rolling your eyes, "Ugh--but I have to, don't I?"

"I told you not to bring him along." Kylo said jokingly, smirking at you.

"Shut up, you asshole." You laughed, sliding off the countertop and wincing as you stood up, the space between your legs sore and aching. Kylo chuckled to himself. 

"I need supplies," You muttered, sliding your underwear back on and adjusting your dress over your frame, covering the hickeys to the best of your ability. "I don't know how I'm going to help either of you without any."

"There's a first aid kit here." Kylo said, turning and reaching for one of the cabinets. "Every safe house has one." He opened it, pulling out a small, white box with the symbol of the First Order painted on top. He handed it to you, glancing down quickly at his own wound, which was still leaking pools of blood. 

"Oh thank god," You sighed, taking it from him and holding it against your chest. You glanced at his lesion, cringing. "Are you going to let me stitch that up after I help him?" Kylo paused, swallowing as he tensed his jaw. "Please?" He sighed, chewing on the inside of his lip before finally nodding slowly. 

"Fine." He muttered. You smiled widely. "Fine" was good enough for you. 

"Thank you." You turned your back to him, heading towards the hallway and to Alex's room, taking a deep breath before pushing open the door, plastering a fake smile across your face. 

As soon as you walked inside, he sat up, looking at you through thinned eyes, his lips in a rigid, straight line. You knew what he was thinking. 

That you'd betrayed him. That you'd replaced him too quickly. That you were making a huge mistake. You just hoped that he wouldn't say any of it out loud. 

You walked over to his bed, trying your best to ignore the stickiness between your legs every time you took a step. He watched you in silence as you laid the First Aid kit out on the comforter, keeping your eyes on the materials and avoiding his at all cost. 

You grabbed gauze, a bandage, and cleaning solution, un-packaging it and bringing it towards his wound with careful hands. His gash was wide and deep, far too wide to stitch back together, and it already seemed to be getting infected, the sides red and inflamed. You held back the vomit in your throat as you doused a cloth in the solution, dabbing delicately at the laceration. 

Alex winced, sucking in sharp breaths through clenched teeth as he gripped the sheets tightly, pulling on them every time you touched the materials to his skin. You wiped away the blood, cleaning the edges and disinfecting the affected areas. 

After you finished, you took the bandage, wrapping it around his leg with careful movements and tying it off. You sighed, stepping back and admiring your work. You were satisfied with what you'd done, and you fake-smiled towards him, still avoiding his eyes. 

"Okay, that should hold off any infections for now. We just have to keep cleaning it routinely to make sure--"

"Are you serious about this guy?" His voice cut you off, your stomach dropping immediately. You stopped, sighing and hanging your head. 

"Alex..."

"No, I really want to know what you see in him, Y/N."

"You don't know him like I do." You said shortly, grabbing the materials and packing them up as quickly as you could. 

"Then explain it to me." He shook his head, "What the fuck can he give you that I can't?" You didn't respond, just grabbing the kit and beginning to walk out of the room. "You're gonna come running back to me when you realize who he really is." He spat, "He'a a traitor--a fucking coward. He lied to you Y/N! And you don't even seem to care. You're too blinded by lust to see what's right in front of you." 

At that, you stopped, your blood boiling in your veins. You whipped around, your eyes thinned and glaring daggers at him. 

"He saved my life." You hissed, "And yours. You should be grateful for what he's done."

"Grateful!" Alex laughed sarcastically, throwing his hands up. "Oh yes, tell him I say thank you so much for stealing my girlfriend and tricking you into thinking that whatever the two of you have is real at all."

"Oh my god--just shut the fuck up!" You screamed, feeling yourself explode with anger. "You don't know anything about what we have!"

"I know that he will never love you like I can."

"Well I never loved you nearly as much as I love him."

The words left your mouth before you could catch them, your heart instantly dropping to the ground as you watched Alex's expression fall, all the life seeming to drain from his face at once. "Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't mean to--"

"Just stop." He whispered, his voice void of all emotion. You choked, feeling hot tears pool in the corners of your eyes. 

"I--"

"Please," He cut you off, turning away from your gaze and staring down at his lap. "Just...leave." You wanted to say so many more things. That wasn't how you'd wanted it to come out at all. But what could you possibly say now.? There was no way to take it back. The damage was done.

So you just swallowed the lump in your throat, holding back your tears as you turned your back to him, walking shamefully out of the room and into the hallway. You closed the door behind you, the hinge snapping closed as you stared at the wall across from you, your heart lurching painfully at what you'd just said. 

And what was worse. It was true. Every word of it. You'd never loved Alex as much as you loved Kylo. And that brought on a new wave of overwhelming realizations. The strongest one being: 

You loved Kylo. 

Undeniably, desperately loved him. And somehow admitting that to yourself was the hardest part of it all--but also the best at the same time.


	17. Nearly As Much

Kylo watched you in silence as you laid the first aid kit out on the table, the dust on the surface blowing up into your face in a thick cloud. You fanned it away, clearing your throat as you opened the box, pulling out a cloth and a bottle of cleaning solution. Dousing the towel in the liquid, you looked up at him, searching his expression.

But his face was blank, his eyes focused on your hands as they reached for his wound, the cloth dabbing lightly at the skin around it. He sucked in a pained breath, his eyes squeezing shut as you continued to wipe away the blood, cleaning away any infection.

Slowly, you moved towards the center of the gash, touching delicately at it. But even then, he jerked back, his fists balled tightly as he groaned.

"I know," You said, wincing, "I'm sorry."

You continued, finishing the first step and laying the cloth down on the table, stained with his dried blood.

"Okay," You shook your head, "Here comes the painful part."

"It's already painful." He grumbled.

"I know." You repeated, biting your lip, "Just...Don't pull away when I try to do this."

"I'll try." He muttered.

You reached back into the kit, taking a thin silver needle between your fingertips along with stitching thread. Kylo took in a deep breath as you reached back towards his arm, pausing before you lowered the needle to his skin.

"Just try not to move." You said, your hands shaking slightly at the thought of making a mistake. Of hurting him.

"Are you sure you know how to do this?" He questioned, jerking away slightly as your finger grazed against the edge of his wound. You looked up towards him, nodding reassuringly. It was true, you did know how to do this. The only problem was that you hadn't practiced in years.

For some reason, your mother had always insisted that you learn all sorts of medical information. You never knew why, but still, it was proving useful now.

"Yes of course I do." You said over-confidently, hoping that if you said it like it was a fact than you would convince yourself too.

"And you're not going to try to get the bullet out?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't want to risk you bleeding out." You mumbled, exhaling slowly. You gulped, taking in a deep breath before lowering the needle to his gash, your hands trembling wildly.

"You're shaking." He said, pulling back once more.

"Shut up, I'm trying to focus." You snapped at him, stress coursing through your bloodstream as you stared at the lesion in his arm. With one last deep breath, you finally pushed the needle into his skin, Kylo groaning as you began to stitch the wound back together. Blood seeped from the bullet hole as you continued, making you nauseated almost immediately. But you ignored the sick feeling, staying focused as you lead the needle though his skin with shaky hands.

You were halfway done, pulling the wound closed stitch by stitch, Kylo groaning every time you pushed the sharp tip back in. After what seemed like hours, nervous sweat beading at your brow, you finally finished, tying it off tightly and cutting the excess thread away with tiny scissors. You sighed, sitting back on the couch and admiring your work. Pretty good for not having practiced in years, but you still cringed as you looked at it, thick blood seeping from the sides.

You picked the cloth back up, leaning forward to dab lightly at the fresh stitches, wiping away the liquid and pressing against the wound, attempting to stop the flow. Kylo watched you in silence as you did, his eyes flicking over your hand on his arm, his chest rising in slow, calm breaths.

"What did Alex say?" He suddenly asked, meeting your gaze as you glanced up at him, "When you went in there a minute ago."

"Oh," You shook your head, your cheeks beginning to burn at the mention of that conversation. "Nothing really."

"It sounded like a fight."

"Oh...yeah, he yelled at me about some stuff." You tried to brush it off like it was nothing, praying that he wouldn't push further with the conversation. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case. 

"Like what?" Kylo chuckled, but when you didn't return his sentiment, he stopped. You bit your lip as you avoided his eyes, fighting the lump that had somehow reappeared in your throat. "Hey, are you okay?" He whispered, reaching up to lay his hand over yours, pulling you away from his wound and winding your fingers together.

"I'm sorry, I just," You cleared your throat, "I just feel really bad. For what I did to him."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want to hear about this." You shook your head, pulling your hand away, but Kylo shifted closer to you, grabbing it again.

"No, I do." He nodded, his thumb rubbing comfortingly against your wrist. You paused, gulping and staring down at your lap.

"We were in love." You muttered, your voice cracking, "And suddenly I just...didn't feel it anymore. But he doesn't understand. And nothing I can say to him will make it better." Kylo watched you, saying nothing but continuing to hold your hand. "I just don't know how to explain that it wasn't his fault. He didn't do anything wrong. My feelings just changed."

"He'll understand eventually, he's just hurt right now." Kylo offered, reaching his hand up to push back a strand of your hair.

"I know," You nodded solemnly, "But...I said something I shouldn't have in there. I feel horrible about it."

"It couldn't have been that bad." Kylo tried to comfort you, "What did you say?" You paused, biting your lip and glancing up at him. Your heart slammed as you met his eyes, the words forming in your mind and floating to your lips in a whisper.

"I told him that I never loved him nearly as much as I love you." You breathed, the air around you seeming to go ice cold as a shiver ran up your spine.

Your hands shook violently as Kylo's face flashed an expression you didn't recognize. One you couldn't place. He froze, sitting there in silence as if he'd gone completely mute, staring at you with wide, blank eyes. The quiet dragged on for what seemed like forever, your heart skipping a beat every time he breathed, anticipation for a bad reaction nipping at your nerves. Your stomach began to churn painfully as you waited for him to speak, your lip trembling as the silence continued.

But finally, Kylo took in a deep breath, his lips parting slightly as words formed on his tongue.

"You love me?" He said quietly, his eyes flickering over every part of you face. You gulped again, feeling nauseated.

"I do."

Your words hung in the air as he went mute again, and you worried that he would be able to hear your slamming heartbeat in the dead quiet, the pulse echoing through your bones.

"I'm sorry if you weren't ready to hear that," You muttered after a few moments, shaking your head embarrassingly. You took his silence as a clear response, your stomach dropping painfully. "I shouldn't have—god, just forget I said anything." You stood up from the couch, turning your back to him and walking quickly towards the hallway. 

But as soon as you took a step, you felt Kylo's hand wrap around your wrist, yanking you back towards him. You were spun back around, colliding with his body as he grabbed your face in his hands, forcing your lips to his.

You could feel him smiling widely against your mouth as he kissed you, your heart leaping in a way that sent warmth through your whole body, creeping into every corner and crevice of your mind. He wrapped his arms around your frame, pulling you to his chest as he rocked you back and forth, his hands buried in your hair. He pulled back from the kiss, still smiling widely as he pressed his forehead to yours.

"There's no way that you could ever love me nearly as much as I love you." He breathed, his hands cupping your chin as he held your face against his.

All at once, you wanted to cry. You wanted to scream. You wanted to faint, and by the way you got lightheaded at his words--you almost did. You wanted to jump around like an idiot and yell at the top of your lungs about what you'd just been told. 

You couldn't believe it. The most beautiful man you'd ever laid your eyes on loved you. He loved you. He was yours. And he loved you. 

"Really?" You squeaked, your cheeks glowing with joy as he held you, his hands enormous in comparison to your face as he cupped your chin. 

"Really." He muttered, leaning down once more to plant a soft kiss on your lips, his body warm and comforting as you ran your hands down his chest. You could feel his heartbeat as it vibrated through his ribcage--strong and steady. And you wanted to cry happy tears again at the realization that it beat for you now. Like yours did for him. 

He pulled back from the kiss, staring down at you with his dark eyes, his pupils widening as his gaze met yours. You smiled widely, your cheeks hurting from it as you leaned against his chest, taking in a deep breath and inhaling his scent. Sweet and earthy, but clean, like fresh laundry. 

You nuzzled your face into his shirt, the soft fabric rubbing comfortingly against your cheek. And as you did, he moved his hand to the back of your head, running his fingers lightly through your hair and stroking down your back. 

It was another one of those moments that you never wanted to leave. It was almost too perfect to be real, and for a moment you caught yourself wandering if maybe it was all a dream. But as a loud sound came from the hallway, a door slamming abruptly against the wall, you were brought back to reality all too quickly. 

Pulling back from Kylo in a flash, you stood awkwardly next to him, glancing towards the noise. When you did, your eyes fell on Alex, limping out of his room and towards the two of you, a nasty scowl in his face. You sighed. This most certainly wasn't a dream if he was in it. More like a nightmare. 

He hobbled into the living room, flopping down in one of the chairs and staring at the floor, refusing to meet your gaze. He exhaled, adjusting his leg. 

"I'm leaving." He said shortly, his jaw tight. You scoffed. 

"Alex, come on, you're not leaving. You can barely even stand." You rolled your eyes, stepping towards him. 

"No--" He held up his hand, stopping you. "I don't want your help, and I don't want to hear any arguments. I'm leaving, and that's all I wanted to say."

"This is ridiculous," You raised your voice, "Your leg doesn't work. You can't walk. There's no way for you to leave."

"Let me make myself perfectly clear," He snapped, finally glaring up at you with flames behind his eyes, "I would rather die a long, slow death than stay here with the two of you any longer. It's torture."

"Look, I'm sorry that you saw...us earlier," You muttered, your face burning, "But you're being way too dramatic about this. Please go lay back down."

"No," He struggled to his feet, leaning against the chair for support, "I'm leaving. And there's nothing you can do to stop me." Kylo had been listening in silence, but as you glanced up at him, your eyes pleading for some sort of help, he cleared his throat, sighing. 

"You should probably go lay back down." He mumbled. 

"Oh really?" Alex hissed, "Because you care so much about what happens to me? Shut the fuck up, you bastard."

"Stop." You warned him, but Alex didn't listen, continuing with a nasty tone.

"First you steal my girlfriend from me, then somehow, you trick her into falling in love with you, then your family attacks our kingdom, then you try to leave me for dead. Please, do not humor me with your fake concern for my wellbeing. I've had enough of this bullshit."

You glanced nervously at Kylo, who's shoulders had tensed along with his jaw, his hands balled into tight fists. But he was holding himself back for your sake, his chest rising and falling calmly. You groaned, rubbing your temples. 

"Fine, you know what Alex? Leave." You spat, growing fed up yourself. "I saved you because I care about you, but if you can't see that, then just go." He stared at you for a moment, his eyes thinned into slits before he huffed loudly, pushing himself off from the support of the couch and limping pathetically across the room. 

You shook your head as he struggled to the door, gripping the handle tightly and whipping it open, cold mountain air flooding in from outside. He turned around, glaring at you and Kylo once more.

"One day you'll realize the mistake you've made." He hissed, pointing an accusatory finger at Kylo. "He doesn't love you."

And with that, he stormed out into the forest--to the best of his ability, slamming the door shut behind him and leaving you and Kylo alone in silence. 

You wondered if you should go after him, but what good would it do. It seemed like he'd made up his mind, and you didn't feel like fighting him on it anymore. He wasn't your responsibility now. You had to let him go. 

"Are you okay?" Kylo finally mumbled, breaking the silence and glancing down at you. 

"Yeah," You nodded, sighing, "I am." Kylo offered you a weak smile, opening up his arms for you to lay back against his chest. You did, wrapping around him and closing your eyes, trying to forget that Alex had ever happened in the first place. 

"He's wrong." Kylo muttered after a few moments, playing with a strand of your hair.

"About what?"

"He said that I don't love you." Kylo's voice lowered, rumbling through his chest. "I'll prove to you that I do."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The man sitting across from you was tall. Not as tall as Kylo, but tall. He had hazel eyes, and scruffy brown hair that stayed in place over his forehead, not falling over his face like Kylo's did. His chin was defined and covered in a light scruff, his dark brows furrowed suspiciously as he glanced between you and Kylo, sitting together on the couch in front of him. 

He wore a loose beige button up, an old, frayed scarf around his neck and dark brown pants. His belt, thick and leather, held hooks and holsters all around it, the barrel of a gun sticking out of one on his side. 

He shifted in the chair, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, clicking his tongue as he shook his head. He chuckled lightly. 

"I never thought I'd see the day." He leaned froward, resting his elbows against his knees. "That we would be on the same side, Ren."

"Trust me, I didn't either." Kylo grumbled, "But things have changed. We need your help, Poe."

"The prince of the First Order," Poe chuckled again, "Asking for my help."

"You have troops. Numbers. We need an army if we're going to have a prayer at taking my father down."

"What makes you think that I would just hand over my troops to you?" Poe leaned back again. "You've spent the last twenty years trying to get rid of us."

"I'm sorry--" You interjected, catching their attention. "Who exactly is us?"

Kylo hadn't told you anything about who this man was. Only that he could be the only chance you had at saving the Resistance.

"The Rebellion." Poe responded, "We've been trying to take down the First Order for decades." You nodded slowly. The Rebellion? You'd had no idea that they even existed. "I'm Poe," The man reached for your hand, "Poe Dameron. Leader of the organization." 

"Nice to meet you," You shook it, "I'm--"

"I know who you are." Poe chucked again, letting go of your hands and flopping back into the chair again. "So this is still going on?" He gestured between the two of you, grinning deviously, "Even after you found out that it was all a hoax, princess?" You glanced at Kylo, who you could tell was hating this interaction, but was trying his best not to show it. 

"I was angry, yes." You muttered, "But it wasn't all a lie."

"Oh, is that what you've convinced her?" Poe said teasingly, staring at Kylo. "Damnit Ren, you really are manipulative. And you really think I'll fall for your tricks just as easily?"

"There's no trick." Kylo grumbled, his voice threatening to come off as a growl. "I want to take my father down just as badly as you do."

"Hmm." Poe huffed doubtfully, fiddling with his thumbs. He paused, seeming to get lost in thought for a moment. "Let's say I did let you command my troops." He spoke again, "What's your plan?"

"If we can get the surviving citizens of the Resistance to join us, I know we'll outnumber the First Order's army. We storm the palace, take out the guards at the gate--which is where it will be the most heavily stationed. Then I can find my way to my father."

"And then what?" Poe shook his head, "You're gonna ask him nicely to give the princess back her kingdom?"

"I'm going to kill him." Kylo said lowly, his voice echoing ominously through the room. A shiver ran up your spine as you looked over at him, your eyes wide. He hadn't told you this. 

"Kill him?" You whispered, "Kylo, are you sure--"

"I've wanted to do it for a long time." He said coldly, his eyes focused on the ground, "It has to be done."

"So you kill him," Poe continued, "Then what?"

"Then I take his place as King and I reward you with as much money as you demand." Kylo looked back up at him, his face blank. "Name a price." Poe smirked, looking pleased as he glanced between the two of you again. 

"This all sounds great." He laughed, "But you have to understand, I need some sort of insurance policy." Kylo nodded, his shoulders tensing. Poe paused, glancing at you and looking you up and down. "If you betray me, she comes with us."

"What?" You seethed, standing up from your chair and staring down at him. 

"You can't be serious." Kylo shook his head, "She's a human being, not a prize."

"She gives us leverage." Poe said simply, resting his hands in his lap and sighing. "It's her, or no deal."

"This is ridiculous--" Kylo started, but Poe clicked his tongue again, interrupting him. 

"We only take her if you betray us." He shrugged, "If you aren't going to do that, then you have nothing to worry about. Right?" Kylo paused, glancing between the two of you. 

"Right." He mumbled, and you scoffed, disgusted at both of them. 

"You can't just offer me up like that." You exclaimed at Kylo, "And you can't just decide to take me." You shook your head at Poe. "Neither of you have any say over what I do."

"I hate to break this to you, princess." Poe sucked in a breath through his teeth, "But our troops will have little to no problem seizing you. With or without your permission." You gawked at him in disbelief, turning towards Kylo in the hope that he'd back you up. Say something in your defense. But he just sat there, staring down at his lap in quiet defeat. 

You scoffed, slumping back down on the couch and rubbing at your temples. Poe took the silence that fell over the room as an agreement, reaching his hand towards Kylo's and smiling.

"Good then." Kylo shook it weakly, still looking down at his lap, "I'm glad we've reached an agreement. Pleasure doing business with the two of you."

With that, he stood, striding towards the door and whipping it open. The cold air streamed inside as he paused in the entryway, turning over his shoulder. 

"Our troops will be ready by next week." He called, "I'll be in touch." He smiled deviously once more before slamming the door back shut, leaving you and Kylo alone once more to process what had just happened. 

And with every new second you took to think about it, you only got more and more angry. 

"I'm not going with him." You snapped, standing up again and pacing around the living room. 

"You won't have to," Kylo muttered, "We won't go back on our promises."

"I can't believe you agreed to that." You hissed, running your hands through your hair exasperatedly.

"I didn't want to."

"But you did."

"He's not going to take you," Kylo stood up, moving towards you, "I won't let him." You sighed, looking down at your feet as Kylo approached you, standing only a few feet away. 

"Are you really going to kill your father?" You asked, changing the subject and peering up at him.

"I am." He nodded, meeting your gaze. 

"What about your mom?"

"I love my mother." Kylo said, "She's wanted to escape from him for as long as I can remember. But she's never been able to." He paused, his eyes darkening. "If I kill him, then we're both free."

"But what if something goes wrong?" You whispered, stepping towards him, "What if you get hurt again, I can't--"

"I won't." He interrupted, reaching his arms around you and pulling you to his chest. "I'll be back before you even start to miss me."

"Oh no, I'm going with you." You muttered against his shirt. "There's no way you're leaving me here." Immediately, Kylo grabbed your shoulders, pulling you back and staring at you with wide eyes. 

"You are not coming." He said shortly, "It's too dangerous."

"I'm sorry, who saved your life after you got shot?" You protested, "I killed that guy, and I also know my way through the palace. You need me." Kylo furrowed his brows, scowling. 

"I don't want anything to happen to you." He said, his tone softening. 

"It won't." You leaned back against his chest, taking a deep breath. "I promise."


	18. He Can't See Our Hands

The gun felt heavy in your hand, the metal thick and hard to grip. You ran your finger along the side of it, catching a glimpse of your blurry reflection in the shiny surface. 

"Do you know how to load it?" Kylo asked from over your shoulder, cocking his own rifle into place and securing it at his hip. 

"Mhm." You nodded, sliding the magazine into place with a click and tucking the weapon into your makeshift belt, hanging loosely around your waist. 

"I really wish you would just stay here." Kylo mumbled, walking towards you and handing you a small dagger, which you also tucked away. 

"No way." You shook your head, "Someone has to be there to save your ass." Kylo smirked, laughing softly as he rolled his shoulders back, letting out a long sigh. 

"Fine." He breathed, pushing his shaggy hair out of his eyes, "Let's go."

He stepped past you to the door, swinging it open as cold mountain air blew inside in a strong gust. You sucked it in, letting the fresh smell replace the mildewy scent of the safe house, filling your body with renewed energy. And you would need it today. 

A black car sat in front of the house, the dark windows once more hiding whoever was driving. But as Kylo made his way to it, rapping his knuckles on the surface, the window slowly slid down, the face of a young man appearing to you.

He looked about your age, maybe a little older. He had short, dark hair and skin, and was clothed in a beige leather jacket with red detailing. He leaned out of the window, his deep brown eyes scanning over you and Kylo in silence. 

"What's the code?" He said shortly, his voice low. 

"FN2187." Kylo said, glancing back towards you and motioning for you to stand next to him. You complied, walking up to the car as the man scanned you up and down. He paused, tightening his jaw. 

"Get in." He finally replied, gesturing towards the backseat and rolling the window up, hiding his face from view. Kylo glanced at you, nodding towards the door and following you into the car, closing it behind you. 

The inside of it was perfectly clean, the seats made of an expensive looking black leather. The backseat windows were tinted too, hiding your identities to anyone passing by. You slid into your seat, Kylo moving in next to you and buckling his seatbelt over his lap. You did the same, glancing up towards the driver's seat and watching the man move the car into gear and press on the gas.

You began forward, the safe house disappearing behind you as the car sped down the mountainside, trees closing in overhead and casting shadows over the vehicle. You glanced out of the window, observing the forest around you and wondering where Alex had gone. If he was still alive, even. You couldn't imagine that he'd be able to get very far. You shivered at the thought of him collapsing to the ground, bleeding out alone and terrified until he slowly faded away. And the fact that he would die hating you made you want to vomit even more. 

"You look familiar." Kylo's voice snapped you out of your daze, ending the silence that had fallen over the car. 

"I should." The man scoffed, "You tried to kill me."

"What? I--" Kylo stuttered, some sort of shameful expression casting over his face. 

"Yeah, about a year ago." The man continued, "We attacked the First Order's army at a trading outpost and you shot me in the leg while we were retreating. I'm not surprised that you don't remember." You glanced between the two of them, watching as Kylo's face went pale. "I barely got away." The man kept his eyes on the road, "Got a nasty scar though."

"I'm sorry." Kylo said shamefully, "I was misguided back then."

"I'm not sure you've changed." The man grumbled, "But Poe seems to believe you."

"I want the same thing that you do." Kylo protested, "To take my father down."

"You'll have to prove it, then." The man finally peeked over his shoulder, his eyes dark and thinned. Silence fell back over the car for a moment, and you sighed. 

"May I ask your name?" You offered, the man glancing quickly at you. 

"Finn." He mumbled.

"I'm--"

"Yeah, I know." He cut you off, exhaling loudly. You seemed to keep forgetting who exactly you were.

"Oh, yes sorry. Well, it's nice to meet you, Finn."

"Hm."

The next few minutes were spent in silence, the forest ending and leading you out into an open clearing, the edges of the city appearing in the distance. Your stomach churned as you stared at it, the toppled buildings growing closer and closer. 

"There's a search warrant out for the two of you." Finn muttered, "They check cars at the edge of the city."

"What?" You cried, your voice shrill with panic.

"Calm down," Finn raised his hand, "Look down, do you see the little hook on the floor by your feet?" You glanced down, noticing a little silver clasp next to your foot. There was one below Kylo as well. 

"Yes."

"They're hidden compartments." Finn said simply, "You can hide inside of them while we go through the checkpoint." You gulped, eyeing the hook and leaning down to grab it. You pulled at it, lifting up the floor panel and revealing a shallow space, big enough for a person to fit in. A small person, though. You glanced at Kylo, wondering how his tall, wide frame would possibly fit. He looked just as concerned, his brows furrowed. "You guys should probably get in now." Finn called back to you, "We're almost there."

You gulped, unbuckling your seatbelt and siding towards the ground, stepping tentatively into the cramped space. You took once last glimpse at Kylo before cramming your body into the shallow box, taking in a deep breath before closing the hatch over your head. 

Darkness fell over you as you laid on your side, your knees pulled to your chest as the car continued to roll forward, the vibrations of the tires against the ground rumbling through your bones. You could hear what was going in the car above you, and you could tell that Kylo was struggling to fit into the space, his frustrated grunts and growls getting more and more frequent.

Eventually though, they came to a stop, the sound of his hatch closing echoing through the vehicle. You could imagine that there was only a thin wall separating the two of you from each other, and you struggled to roll over, facing him. You knew that he couldn't see you, but you laid your hand up against the wall anyway, closing your eyes and pretending that he was doing the same. 

You breathed deeply to keep yourself calm, claustrophobia threatening to set in every time your eyes fluttered back open. But as the car suddenly rolled to a stop, the sound of voices from above you catching you attention, you only felt more panicked, your heartbeat racing. 

"Identification, please." A voice came, low and rumbling. You heard the rustling of papers, then he sound of a radio muttering inaudible words. 

"We have to ask everyone this," The guard's voice groaned, "But have you seen either of these people." The sound of rustling paper came again.

"I think that if I saw the prince and princess I'd alert someone." Finn replied, "No, I haven't seen either of them."

"Alright," The guard tapped on the side of the car, "Roll down the back windows." Finn complied, and the guard glanced inside before moving to the trunk, popping it open and inspecting the inside. When he was finished, you heard him walk back to the driver's door. "You're all clear." He said, tapping on the side of the car again as Finn thanked him, the wheels beginning to roll forward again. You felt the car bump over base of the gate leading into the city, the checkpoint disappearing behind you. 

"You guys can come out now." Finn called to you, and immediately you busted out of the space, gasping for fresh air. Sweat had beaded on your brow and under your arms, and you clambered back into your seat, savoring the amount of space and watching Kylo struggle to get back next to you. 

His body was crammed uncomfortably into the tiny box, and he had to shimmy out of it one limb at a time, grunting annoyedly with each movement. Eventually though, he dislodged himself, sliding back into the seat next to you and sighing loudly. 

"I hated that." He mumbled to himself, adjusting his clothes and glancing at you. You smirked. "Where are you taking us exactly?" He called to Finn, leaning forward and grabbing the back of his chair. 

"A safe house, hidden within the city." Finn replied, gripping the steering wheel tightly, "Poe's waiting for us there." Kylo nodded slowly, flopping back into his seat and shifting closer to you. 

Your eyes scanned over him, and you caught a glimpse of his arm, remembering his fresh stitches. They were about a week old now, but you still weren't confident in their strength. Especially in a battle. You raised your hand, touching your fingertips lightly against where the wound was underneath his shirt. 

He noticed you, turning his gaze on you and watching you in silence as you ran your hand down his arm, following where the lines of his veins would be and feeling his defined muscles underneath your digits. He smirked as you pulled away, blushing brightly. 

"Sorry," You looked down at your lap, fiddling with your thumbs. 

"Don't apologize," He whispered, leaning down next to your ear. When he spoke again, his breath tickling your neck, you nearly melted. "When we're done with this, you can touch me wherever you want." The space between your legs heated up in a flame, warmth spreading through your body as you tried to seem unaffected, but your blushing cheeks exposed you.

"Oh," Was all you could force out, your breath hitching as his hand suddenly appeared on your thigh, squeezing tightly and sliding up towards your heat. "Kylo--" You whispered, glancing nervously at Finn in the rear-view mirror. 

"He can't see my hands." He muttered back, kissing lightly along your neck and trailing up to your chin, his lips soft and gentle. You bit your tongue, holding back the moan threatening to escape past your lips as his hand grazed over your heat from over your dress. 

But with the flick of his wrist, the fabric of your gown was clenched tightly between his fist, sliding slowly up your legs, exposing your bare skin to his touch. You stared with wide eyes at the rearview mirror, checking again to make sure that Finn wasn't watching. Luckily, it looked like he wasn't paying any attention to the two of you, his eyes focused on the road ahead of him, covered in rubble and fallen bricks. 

Your breath hitched as Kylo's hand gripped your bare thigh, your skin tingling underneath his fingertips, his digits digging roughly into your leg. You let out a quiet hum as he moved even father up, teasing the inside of your thighs as your core throbbed for friction. But as soon as you made the noise, Kylo pulled away, his hands leaving you as he leaned toward your ear, nipping at your neck. 

"You can't make any noise." He mumbled, his lips trailing lightly over your skin. You shivered. "Can you be quiet?"

"Mhm," You nodded weakly, your body begging for his touch. 

"Hmm." Kylo smirked, leaning away from you and sitting back in his seat. "I don't think you can."

He was probably right. You most likely couldn't. But as your clit began to throb as you stared at him, your heart beat quickening with each passing second, you didn't care. You knew that he wanted you just as badly as you wanted him, his length pitching a tent in his pants as he sat back, sighing deeply. 

You wet your lips, a surge of desperate lust and confidence rushed through you as you shot out your hand, your digits closing around the outline of his cock in his pants with a tight grip. His eyes went wide with shock for a split second, but his expression was quickly replaced by one of excitement as he glanced over at you, his lips parted slightly and curling into a smirk.

Your heart was slamming at a dangerous pace, your cheeks burning warmly as he stared at you, your eyes locking together in an inescapable gaze. You twisted your hands slightly, and Kylo groaned quietly, his eyes fluttering. 

"Stop it." He grumbled, and you just twisted your wrist again, driving his hips to jerk towards your hand. 

"You really want me to stop?" You whispered, making sure that Finn wasn't looking one last time before leaning towards Kylo, your mouth hovering along his neck. "You said it yourself, he can't see our hands."

Kylo was breathing deeply, his jaw tight as he stared at you, watching your hand move slowly from the outline of his length to his belt, your digits toying with the buckle and slipping it through his pant loops. You moved it to the seat next to you, gripping his zipper between your fingertips and pulling down on it in a slow drag. 

Kylo's exhaled deeply as your hand slid underneath the fabric, feeling his skin against your digits and tracing lightly across his hip bone. He twitched against your touch, his fits clenching as he fought to control himself, your hand reaching the base of his cock. He sucked in a quick breath through clenched teeth, exhaling quickly and keeping his eyes on the front of the car. 

But you didn't stop, continuing down and wrapping your digits around his shaft, a low groan escaping past his lips. 

"Kylo..." You leaned back against his shoulder, your lips planting softly against his neck, "Can you be quiet?"

"No." He breathed, his eyes still focused on the rearview mirror. 

"Hm..." You smirked, "That's a shame." At that, you circled your thumb around the tip of his cock, Kylo letting out a shivered breath as he whipped his gaze towards you. But he didn't say anything in protest as you continued, your hand sliding up and down his shaft in a slow rhythm. You hummed to yourself as you coaxed a bead of pre-cum from his tip, smearing it along his length and working your way back to the base. 

Your cupped his balls in your palm and gently massaged them, his eyes nearly rolling back in your head as you continued, smirking deviously. You had that feeling of power again, the one you'd had when you made him beg to fuck you, the sensation of pure control coursing through your bloodstream. It clouded all of your clear, rational thoughts, spurring you on as you squeezed gently, his hips bucking forward instinctively to try and thrust into your palm. 

You glanced quickly at the rearview mirror, checking on Finn again, but he still didn't seem to be watching, or even paying attention to what the two of you were doing. It seemed like he could care less, or that he looked bored, one arm leaned against the car door with his head propped up against it. He drove slowly, one hand hanging limply off the top of the wheel. 

So you continued, your hand running back up his shaft and teasing at his tip, his breathing speeding up as a quiet growl escaped past his lips. Your core was throbbing for some sort of friction as you fisted his length, and you took your other hand, slipping it underneath your gown and underwear, your digits finding their way to your clit. You groaned quietly as you began to rub at it, your nerves dancing excitedly. 

Bliss seeped through your body as you continued to work your hand up and down Kylo's cock while you pleasured yourself at the same time, your legs shaking as you continued on. Your breath hitched quickly as you leaned your head back against the seat, your eyes fluttering closed. You choked back a loud moan as you slid your hand down to your core, slipping a single finger into your own cunt as your mouth fell open wordlessly. 

You could feel Kylo's eyes burning a hole in your face as he stared at you, his quickened breathing echoing through the small car. So far, he'd managed to stay pretty quiet, but you could tell that he was growing closer and closer to his climax, his hips attempting to thrust into your palm every few seconds. 

He was getting less careful, groaning at a noticeable volume as Finn's eyes suddenly flicked towards the two of you in the mirror, thinned suspiciously. You froze, halting your hands' movements and staring back at him, flashing a fake smile across your face. Luckily, Finn just rolled his eyes, returning his gaze to the road and sighing loudly. 

You returned to your previous pace as soon as he looked away, rubbing yourself closer and closer to your climax as Kylo seemed to be right on the edge, gripping the edge of his seat tightly and closing his eyes. You could tell he was fighting it to the best of his ability, his jaw tight and his shoulders tensed, but as you continued to slide your digits up and down his shaft, your thumb ghosting back over his tip, he couldn't hold it back anymore. 

He snapped suddenly, growling loudly to hide the sound of his moan, leaning forward and hiding his face in his hands. He was shaking as you felt hot streams of his cum drip onto your hand, still wrapped around his length, the sticky liquid running down your palm. He was heaving, trying his absolute hardest to keep from making any more noise, his moans getting trapped in his throat as he finished, your hand still rubbing up and down along his shaft. 

He groaned quietly, sitting back up after what seemed like forever and staring at you with red cheeks and misty eyes. His lip was twisted into a sort of snarl, but he stayed silent, watching you continue to pleasure yourself as your digits left his cock. You slid your hand out of his pants, bringing it to your own core and rubbing around your clit, his cum making your fingers even slipperier than they already were. 

You hummed to yourself, knowing that he was watching you with focused eyes as yours fluttered back shut, your head leaning back on the seat once more. You were almost there, your stomach tightening as your climax approached. 

You slipped another finger into your core, your mouth falling open again as you desperately wished that you could moan, but you bit your tongue, drawing blood. Pumping in and out as you simultaneously rubbed at your clit, you were right on the edge, about to finish. 

You kept your eyes closed, but imagined Kylo thrusting in and out of you, his weight crushing you as he heaved in shallow breaths. You imagined his hair falling over his face as he pumped in and out of you, his lips curled into a snarl as he stared down at your body. And as you imagined his cum spilling into your core, your walls clenching around his length, you felt yourself snap. 

White light flashed behind your eyelids as your cum slicked your fingers, pleasure exploding through your core as you climaxed. You forced back a moan as it bubbled up in your throat, all your energy going towards preventing the sound from escaping. You smirked. You'd done better at staying quiet than Kylo had. 

Your body relaxing as you winded down, you sighed, slipping your hands out of your underwear and holding them out in front of your face, opening your eyes and glancing at Kylo. His face was blank, but still red, and his eyes were unblinking, staring at you relentlessly. 

But you just smirked again, bringing your fingers to your lips one by one and sucking down along them, cleaning both you and Kylo's cum from your skin. The salty tang spread over your tongue, earning a low hum from you as you licked at your palms, cleaning the sticky mixture away. Kylo watched you in silence as you lapped it up, his lips parted slightly as he breathed deeply. 

You finally finished, your hands void of anything but spit, and you laid them innocently on top of your lap, sighing and looking towards the front of the car, ignoring Kylo's wide eyes. You smiled to yourself once more as you met Finn's eyes in the rearview mirror. He tore them away quickly, but you didn't care. He might have heard you. He may not have. It didn't matter. You felt better than you had in a while, the small power trip making you feel invincible. 

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, and you slid to the window, glancing out and wincing at every toppled building, small fires still burning in weak flames. People sat huddled in groups, glaring at the car as it drove past, their faces covered in dirt and grime. Your stomach lurched painfully. You knew that they couldn't see you, but still, you felt as though they were staring right through you. Telling you how you'd failed them. 

You'd abandoned your kingdom. Your people. You'd let them suffer. You'd let them die. And here you were, still alive. Why? You didn't deserve to live any more than anyone else did. Your heart throbbed at the thought of it all, and the only thing that gave you a shred of relief was the fact that you were trying to right the wrong. You prayed that this plan would be a success. That you'd be able to stop their suffering, and take back what belonged to you. 

The car pulled towards a tall brick building, one of its sides toppled and crumbling, but the rest still standing. Finn pulled up to the entrance, pressing on the brakes and slowing to a stop, ducking out of his door and into the street. He didn't wait for either of you, and you looked quizzically at Kylo, who shrugged back. 

You watched Finn continue towards the door, and you quickly followed, opening your door and scurrying after him. Kylo came behind you, hiding his face with his hand as stopped at the doorway. You did the same, the realization that you were still a wanted person suddenly hitting you. 

With a quick flick of his wrist, Finn pulled out a set of keys, the silver flashing in the sun before he drove it into the door's lock, twisting it sideways as the metal clicked into place. He shoved the heavy wooden surface forward, and it popped open, a dark room revealing itself to you as Finn hurried you and Kylo inside. You stumbled forward, your eyes struggling to adjust to the darkness as the door slammed back shut, the room going completely black. 

You could hear Finn walking past you, and Kylo stepping up to your side, his arm rubbing against yours, but the rest of the room was silent, a chill running up your spine. For a second, you almost expected for someone to grab you from behind. To pull you away as their hostage and force Kylo to bend to their demands. 

But as the lights suddenly switched on, your retinas burning from the brightness, a group of about twenty people met your gaze, Poe standing next to Finn in the front and smirking at you with his arms crossed. 

"Welcome." He said cheerily, stepping towards you and sticking out his hand. You took it begrudgingly, refusing to return his smile. He moved to Kylo, shaking his hand more vigorously and chuckling. "How was the ride?" You blushed. 

"Fine." Kylo said coldly, his eyes thinned as he scanned over the group behind Poe, all men except for one or two women. 

"Well, let's get right to business." Poe clapped his hands, walking over to a wide table and sitting down at the head seat. A large map of the city laid flat on the surface, all the entry points of the palace marked with red pins. You slid out a chair, sitting down as Kylo did the same next to you, his fists balled on the table. "These guys," Poe gestured to the group, "They're our A team. They'll be the ones to storm the palace with us once the rest of the group hits the gates with all the ammunition we've got."

"How many people do we have?" Kylo asked.

"A few thousand." Poe sighed, "We would usually have more, but lots of soldiers died during the First Order's attack."

"That's not going to be enough." Kylo furrowed his brows, leaning over the table. "We need more numbers."

"You think I don't know that?" Poe snapped, rubbing his temples, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"We need to find a way to recruit more people," Kylo muttered, sitting back with a sigh. He paused, seeming not to know the answer. But suddenly, you had an idea. 

"What about the surviving citizens of the Resistance." You spoke up, your voice cutting awkwardly through the silence. "If I could send out some sort of broadcast, to let them know that I'm still alive, maybe they'd fight with us." Poe looked towards Finn, shrugging like the plan wasn't half bad. You smiled. 

"That...actually could work." Poe admitted, nodding. "It's risky to show your face though. The First Order will come after you no doubt."

"Do we have any other options?" You looked around the group, but everyone was silent, shaking their heads.

"Then it's decided then." Poe stood up, pushing his chair back with a squeak. "She'll speak to the people."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The camera was small. So small that it could fit into the palm of your hand. But it would work. Poe adjusted the tripod in front of you, his hand hovering above the recording button. 

"Okay, I've gotten it all wired up so that as soon as I switch this on, it'll play over any TV channel. Anyone watching will see you."

"Okay." You gulped nervously, adjusting your still bloodied gown over your chest and running your fingers through your hair. You surely didn't look like a princess anymore, your body covered in old sweat and bloodstains, your dress destroyed and your hair a mess. But you were still the same person inside, you reassured yourself. Surely, they would recognize you. 

Your mind flashed back to the last time you'd been on TV, and what a flaming, horrible disaster that had been. All thanks to Kylo, who was now standing in the corner of the room, watching you set up. His eyes were focused on Poe as he helped adjust your appearance, straightening out the fabric over your legs and wiping dirt off your cheek. 

"Just remember," He told you, "Even if you don't feel it, look as confident as possible. People need to know that you have hope in this operation."

"I do." You said, and Poe nodded, smiling.

"Good." He turned away from you, his finger resting on the button. "You ready, princess?"

"Mhm." You gulped, straightening your spine as you took a deep breath and exhaling. You caught one last glance at Kylo, locking eyes with him before Poe started the countdown. 

"3...2...1...we're live."

The camera switched on, silence falling over the room as Poe moved out of the way, your face coming into frame. 

"Citizens of the Resistance." You began, "I know that many of you probably didn't expect to see my face. Most of you probably assumed that I was dead, like my mother. She was killed during the First Order's invasion by a shot to her chest, and I narrowly escaped with my life. Whether my father is still alive is a question I don't have the answer to. We were separated during the battle." You paused, a wave of emotion washing over you. But you choked it back, staying calm.

"I ran away." You said, your voice threaded with shame, "I left my kingdom when it needed me most, and I deserted my people. For that, I am forever sorry." You glanced quickly at Kylo, whose face stayed blank. "But you must hear me now," You continued, "I am not ready to give up. The Resistance will not fall so easily." You wondered how people were reacting as you spoke, courage building in your chest as you uttered each new word. 

"What my family built will not be torn down by a false king too sick with power to see the needs of his own people." You gestured for Poe to join you, and he walked to your side, staring into the camera lens. "I have with me Poe Dameron, Commander of the Rebellion, a group that has been fighting against the First Order for the last few decades." If Poe was nervous at all, he didn't show it, his back straight and his shoulders back confidently. 

"With the help of him and his army, we will take back what is ours. But we need your help. We all know that the First Order's army is much larger than ours ever was. Their technology is more advanced. They have always had the upper hand. But that changes now." You glanced towards Poe, who nodded down at you. 

"If you are able, we need you to fight. We need your numbers, to overwhelm their forces. We will revolt. We will take our kingdom back, and soon. We can't disclose the exact date, due to fears that the First Order will be able to get some sort of upper hand, but when it happens, you will know. And when the moment comes, take up arms. Defend what is yours. They have stolen enough from us. We will not take it anymore."

You paused, taking one last deep breath. "The Resistance will rise again." You nodded, "As long as I'm alive, there is still hope. Do not lose sight of it."

With that, Poe stepped forward, switching off the camera as silence fell over the room. You continued to stare towards the lens, your heart slamming. You'd done it. It was up to the people now. The Resistance's fate was in their hands. 

"That was great." Poe said, patting you on the back encouragingly.

"Thanks," You laughed nervously, rubbing your temples, "I think I blacked out there for a minute."

"Well it sounded great," He nodded, "I think people will follow you. You'll make a good queen, you know." Your heart leaped at the words. 

"Really, you think so?" You asked, a little too enthusiastically. Poe chucked. 

"Yes, yes, relax." He rested his hand on your shoulder, "You were very poised. Just what they like." The compliment made you blush. No one had ever told you that before. It had always been "You're a disappointment," and "please don't embarrass us this time." Never that you'd done a good job. Even under the horrible circumstances, the words made your heart leap. 

"Thank you," You squeaked out, a lump forming in your throat. 

"Of course princess," Poe chuckled, his hand suddenly sliding down from your shoulder to the small of your back. Your stomach dropped. "Hey," He said quieter, leaning in towards your ear, "What do you say we go look at some of the battle plans together."

"Oh um--yeah, sure, just let me grab Kylo--"

"Oh no, we don't need him for this part." He began to lead you away towards the back of the room, to a small door in the wall. You glanced quickly over your shoulder at Kylo, who had turned away from you for a split second to talk to one of the men from the group. Your stomach dropped again, panic settling into your bones. 

Before you could even say something else, you were already being led through the door, the heavy wooden slab closing behind you with a smack. A smaller room met your gaze, darker than the first one, the only light coming through a small window in the wall. Candles provided most of the light, sitting on a small wooden desk set. On it, a stack of papers and maps laid sprawled out on the surface, scribbled writing all over the parchment. 

Poe walked up from behind you, his chest pressing uncomfortably against your back. You pulled away slightly.

"So," He muttered, suddenly leaning his head down into the crook of your neck, his breath tickling your shoulder. "How serious are you and the sasquatch?" You jerked away, your eyes wide with shock and disgust.

"Very serious." You spat, backing away towards the desk. Poe laughed under his breath, stepping towards you. 

"You sure?" He tilted his head, "You do know that he was probably fucking like five other girls just a few weeks ago."

"You don't know that." You shook your head, the back of your legs hitting the edge of the desk. 

"I do know that, actually." He nodded, "We always have eyes on the royal family. Ren's random hookups around the city are frequent."

"No," You scoffed, "He wouldn't." Poe advanced again, standing only a few feet in front of you. 

"Wanna go ask him?" He whispered, stepping forward again. "Or do you want to make it even?"

"Even?" You hissed, leaning away. 

"Don't play dumb, princess." He smirked, "I saw how you looked at me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." You spat, searching for any sort of escape route. But you saw none, Poe's figure looming over you. 

"Hm." He hummed, smirking once more before suddenly moving towards you, his hands flying into your hair and attempting to pull your lips to his. You yelped, fighting back against him as you fell onto the table, the candles falling onto the stone floor and splattering wax everywhere. 

But just as that was happening, you heard the door snap open, slamming against the wall with a loud crack as someone's quick footsteps stormed inside. You'd been knocked to the ground, candle wax dripped all over you. But as you glanced up, struggling to prop yourself up on your elbows, you saw Poe's figure suddenly get whipped around from behind, Kylo's tall figure appearing over him. 

Kylo growled, his teeth bared as he drew his fist back, his knuckles connecting with Poe's cheek in a loud crack, his figure flying to the ground. He landed with a groan, his lip busted and leaking deep red blood. But Kylo didn't skip a beat, leaping on top of him and pinning him down. Once he was secured, Kylo began to land more punches to his face, his nose pouring blood and his eyebrow busting. 

You stared blankly at the scene for a second, not knowing exactly what to do. But you shook your head, clearing the fog of shock from your brain and rushing towards them, wrapping your arms around Kylo's chest and yanking him off Poe's limp figure, helpless on the ground. Kylo stumbled back with you hanging off him, trying to lunge back towards Poe with feral growls and curses, but you held him back to the best of your ability.

Poe struggled back to his feet, falling backwards and touching delicately at his busted face, thick blood coming off on his fingertips. He scoffed disbelievingly, looking up at you and Kylo as you continued to hold him back, his strength nearly uncontrollable. 

"You fucking piece of shit--" Kylo spat, lunging for him again, but you ran in front of him, blocking his path and pushing back against his chest.

"Kylo--stop!" He growled, trying to go around you, but you stepped in the way again, laying your hand against his cheek. "Stop." As you did, his eyes seemed to clear of the fury-filled mist, and he glanced down towards you, his gaze locking with yours. Maybe it was the fact that he realized that you hadn't been hurt, but he seemed to calm down, at least a little. 

He didn't lunge again, instead, curling his arm around your waist and pulling you by his side, his arm wrapped protectively around your shoulders. 

"If you ever touch her again," Kylo hissed, "I'll murder you without hesitation."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you did." Poe said calmly, touching at his lip again, wincing. "It's just like you." Kylo lunged again, but you held him back.

"Ignore him," You whispered, rubbing your thumb over his cheek. "Please." Kylo tightened his jaw, sighing deeply as he glanced between the two of you. 

"Let's go." He grabbed your arm suddenly, yanking you away from Poe and towards the door, his digits digging roughly into your skin. You squirmed, but he ignored you, pulling you along as he radiated rage. As you busted back out into the main room, the whole groups' eyes turned on you, and Finn stepped forward, his brows furrowed. 

"What just happened?" He asked, glancing at Kylo's blood covered knuckles. 

"Uh--" You started, but Kylo cut you off, hissing as he stormed past everyone. 

"Poe tried to have sex with her." He spat, shoving past Finn and towards a staircase next to the wall, leading up to a second floor. "What an amazing leader you all have."

Kylo led you up the stairs and down a narrow hallway, shoving open a door to a small bedroom and pushing you inside. As soon as the door closed, Kylo lunged towards you, wrapping his arms around you and bringing you to his chest in a tight embrace. His frame swallowed you, holding you close and rocking you back and forth, his face buried in your hair. 

"Fuck--you scared the shit out of me." He breathed, his hand rubbing at the small of your back. You hadn't noticed until that moment that you were shaking, your legs trembling underneath you. 

"I'm sorry." You whispered, taking a handful of his jacket in your fists. 

"God, don't apologize," He shushed you, "It's wasn't your fault." You nodded against him, letting his warmth envelop you. "I'm just glad you're okay." You nodded again, unexpected tears welling in your waterline as you replayed the sequence of events in your head. You let out a choked cry, surprised by how hard it was all hitting you, and Kyo shushed you again, running his hand through your hair. 

"I'll never let anything happen to you again." He breathed, his heartbeat vibrating through your body as you pressed against him. "I promise you."


	19. Surrender To It

You woke up wrapped in Kylo's arms, a faint snore escaping past his lips as his face laid in the crook of your shoulder. You'd managed to fall asleep, no thanks to the hard, uncomfortable mattress you were laying on, but it hadn't provided you much relief from reality. The memory of the dream you'd had was running through your mind in an unrelenting loop, haunting you with each replay. 

You'd been standing in the courtyard of your palace, the sun beating down brightly on your skin. You were dressed in tight black dress, the corset cinched around your waist and the fabric heavy over your shoulders. You could feel something on your head as you looked around, and when you reached up, touching at it carefully, you realized that it was a heavy crown. Bejeweled with white and red diamonds, it had sharp points at the top, pricking your fingers as you touched it delicately. 

Up ahead of you, two distant figures began towards you, their frames standing out against the stone background. As they grew closer and closer, you could make out their faces, identifying Kylo and Alex standing in front of you. Both of their expressions were completely blank, their eyes empty of any life or emotion as they stared towards you. They stopped walking, standing a few meters away from each other. 

You walked towards them, stopping and turning towards Kylo and staring up at him with a smile. But he didn't look at you. He didn't smile. He didn't even look like he was breathing. He was a statue, not moving a muscle as you furrowed your brows. 

"Kylo?" Your voice echoed though the empty courtyard and bouncing back into your ears. He didn't respond. So you reached your hand forward, planning to place it on his arm. But as soon as your fingers came in contact with his jacket, you felt nothing, a cloud of black vapor floating over your digits.

You pulled back, your eyes wide with confusion as Kylo's figure slowly started to fade away, his eyes still dead as he disappeared into thin air, leaving nothing behind. You whipped your head towards Alex, who hadn't moved either, and charged towards him. 

"Alex?!" You reached out, frantically touching your hand to his chest.

But to your horror, the exact same thing happened as before, white vapor falling over your fingertips as his figure started to dissipate, fading completely in a matter of seconds. You shrieked, your vocal cords shredding with a panicked tone, stumbling backwards and falling to the ground with a smack.

As you did, your crown fell off your head, the metal clanging against the floor and rolling away from you, the diamonds popping out place and scattering. You laid on the ground, your head spinning as you tried to understand what was happening, panic building in your chest. But just as you were about to push yourself back up on your knees, a figure appeared above you, a hand reaching out to help you up. And when you glanced up to see who it was, your heart nearly stopped.

Han Solo. You yelped, scooting back and swatting him away. But he persisted, reaching his hand towards you again and meeting your gaze, his brown eyes scanning your face. You stared at him for a moment, your chest heaving, before you tentatively reached for his hand, wondering if he too would be an illusion. 

But when your fingertips connected, he stayed a solid figure, gripping your palm and helping you back onto your feet. You stood in front of him, adjusting your dress in silence and glancing suspiciously at his expression. He was smiling. You furrowed your brows. 

"What happened to your crown?" He asked suddenly, gesturing at the scattered diamonds. 

"It fell off." You said shortly, your lips pulled into a frown. 

"Hm," He nodded, "Good thing you won't be needing that one anymore." You stepped back. 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"My son was never fit to rule." He began, his eyes locked on you. "I've known that for a long time now." You just continued to back away, your eyes thinned. Han Solo smirked. "But I've seen potential in you for years" He stepped towards you. "With the right training--the right advisors, you could be the perfect queen."

"Queen of what kingdom?" You hissed, your teeth bared, "You destroyed mine."

"The only kingdom that has ever really mattered. The First Order." You shook your head, backing away further. "It could all be yours." He stretched his arms out, gesturing to the land around you. "Join us."

"Never." You cried, "Get away from me."

"It's your destiny." He coaxed, "To prove your parents wrong. To show them that you were fit to rule after all."

"I don't want to rule if it means I have to be under your control." You spat, "You're a monster."

"Don't deny your thirst for power." He chuckled, "I know that you feel it just as strongly as I do. You've just hidden it away inside of yourself."

"No." You shook your head, your back hitting the wall of the courtyard. You were trapped.

"Yes." He muttered, only a few feet away from you. "Surrender to it."

"No!" You cried out again, attempting to run past him, but as soon as you did, he drew an object out from inside of his jacket. You stopped, staring at it in the palm of his hand as the metal caught the sun, gleaming into your eyes. 

A crown. Similar to the one from before, but beaded with red and black diamonds instead, the metal darker and more pointy. It even looked like the sharp points were drenched in dried blood, dripping sickeningly down its sides. You shivered. 

"Your new crown." Han Solo muttered, moving it towards you. You flinched away. "Try it on."

"Never." You shook your head, backing away. 

"Are you sure?" He twisted it in his grasp, running his fingers over the jewels. "It feels so good to put it on. So powerful."

"I don't...." But as you began to speak again, ready to reject it, a strange feeling washed over you. Though it was barely there at first, it quickly started to grow, seeping through your bloodstream like a drug. It was un-ignorable. Relentless. Nipping at the back of your mind and fighting its way forward into your consciousness. 

The impulse to reach out and touch the crown. Maybe not put it on. Just to touch it. To see what it felt like to have it between your fingertips. 

And before you could talk yourself out of it, your hand was moving towards it, the tips of your fingers brushing against the cold metal. And as soon as they did, a surge of energy washed through you, like a lightning bolt. But it wasn't painful. Not at all. 

It was exhilarating, sending a shiver down your spine as your eyes widened. You wrapped your hand around it, grabbing it from Han and bringing it in front of your eyes to admire its detailing. The intricate jewel work amazed you, the cut of the diamonds catching in the sun. And the sharp points looked even more dangerous as you ran your fingers over top of them, nearly drawing blood on the one in the front center. 

"Try it on." Han muttered in a low voice, and for a moment, your mind slipped away into nothingness. You were too entranced by the crown. By its mystifying beauty. So you didn't think to say no. It didn't even cross your mind as you raised it over your head, laying it down around your scull with a gasp.

Immediately, you could feel something happening inside of you. It was like your blood had suddenly stopped flowing and evaporated in your veins. Your heart ceasing to beat. Your brain going blank and dark. 

You felt dead. But at the same time, you'd never felt more alive. A tingling, burning sensation started from the bottom of your feet, seeping up through your legs and into your chest, crawling over your skin and infecting your bloodstream. You didn't know what it was--or how to even begin to describe it. But it was almost like black ink was replacing everything inside of your body, filling you with a new feeling that took over all others. 

Pure--untamed darkness. And it was exhilarating. 

"Yes," Han Solo laughed, "Yes..."

You snapped awake, your eyes wide with horror and confusion. You moved to sit up, but were quickly stopped by Kylo's heavy arm draped over you, holding you in place. 

Kylo. 

Your heart glowed at the realization that he was next to you. And that he hadn't disappeared like in the dream. He was there. And he wasn't leaving. 

But you couldn't stop thinking about it, the feeling that the crown had given you still somehow lasting even as you woke up. It was like you'd been hypnotized by it, and you had a pit in your stomach as you laid in Kylo's arms, his soft snores right up against your ear. 

You laid there for what felt like hours in silence, watching as the sun started to peak through the small window in the room, shining right into your eye. You groaned, shifting on the mattress and moving to face Kylo, his arm flopping limply to his side. 

You admired him as he slept, his lips parted slightly as he breathed in and out calmly, his shaggy hair falling over his eyes. It was the first time that you'd seen his face completely relaxed. When he was awake, some part of his face was always tensed at least a little. But now, his muscles were loosened up, making him somehow look younger than he usually did. 

He looked innocent. Like he'd never seen a bad thing a day in his life. It reminded you of the picture of him you'd seen, the one from when he was little, dressed in his father's uniform. You traced the constellation of beauty marks across his face with your eyes, glancing at his soft, plush lips. 

You smiled, your heart glowing as he snored again. Slowly, you leaned forward, your hand reaching up to brush a piece of hair out of his face and tucking it behind his rounded ear. You trailed your digits down his cheek and to his lips, pressing them lightly against your fingertips before replacing them with your lips. 

For a moment, he didn't seem to wake up, but as you closed your eyes, deepening the kiss, he finally responded. He sucked in a surprised breath against your mouth, his eyes fluttering open for a second before he realized what was happening, sighing and moving his hand to the side of your face. He rubbed his thumb gingerly over your cheek, smiling against your lips as he laughed. 

"Good morning." He whispered, pulling back momentarily to rub his tired eyes. 

"Hi." You smirked, kissing him on the cheek before sinking back down into the pillow, your hair sprawled out around you. He stared down at you, his pupils wide and round, his lips curled into a smile. You reached up, touching at the dimples in his cheeks and sighing happily. But as you suddenly remembered your dream, your expression shifted, your smile dissipating. 

Kylo noticed immediately, leaning down towards you and planting a kiss on your forehead. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, his hand trailing up your side. 

"It's really stupid." You groaned, "I just had a weird dream."

"Tell me about it." He shifted closer to you, propping his head up on a pillow. 

"Well it started with you, me, and Alex standing in the courtyard of my palace." You muttered, "But when I walked up to you to touch your arm, you disappeared. So did Alex." You paused, chewing on your lip, "Then your father showed up."

"My father?" A concerned look flashed over Kylo's face, his brows furrowing.

"Yeah," You shook your head, "He told me that you were never fit to rule...and that he wanted me to take your place." Kylo didn't respond, just continued to listen in silence. "He offered me this crown. At first I refused to put it on, but then for some reason, I gave in." Kylo thinned his eyes quizzically. "And when I took it," You sucked in a deep breath, "It felt...amazing."

"What do you mean?"

"It gave me this feeling. Like I was invincible."

"So it made you into my father." Kylo laughed, but when you didn't smile, he stopped.

"It made me someone else. Someone--evil." You muttered, looking down at your lap, "And it's scaring me."

"Why?" Kylo reached for your hand, taking it in his and squeezing comfortingly. "That's not going to happen, it was just a dream."

"But what if there is a side of me like that?" You whispered, "I just don't know about it yet."

"If there is, then you don't need to worry about it." He replied, rubbing the back of your palm, "Because I know you. And you're strong enough to resist that."

"The darkness felt good, Kylo." You breathed, a shiver traveling up your spine, "It made me feel more alive than I ever have before." A look of concern flashed over Kylo's face for a split second, but it was gone a second later, replaced by one of reassurance.

"It was just a dream." He whispered, leaning forward and pulling the back of your head towards him. He pressed his lips against your forehead once more, and you nodded, falling against his chest as he breathed slowly. He ran his hands slowly though your hair as you laid against him, your arms wrapped around his chest. 

Swathed in the sheets next to him, you felt safe. But how long would that last? You weren't sure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hooked the belt around your waist, making sure that your gun was secure in its holster, the dagger Kylo had given you tucked away as well. You glanced up at Kylo, who was sitting on the bed as he buttoned up his shirt, covering his bare chest and arms, his wound being hidden from view.

You'd been given a clean dress, and you were more than happy to ditch the bloodstained gown that you'd been wearing for the last week. You'd gotten so sick of the smell of iron that just thinking about it made you nauseated. 

"Do you really think we have a chance?" You asked him, walking up to his side and flopping down on the mattress. 

"If your people join us, then yes." He muttered, "I'm just trying to stay hopeful that it will all work out."

"I know." You bit your lip nervously, "Me too."

The two of you finished getting ready, Kylo taking in a deep breath before he gripped the door handle. 

"I don't want to go out there." He grumbled, rubbing his temples. 

"Yeah, me neither." Your mind flashed to the memory of the night before, Poe's figure lunging towards you and grabbing into your hair. "Can we just pretend that it didn't happen please?"

"No." Kylo shook his head, "He's going to pay for what he did to you." You sighed, your stomach churning. But then something popped into your head. Something Poe had said to you when you were alone. 

"You do know that he was probably fucking like five other girls just a few weeks ago." 

You didn't even want to ask--or entertain what was probably a lie. But your curiosity got the better of you, the words floating to the tip of your tongue before you could stop them. 

"He did say something to me that I need to ask you about." You mumbled, glancing up at him. He nodded. "Have you slept with anyone else in the past few weeks?" Immediately, Kylo thinned his eyes, his expression shifting to anger and aggravation. 

"What kind of a question is that?" He hissed.

"That's not an answer."

"Poe told you that?" He spat, his eyes flashing with fury.

"He told me that you'd been hooking up with other girls around the city." You muttered, "I'm not saying that I believe him, but that's what he told me."

"I would never." Kylo seethed, his fists balled, "How could you even ask me that?"

"Because I needed to know!" You exclaimed, "You got so mad at me for Alex, and if you were doing the same thing the whole time--"

"This is ridiculous," He spun away from you, his hands running through his hair as he groaned. "He's trying to put a wedge between us, you know." He turned back around, pointing wildly towards the door. "Trying to put some bullshit lies in your head."

"If you're saying that it's not true, I believe you!" You moved towards him, trying to grab his hand. But he recoiled from your touch, his eyes flashing wildly as he suddenly stormed past you, gripping the door handle and flinging it open. It hit the wall with a loud smack as he rushed into the hallway, his shoulders tight and his fists balled. 

You groaned, hurrying after him and watching helplessly as he descended the staircase, his foot steps loud and abrupt. They caught the attention of the group of men standing in the room below you, their gazes falling on Kylo as he stormed past them, towards Poe's room. Your heart dropped.

Scrambling, you rushed down the stairs and past the men, getting to Poe's door just as Kylo was approaching him from behind, grabbing his shirt and whipping him around. Poe didn't seem afraid. He didn't even have much of an expression as Kylo yanked him forwards, his face just inches from his as he bared his teeth.

"What's your game?" Kylo hissed, "Why are you trying to turn her against me?"

"I just think she deserves to know who she's dealing with." Poe said simply, shrugging. "It would be a shame if she fell in love with someone who will never love her back."

"I do love her."

"Sure you do, Ren." Poe scoffed, "You can't be loyal to anyone for more than a few weeks." Kylo growled, letting go of Poe's shirt and throwing him to the ground. Poe grimaced, struggling back to his feet and dusting off his pants. "This isn't what we should be concerned with right now." He mumbled, "There are more important things than who you're fucking this week."

"You--" Kylo growled, moving towards him again, but you cleared your throat in the doorway, catching both of their attentions. 

"Sorry to interrupt," You muttered, "But shouldn't we be preparing for the attack?" Poe looked towards Kylo expectantly, who let out an frustrated exhale .

"Yes, we should be." Poe walked past him and towards you, and you couldn't help but stare at he gash in his lip from where Kylo had hit him, his eye bruised with purple and green marks. He glanced at you quickly as he walked by, out into the main room to meet the rest of the group. 

Kylo just stood there for a few seconds, still fuming with his fists balled. You walked over to him, laying your hand comfortingly on his arm and rubbing at his back.

"I know who you are." You lifted his hand, kissing the back of his palm, "He's not going to change my mind." He looked down at you, some of the fury seeming to melt away as he met your gaze.

"I feel like you aren't ever going to know how much I love you." He muttered, "And everyone keeps getting in the way."

"I know." You offered him a warm smile, "You don't need to convince me."

"But I want you to hear it." His gaze scanned over your face, "So you don't ever forget."

"I won't." You threaded your fingers with his, siding close to his side. "I promise."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poe sprawled the map out on the table, his hands spread over the corners. 

"Okay." He nodded to himself, "B Team starts at the front lines. Once they take down the first few lines of guards we should be at the gate. That's when we use the bomb to blow it up." He paused, sticking a pin into the sketch of the palace wall. "Once it's crumbled, B Team goes in again and takes out the guards in the courtyard. A Team will follow behind them and storm the front doors of the palace once it's relatively clear." Finn leaned forward, sticking another pin into the sketch.

"The goal is to protect A Team at all costs. We need as many of us inside the palace as possible to get Ren to the throne room, where the King will be." You glanced at Kylo, who gulped at the mention of his father. "If all goes to plan, we'll have enough numbers to overwhelm their forces."

"And what if my people don't join us?" You muttered. 

"They will." Poe slapped the table, smiling widely as he stood up straight and fixed his jacket. "Alright," He sighed, "It's time." He glanced over at you, smirking. Your stomach did an uncomfortable flip as you felt Kylo prickle next to you. "Ready, princess?" He asked. 

You just nodded. You didn't feel like lying out loud. 

"Let's go." Poe motioned towards the door, grabbing a shiny silver sword off the wall and tucking a pistol into his belt. The other men did the same, and Finn walked towards Kylo with a long, sharp sword, handing it to him wordlessly. 

Kylo held it out in front of him for a moment, then fastened it to the side of his belt, the blade hanging menacingly beside him. 

The group walked out of the building, the sun shining down on your face before Kylo stepped in front of you, blocking you from view. 

"We're still wanted, remember." He muttered, and Poe stepped towards you, nodding.

"Yes, you are. So keep your heads down while we're walking. Stay in the middle of the group." He paused, looking Kylo up and down with a smirk. "You'll have to squat down, sasquatch." He laughed to himself, turning away before Kylo could respond. 

You could feel the pit in your stomach growing as you began along the street, rubble crunching below your feet as you stepped over it. You winced as you saw a discarded stuffed bunny on the sidewalk, smudged with soot and burn marks, one of its arms missing. You couldn't help but wonder what child it had belonged to, and what had happened to them. Guilt creeped over you again as the thoughts swirled though your mind. You wished that there was something more that you could have done. 

People glanced towards the group as you passed by, whispering and pointing suspiciously. They would know soon what was happening, and you could only hope that they would join you. If not, then all of this would have been for nothing. 

You would be killed, along with Kylo and everyone else.

All hope would be lost, and the Resistance would be dead. For good.


	20. Taking Back What's Yours

You walked along in silence, your eyes scanning through the gaps in the men around you. And as you went on, you noticed that, slowly, people began to walk along with you from the street sides, not uttering a word as they fell into place. You assumed that they were the rest of Poe's army, knowing exactly where they were supposed to be as they followed along. 

You glanced up at Kylo, who was trying his best to keep his head down, squatting uncomfortably to stay hidden. 

"Are you nervous?" You whispered. He paused. 

"No." He lied, gulping as he gripped the sword at his side. 

More and more people continued to join the crowd, the small group you started with turning into a mob of people in a short few minutes. You were pushed into the center as people started to crowd around, making your heart begin to slam in anticipation for what was about to happen.

Poe led the group through the streets, and you recognized a few of the places you passed as you walked along. But they looked much different than the last time you'd seen them, the walls of the buildings cracked and crumbling into the road. An auditorium that you'd given a speech at appeared by your side, and you winced as you glanced inside of the torn off doors, small fires still burning along the carpeted ground. 

But eventually, your eyes fell on the tops of the palace in the distance, and immediately, your stomach dropped to your feet. Your face went pale as you imaged the inside of your home destroyed and looted, your mother's dead body left to rot, and your father still missing. Kylo noticed the shift in your expression as you leaned forward, feeling as though you were about to vomit. He moved his hand to your shoulder, pulling your gaze towards him. 

"I know it's scary." He said in a low voice. "But you have to stay strong. We're taking back what's yours." You nodded, taking in deep breaths. "You can do this." He squeezed your shoulder, and you smiled back at him. 

"I know."

The gates were within a few hundred meters now, and the guards at the base of the wall had begun to notice the approaching threat. You could see them starting to point and scramble, grabbing weapons and forming a line in front of the entrance. Additionally, guards at the tops of the walls were beginning to arm themselves, aiming long silver guns down towards the front of the group. 

Poe suddenly called out something inaudible over his shoulder, and immediately, the people that had fallen into line behind you rushed to the front of the mass, stepping out in front of Poe and hiding him completely. They whipped guns from their sides in a flash, which had been concealed up to that point, and aimed towards the line of guards at the wall, cocked and ready. 

And with a loud, vocal cord shredding scream, Poe threw his hand into the air, firing off a single shot and charging forward. Immediately, the rest of the group responded, the mass rushing towards the First Order guards with their swords and guns at the ready. 

In the blink of an eye, war had broken out in the streets, gun fire going off around you and people colliding with swinging punches and kicks. People slashed at each other with sharp swords, splattering blood across the ground with a sickening spray. You yelped as a First Order soldier springing out from the sidewalk attacked the man beside you, knocking him to the ground and slashing at his arm. He fell with a pained scream, a large gash appearing in his bicep as he thrashed on the rubble covered floor. 

And as you stared at him, you felt your whole body freeze with terror. Your mind shut down, flashing white with horror as he bled out on the ground, his face twisted with pain. But you were snapped out of your shocked daze as Kylo wrapped his arm around your shoulder, yanking you along as he charged forward. 

You shook your head, forcing the fear from your mind as you drew your gun out of it's holster, cocking it and aiming towards the soldiers. Your hands were shaking wildly as you fired on them, striking one in the chest and watching him fly back, slamming against the wall before he collapsed to the ground. 

You tried your best not to pay it any mind, choking back the horrible guilt before continuing to fire on more guards, striking another one of them in the leg, watching him thrash as he fell. More First Order soldiers had emerged from the street sides, fighting at the edges of the group and slashing ravenously at them, killing off your numbers slowly but surely. 

As you glanced around, panic coursing through you, you wondered how long the group would be able to last at the rate things were going. People were being killed faster than your men were killing, and you felt hope starting to slip away with each passing moment as more and more Rebellion fighters fell to the ground, blood pouring from their chests and necks. 

You glanced over at Kylo, who had moved a little ways away from you and was battling with a First Order soldier, his sword flashing brightly as it collided with the guard's. His teeth bared, he growled, ducking under the soldier's overconfident advance and slicing upwards, cutting the man from his stomach up to his neck. With a sickening gasp, the man's face went pale, and as his chest split open, he collapsed to the ground, blood seeping from his core. 

Kylo stepped aside as he fell forward, and instantly moved on to the next, slicing another guard's neck clean in half and spinning around to face you. His face was splattered with iron, and his dark eyes gleamed in the sun as he stared at you, his chest heaving wildly. 

But his focus was pulled away from you as another man charged towards him, gun drawn and aimed straight for his chest. But Kylo was quicker than him, his gun being whipped from its holster faster than the man knew how to react. It was aimed and firing in the blink of an eye, landing straight in the guard's forehead and splitting his scull clean in half, his brains exploding from his head and splattering across Kylo's chest. 

You yelped, but Kylo didn't react at all, letting the dead body fall to the ground and stepping over it. He charged forward again, leaving you behind momentarily as he handled more soldiers. You spun around, searching for any approaching threat. And you did just in time--a First Order guard charging towards you with a long sword in his hand. He growled, coming up on you in a flash and slashing downwards, but your gun was ready, striking him in the chest and knocking him backwards with a crack. 

Deep red blood poured from his body as he laid, twitching on the ground, his mouth hanging open in shock and pain. You stared at him, guilt and disgust for what you were doing overtaking your mind. But your focus was drawn away from him as a loud crashing sound echoed through the streets, catching you attention as you whipped your head in its direction. 

Up ahead, you could see smoke pouring from the palace wall, right where the gate was, and a mass of Rebellion soldiers crowded around it. And as the smoke started to clear, floating up into the atmosphere, you could make out a gaping hole in the stone wall, the wood of the gate splintered and cracked. 

They'd fired a canon, you realized, the gate had been breached. You could feel a wide, hopeful smile creeping across your face. Maybe there was a chance after all. 

You watched as your soldiers poured through the new opening, guns and swords firing and slashing through more First Order guards. And as you squinted at the crowd, wondering how it had gotten so big all of a sudden, you quickly realized that it wasn't just Poe's men fighting anymore.

"Holy shit..." You breathed, slapping your hand to your mouth as your smile grew even more. 

Your people had started to join them. Your heart nearly leaped out of your chest at the realization. They believed in you. In the Resistance. You couldn't believe it. Your plan had actually worked. 

In big groups, they started charging in from the street sides, guns, swords, and other weapons drawn. They attacked the First Order soldiers with untamed fury, screaming wildly as they drove the artillery down on them, taking them out one by one. 

You took in a deep breath, hope spurring you on as you charged forward once more, towards the gates, your gun firing again on more guards. You struck three more down as you ran, catching a glimpse of Kylo up ahead of you, still tearing through the enemy with grand strokes of his sword. 

He growled loudly every time he took another one of them down, his now blood stained hair flying around his face in a messy mop, sticking to his sweat covered skin and falling into his eyes. But it didn't slow him down in the slightest, and with every passing moment he seemed to grow more and more animalistic, his teeth bared and his body moving so quickly that it was hard to keep up with him. 

Eventually, the number of First Order soldiers in the streets had grown to a minute number, small enough for you to run relatively safely towards Kylo, meeting him just as he struck one more man down, driving his sword straight through his chest and ripping it out with a growl. You called his name, and he whipped towards you, his eyes flashing widely as he met yours. 

But as soon as they locked together, his expression softened, as if you'd somehow brought him back to reality. He ran towards you, grabbing your hand tightly and yanking you along with him as he charged forwards again, towards the now destroyed gate. 

"Now's our chance!" He yelled to you, the sound of screams and firing guns nearly drowning out his voice. "We have to get inside!" You nodded, taking twice as many steps in order to keep up with his impossibly long strides. But you managed to stay next to him, his hand intertwined with yours in a vice like grip. He wasn't letting go. 

He tucked the sword at his side as he ran, grabbing his gun from its holster and whipping it into action. Growling again, he fired at more soldiers as he charged forward, still gripping your hand tightly. About a dozen of them fell in seconds, their chests pierced by his bullets. 

He sped past them, reaching the base of the gate and firing again, more guards falling as they tried to approach him. More Rebellion fighters were holding off the bulk of the First Order forces, clearing a space for the two of you to run though into the courtyard. 

Kylo didn't waste any time, yanking you along as he tore through the splintered hole where the gate had once been, crossing the threshold into the courtyard and firing again, more soldiers charging towards you. 

You glanced up as he did, seeing Poe and the rest of the A Team at the front doors of the palace, beating a large wooden ram against the locked surface. There was a deep dent where they kept slamming at it, and with every new collision, it only got deeper.

Kylo ran with you through the courtyard, towards the rest of the group, shooting down more guards as they came at you from all directions, swords drawn. But they never got close enough to hit you, Kylo knocking them back before they even saw what was coming. The ground was stained with bright red blood, spilling from dead corpses of First Order and Rebellion soldiers, and the smell of death was starting to waft through the air, making you choke as you ran by them. 

Eventually though, you reached the front doors, your chest heaving as Kylo shoved you behind him, still firing on more guards as they continued to try and charge the group. Poe groaned frustratedly by your side, running his hands through his hair and shouting at the men to hit the door harder. They still hadn't opened, and Poe screamed angrily, whipping his pistol out from his side. 

"Back up!" He yelled, flailing his arms wildly before he aimed towards the doors, firing on them in a blaze of bullets. The metal shells rained down on the surface, puncturing holes in it. He continued to shoot until there was a gaping gap in the center of the doors, weakening them. 

"Hit it again!" He commanded, lowing the gun back to his hip and stepping back for the men to ram it again. And as they did, the doors finally popped open with a loud snap, the locks cracking in half and the wood splintering in two. The group cheered for a moment before Poe screamed at them, waving wildly and ushering everyone inside, the hoard of men spilling into the palace and spreading out through the hallways. 

You could hear gun shots firing as they met more guards, the clanging of metal and the sound of screams echoing through the corridors. But you didn't have time to pay it any mind, Kylo yanking you forwards once more and dragging you up the main staircase, his eyes wild. 

"Where's the throne room?" He turned to you, scanning your face frantically.

"Follow me." You responded, gripping his hand tightly and yanking him down a new hallway, the darkness of the palace falling over you. You realized with a smile that you had the advantage here. The First Order may have taken over, but you knew this place like the back of your hand. You knew all the secret passageways. All of the unknown halls. All of the shortcuts. You'd be able to avoid nearly all the guards with your knowledge of the palace's layout, and you pulled Kylo into a thin, dark passageway, the ceiling low over your heads. 

You emerged through another door, one floor up from the last, and checked down the hall before spilling out into it, picking up your pace again and hurrying to the next staircase. You ran up it, Kylo by your side, and ducked into another hidden passageway, the door masked behind a false bookcase. 

You pulled Kylo along down the dark corridor, spilling out into another hallway and rushing down it. You were getting close now, and so far you hadn't run into any guards--

You'd spoken too soon, rounding another corner and running smack into an unsuspecting guard, toppling back on top of him. Your hand left Kylo's as you spilled onto the ground, the guard groaning underneath you. 

For a few moments, he didn't realize who you were as he struggled back to his feet, but all too soon he came to his senses. He lunged for you, his hands going for your neck, but just as he was about to collide with you, Kylo stepped out, his gun pressing against the man's forehead. 

You watched the guard's face go white as his gaze fell on Kylo, and his lip trembled for a split second before Kylo pulled the trigger, the man's head exploding with a sickening crack. His blood and brains sprayed onto Kylo's face and chest as you yelped, his limp body collapsing to the ground with a smack. 

You were shaking as Kylo turned back to you, his chest heaving before he grabbed your wrist tightly, yanking you past the man's dead corpse and down the hall, leaving the bloody scene behind. 

You shook the horror from your mind, trying to clear your head and think about where you were going. You couldn't come up with the directions for a moment, but they came back to you quickly, and you led Kylo down another hall, rushing down it and coming up on two giant wooden doors. 

The throne room. 

At each side of the door stood two guards, who Kylo took care of before you could even begin to panic, their bodies flopping down to the ground with pained groans, bullets piercing their chest plates. You paused at the doors, your heart slamming as Kylo reached for the handles, but you stopped him, shaking your head. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You whispered, your voice shaking.

"Come on. We can't turn back now."

"But he's your father." You squeaked. 

"He hasn't been my father for years." His voice lowered, and he grabbed your shoulder, pulling you towards him. "I'm doing this for you, Y/N. Remember, we're taking back what's yours." You gulped, fear spreading through your bloodstream as you nodded. 

"Okay." You breathed, leaning forward to plant a quick kiss on his lips before pulling away and watching as he gripped the handle. He took in a deep breath before he yanked them open, revealing the throne room before you and rushing inside. 

And as soon as you did, you wished you could go back out into the hallway. 

The first thing you saw was Han Solo, sitting stiffly on your father's throne, his hands resting on its sides in tight fists. His face was twisted into a horrible, evil expression, blood splattered across his skin and smeared on his palms. He was gripping a long, silver sword in one hand, and as you entered the room, you could see your reflection in the shiny blade. Its tip was drenched in the same blood covering him, and you shivered, your heart slamming.

But the real horror came when you looked away from him, your eyes falling on your mother's throne next to him. Your blood went ice cold as you absorbed the scene in front of you, someone's dead body limp in the seat, their head blown open by a bullet and their brains leaking down from their open scull. And someone else, laying on the ground in front of the throne, face down with a pool of blood around them. 

You recognized the person on the floor as one of the Rebellion fighters, the symbol of the group painted on the back of his jacket. But you had no idea who the other figure was.

That was, at least, until you looked closer, slowly realizing that it was a woman, dressed in an extravagant black and red gown. And as the seconds dragged on, your mouth falling open as reality began to wash over you, your knees nearly gave out at the realization of who it was. It hit you like a brick wall, and you slapped a hand to your mouth, gasping. 

Kylo's mother. 

You whipped around to face him, his face going as pale as a ghost as he stared towards her. You watched helplessly as he let out a shuddered breath, his lip beginning to tremble as his gun dropped out of his hand. It clanged against the ground, sliding away from him as his mouth hung open in shock and horror. 

Shivering, Kylo slowly turned towards his father, struggling to speak as he uttered his next words.

"Who?" He choked, his eyes misting over, "Who did this?"

"Who do you think?" Han Solo hissed, his eyes wide and crazed, "Your precious Rebellion." Kylo just stared at him, his legs quivering underneath him. For a second, you were worried that he might faint. "Look at what you've done." Han continued, "Your mother is dead because of you."

"No," Kylo breathed, letting out a sob.

"Yes." Han stood up out of the throne, "Are you proud, son? Have you gotten what you wanted?"

"This isn't what I wanted." Kylo shook his head, a single tear falling onto his cheek, mixing with the splatters of blood and dripping from his chin in salty iron.

"I've always known that you would betray me." Han continued, stepping down from the throne and onto the flat ground. His sword hung loosely in his hand as he walked forward, the blade dragging along the floor with a loud scrape. "That you would never live up to your title." Kylo said nothing, just let out another sob, his eyes moving between his father and his mother's dead body. "I thought that maybe, if I let you have a role in our plan...then you would finally realize your potential." 

He gestured towards you, and your stomach dropped, remembering Kylo's original purpose with you.

"But then you went and fell in love with the girl." Han laughed crazily, shaking his head and pointing towards you with the sword, "I should have seen it coming! It's just like you to abandon your duties for a worthless whore."

"Don't you dare." Kylo's voice came out in a low growl, his eyes darkening as his father continued towards him.

"You have grown weak." Han Solo hissed, his eyes thinned, "You've forgotten your place--your purpose."

"No," Kylo snapped, "I am stronger than you'll ever be. And I know my purpose."

"And what is that?" Han chuckled.

"To rule. The right way." His father erupted in laughter, bending over to clutch at his stomach. 

"My son, you really are naive." He shook his head, pausing. "I really didn't want to have to kill you." Slowly, Han's gaze drifted to you, and he smirked. "But you," He hissed. "I'll take joy in slitting your neck."

At that, Kylo suddenly snapped, a vocal cord shredding scream tearing through his throat as he lunged towards his father, their swords colliding with a loud clang. Your heart slammed as you watched them swing at each other, their feet sliding across the marble floor. Kylo was snarling, his lips drawn back to reveal his bared teeth, and he growled as he slashed downwards on his father.

But Han caught the blade with his, forcing Kylo back with a loud cry. Kylo swung again, going for his legs, but Han caught him in the face with a punch as he did, knocking him backwards with a pained groan. Kylo shook his head, not paying any mind to the new gash in his lip as he returned to slashing at Han, screaming loudly as he drove down again. 

They continued to strike at each other, missing every time and trying again, sweat pouring from both of their bodies as they fought on. 

After a few minutes, they charged at each other for the millionth, locking swords at the hilt and fighting for who would pull away first. It was Kylo, growling as he lifted his blade upwards, dislodging it from his father's and driving it down. But Han dodged the strike, rolling out from underneath Kylo's attack and spinning around behind him. 

And just as Kylo turned back around to face him, Han suddenly sliced upwards, catching Kylo's shoulder up to the side of his face with the sharp blade, his skin tearing with a sickening rip. You screamed as he stumbled back, crying out as the pain ripped through him, a long gash drawn into his skin. 

He faltered for a moment as blood began to seep from the wound, his jacket soaking up the irony liquid as it poured out like a river. Han Solo laughed as he struggled, and Kylo looked back at him with wide, crazed eyes. 

A moment later, Kylo lunged for him again, adrenaline spurring him on as his sword connected with Han's once more, the wound across his face and neck seeming not to affect him in the slightest. 

They spun around each other, slashing feverishly and growling with every movement, blood and sweat flying through the air. For a while, they seemed evenly matched again, neither one managing to overwhelm the other with their advances. 

But suddenly, Han tripped slightly, losing his balance for a split second and lowering his blade. And Kylo didn't hesitate at the opportunity, lunging forward once more and slicing downwards with all his strength. 

You screamed as Kylo's blade slashed across Han's flailing arm, connecting with his wrist and cutting straight through the flesh and bone. For a moment, Han Solo froze, seeming to go into shock as he stared down at his now missing hand, blood seeping in a torrent from his severed arm. But slowly, realization washed over him, and his expression shifted from disbelief to anguish, his face twisting painfully as he fell to his knees. He let out a loud, pained cry, his eyes wide as he grabbed at his arm with his other hand, blood covering his digits. 

His sword clanged to the ground beside him, vibrating against the marble before laying still, the bloody tip still dripping onto the floor. Kylo didn't waste any time, grabbing his shoulder and forcing him further to the ground, his knee connecting with his stomach as Han Solo curled into a ball, his one remaining hand shielding his face. But Kylo leaned down, grabbing the front of his shirt in his fists and yanking him upwards. 

Han looked terrified--utterly pathetic as Kylo glared down at him, his eyed thinned into slits. He bared his teeth once more, his lip quivering as he spoke in a low growl.

"I will be a better king than you ever were," He spat, his voice echoing through the room, "And I will make sure that my children never experience the kind of pain you made me feel."

"You fool," Han seethed, gasping in pain, "You will destroy everything I've built."

"No," Kylo hissed, "I'll fix what you've broken."

With that, Kylo raised his sword over his head, letting out a horrible scream as he drove it down, straight into Han Solo's chest. It pierced through his ribcage with ease, his face going blank as his mouth fell open wordlessly, a whisper of a gasp escaping past his lips. Red blood began to seep from the sides of Kylo's sword, sunken deep into Han's chest, and with another scream, Kylo ripped it out, streams of blood splattering onto his face. 

Han stared up at him, the life slowly draining from his eyes as he took in a shaky, shallow breath, reaching up with his remaining hand and grabbing at Kylo's arm. He gripped the fabric of his jacket between his fists, and he grimaced, his lip trembling as he struggled to bring words to his lips.

"You--" He whispered, "I always knew you would disappoint me..." As he spoke the words, you watched his body go limp, the life draining from him with each passing second. And as his sentence ended, he let out a quiet groan, his eyes rolling back into his head and his neck flopping backwards. 

Moments passed like hours in silence, and slowly you realized. He was finally gone.

Kylo's chest was heaving, his face twisted into an expression you could only identify as pain. With a loud sob, he dropped Han's limp body to the floor, stumbling backwards and gasping frantically, his face just as pale as his father's. He let go of his sword, and it clanged against the ground as his hands quivered, covered in deep red iron. 

His legs began to shake underneath him, and he let out a choked sob again, keeling over and resting his hands on his knees for support. You bolted towards him immediately, catching him just as he began to fall backwards, helping his body to the ground as he shivered. 

His body was trembling violently as you wrapped your arms around him, and he melted against you, nestling into your chest as you rocked him back and forth on the ground, being careful to avoid touching his deep wound. Tears began to flow like a river down his face, and he sobbed loudly into your gown, his cries drowned out in the fabric. His blood and tears soaked your dress, but you ignored it, shushing him comfortingly and running your hands lightly through his hair. 

Your heart panged every time he sobbed, and you wanted nothing more than to just take all of his pain away. You would give it all to yourself in a heartbeat if it meant that he wouldn't have to feel it anymore. 

"It's okay," You kept repeating, letting him cling to you for support, "It's going to be okay."

You weren't even sure that he could hear you through his cries, but it didn't matter. You kept comforting him for what felt like hours, tears beginning to fall down your cheeks at the sight of him in pain, his body shaking violently. 

You could barely even process what was happening as Poe and the rest of the group finally busted into the throne room, their voices and shouts muted in your ears. All you could focus on was Kylo, who's face was still buried in your chest, his tears streaming down your skin. 

You could see Poe shouting something at you, but you just shook your head, curling around Kylo and stroking his back comfortingly. You took in slow, deep breaths against him, shushing him again as he continued to sob. 

But Poe ran up to your side, gripping your shoulder tightly and pulling you back. You screamed, trying to fight back as you were pried away from Kylo, your arms leaving him abruptly. 

"Y/N," You could hear Poe repeating to you, right by your ear, "We have to get him help, he's injured."

If you were in the right state of mind, that would have made perfect sense to you. But your mind was a haze of confusion and pain, and all you wanted was to hold him in your arms. You didn't want him to think you'd abandoned him. You were all he had left now. So you continued to fight back against Poe's hold, swinging your arms wildly and screaming. 

But soon, more men had crowded around you, blocking your path and picking you up by your arms, holding you tightly as you kicked and screamed. 

"Stop!" You cried, "He needs me! He needs me..." Your sobs racked through your body and you hung your head in defeat, the tears streaming down your cheeks in a torrent. You were yanked away out of the throne room and down the hallway, your feet dragging limply along the ground. 

You felt like you couldn't breathe. Couldn't speak. Couldn't process anything that was happening. 

All you knew was that Kylo needed you now more than ever, and you weren't with him.


	21. Positive

Even under all the blankets, he was cold to the touch. You ran your thumb over the back of his palm as the nurses touched the disinfectant to his fresh stitches, running up from his shoulder to the side of his face. He winced every time they dabbed at it, and he squeezed your hand in his, his fingertips digging into your skin. 

But you didn't mind. You knew that he needed you there, and you wanted to stay just as badly. It had been a few days since the attack, and ever since then, you hadn't seen Kylo smile once. Not that he could really move his face much anyway, the deep gash in his cheek preventing any dramatic expressions. But you hadn't gotten so much as a tiny smirk from him, and it seemed like a frown was now permanently painted onto his lips. 

Similarly, you hadn't stopped feeling nauseated since that day. You blamed it on the memory of all the dead bodies, the smell of them still somehow lingering in your nose every time you breathed in. No matter what you did, the sight wouldn't leave you mind, and you caught yourself wincing every time the though passed through your consciousness. 

But the worst of them all was the memory of Kylo's mother, and you were sure that if you couldn't stop thinking about it, his experience was ten times worse. You couldn't begin to imagine how he was feeling. Yes, your parents were dead too, but you were never as close to your mother as Kylo was to his. He'd told you that she'd always felt trapped by Han Solo. He'd wanted to save her. And now, he couldn't. 

"On a scale from one to ten," A nurse snapped you out of your thoughts, speaking to Kylo, "Rate your pain."

"Zero." He lied. You knew that he hated to be taken care of. It had taken far too much convincing for him to even let you touch his bullet wound. 

"Kylo..." You interjected, looking towards the nurse.

"I'm fine." You sighed, knowing that you wouldn't win this argument, nodding. The nurse paused, glancing between the two of you confusedly. 

"Okay," She furrowed her brows, "So do you want any more painkillers or--"

"No." Kylo cut her off, "Can I just get some rest please?" The nurse scoffed at him, looking wounded. 

"Yeah." She shook her head, "Sorry." She gathered her equipment, walking away quickly and leaving the two of you alone in the sterile hospital suite. Machinery beeped around you, different colored lights flashing across dashboards and putting up statistics you didn't understand. The one thing you did recognize was the jagged line representing Kylo's heart beat, and you found yourself entranced by it, watching the blue line jump every time his pulse slammed. 

"I don't need to be here anymore." Kylo muttered, messing with the IV in his arm. 

"Yes you do." You reached for his hand, pulling it away from the needle, "Why can't you just let them help you?"

"Because I'm fine, Y/N." He snapped, his voice raising, "I need to get out of here so I can start rebuilding our kingdoms. Why aren't you just as worried?"

"The kingdoms will still be there when you're healed." You reassured him, "The people understand that you need time. Please, for me, just--rest."

"There's so much to get done." He ignored your plea, continuing on as his voice rose, "We have to reconstruct pretty much the entire city. We have to make a decision about how our new system will work. And are we still supposed to be getting married? Because I don't know--"

"Kylo, stop." You raised your hand to the side of his face, the one without the wound, and stroked his cheek lightly. He sighed. "We can handle everything once you're healed." You repeated, offering him a small smile. "Okay?" He paused. You could tell he wanted to fight you on it, but you also knew that he didn't have the energy.

"Fine." He grumbled, leaning back on the bed and letting his head sink into the pillow. His raven hair fell around his face, still looking tangled from all the blood that was stuck in it, and you brushed it out of his eyes carefully, making sure to avoid the gash. 

You'd tried to not look at it too closely for the past few days, nausea threatening to wash over you for the millionth time. But as you hovered over him, brushing the hair away from his face, you glanced at it for a little too long. You could see the dried blood at the edge of the stitches, his skin red and inflamed. And a dark purple bruise had shown up under his mouth where Han Solo had punched him, his lip split on the side, sealed shut with more dried blood. 

Instantly, the threat of vomiting returned, and you drew back quickly, turning away from him and clamping your hand over your mouth. You felt instantly horrible as you did, remembering how he'd reacted the first time you'd seen the scars all over his chest. The memory ran through your mind. 

"Do you think they're disgusting?" He'd whispered, his jaw clenching tightly. "The scars."

"No," You'd responded, your hands flying to cup his face, "No, not at all."

"How can you not?" He'd breathed, his muscles still tensed, "I do."

"Kylo," You'd shaken your head, smiling up at him, "I would never think that. I--I think you're perfect."

You hadn't lied back then. You did think he was perfect. And you still did now. You didn't want him doubting that at all. But you heard him sigh as you swallowed the bile in the back of your throat, your heart dropping.

You turned back to him, meeting his half-lidded eyes and walking back to his side. 

"I'm sorry," You whispered, "I just haven't been feeling very good. It's not--"

"It is." He muttered, "You can't look at me anymore without feeling sick."

"No," You grabbed his hand in yours, "That's not it at all."

"Believe me, I don't want to look at myself either." He turned away from you, avoiding your gaze. 

"You look just as perfect to me now as you did before." You whispered, squeezing his hand reassuringly. But he just made a huffing noise, sighing softly as his eyes fluttered closed. 

You wanted to prove it to him. You needed him to see. It didn't matter what he looked like. You loved him more than anything, and no scars would change that. So before you could talk yourself out of it, you slid up onto the bed, pulling back the covers over his body and lifting your leg over his waist. You straddled his hips, your dress hiking up your legs as your heat pressed against him. 

"What are you doing?" He asked, turning back to you. You reached forward, your hand sliding slowly down his chest and stopping at his hips.

"I'm proving my point." You leaned towards him, being careful to avoid his wound as your hand moved to the side of his face, your digits trailing along his defined chin and pulling his lips to yours. You kissed him softly at first, but slowly, you deepened it, your tongue slipping past his teeth and into his mouth, swirling with his as he responded. He sucked in a quick breath against you before raising his hands into your hair, massaging your scalp as he pulled you closer. 

You moaned quietly as your hands moved back down to his his hips. His usual belt and pants were gone, replaced by a thin hospital gown, and you smirked against his mouth as you pulled it upwards. Your wandering hands immediately found his cock, and you wrapped your digits around it, coaxing a low moan from his throat. 

You moved from his mouth, kissing along his chin and down to his neck, sucking softly at his skin and leaving pink and red marks along the way. You avoided his wound again, shifting on top of him and moving one hand to your own waist, slipping your underwear down off your legs. You tossed them to the ground as you settled on top of him, guiding his cock with one hand and steadying yourself with the other.

You ran your digits up and down his length, your thumb moving over his tip and making him moan loudly. He bucked his hips towards you, and you just smirked, pulling back from his neck and staring down at him. 

He was breathing deeply, his eyes wide with hunger at the sight of your bare heat straddled over him. But you just clicked your tongue, smirking again.

"Don't hurt yourself, Kylo." You said teasingly, running your thumb up the base of his shaft. He shuddered. 

"God..." He whispered, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. 

"God can't help you now." You chuckled, shifting on top of him again as you positioned yourself in front of his cock, your cunt aching desperately. You took in a deep breath, exhaling before you sunk down onto his length, his size stretching you wide as you screamed, your mind flashing white.

He groaned, and you rocked forward, settling into place and feeling your walls clench tightly around him. Kylo couldn't help himself, trying to thrust into you and work up a rhythm before you'd even gotten into position. But he groaned again as his wound got in the way, the stitched skin stretching painfully as he attempted to move. He gave up, flopping back down onto his pillow and crying out frustratedly. 

But you shushed him, rocking forward again and picking up your pace, feeling pleasure start to seep up through your core. You moaned loudly, throwing your head back as Kylo tried to thrust again, a little more successfully this time. But it clearly still pained him, and he groaned again, reaching forward and grabbing around your hips.

With a growl, he gripped tightly at your ass, pulling you even closer to him and using his hands to move your body back and forth on top of him, moaning every time you rocked forward. 

You realized suddenly that this was the first time you'd done this in a while. At least a week or two. And Kylo had clearly been waiting for this moment. He was crazed, like an animal as he pushed into you, his teeth bared as he threw his head back. He groaned painfully as he thrusted again, and to your horror, one of the stitches on his shoulder suddenly popped open. 

You gasped, but he shot forward, clamping his hand over your mouth. Still, you continued to watch as blood started to seep from the wound once more, dripping down his arm and onto the bedsheets below him. 

But he didn't seem to care, continuing to drive into you, his chest heaving as he exerted more energy than he had left. His face flushed red, he moaned loudly, his climax approaching quicker than usual. But he hadn't gotten to touch you for what felt like forever, and the gap of time was having a similar effect on you, tightness building up in your stomach. 

You whimpered, your clit begging for attention. You reached your hand down to it, rubbing circles around it as your nerves lit on fire, euphoria seeping up through you.

"Fuck--" Kylo hissed underneath you, watching you touch yourself, "Fuck..." He was close, and you rocked forward again, earning another loud moan from him. 

He thrusted once more, and you cringed as another one of his stitches popped, being strained too far. But again, he didn't seem to notice, his chest heaving wildly as he pushed deeper. He groaned, titling right on the edge of his climax, and at that, you let yourself snap. 

You screamed, your orgasm seeping up through your core, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your bloodstream. You shivered, collapsing on top of his chest as you heaved for air, your mind flashing white again as you came. And seconds after you, he let himself go, hot streams of his cum shooting up into you. He groaned loudly, gripping your ass as tightly as he could as he forced you towards him again. 

Both slicked with sweat, your bodies went limp, your climaxes washing though you as you rested. Usually, he would have kept thrusting through the ends of it, but he was clearly exhausted, his eyes closed as he winded down. His heart was slamming in your ear as you laid against his chest, blood still seeping from his now re-opened wound. 

You caught your breath slowly, reaching up to trace down his sternum, following the bone to its end. Then you laid your hand against his ribcage next to your face, laying limply on top of him. 

You both went silent for what felt like hours, re-charging and letting your bodies wind back down from their peaks. But finally, you sat up, pulling off of him as his cum leaked down the inside of your legs, the sticky liquid drenching the bed. But you ignored it, sliding onto the mattress next to him and nestling under his arm.

He responded, pulling the covers back over both of you and leaning towards you, your head resting on his chest once more. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him as he adjusted his head against his pillow. He closed his eyes, sighing contentedly. 

"I love you." He whispered into your ear, planting a light kiss on your neck. You smiled widely.

"I love you, too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You laid quietly in the bed next to him, your hand running slowly through his hair as the nurse touched again at his wound with the disinfectant, her brows furrowed as she noticed some of the popped stitches from the day before. 

"What happened here?" She asked, gesturing towards them and looking between the two of you. You blushed. 

"I must have moved too much in my sleep." Kylo muttered, "Sorry."

"Well we'll have to have someone re-stitch those." She still looked skeptical, but didn't ask anymore questions, finishing her cleaning and picking up her materials. "I'll let the doctor know." Kylo nodded, and she turned away, leaving the room and closing the door behind her. 

Kylo shifted under the sheets as she did, burying his head deeper into the pillow and sighing. His eyes looked misty--not like he was crying, but just that he seemed lost in thought, zoning out of reality. 

"You okay?" You ran your hand down his chest, his heartbeat vibrating through your fingertips. He just grunted softly, leaning towards you. But you weren't letting him off the hook that easily. "Talk to me." You grabbed his hand in yours, raising it to your lips and kissing the back of his palm. He paused, then sighed again. 

"I'm just thinking about my mother." He muttered, looking up at the ceiling. Your heart lurched. You didn't know what you could say to make him feel better. You really couldn't think of any words at all. 

So instead, you sunk down in the mattress, wrapping your arms around his chest and laying your head against his ribcage. He moved his hand up into your hair, running his fingers through it slowly. And after a few moments, he spoke again. 

"She was always good to me." He said quietly, his voice low, "She was the only one who treated me like a real person."

"Tell me about her." You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath. 

"I remember that she used to chase me through the gardens when I was little. We'd play games and just sit by the river, watching the sun dance on the surface of the water." He paused, laughing quietly to himself, "She'd always let me win whatever we played."

"I'm sure she did, I bet you were a sore loser." You chuckled, and he huffed. 

"I was." He sighed. "I still am." He paused, his hands slowing as they moved through your hair, "She always used to tell me that she was so proud of me. Even when whatever I did didn't deserve any praise. It would be stupid things, like putting my napkin in my lap. Or finishing all my food. But I always loved when she said it, probably because my father never did." You nodded against him, squeeing him tighter. 

"And I thought I'd be able to save her." He whispered, his tone shifting to one filled with pain. And suddenly, you felt his breath hitch in his chest. You pulled back, sitting up and watching as his eyes grew watery, though he tried to hide it, clearing his throat.

"You did everything you could." You reached forward, grabbing his hand again.

"The thought of her dying thinking that I'd run away," He whispered, "Or that I didn't love her enough to take her with me--" He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, "Haunts me."

"She knew you loved her." You reassured him, kissing his hand, "She knew."

"I could have saved her." He shook his head, "The day I rescued you, I could have told her where I was going. But I didn't because I was scared that my father would find out. And I thought that I would have another chance--" He stopped, looking down at his lap. "But it doesn't matter now." He breathed, "She's gone."

Your heart panged for him as you laid back down, curling around his figure once more and resting your head against his chest. Silence fell over the room for a few minutes as you racked your brain for ways to make him feel better. You couldn't think of anything great, but one idea popped into your head. 

"What if we had a funeral for her?" You offered, glancing up at him, "Would you like that?" He considered it for a moment, but then slowly, his pained expression shifted. He nodded. 

"Yes actually, that sounds amazing." Your heart leaped. 

"Really?" You smiled, "Okay, great. I'll have it arranged." You sat up, but as soon as you did another wave of nausea washed over you. You grimaced. "I'm sorry," You shook your head.

"Seriously, are you sick?" Kylo reached for you, looking concerned. 

"No, no, I don't think so." You sighed, closing your eyes as the dizziness faded. "I think it's just stress. I'm going to go ask a nurse for something for my stomach, though. I've felt nauseated all day." 

He nodded, and you kissed his hand once more before you slid off the bed, your feet slapping against the floor. But as you did, his grip tightened around your wrist, holding you back. You turned back towards him, meeting his gaze. 

"Thank you." He said, "Really. Thank you." You smiled again, your heart glowing. 

"Of course." And as you spoke, your chest nearly exploded as you watched a small smile creep over his lips for the first time in days. You let out a disbelieving huff, rushing back towards him and hopping back on the bed. You leaned forward, carefully pressing your lips against his as your smile widened, your hand running down the side of his face. 

"I love you," You whispered, pulling back momentarily. 

"I love you, too." He pressed his lips to yours again, and you were careful to avoid his wound as you moved to kissing along his chin and neck before pulling away and sliding back off the bed. You blew him a kiss before turning away again and heading for the door, gripping the handle and opening it. You walked out into the hall, closing it behind you and sighing happily. 

Your heart was still glowing as you made your way down the brightly lit corridor, hospital workers passing by you as they rushed to attend to their patients. The nurse that had left your room the day before caught your eye at the end of the hall, and you rushed over to her, tapping on her shoulder. She spun around, and you smiled as she met your gaze. 

"Hi, I'm sorry, we met yesterday--"

"Oh yeah," She huffed, "Your boyfriend is the one that told me to go away." She laughed. "I thought princes were supposed to be polite."

"Yeah, I'm so sorry about that by the way." You winced, "He's usually...resistant to anyone trying to help him."

"I could tell." She laughed again, reaching out to shake your hand. "But it's no problem, I'm just joking. I'm Rey by the way." You took her hand, shaking it gladly and smiling again.

"Oh good," You huffed, "I'm--"

"I know." She nodded, smiling back, "I was so shocked when you showed up. I've never met royalty before." You smirked.

"I don't think of myself as royalty. People keep having to remind me." Rey laughed. "But anyway, I just wanted to ask you if maybe you had anything for nausea?"

"Oh yeah!" She said cheerily, waving you along as she moved behind a counter, opening up a cabinet and pulling out a glass jar filled with some sort of beige pills. She laid it down on the countertop, opening the lid and pulling one out. "Ginger pills," She handed it to you, laying it in your palm. "They always help me."

"Oh thank you so much," You threw it back into your mouth, swallowing it with ease. "I've been feeling sick for days."

"Oh god, what do you think's causing it?" She leaned on the countertop, an empathetic expression on her face.

"No idea." You groaned. "Stress?"

"Are you sure you're not pregnant or something?" She laughed, and at first, you did the same, the initial idea of it sounding far too crazy to even be considered. But slowly, your smile dissipated as you started to think about it more. 

In all honesty, you weren't sure. You really could be. The thought of it nearly made you pass out, and you felt your knees go weak underneath you. You leaned forward on the counter, clutching onto it for support as you face went pale. 

Rey rushed towards you, grabbing you and helping you slide to the floor, your head spinning sickeningly. 

"Fuck, now that you mention it...I actually might be." You breathed, your voice shaking as you glanced at her, your eyes wide with terror. Rey paused, shooting you an encouraging expression. 

"I have a test if you want to take it." She offered. "But you don't have to." At first you shook your head, ready to refuse it. But as you took a moment to consider it, you realized that whether you took the test or not, you still might be pregnant. Knowing wouldn't make a difference. So slowly, you nodded, let out a shaky exhale. 

"I should take it." You muttered, your hands quivering as you moved back to your feet, still clutching the countertop for support. "Yeah, I'll take it."

"Okay." Rey said hesitantly, moving back to the cabinets and pulling out a small pink box, laying it down on the countertop and sliding it towards you. Your hands continued to tremble as you reached for it, picking it up between your fingertips and reading the label. 

Quick Response Pregnancy Test, it read in bolded pink and white font, The Most Reliable Results In The Quickest Amount Of Time. A silhouette of a woman's figure was drawn behind it, her stomach rounded as she cradled it. You shivered.

"There's a bathroom down the hall." Rey said, "To the right." You nodded slowly, turning away from her and trudging down the corridor. Your feet felt like cement blocks as you took each step, dread settling in your bones as you saw the sign for the restroom up ahead. You felt as though you were walking to your death as you turned into the small, one person room, clicking the door closed behind you and pausing. You closed your eyes as you leaned against it, taking in shaky breaths and exhaling. 

After a while, you forced yourself away from the wall, your hands still trembling as you took apart the box, peeling the opening away and reaching inside. Your fingertips gripped the end of the test stick, and you winced, your heartbeat slamming as you pulled it out into view. 

It seemed to mock you as you stared at it, and you tore your gaze away, choking back a sob as you made your way to the toilet, pulling up your dress and sitting down. 

You pretty much blacked out while you took the test, laying it down on the sink as you stood back up, fixing your dress over your legs. The box had said to wait a minute for results. So you did. 

In the corner. Crying. 

You sat, curled in a ball, your knees pressed to your chest as you stared at the sink, the tiny stick looking like your worst nightmare. 

You counted down from sixty, your heart slamming as you neared ten. Nine...eight...seven...you were about to vomit...six...five...four...three...you wanted to die...two...one.

You had to force yourself to your feet, everything in you begging to just throw the test away without looking at it. But you knew that you had to check. Just to make sure that you were in the clear. 

You'd flipped it over when you'd set it down, and you walked over to it slowly, gripping the end of it tightly. You took in one last deep breath, exhaling slowly and telling yourself that no matter what the result was, you would figure it out. It would all be okay. You closed your eyes, trying to calm your nerves.

Your hands still trembling, you flipped it over, and opened your eyes slowly. And on the test, a small symbol of a plus sign had appeared on the screen. Your heart stopped beating.

Positive.


	22. I Love You

Planning the funeral was the only thing that kept you sane--and distracted, for the next week or so. You tried not to think about it--to pretend that it wasn't a reality. Because you didn't want it to be. 

One day, you would have loved to have children with Kylo. To build a family with him and spend the rest of your lives together. But not now. There was so much in the way. 

You had no idea how far along you were. Probably only a few weeks, you guessed. But who knew. 

And you hadn't told anyone yet. Not even Rey, who you'd been avoiding for the last few days--ducking into random rooms when you saw her walking down the hallway towards you. And you absolutely couldn't tell Kylo. Not yet at least. You had a sinking suspicion that he wasn't going to react well. Maybe you were wrong--but you doubted it. 

You were sitting by Kylo's bedside a few days after you found out, your brain fogged over in worried thought as a nurse worked carefully at his popped stitches. He winced every time the needle threaded back into his skin, squeezing your hand tightly, but you barely even noticed. All you could think about was the cloud of impending doom over your head, shadowing every waking moment in dread. 

He groaned as the needle worked over his cheek, his knuckles going white from how tightly he was gripping your hand, and you finally snapped out of your daze, shaking your head and focusing your vision on him. The nurse finally finished, tying off the stitches and stepping back with a sigh. 

"Okay," She nodded, "You should be good now. But don't move around too much for the next few days or they could break again."

"I have to leave tomorrow to go to my mother's funeral," He sat up straighter, loosening his grip on your hand, "I'll be back after that, but will it be okay?"

"Yes, that's fine." The nurse picked up her equipment, holding it to her chest, "But again, try not to move too dramatically."

"I won't." He nodded, sighing and leaning back onto his pillow. The nurse turned and left without another word, closing the door behind her and leaving the two of you alone once more. Silence fell over the room, and as soon as it did, your heart started to race. You weren't aware that you were making any kind of face, but Kylo looked over at you, his brows furrowed. 

"Hey," He sat up, pulling you towards him. "You okay?"

"Yes," You lied, sliding up into his lap, "Fine."

"I'm worried about you," He muttered, pulling you to his chest as he leaned back again, "You've looked sick for the past week." It was true, you were sick. You'd thrown up every morning before Kylo had woken up, and tried your best to hide it. But you couldn't get rid of the pale tint that had fallen over your skin, morning sickness and stress mixing together in a horrible combination. 

"I told you," You shook your head, "I'm just a little nauseated."

"Hm." Kylo placed his hand at the back of your head, stroking through your hair. You wondered how long you'd be able to keep up the lie. How long would it be until you started showing? Your stomach dropped at the idea of it. You changed the subject quickly. 

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" You asked. Kylo sighed, hugging you closer.

"Sad." He muttered, "But also good. I think she would have appreciated this." You nodded. "Thank you again." He whispered, "You didn't have to do this for me."

"Of course." You smiled weakly, "Anything for you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of all things that could make a funeral that much more depressing--it was raining. Pouring, actually. Dark, booming clouds had rolled over the sun, casting gloomy darkness over the valley and sending a shiver up your spine. 

You were standing in front of a tall mirror in the hospital bathroom, putting on your new dress and shoes, black--for the occasion. It was tight fitting, the fabric stretched around your waist as you slipped it on, adjusting it over your legs as it billowed out towards the ground. 

It was just another dress--no different than the thousands of others that you'd put on. But this time, it felt different. It looked like it didn't fit you. Or at least to you, it did. Your body looked exactly the same as it did before you'd found out. Deep down, you knew that. 

But your worrying mind took over your rational thoughts, and when you looked in the mirror you didn't see yourself as you normally did anymore. You turned to the side, running your hand over your stomach, imagining that it had already grown round and noticeable. You felt hot tears stinging at the corners of your eyes as you stared, wishing that you could just blink and it would all go away. 

But a knock on the door snapped you out of your thoughts, and you turned towards it, wiping your eyes frantically and sniffling. You slipped your black heels on, hurrying to the door and opening it to see Kylo standing in front of you. 

He smiled weakly as he stared down at you, dressed in an all black suit, his hair combed back carefully. But as he met your gaze, he furrowed his brows. 

"Are you okay?" He asked for what seemed like the millionth time, "Your eyes are all red." You nodded, fighting the lump in the back of your throat and faking a smile. 

"Yeah," You choked, "Are you ready to go?" Kylo nodded, still peering at you suspiciously. But instead of speaking again, he offered you his arm, which you hooked in yours. You were glad to not have to continue the conversation as you walked with him down the hall, entering the staircase and winding down to the bottom floor of the hospital. 

You came out in the main lobby, leading him carefully to the big front doors. As you approached, two guards grabbed at the handles, bowing to the two of you before they swung them open. And as soon as they did, what seemed like a million flashing cameras descended on the two of you, blinding you with bright lights. Reporters yelled your names from the sides of the entryway, guards holding them back behind ropes as they flailed their arms for your attention. 

Immediately, you moved your hand in front of your stomach. Again, deep down you knew that no one could tell yet. But you'd convinced yourself that you were already huge, and the cameras made your heart start to slam like a drum. Kylo glanced down at you, his brows still furrowed. 

You walked him quickly to the limo waiting for you in the round driveway, stepping inside and closing the door as he followed closely behind you. You slumped down into the seat, your head spinning with a million different emotions, nervous sweat beading at your brow. 

You closed your eyes, taking in deep breaths and trying your best to ignore the nausea that had suddenly reappeared. Perfect timing.

You leaned over, your face buried in your hands as the corset pressed uncomfortably against your stomach. You could feel the tears welling back up. 

"Y/N," Kylo reached towards you, laying his hand on your back. You winced. "What the hell is going on with you?" You just shook your head, a quiet sob escaping past your lips. He scooted towards you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. "Hey," He grabbed at your wrists, pulling your hands away from your face. He laid his thumb against your cheek, turning your face towards his and meeting your eyes. "Whatever's going on, you can tell me. You know that, right?"

Your heart lurched. If only that were true. 

"Of course." You lied, a single tear falling down your cheek and meeting his thumb. He wiped it away, his expression saddening. You felt extreme guilt as it did. Today was supposed to be about mourning his mother, not about you. And here he was, comforting you for something he didn't even know the full extent of. You were afraid that when he found out, he wouldn't react the same way. 

The car began to roll forward, and he pulled you to his side, letting your head rest on his shoulder as the limo drove out of the hospital entrance and onto the main road. You glanced out the window, observing the street sides and watching people walk along them. 

They looked a lot better than the last time you'd seen them, the rubble having been cleaned from the road and some of the buildings starting to be repaired. People had started to wheel their carts selling fruits and vegetables back down the sidewalks, and business looked like they were re-opening. And for a moment, you felt happy watching it all.

But that passed quickly as a woman walked by the window, her hands full of a baby in a swaddle, shushing it as it cried. Your stomach dropped, and you felt the nausea take over you, vomit bubbling up in your throat. 

"I need a bag." You breathed in a whisper, your face going white.

"What?" Kylo leaned towards you, but you couldn't repeat yourself. It was too late. You keeled over, slapping your hands over your mouth as the vomit threatened to spill all over the car. You choked, swallowing it to the best of your ability and whimpering pathetically. You heard Kylo calling to the driver, and seconds later, he was handing you a bag, which you took frantically and emptied your stomach into. 

Kylo rubbed your back and held back your hair as you choked, all the energy seeming to drain from your body. Along with the nausea, embarrassment was also coursing through you, your cheeks burning brightly against your pale complexion. 

But finally, the wave of sickness ended, and you gasped, flopping back onto the chair and closing your eyes. Another tear squeezed through the gap in one of your eyelids, and it slid slowly down your cheek, dripping onto your lap. 

"That's it." Kylo brushed your hair back from your face, "When we get back to the hospital I'm talking to them about you. You're sick."

"No," You shook your head, sobbing again, "I'm not."

"Y/N--"

"I'm fine, Kylo. Please." You turned away from him, looking towards the window as more tears slid down your face. You cried silently as the car continued forward, and your heart sank even more as you finally pulled into the entrance of the cemetery. 

You passed underneath tall metal gates, the bars twisted together in a menacing bundle. The limo rolled onto a gravel road, the rocks and dirt flying up underneath the tires. You passed by what seemed like endless tombstones, the rain bouncing off their surfaces and draining onto the grass below them. You couldn't make out hardly any of their names, but there were thousands of them, vines growing up over and around them. 

Up ahead, you saw the crowd that had begun to gather around the grave site you were headed to, and you wiped away your tears, straightening you spine. You swallowed the lump in your throat. Today was not the day to break down. You would not let it be about you. 

You glanced towards Kylo, who was starting to look nervous. You reached for his hand, taking it and squeezing lightly. 

"You're going to do great." You reassured him, and he smiled weakly. 

"I hope." He muttered. 

The car rolled to a stop at your destination, and you squeezed Kylo's hand once more before stepping out into the cemetery, the rain instantly pelting down on you. But you were ushered underneath the tent by guards, and the rain ceased to fall on you as you made your way below its ceiling. 

Kylo followed you, still gripping your hand as he walked over to his advisors, shaking their hands quickly as they offered him condolences and well wishes. You even caught a glimpse of the man you'd run into before--the one with bright red hair and a pale face. He was staring at you with distain as soon as you stepped out of the limo, and you tried your best to avoid his gaze. 

But he walked up to Kylo after a moment, sticking his hand out and grabbing Kylo's before he could pull away. He shook it roughly, shooting him a thinly veiled fake smile. 

"My sincerest condolences." He said, his voice like nails on a chalkboard, coated in a heavy accent. "Your mother was such a wonderful woman."

"Thank you, General." Kylo grumbled. You could tell that whoever this man was, he hated him. But suddenly, the man turned to you, looking you up and down. 

"I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting," He reached for your hand. You hesitated. 

"We have actually." You eyed his hand, refusing to take it. "You don't remember?" The man furrowed his brows. 

"Remind me."

"I asked you for directions when I was leaving the palace." You said coldly, squeezing Kylo's hand.

"Hm. It still isn't coming back to me."

"You asked if I was the princess engaged to Kylo." You added, but he continued to play dumb, shaking his head. You rolled your eyes. "Then when I said yes, you scoffed and told me good luck." Kylo glanced at you before turning back to the man and narrowing his eyes, his grip on your hand tightening. 

"Ah!" The man laughed awkwardly, "Yes, I do remember you. But you must have heard my tone wrong."

"No, I don't think I did." You glared. He laughed uncomfortably again, fiddling with his hands. 

"Well, I do apologize if you misinterpreted my well wishes." He said, and you rolled your eyes again. "I meant no harm whatsoever, Ren." He turned to Kylo, smiling fakely again. When Kylo didn't respond, the man cleared his throat. "Well, I should let you speak to other people." He dismissed himself, stepping aside. "Again, my best wishes for you and your family."

"I'm sure." Kylo mumbled, stepping past him and taking you with him, letting out a frustrated sigh. As you walked away, you leaned towards him, whispering. 

"Who is that?" You asked, at which Kylo rolled his eyes. 

"General Hux." He groaned, "One of my father's right hand men. I'm sure he's plotting against us already." You nodded, shivering as a cold gust of wind blew through the tent. You could see the casket up ahead, and a podium behind it--where Kylo would give a speech shortly. He squeezed your hand.

"You're going to do great." You repeated, hugging his arm. "Don't worry."

"Thank you," He kissed the top of your head, squeezing your hand once more before he let it go, walking towards the podium. He moved behind it, resting his arms on its surface and clearing his throat. People's heads turned towards him, and the quiet chattering that had been going on ceased, silence falling over the group. 

"I want to thank you all for coming." Kylo's started, offering the crowd a weak smile. "I know that it would have meant the world to my mother that you all came, and it means the world to me as well." People nodded, smiling sadly. "First off, I want to thank my fiancé for making this a reality." He gestured towards you, and suddenly everyone's eyes were glued on your face. You smiled awkwardly as people applauded you, and you nodded in acknowledgement. "Without her, I wouldn't have been able to get through this tough time." Your heart glowed, and you blew him a small kiss. 

"I just wanted to take a minute to talk about what an amazing woman my mother was." Kylo continued, "Not only was she a great mother to me, but a great queen to our kingdom. Always so gracious and kind. And always so willing to give to those less fortunate than her."

He paused, looking down at his hands. 

"She was one of the only people who ever understood me." His voice lowered, "She made me feel not so alone." People around you nodded sadly again. 

"I'm not sure how many of you know this, but my name isn't actually Kylo." He laughed, "It's Ben. But my father decided at a young age that I needed to go by something more intimidating." He paused, his eyes starting to look misty. Your heart lurched. "But my mother. She always called me Ben. She was the only one." His jaw tightened, and you could see him shifting uncomfortably. "And I always really appreciated that. Because she saw me as her son, not just a future ruler."

His face fell as he spoke the last few words, and your heart dropped as a single tear dripped onto his cheek, sliding down his face. 

"I didn't get to see her before she died," Kylo continued, sniffling quietly, "But I hope that she knew how much I loved her. So today, please just keep her in your thoughts and prayers. I know she would have really appreciated it. Thank you." With that, he stepped down from the podium and back towards you as people began to applaud, patting him on the back as he walked by. 

You offered him a smile as he grabbed your hand again, squeezing it tightly and pulling you towards the casket.

Silence fell over the group as it was lowered down into the ground, dirt thrown overtop of it and packed tightly. He didn't cry again, just stood next to you with a blank expression, his skin cold to the touch. 

The burial finished, and her tombstone was revealed, her name engraved beautifully in the stone. Queen Leia Organa of the First Order, it read, carved in curly cursive, and the date of her birth and death below it. 

Kylo thanked everyone again for coming, and more people approached one after another, offering their condolences and well wishes. But eventually, the crowd dissipated, and Kylo squeezed your hand, glancing down towards you. 

"Okay," He smiled weakly, "Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The nurse pressed the disinfectant against his wound, his suit having been replaced by the thin hospital gown. He winced as usual, but less. It seemed to be healing a little bit. 

"Good thing you didn't pop any more stitches." The nurse said, "It looks like it's starting to get better." Kylo nodded. "You'll just have a scar." She continued, "But there's nothing wrong with that."

"It really does look better," You added, "How does it feel?"

"Fine." He said shortly, but suddenly he seemed to think of something, and he sat up quickly. "While you're here," He said to the nurse, glancing at you, "She's been sick for the past two weeks and she won't get help--"

"Kylo, I'm fine." You shook your head, turning to the nurse, "I'm fine, really--"

"No, she's been throwing up every morning and just a little while ago and I really think she needs--"

"Kylo, stop."

"You're sick Y/N!"

"No, I'm pregnant." The words slipped past your lips before you could stop them, and in an instant, the entire room seemed to freeze. You felt as though all the air had evaporated from your lungs as you looked towards Kylo--who's face had gone completely white, his mouth hanging open wordlessly. You tried desperately to search for emotion behind his eyes--but you found nothing, only a void of darkness meeting your gaze. 

You shivered, the silence that had fallen over the room ringing in your ears louder than any sound. It was deafening, and you felt as though you couldn't move your body as you stared at him. 

"Um, I'm...gonna go." The nurse broke the quiet, gathering her equipment quickly and rushing to the door, slamming it closed and leaving the two of you alone. Your stomach did a flip. 

Kylo seemed to have gone completely mute, his eyes scanning over you like a laser. He continued to say nothing for what felt like hours, your heart slamming in anticipation, but finally, he closed his mouth, his jaw tightening. 

"You're what?" He whispered, his tone unable to be interpreted. It was a mix somewhere in between shocked and horrified--neither of which you could blame him for. 

"I'm pregnant." You said again, the words feeling foreign on your lips. He paused again, his expression still unidentifiable. But slowly, he looked away from you, his eyes focused elsewhere. 

"How long have you known?" His voice came out like a grumble. You shivered. 

"About a week." You choked, and he looked back towards you, his eyes now filled with a new expression. Anger.

"A week?!" He cried, sitting up against the bed as his face twisted with fury. 

"I'm sorry, I should have told you, I just--"

"How could you keep this from me for a whole week?" His voice raised, and you flinched, looking down at the floor.

"I just thought--I don't know...that you wouldn't be happy about it." You whispered. 

"Damn right I'm not happy about it," He seethed, his hands gesturing towards you, "Why the fuck would I be happy about it?"

At that, you crumbled, your heart feeling as though it had snapped clean in half. But he stared at you as if he didn't regret a word that had just come out of his mouth, his eyes filled with pure fury as his chest heaved. You let out a huffed sob, clutching your stomach tightly as you backed away from him. 

"Jesus, Y/N," He shook his head, burying his face in his hands and groaning. "This is not a good time for this to be happening."

"Don't you think I know that?" You choked, "I didn't want this." Kylo huffed, flopping back onto the propped up mattress.

"Fuck, I don't know what to say to you right now."

"You could tell me that you love me no matter what and that everything's going to be okay!" You cried, reaching for his hand as tears began to stream down your face, "Please Kylo, I'm terrified--" But as soon as your hand touched him, he recoiled as if you'd slapped him, his eyes burning with rage. 

"Please leave." He breathed, and your heart nearly fell out of your chest. 

"What?"

"Please...leave." He repeated, his voice low and cold. You let out a sob.

"But I need you." You whispered, but he turned away, his eyes focused on his lap. He said nothing else, and you shivered, stumbling backwards. Tears were flowing down your face like a river as you stared at him, your heart cracking painfully with every passing second. You felt like someone had stolen all the air from your lungs, and you struggled to take a breath. Your head was spinning as you walked to the door, and you gripped the handle tightly, your hands trembling. 

But you turned back around once more before opening the door, tears still falling as you spoke again. 

"I love you, Kylo." You whispered, praying that he would say it back. To reassure that things weren't over. That it would all be okay eventually. That he did love you back.

But he said nothing, refusing to even look up at you as he turned over on his side, his face buried in his pillow. You let out another sob, your heart crumbling into a million pieces as you turned back to the door, opening it slowly and stepping out into the hallway.

You closed it back, gasping for air as your lungs felt as though they were sealing shut. Your head was spinning dizzily, and you continued to sob, leaning against the back of the door for support. But as the seconds dragged on, your knees started to feel like they were going out underneath you, and the spinning in your head turned into lightheadedness. 

You grabbed at the wall, feeling yourself start to fall, but there was nothing to hold onto, and you slipped forward. Your head hit the ground with a smack as you started to black out, your mind fading away into nothingness as you gasped for air. 

The last thing you remembered was the blurry sight of nurses rushing towards you, and the memory of Kylo's words ringing in your ears. 

"Leave..."


	23. He'll Come Back

You woke up to the sound of beeping hospital machines, your eyes fluttering open to the sight of an empty white room. An IV filled with clear fluid was running into your arm, and you touched at it lightly, your arms feeling weak as you raised them. You were laying under thick cream colored sheets, and clothed in the same thin gown that they'd put on Kylo before. 

Kylo.

Your heart snapped painfully at the thought of him, and his stinging words immediately returned to your memory. 

"Leave..." It echoed like a broken record through your head, and you winced, sinking down into the mattress. 

And then the rest of the memories came back, like a dam bursting and flooding the land below it. And each one was more painful than the last, making you wish that you could just slip back into the darkness and fall asleep. Maybe then you'd be able to forget. 

But before you could close your eyes again, the door to your room swung open, and a nurse walked inside with a man, dressed in a white lab coat. The doctor, you assumed. They made their way over to your bedside, and paused there, clipboards in hand. 

"I'm glad you're awake." The doctor smiled warmly, "How are you feeling?" You considered the question. Emotionally? Worse than you'd ever felt before. But physically, aside from the throbbing pain in your head from where you'd hit the ground, fine. 

"Okay." You said shortly, sitting up against the propped up mattress. 

"Good." He sighed, setting down the clipboard at the end of the bed and moving towards you. "So," He began, grabbing a stethoscope from around his neck and moving it towards you. He leaned froward, pressing it against your chest and listening to your heartbeat. "Your bloodwork tells me that you're about eight weeks pregnant. That's exciting, you should start showing pretty soon." Your stomach did a flip. That was further along than you'd expected. 

"Really?"

"Mhm." The doctor nodded, moving away and grabbing his clipboard again. "That could have been why you fainted. Or it could have been caused by stress and dehydration. Have you been stressed lately?"

"Yes."

"I wouldn't be concerned about the fainting." He glanced up at you, "It happens sometimes during the first trimester. But I would try to keep those stress levels down. It's not good for the baby."

"Oh, okay." You nodded, not knowing how you'd possibly achieve that. Not with how things were going. 

"Do you want to have a look?" The doctor set down his clipboard again, crossing his arms, "At the baby, I mean. We can do an ultrasound."

"Oh..." Your initial instinct was to say no. You weren't sure that you were ready for that. But as you considered it more, you found a little part of yourself wanting to do it. And another part of yourself wishing that Kylo were there to experience it with you. But he wasn't. "Yes, I'd like that." You nodded, smiling weakly. You weren't sure if it was a good idea. It was all starting to feel a little too real for your liking. 

But as the doctor helped you out of bed and down the hall with your IV bag in tow, into a much darker room with a small, leaned back chair for you to sit in, you couldn't turn back. A screen switched on next to you, and you looked towards it as the doctor leaned forward, lifting up your gown and squirting cold gel onto your abdomen. You flinched, but he just chuckled, grabbing a probe-like stick from the side of the ultrasound machine and pressing it against your stomach. 

He moved it around slowly, an image beginning to appear on the screen as you squinted at it. But you didn't hear anything. Weren't you supposed to hear a heartbeat?

You squirmed uncomfortably in the chair, your ears ringing as you listened through the silence. Where was it? For some reason, you started to get nervous. Sweat appeared underneath your arms as the doctor continued to move the probe around in slow rotations, pushing and pressing on your abdomen. But still, no heartbeat. 

You looked away from the screen, your heart starting to slam as the silence dragged on. Your head started to spin. What if you'd already lost the baby? It had only been eight weeks. And as you thought about it more, you started to feel...sad. Why were you sad? You didn't ask for this baby. It had gotten in the way of everything you wanted. Torn you and Kylo apart. But somehow you still found yourself swallowing the lump in the back of your throat as you laid back in the chair. Hot tears started to well in your eyes, and you breathed in and out deeply, silently praying that nothing bad had happened. 

But just as doom was starting to settle in your bones, a loud slamming sound caught your attention. It echoed through the small room, flooding your ears and making your heart leap in your chest. Relief flooded over you, and you sighed, your pulse returning to normal. 

"There it is," The doctor said cheerily, pointing at the screen. "Sometimes it takes a little while to find it this early on."

You turned, staring up at the monitor. Your eyes met with a picture of a small white figure illuminated against the black background, curled into a ball but just beginning to resemble a baby's shape. And instantly, you started crying. 

Not in a sad way, but because you just couldn't process the picture in front of you. That was your baby. Kylo's baby. It didn't feel real. You leaned back in the chair, wiping your eyes and sighing. The doctor just laughed quietly. 

"Amazing, isn't it?" He chuckled. 

"Yeah..." You breathed, shaking your head in disbelief. 

"Would you like a picture?" He asked, moving the probe around on your stomach again. 

"Oh, sure." You nodded, and he smiled down at you, clicking on the ultrasound machine and removing the device from your abdomen. 

"Alright." He said, wiping the cold gel off of your skin with a cloth. "All done." You sat up, bringing the hospital gown back over your legs and sliding off the chair with the doctor's help. He led you back out into the hallway and to your room, holding your hand as you climbed back up onto the bed. You got back under the sheets, leaning your head against the pillow and sighing. 

"Oh, here's your picture," He handed you a slip of glossy paper, and you took it, setting it down on your lap. "I'll be back soon to check your vitals." You smiled gratefully as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone. 

You glanced down at your lap, your fingertips tracing the edge of the photo he'd given you. The silhouette of the baby stared up at you, and you couldn't seem to take your eyes off of it. You just couldn't believe that it was real. That it was yours, and Kylo's. 

And you wondered if one day, maybe, he would want it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You'd managed to fall asleep again after hours of tossing and turning, the morning sickness still present even when you were properly nourished. But you were snapped awake as the room to your door creaked back open, a nurse walking inside hurriedly. She made her way to your bedside, smiling warmly at you. 

"I'm so sorry, did I wake you?" She said softly. You didn't want to make her feel bad. 

"No, I was up."

"Oh okay, good." She beamed, "Well, I just came to tell you that you have a visitor. One of our other patients wanted to see you." You sat up quickly, your heart rate picking up. 

"Is it Kylo?"

"Kylo Ren?" She tilted her head quizzically, "No, he was discharged a few days ago."

"Oh." Your heart dropped again. 

"No, this is a..." She glanced down at her clipboard, checking the name. "Mr. Alex Hemming. Do you know him?"

"Alex?" You furrowed your brows, "He's alive?!"

"Um, apparently," The nurse chuckled, shrugging, "Can I let him up?"

"Oh, yeah, of course." You nodded, and she smiled, walking back out of the room and shutting the door. You couldn't believe it. He was alive. All this time. Your head was spinning.

What did he know? You were sure that he still assumed you and Kylo were together--which was sort of the truth. You really didn't know anymore. But surely he wouldn't know about the pregnancy. No one knew but you, Kylo, the doctor, and the nurses. 

But you didn't have much time to think about it, the door swinging open once more and catching your attention. And as you looked towards it, your gaze fell on Alex, standing in the doorway and smiling warmly at you. Quite a change since the last time you'd seen him. 

"Hi." He spoke first, walking into the room and closing the door behind him. 

"Hey." You offered him a weak smile as he made his way to your bed, stopping at the end and staring down at you. He was limping, but his leg looked much better. Or at least, it was still on his body. You would have guessed that it would need to be amputated after all that damage and infection. 

"I heard that you were here yesterday and I--" He paused, shaking his head, "I don't know, I just--I wanted to see you. To make sure that you were okay." You nodded. 

"Thank you for checking on me."

"What are you here for, by the way?" He asked. 

"Oh, I fainted." You gave the simple answer. You didn't really want to tell him about the other reason. 

"Oh god, really?" He moved from the end of your bed to the side. "Why?"

"Just stress." You waved your hand dismissively, "But I'm fine now."

"Yeah I can imagine you'd be stressed." He nodded, "Taking back a whole kingdom can do that to you." You laughed quietly. 

"Yes, definitely." You smiled. He paused, smirking. 

"So," He crossed his arms, "Where's Kylo?" He didn't sound angry when he said his name, and a little bit of relief washed over you. 

"Back at his palace." You sighed, "At least that's what I heard from the nurse."

"He didn't tell you?"

"Well, we're--" You stopped, choosing you next words carefully. "We're not on speaking terms at the moment." They still didn't come out right. 

"Oh." Alex raised his eyebrows, stepping closer. "Why is that?"

"We got in a fight the other day." You looked down at your lap, "I told him something that he didn't like and he kicked me out of his room."

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Alex stepped closer again, "That's horrible."

"Yeah..." You sighed, but when you looked back up at Alex again, he was just feet away from your face. You froze. "What are you doing?" You breathed.

"I miss you, Y/N." He whispered, "And if Kylo isn't in the picture anymore...what's standing in our way?" You paused, actually considering it. You couldn't tell whether it was the crazy new hormones, or the fact that you'd felt so completely alone for the past few days, but you found yourself not completely resistant to the idea of falling back into Alex's arms. And as he leaned towards you, his lips just inches from yours, you found yourself closing your eyes and tilting your head by instinct. 

But just as his mouth was about to connect with yours, you stopped, freezing in place. The image of Kylo flashed through your mind, and instantly you drew back. You didn't want to do this.

"Alex," You whispered, pushing him back lightly. "I can't."

"Why not?" He didn't look angry, just slightly wounded. You took in a deep, shaky breath. 

"Because," Your stomach churned nervously, "I still love him." He thinned his eyes. "And...I'm pregnant." Alex froze, his eyes going wide with shock. He drew back, his mouth falling open as he scoffed disbelievingly. 

"You're pregnant." He said, more as a statement than a question. 

"Yes." You nodded, your heart slamming. 

"With Kylo's baby?"

"Mhm." He shook his head. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Alex."

"That's..." He stuttered, "Wow." You winced. 

"I'm sorry, I know you probably don't want to hear this."

"No, no, no..." He shook his head, "You know what? Actually, it's okay." You furrowed your brows. 

"It is?"

"Yeah," He rubbed the back of his neck, "It is." He looked back at you, smiling. "I mean, I've been looking for some sort of sign that things were really over between us. And now, I think this is it."

"This is it?" You laughed, "Not when I told you specifically that this was over?"

"Guess it didn't click then." He huffed. But when he looked at you again, his expression had shifted to one of complete sincerity. "I am really, really happy for you." He said. Your heart leapt.

"Thank you," You reached for his hand, taking it in yours, "That means a lot to me to hear that from you."

"Of course," He squeezed your hand, "Look, about that," Alex rubbed the back of his neck, "I also came today because I wanted to apologize for anything I said to you before. I didn't want our last conversation to be one of us yelling at each other."

"It's okay, really." You shook your head, "I know you were hurt."

"Yeah, but that doesn't make what I said any better." He paused, "Wait--Is this what Kylo kicked you out for? Because you told him you were pregnant?" Your face fell, your stomach dropping with it.

"Mhm."

"Oh, god, Y/N I'm so sorry," Alex leaned forward, wrapping you in a hug and pulling you close. "What a fucking asshole--That's horrible." You just nodded again, knowing that if you tried to speak, you would cry. "Look, I know it seems impossible to believe now." Alex pulled back, "But everything's going to be okay. Really."

"Hah." You wiped your eyes, sniffling quietly, "Will it?"

"Yes." He nodded, offering you a smile. "It will. I'm sure he'll come to his senses soon."

"I hope you're right." You huffed. 

"I am. I didn't want to admit it before, but, he really does love you, Y/N. Even I could tell." You swallowed the lump in the back of your throat, sighing. "He'll come back."

"Maybe." You sniffled, brushing your hair back from your face. 

"He will." Alex paused, shrugging. "And hey, if not, I'm always here." You smiled gratefully, your eyes welling once more. 

"Thank you, Alex." You whispered, and he nodded. 

"Of course."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your hands were shaking as you held the pen over the blank paper, and you wracked your brain for the right thing to say. How would you even start it? You brainstormed opening sentences, but every new idea sounded ten times more pathetic than the last. Kylo already didn't want to speak to you. If you wrote him an annoying letter, it might make things worse. But you had to say something. 

Kylo,

You began, your lettering shaky and ugly looking. 

How are you?

No, that sounded stupid. You blacked it out with the ink.

I know it's been a few days since we've spoken, but I really need to talk to you. 

You still didn't love it, but it would do. 

I know that you're upset about the news. When I found out, I felt the same way. I was angry that this happened to us. Angry that we would have to deal with it when we have a thousand other things to get done. And I was nervous. So nervous that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore after I told you. Which is why I didn't tell you for so long. Trust me, I wanted to. But I didn't want to distract you from your mother's funeral, or anything else that you were already going through. So I kept it to myself, and for that, I'm sorry. 

But you owe me an apology for what you said to me when you found out. It's not any more my fault that this happened than it is yours, and you made me feel like I was doing this on purpose to hurt you. I've spent all my time trying to make you happy. And while I love doing it, now I need to take time to care for myself. 

I'm having this baby, with or without you. It pains me to say that, and I would love more than anything to have you here with me, but I don't want you here if you don't want to be.

I still love you, and I always will. Nothing will change that. But you told me before that you would prove to me that you loved me back, and so far, you've proved nothing. 

I want to be with you, Kylo. So badly. I've missed you more in the last few days than I can bare, and it pains me that you probably don't feel the same. 

But still, I want you to know that I love you more than anything, and I hope that you know that, even while we're apart. I'm sending a photo along with this letter. Look at it if you want to. 

It's the first ultrasound photo of our baby. I know you might not be ready for that, but it's there for when you are--if ever. 

I hope that I see you soon, and that we can fix things somehow. Because I don't want to be without you. 

I love you, 

Y/N


	24. Too Soon

You were discharged from the hospital the next day. Not that you felt any better, but the doctor said that it was safe for you to go home. You left in a limousine that drove you back to palace, escorted by two guards as you walked through the courtyard to the front doors. 

You were surprised to see that a lot of the damage had already been repaired, the courtyard scrubbed and cleaned of any evidence that there was a battle there. The front doors had been replaced, and the only thing that hinted at previous destruction was the wall surrounding the palace, still being built back up stone by stone. 

You walked silently through the hallways, your head hung as the guards followed close behind you. You led them to the doors of your parents quarters, turning around and smiling weakly.

"Thank you both, but I can go in here alone." They looked between each other, but then nodded, bowing and heading back down the hallway. You sighed, turning back to the doors and pulling them open. Your parents quarters appeared before you, the furniture upturned and scattered around the usually spotless room. The fireplace was cold and flame-less, and the french doors at the balcony were pulled open, the glass shattered and letting the cool breeze float through. 

You shivered, passing by a giant mirror on the wall and catching a glimpse of yourself in it. You still looked the same--though you weren't sure how long that would last. But your face had changed. Not dramatically, but you could see new dark circles under your eyes, your skin paler and less soft than usual. Your freckles had seemed to disappear from your cheeks, and you got up closer, running your fingertips over the bridge of your nose. 

All in all, you just looked exhausted--like it had been weeks since you'd gotten any kind of good sleep. Which was partially true. 

You moved on, turning down the hallway and glancing at a painting on the wall--one of your mother and father. They both looked so regal in it. So cold--their eyes looking off into the distance as they posed stiffly on a wooden bench. Your mother stood behind your father, her hand on his shoulder and his palm on top of hers. Somehow, the painter had managed to capture the slight, but constant frown on your mother's lips, and you laughed to yourself. Even when she wasn't angry, it had always been there. 

Your heart panged. The two of you had never gotten along, and you could only imagine what she would think of you now. But nonetheless, you found yourself missing her as you stared up at the painting, wishing that you could reach up and grab her hand. You wondered what she would say about the baby. She would be disappointed in you, you were sure. But maybe once the initial shock had worn off, she would have been happy. 

And maybe it was just the grief, but you imaged that she would help you through it. She wouldn't be judgmental. She wouldn't criticize. Maybe she would actually be supportive, in a way that you really needed her to be. And even if that wasn't really the truth of what would have happened, that was the way you wanted to imagine it going. Because she wasn't there anymore to prove you wrong. 

You could see your father being happy for you. He'd always been supportive. Your heart lurched again as you imaged him giving you a hug. And you wished more than anything that you would find out what really happened to him. But you knew that that wasn't a possibility. 

You continued down the hallway with a sigh, walking to the study and entering the room. The same giant bookshelves lined the walls, but they weren't as neat as usual, books spilled onto the floor and cracked open to random pages. But you paid it little mind. You weren't there to read.

The grand piano, tucked back into the far corner was what you'd come for. You walked over to it, running your hand along the shiny black surface before sitting down on the stool in front of it, your shoulders slumping forward. You paused, staring down at the notes and slowly raising your fingertips over top of them, laying them down lightly. 

You took in a deep breath, pressing down and playing the first simple chord, the melody echoing through the room and sending a shiver up your spine. You played the next, your memory of the keys returning as you picked up your pace, forming a melody with your fingertips. 

At first, you weren't really sure what you were playing. It sounded familiar as you guided your digits along the ivories, but for some reason you couldn't place it. It was like it was embedded in the depth of your memory, and you could play it perfectly, but couldn't remember where you'd learned it from.

But suddenly, as the chord progression changed from minor to major, the tone of the song shifting dramatically, you remembered. The memory came flooding back to you. 

Kylo's hands on top of yours as you pressed down on the keys, guiding your hands to show you the melody. And the way his hands had relaxed as he played the second half of the song, the beautiful, heroic sound echoing through the empty room. And you remembered the way he leaned against you as he played. The way his hands fit perfectly on top of yours. And the way you'd felt after the song ended, and the two of you had sat there in silence, savoring the moment for as long as it lasted. 

Because you were afraid that something so perfect like that would slip away before you could hold onto it. You were right. 

And before you knew it, hot streams of tears were spilling down your cheeks and dripping onto the piano, covering the keys in your pain. You stopped playing, leaning forward onto it and crying into your arms, your sobs replacing the sound of the melody and echoing back against the walls. 

You didn't know what you were going to do. Everything felt so hopeless--so empty without Kylo. You couldn't bare to live without him. Every breath was painful. And as you sobbed, you suddenly remembered the quote from the book you'd read in his room. The one that had replayed through your mind since the first time you'd come across it. 

When I know that I'm truly in love with someone is when I think about whether my life would crumble without them. If I didn't have that person, would I no longer be able to function as I normally would? If you could, then it's not love.

And it was true, you weren't able to function without him. Not all the way, at least. And you felt like your world was crumbling down around you. You loved him more than you knew how to handle, and you wondered--if he never came back, would you ever be able to go on?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks passed by in the blink of an eye, and still, you heard nothing from Kylo. You weren't even sure if he'd gotten your letter. But a sinking feeling told you that he had--he was just choosing to ignore it. 

But still, you wrote more. You knew that you shouldn't. That it wouldn't do anything to change the situation. But you just couldn't help yourself. You felt more desperate with each passing day, like if you didn't say anything at all he would forget about you. And you couldn't bare to accept that he would just walk away. 

You convinced yourself that he was just busy--overwhelmed by having to handle the reconstructions. He was the new King of the First Order. He had other things to do. But deep down, you knew the truth. That if he really wanted to see you, he would. And clearly, he wasn't.

The next two weeks passed by with no word from him either, and you could feel your heart crumbling more with each new hour. You distracted yourself with your duties, your coronation as the new queen approaching in a few weeks and other political matters having to be dealt with. 

But inside, you were starting to feel hopeless. What if Kylo never came back? The empty palace had never felt so lonely, and you caught yourself talking to your reflection in the mirror for company. You had no one. Not even the palace employees that you'd known all your life. So many of them had been killed in the invasion, which only made everything ten times worse. 

But the real horror came when you woke up one morning, about four weeks after you'd last seen Kylo. You walked into the bathroom, a thin nightgown over your body. You splashed cold water into your face, rubbing at your puffy eyes, red and swollen from all the crying. You knew the doctor had told you to keep your stress levels down, but so far, that wasn't happening. 

You dried your face, slipping off the nightgown and heading into the closet. But as you did, you caught a glimpse of your body in the mirror, and your stomach immediately dropped. 

You were showing. Not dramatically, but you definitely were. You hadn't looked in the mirror for the past few days--and you'd neglected to notice the slight bump that had appeared where a flat stomach used to be. You ran your hand over it, wondering if you could hide it by holding your arms in a specific position. But every time you tried, you could still tell. You groaned, walking into the closet and slipping on a white gown. 

You could still see the bump through the dress, seeming to mock you with its presence. But you didn't care if it was visible. There was really no one was around to see it anyway. 

You left your room, walking down the spiral staircase and out into the gardens. The sun shined brightly down on you as you strolled through the greenery, willow trees blowing around you and brushing against your arms. You remembered walking through the gardens the day that you'd been told about the arrangement. You thought about how you'd felt then.

You'd wanted nothing to do with Kylo Ren. You didn't even want to meet him. You were in love with Alex, and you were furious that it was happening to you. You'd felt trapped. 

It was funny, looking back on it now. Because the arrangement had truly been the best thing that could have happened to you. Even if things didn't look good now, Kylo had given you the best few months of your life. Sure, things hadn't always been perfect, but the good outweighed the bad. And you would always be grateful for that. 

And now he'd given you something else to hold onto. Even if he wasn't in the picture anymore.

You opened the hidden door to the palace, behind the wall of vines and greenery, and stepped inside. The darkness of the basement fell over you, and you shivered like you did every time, rushing up the stairs and into the hallway. You spilled out into it, rubbing your chilled arms and walking forward, down the brightly lit corridor and towards the dining hall for breakfast. 

You rounded a corner, looking down at your stomach as suddenly you slammed right into someone coming around from the other direction. You yelped, stumbling back, but caught yourself before falling.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry--" You began, straightening out your dress and assuming that you'd just run into a palace employee. But when you glanced up apologetically to meet their gaze, your heart stopped. 

Kylo stood in front of you, his eyes locked with yours--wide with surprise. He was dressed in a dark suit, his hair combed back neatly and his hands covered in black gloves. A long, dark cape hung off his shoulders, the clips that attached it to his jacket gilded in gold. But what you noticed most was the new scar, stretching from his cheek down to his neck and disappearing underneath his tight shirt collar. 

He stared at you in silence, his lips parted slightly as he looked down, fixing his jacket and clearing his throat. 

"Hi--" He began, but you cut him off, a whirlpool of emotions exploding at once in your head.

"Why are you here?" You asked shortly, and he glanced back up at you, tightening his jaw.

"I was meeting with your advisors." His voice was flat as he spoke. Cold. "Discussing how relations will be between our two kingdoms."

"And why did no one tell me about this?" You furrowed your brows. 

"I..." He reached up, rubbing his eyes, "I didn't think it would be appropriate."

"Appropriate for what?"

"For us to see each other." He looked away again, a shameful expression casting over his face. "I thought that it might be too soon." 

"Too soon." You shook your head, "Because we're not together anymore? Is that it?"

"Y/N, please--" He looked back up at you, but as he did, his eyes suddenly froze with the rest of his body as he focused his gaze on your stomach. Your cheeks began to burn. His face went white as he continued to stare, his words seeming to escape him completely. Your heart was slamming as you moved your hands in front of it, blocking his view and snapping him out of his trance. You cleared your throat.

"Did you get any of my letters?" You tried to bring his gaze back to your eyes, but he refused, continuing to stare down at your abdomen. 

"Um, yes. I did." He finally blinked, his voice seeming choked by something. 

"So you just ignored them, then." Your heart shattered more and more as you spoke, and you had to fight to force back the lump in your throat. When you spoke again, it came out as more of a squeak. "Did you see the picture?"

"I've been very busy, Y/N."

"Yeah so have I. And I'm a little stressed out right now because the person who said they would love me no matter what apparently doesn't."

"I am not ready to be a father." He suddenly snapped, his voice raising.

"I'm not ready for this either!" You cried, "But I don't have much of a choice." He paused, his jaw clenching again as he stared down at his shoes. 

"I--" He started, but then stopped, sighing. He shook his head, "I have to be going. I'm sorry." You choked, your eyes welling up again. 

"Please, Kylo. I don't want to do this alone."

"I'm sorry." He repeated, refusing to meet your gaze and pushing past you, walking down the hall in long strides. You watched him leave, your heart breaking more with every new step he took. It was like he was taking little pieces of your soul with him, tearing you down brick by brick as he left. 

You thought about running after him, but what was the point. You knew how he felt, and it didn't seem like he was going to change his mind. So you just watched him leave, a single tear falling onto your cheek as he rounded the corner, disappearing from sight and taking your heart with him. 

You felt sick to your stomach as you turned away, heading towards the dining hall. But you'd lost your appetite completely. 

You could barely even walk as you struggled forward through the tears, a small twinge of pain coming from your abdomen. 

You brushed it off as stress, wiping away the tears and cleaning yourself up. You would have to be strong, you told yourself, sighing and closing your eyes. For the both of you.


	25. I Want To Try

You woke up suddenly, not knowing exactly what was wrong but knowing that something was off. You felt strange, like something had happened and you didn't know what. You sat up on the bed, pushing the sheets off your chest and scooting back against the pillows and headboard.

Rubbing your eyes, you scanned the room. Nothing looked out of place. It was just another night. But you still had that strange feeling, your nerves on edge as you yawned. It had been about two weeks since you'd last seen Kylo, and his face had even started to seep into your dreams. 

You couldn't forget about him. He was always right there in the front of your mind, mocking you. And even in your dreams, you could never get to him. He was always just out of your grasp, and you'd woken up sobbing more times than you could count. But tonight was different. You hadn't had a dream, which was strange. Or at least not one you remembered. 

You sighed, shaking your head and convincing yourself that you were crazy. Nothing was wrong. You leaned back, placing your hand on your growing belly and settling into the mattress. But as soon as you did, a stabbing pain suddenly shot through your abdomen, and you sat back up frantically, gripping your side. And when you looked back down at your lap, that's when you saw it. 

Blood. Blood on your nightgown. Blood on your hands. Blood on your sheets. Blood everywhere. Your mind went blank. Your ears began to ring. Instantly, you knew what this meant. 

You started to scream. The sound pierced through the room in a deafening pitch, echoing through the hallway and the gardens outside. It was all you could hear--all you could do as you sat, bleeding out helplessly on the mattress. And all you could see was red. Red clouding your vision as it seeped up through the fabric of your nightgown. 

In a flash, you heard your door slam open, and two guards charged inside frantically, guns drawn and cocked to attack any threat. But all they saw when they busted in was you, frozen as you stared down at the pool of blood between your legs. Your screams had stopped, and now all you could do was sob. More hysterically than you ever had before, your body shaking and shivering as the cries racked through you. 

The guards rushed to your bedside, looking helplessly between one another before they leaned towards you, trying to ask you what was going on. But you could barely even hear them--much less make out what they were saying. So you just started repeating "help me" over and over again, the pain too much to bear as you sobbed.

The guards scooped their arms underneath you, picking you up from the bed and rushing you out into the hallway. You could hear them yelling to each other as they carried you down the stairwell and out into the gardens, pausing and setting you down on a bench. One guard held you up as the other rushed away, coming back with a walkie talkie. He yelled into it frantically, his eyes wide as he stared down at the blood stain all over you. 

You couldn't bare to look at it, nausea washing over you every time you peeked. So you just kept cradling your stomach, hoping and praying that everything would be okay. 

The guards scooped you back up, rushing you out of the gardens and towards the courtyard, a black limousine waiting for you at the front steps. They hurried you inside, buckling you in as you closed your eyes, trying to breathe deeply and stay calm. 

Don't stress, you kept repeating to yourself. Everything's going to be okay.

You hoped that if you said it enough times, you might believe that it was true. The car sped forward out of the courtyard and through the gate, rolling out into the city. You could hear the driver talking to someone through a walkie talkie, your name being mentioned as he glanced nervously over his shoulder. 

"We're almost there, your majesty." He reassured you, "Don't worry."

Don't worry. You added that to your list of things to keep repeating. 

Before long, you saw the hospital entrance up ahead through your half-lidded eyes, and the driver pressed on the gas, speeding inside and screeching to a halt at the front steps. He rushed out of his door, running around to yours and swinging it open. 

Your head was spinning dizzily as you stared up at him, and he panted nervously as he stepped out of the way, a stretcher rolling towards you surrounded by nurses. They helped you carefully out of the car, moving you onto the stretcher and rolling you inside. 

"Get out of the way!" You could hear them yelling as they wheeled you down the hall, waving their arms frantically as people jumped aside. You were rushed into a dark room, much like the one you'd gone in before. And quickly you realized that it was the one you'd gone in before, the ultrasound machine appearing next to you as you were helped into the seat. They leaned you back slowly, a nurse whispering comforting things to you and brushing your hair out of your face.

The doctor hurried into the room a few minutes later, his glasses hanging off his nose as he stared at you, his chest heaving. It was the same one from before, and he gave you a sympathetic look as he met your gaze. 

"I'm so sorry I took so long," He stumbled over to the sink, washing his hands quickly before sitting down on a swivel stool. "All the other doctors were with patients, I had to come from home." You didn't respond, but nodded weakly. 

He slid over towards you, his eyes flashing worriedly as he glanced at your blood covered nightgown. 

"Alright," He looked up at you, "What happened?"

"I don't know." You shook your head, choking up, "I just woke up and--" You stopped, leaning back and letting out a sob. The doctor laid his hand on your arm, giving you a reassuring smile.

"Don't cry yet. We don't know anything until we take a look." He paused, squeezing your arm. "Okay?"

"Okay." You whimpered, wiping away the tear that had fallen onto your cheek. The doctor nodded, scooting back and grabbing the probe-like stick off the side of the machine. He set it down next to you, asking you to lift your nightgown. 

You did, and he squirted the cold gel on you from before, taking the wand and moving it towards you. But as soon as it was about to touch your stomach, a loud noise suddenly caught your attention, startling you. You jumped, the door swinging open sharply and slamming against the wall. And as you looked to see who had opened it, your heart dropped out of your chest.

Kylo stood in the doorway, his chest heaving as he stared at you. His hands gripped the doorframe like he was holding on for dear life, and he inhaled sharply, his breath seeming to catch as he glanced between you and the doctor. His eyes were wide with panic as he spoke. 

"What's going on?" He demanded, his voice cracking slightly as he stepped into the room. And as his eyes fell on the blood all over you, his face went completely white.

"Why are you here?" You ignored his question, your heart slamming as he stared at you, your hands trembling by your side. 

"Because I heard you were rushed to the hospital--" He raised his voice, gesturing wildly towards you, "Y/N, what the fuck is going on!"

"I don't know!" You cried, more tears pouring down your face as the doctor shushed the both of you. 

"Can we keep it down, please?" He shook his head, staring at Kylo. "Sir, she woke up bleeding so we have to check to make that sure she's not..." He paused, tightening his jaw, "Miscarrying." You let out another sob, bringing your hands over your face. 

"What does that mean?" Kylo glanced frantically between the two of you, "What is that?" His voice raised more with each word, and you let out a shaky breath.

"It would mean that she lost the baby." The doctor said calmly, gesturing for him to sit down. But he didn't move. He just froze, staring between the two of you as his eye twitched. You had no idea what he was thinking. You were still in shock that he was even there. 

Silence fell over the room for a moment, and the doctor sighed, picking the stick up again and pressing it to your stomach. Kylo watched, wide eyed as he did, looking utterly terrified and confused at the same time. 

The doctor moved the probe around, pressing against your insides and making you wince, the pain shooting through you again. You groaned, and the doctor lightened the pressure, looking concernedly up at the screen. 

The picture appeared like before, but you couldn't bare to look at it. You didn't want to see it if it was already too late, your heart sinking with every passing second that the horrible silence dragged on. And it seemed to go on for years, your hands trembling again as you prepared yourself for the worst. You could already imagine the words forming on the doctor's lips. 

"I'm sorry," He'd say, and you would crumble like you never had before. 

But no words came, and he continued to move the wand around your abdomen, trying different spots and angles to find the heartbeat. You just sat back in the chair, your eyes focused blankly on the ceiling. You felt empty. Hopeless. Like everything was slipping away from you faster than you could run to catch it. You didn't even cry out as a single tear slipped from your eye, moving down your face and dripping off your chin. 

But suddenly, you saw movement out of the corner of you eye, and before you could turn your head to look at it, Kylo was by your side, looking down at you with solemn eyes. He reached forward slowly, picking up your hand from the chair and taking it in his. You watched him in silence as he weaved your fingers together, gripping yours tightly and squeezing. 

"It's going to be okay." He said quietly, offering you a tiny, weak smile. You didn't know how to feel as you nodded, your heart feeling as though it was splitting in two different directions. You wanted to be happy. You wanted to pull him into a hug and never let go. But you couldn't feel any kind of relief until you heard that heartbeat, and so far, you'd only heard silence. 

The doctor let out a quiet exhale, chewing on his lip as he continued to search around. But he was starting to look nervous, and sweat beaded along your brow as the seconds dragged on. 

"I told you before, it's hard to find it sometimes so early on." He said reassuringly, but you could hear the doubt in his tone, and another tear slid down your cheek. Kylo brushed it away, and you leaned towards his hand, closing your eyes and praying silently. 

You were about to give up hope. About to crumble into a heap of tears and wailing. But just as your lip was starting to tremble, you heard it. 

Loud, strong thumping coming from the machine. Your eyes shot open, and you gasped with relief, bringing your hands to your face and crying into them. They were happy tears, but you couldn't control yourself, wailing pathetically as the doctor chuckled next to you. 

"You see!" He exclaimed, throwing one of his hands up, "Everything's okay." You could feel Kylo's grip on your hand tighten as the sound echoed through the room, and he shivered, his skin cold to the touch. 

You glanced up at him, wiping your eyes and searching his expression. He didn't look angry. He just looked--stunned. And as you followed his eye line to the screen next to you, you understood why. 

The picture had popped back up. The one you'd sent him in the letter, but a little different. Obviously, six weeks had passed. He stared at the figure on the screen, his eyes wide and his lips parted slightly. He let out a disbelieving huff.

"Amazing, isn't it?" The doctor smiled at him, and Kylo only nodded weakly, refusing to move his eyes from the screen. He was still holding your hand as he finally looked away from it, towards you and meeting your eyes. 

The doctor stared between the two of you, smiling before he took the stick off your stomach, setting it back against the machine and wiping at your skin with a paper towel. He cleaned the gel off, sighing and standing up from his chair.

"I'll be out in the hallway if you need me," He grinned at you, "And I'll be back with some more comprehensive results in a minute."

"Okay, thank you so much." You nodded as he left the room, switching on the lights and closing the door behind him. The two of you were left alone, and you weren't sure what to say or do as you turned back to Kylo, his eyes clouded with thought.

"Thank you for coming." You whispered, "I really appreciate it." Kylo just nodded, staring down at your stomach as he breathed in and out slowly. You sighed, sliding the nightgown back over your abdomen. "I know you're probably exhausted," You muttered after a few moments, "You don't have to stay." 

You weren't exactly sure why you were offering him an out. Maybe because you were too drained to entertain the hopeful idea that he actually wanted to be there. That he would want to stay. But he turned towards you as you spoke, his eyes scanning your face as he furrowed his brows. 

"No, I want to." He murmured, pulling up a chair next to you and sitting down in it. 

"Wait, really?" You sat up slightly, a faint smile forming on your lips.

"Yes." He looked down at his lap, sighing.

"But I thought..." You scanned his face, trying to understand what he was thinking, "I thought you didn't want to--"

"Fuck--I'm so sorry, Y/N," Kylo shook his head, burying his face in his hands and groaning, "I've been so horrible to you." You just stared at him. "I was so shocked. And I don't know I just...tried to pretend that it wasn't really happening."

"Yeah," You looked down at your lap, "I understand that."

"But I regret everything I said to you before," He looked back up at you, "And everything you wrote in your letters was right. I owe you a million apologies, all of which I don't expect for you to accept." You just blinked at him, still in shock at the words coming out of his mouth. "I should have been there from the beginning." His voice lowered, and shame washed over his face, "And I've been beating myself up for not saying something more when I saw you a few weeks ago."

"You said you weren't ready to be a father." You breathed.

"And I'm still not." He shook his head, "But it's taken until just now for me to realize that I--I want this with you. I at least want to try. It isn't fair to you if I don't."

"I don't want you to be here because you feel bad for me." You shook your head, "I can do this on my own."

"No--I want to be here." He squeezed your hand, "I really do." Your heart leaped, and you felt the first genuine surge of energy in weeks course through you. 

"You do?"

"Yeah." He smiled, and he rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb. "I'm sorry that it took so long for me to come to my senses." You nodded, your heart glowing warmly. 

"I'm just glad you're here now." You whispered, another happy tear falling down your face, "We can work everything else out later." He smiled again, pulling you towards him suddenly and cupping your face in his hands. He slammed his lips against yours, holding you desperately against him as his hands flew into your hair. You smiled widely against his mouth, and you could feel him doing the same, his hands moving down your body as he kissed you. 

He trailed down your figure just like he always did, following the curve of your body. But as he reached your waist, he stopped, hesitating and pulling away from your mouth. 

"It's okay." You reassured him, grabbing his wrist and bringing his hand to your stomach. "See?" He was hesitant at first as his digits spread out, laying lightly on your abdomen. But slowly, you felt him relax, his thumb rubbing gently against you. 

You smiled, feeling warmth spread through you as he returned to your mouth, catching you in a deep kiss before moving down to your neck and chest, his lips sucking softly at your skin. You laughed, pushing him off lightly as the door suddenly swung back open, the doctor walking back inside. Kylo pulled back, clearing his throat awkwardly as the doctor smirked at him. 

"You two seem to have made up." He laughed, pulling out a piece of paper from his jacket and pinning it to his clipboard. You blushed. "Alright," He sat back down on the swivel stool, sliding back to your side and putting his glasses on. "So you're experiencing some bleeding, obviously. But that can happen frequently during the first trimester. It can happen naturally, or it can be caused by other factors. Have you by any chance had intercourse in the last few weeks?" You turned to Kylo, who tightened his jaw.

"Yes."

"That can be a cause of it too, but in that case there's no reason for concern. It's good that you came in though, because bleeding can also be a sign of some problems."

"What kinds of problems?" Kylo gripped your hand again, squeezing tightly. 

"Well, with the amount that you bled, there is still the threat of miscarrying." You winced.

"What can we do to prevent that?" You were glad that Kylo was speaking for you. You didn't have the energy to ask a million questions.

"Well, I'm prescribing you a daily folic acid supplement," The doctor said, glancing down at his chart, "But other than that, daily exercise, eating balanced meals--oh, and keeping those stress levels down like I told you before." At that, Kylo's face fell, and he looked over at you, his eyes wide.

"Fuck--did I cause this?" He whispered, guilt flashing over his expression. "I stressed you out and I caused this, didn't I?" He brought his hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes and groaning. You just pulled him towards you, rubbing at his back. 

"It's okay." You kissed the back of his hand, "I'm okay." The doctor just looked between the both of you, sighing.

"I really think that you're safe from miscarrying." He took off his glasses, laying the clipboard down, "But just in case, I'm going to have you stay the night. To be safe." You nodded, looking up at Kylo. 

"That sounds great." He said, reaching forward and shaking his hand. "Thank you."

"Of course." The doctor nodded, standing up from his chair. You sat up, slipping off of the chair with Kylo's help and being seated in a wheelchair. Kylo wheeled it after the doctor as he opened the door, leading you out of the room and down the hallway. 

He brought you into a similar room to the one that you were in before, but this one was darker, the lights dimmed sleepily. Both of them helped you up onto the bed, tucking you under the white sheets and adjusting the pillow behind your head. Kylo was handling you like you were a piece of glass, about to shatter if he was too rough. You blushed as he tucked your hair behind your ear, planting a quick kiss on your forehead. 

"I will be right by my walkie talkie if anything happens." The doctor assured you, pausing at your bedside.

"Thank you again." You smiled to him. 

"It's my pleasure." And with that, he turned to leave, closing the door behind him. You glanced out of the big square shaped window on the wall, peering out into the dark night around you. You'd almost forgotten what time it was, the sun not set to rise for hours.

"We should probably try to get some rest. This whole thing has been exhausting." You turned to Kylo, who nodded. But when he started walking towards the small couch near the wall, you called his name.

"Why are you sleeping over there?" You furrowed your brows.

"Oh, do you want me to sleep with you?" His eyes brightened, "I just thought that it might take a little time for you to want me to--"

"No," You cut him off, waving your hand, "Come here." He smiled, moving back towards you and climbing up on the bed. You turned on your side as he slid underneath the covers, his arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you towards him. He laid his head in the crook of your shoulder, nestling close to your face and kissing lightly at your chin. 

"I missed you so much." He whispered, your heart beats synching together. "I'm so sorry, again." You just hummed happily, closing your eyes and snuggling back against him. Silence fell over the room, and you started to drift off. But you were suddenly brought back as Kylo whispered your name, and you turned over to face him. 

"Do you not believe me anymore?" He breathed, his hand tracing down the side of your face. 

"Believe what?"

"That I love you." Your heart lurched, and you scooted closer to him. 

"I want to believe that you do." You admitted, "But I don't know for sure." He sighed, shaking his head. 

"God--I messed up so badly. I know that. But I'm going to prove it to you." He kissed the end of your nose, "You'll see."


	26. You're Desperate

You woke up abruptly as a strong wave of nausea crashed over you, and you shot up from the mattress, slapping your hands over your mouth. Gagging, you looked around frantically for anything to throw up into. All you found on the table next to you was a bedpan, and you grabbed at it frantically, emptying your stomach into the shallow pale.

You gripped it tightly, your knuckles going white as you vomited, sweat beading at your brow as your hands shook.

You felt Kylo shoot up a moment later, his hands pulling back your hair and rubbing at the small of your back, shushing your comfortingly.

"God, I'm so sick of throwing up," You whimpered between gags, a frustrated tear rolling down your cheek.

"I know, I'm sorry." Kylo whispered, combing the sleepy knots out of your hair with his fingers. "I wish I could take it away." You whimpered again, flopping back into his arms and letting another tear roll down your cheek.

Even after getting a good few hours of sleep, you were exhausted. Your body felt completely drained, like the last few weeks had sucked all the life out of you. And it didn't help that you hadn't eaten in what felt like forever. You couldn't keep anything down anyway.

Kylo reached towards you, taking your hand in his and threading your fingers together. He brought your knuckles to his lips, kissing you softly and bringing your hand against his chest. You shivered.

"I'm worried about you." He muttered, and you glanced up at him, meeting his gaze. "You feel really frail."

"Well yeah," You shifted against him, "Six weeks of vomiting will do that to you. Plus I haven't really been eating much, so."

"Why not?" He furrowed his brows concernedly.

"I lost my appetite." You sighed, "Can't keep anything down."

"You need to eat." He pulled your closer, "The doctor said that a balanced diet would help to prevent a miscarriage."

"Look at you," You chuckled, nuzzling up against his chest, "So you're an expert on pregnancy all of a sudden?"

"Just trying to make up for lost time." He muttered, kissing your forehead. He paused, letting out a long exhale. "Are you scared?" 

"About the baby?" You wrapped your arm around his chest, snuggling closer, "Yes, but not as much anymore. Are you?"

"Terrified." He breathed, his eyes glazing over in thought. "I loved my mother." He shook his head, "But I never connected with my father."

"But you aren't like him at all."

"But what if the same thing happens?" He turned towards you, his eyes filled with fear. "It could."

"It won't." You ran your hand down his chest, "Because we won't let it. We are not your parents." You laughed, "Or mine." He paused, chuckling.

"I don't know where my head was for the last few weeks." He sighed, "I'm so pissed at myself."

"I was pretty pissed at you too." You smirked, and he groaned.

"I know." He paused, breathing slowly. 

"Kylo," You glanced up at him, and he nodded, "What changed your mind?" His eyes clouded over with thought. 

"When I walked in and saw you covered in all that blood..." He paused, gulping, "I knew I wasn't ever going to leave again after that. It scared me too badly. But what really got me was when I heard that heartbeat," A slow smile creeped across his lips, "It all hit me at once. I just finally realized that I had to be there." You nodded, playing with his fingers as they wove through yours. "I'm still in shock a little bit, though." He muttered.

"I was too for a while." You closed you eyes, "And to be honest I wanted it all to go away. I thought that maybe if I pretended it wasn't happening, then it would just disappear." You sighed. "But obviously that wasn't the case."

"Did you ever debate about keeping it?" He turned towards you, his brows furrowed.

"No." You said, glancing down at your stomach, "I'm not sure why. But the thought never even occurred to me."

"Hm." He squeezed your hand.

"Did you think about it?"

"I—" He sighed, "It crossed my mind." When you glanced up at him again, all you could identify on his face was shame. "I'm sorry." He shook his head, exhaling again.

You wanted to be angry. And maybe, if you didn't already feel so weak and exhausted, you would have been. But when you looked at him, his eyes filled with sadness, anger was the last thing on your mind.

"You're here now." You offered him a smile, "And that's all that matters to me." He returned your sentiment, brushing a piece of hair out of your face and sighing.

"I don't deserve you, Y/N." He whispered, and you smirked.

"No, you don't. But you have me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were discharged from the hospital a few hours later, being wheeled to a limo waiting at the front door and helped into the backseat. Kylo sat close by your side for the car ride, holding your hand and putting his arm around you shoulder. At every turn, he kept you from sliding back and forth, holding you tightly and pulling you to his chest.

You got back to the palace after a few minutes, and Kylo walked you to the steps, helping you up them with his eyebrows furrowed stressfully. You struggled up one by one, and you could see sweat starting to bead on his brow every time you moved too much.

"I can't watch this," He finally huffed, lunging forward and scooping you up in his arms, cradling your figure to his chest as he walked up the steps and into the front doors. You smiled to yourself as he carried you through the brightly lit hallways, out into the gardens, and towards your room. 

The breeze blew softly past you as he held you close, and you glanced up, watching it ruffle though his thick, raven hair. The loose curls blew into his eyes, and you tucked them back, your hand lingering against his cheek.

You traced your finger hesitantly across his new scar, which cut deep into his skin, following it until it ended above his eyebrow. You paused there. He eyed your hand as you did, continuing to walk forward as you moved down to his neck, following the line until it disappeared under his shirt's collar. You lingered there again, and he jerked away, smirking.

"You're distracting me." He muttered, his eyes focused on the grassy ground in front of him. "Stop it."

"Distracting you?" You smirked, putting on a phony tone, "Your majesty you must be desperate..."

"I haven't gotten to touch you in weeks." He muttered, "Don't test me."

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to just..." You reached up again, pressing your fingers against his plush lips and pausing there. Slowly, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling yourself up towards his lips and ghosting yours against his. He shivered, your figure shaking in his arms.

"I'm warning you, Y/N," He whispered against your mouth. 

"What are you going to do to me if I don't stop?" You breathed, kissing softly along his chin. His grasp on you tightened, cradling you closer to him.

"Use your imagination." He gripped tightly at your ass, and you squeaked, kissing along his neck as he entered the stairwell to your tower. You continued to tease at him all the way up, and he just breathed deeply, attempting to control himself. But you could tell that what you were doing was working as you suddenly felt his cock press against your side as he cradled you in his arms. You smirked. 

It had been a few weeks, but you still knew how to drive him crazy.

He exited the stairwell, walking quickly down the long hallway to your room as his heart slammed. He reached the door in seconds, throwing it open and rushing you inside. He snapped it closed, his eyes wild with hunger as he tossed you onto the bed face-up, standing over you as his chest heaved wildly. His eyes danced over your body, concealed by a thin white gown. 

"Spread your legs." He breathed, and you complied, opening them wide to him without hesitation. He stared down at you, his pupils seeming to expand as he dropped to his knees in front of the bed. He reached forward, grabbing at your ankles and sliding you towards him on the mattress. Growling, he reached for your underwear, tearing them from your hips in one quick motion and letting the ripped fabric float to the ground. 

Before you could take another breath, he was kissing along the inside of your thighs, growing closer to your cunt with each passing moment. He sucked in quick, shallow breaths against your skin, his lips setting your nerves on fire. 

You hadn't been touched like this in so long. It felt like years since his hands had roamed over your figure, and you savored every second of it, your cheeks burning with heat as he groaned lowly. But even after the weeks you'd spent apart, you'd never forgotten the way his lips felt on your skin. The way his hands traced over every curve of your body. 

You moaned as he moved even closer to your core, and you reached forward frantically, grabbing into his hair and pulling his head towards your hips. He snickered, the tip of his nose ghosting against your sensitive clit. You yelped, and he responded, suddenly shooting forward and wrapping his lips around it, sucking softly. You nearly exploded, your mind flashing white as his tongue moved in slow circles around your nub. 

"Look at you," He whispered, his lips curling into a smile. "You're desperate."

"So are you," You replied, yanking at his hair and shoving your hips towards his face. He just snickered again, returning to your slit and moving his tongue through your folds. You hummed, heat biting at your cheeks once more as he groaned below you, shifting on his knees and pushing his tongue further. 

Without warning, one of his hands had suddenly moved from the inside of your thigh to your cunt, teasing at your entrance as you squirmed. Sweat beaded at your brow as you waited for what he would do next, your stomach churning in anticipation. 

Seconds later, he drove two fingers into your core, and you screamed, your back arching toward the ceiling. White light flashed behind your eyes once more as he twisted them inside of you, your walls clenching tightly. You were lost in a word of euphoria and bliss, your grip on reality completely lost as you sunk your hands into his scalp. He groaned, but you didn't relent, your grip only tightening as the pleasure continued to increase. 

"Fuck..." You moaned, your head falling back into the mattress. At that, Kylo growled, slipping another finger in and filling you completely. You yelped once more, a mixture of pleasure and pain shooting through you like fireworks. 

You could feel the tightness starting to build in your stomach. You'd been deprived of release for so long, your body begging and pleading for it to wash over you. You were starting to get close, your heart slamming as your legs began to shake. You closed your eyes, your mouth hanging open in anticipation to scream his name as you came. 

But suddenly, Kylo froze, yanking his fingers from your core and shifting backwards on his knees. You furrowed your brows, sitting up and staring at him with an aggravated expression. But when you met his gaze, he looked utterly terrified, his face having gone white with fear. 

"Are you okay?" You whispered, reaching for him, but he just shook his head, his eyes wide.

"Are we allowed to do this?" He breathed frantically, "I mean, is it safe?"

"Kylo, what are you talking about--"

"The baby." He interrupted you, staring at his hand as if he'd murdered someone with it, "The doctor said that intercourse could cause bleeding."

"Oh." Your shoulders dropped, and you sighed. Really, you weren't sure if it was safe. The doctor had said that any bleeding caused by sex was fine, but you'd already bled more than normal. What if it happened again? You scanned Kylo's face, biting your lip as you considered it. "I'm not sure."

"I don't want to do anything if we're not confident that it's safe." He shook his head, "I've already caused enough problems." You tilted your head, sympathetically. You knew he felt guilty for the last few weeks. Fair. And it's not that you weren't worried either. But you could still feel your clit throbbing--desperately begging for his touch to return.

"I really think it's okay." You lied to yourself. You weren't sure at all. But you wanted to believe that it was true. Kylo smirked. 

"See, I told you you were desperate." You just rolled your eyes, closing your legs and trying to ignore the aching in your core--robbed of release. He was right, you were desperate. And you were still determined to find a way to solve your hunger. But you had an idea of how to do it. Kylo was still just as weak as you were, he was just resisting the impulses harder. You would show him who couldn't control themselves.

You slid forward off of the bed, walking towards the bathroom doors and slipping your dress over your head. You smirked, letting the fabric fall to the ground and exposing your naked figure. You could feel his eyes on you like a laser as you strolled through the french doors, your hips swaying slowly from side to side with each step. 

You even heard him let out a shaky exhale as you disappeared around the corner. You could just imagine the self control he was having to implement. You were surprised that he hadn't already snapped. 

But now you were growing impatient, so you hurried things up. You ran over to the bathtub, switching on the faucet and letting the stream of steamy water spill into the deep basin. It filled quickly, the air growing foggy with humidity and sticking to your skin, mixing with the sweat that was already present. You hummed to yourself--loud enough for Kylo to hear it--rubbing at your bare skin and stepping slowly into the tub.

You lowered yourself into the basin, your arms resting on the edges as you sunk deeper in the water, the warmth engulfing you and sending fire across your skin. You hummed again, leaning your head back and smirking, your bare breasts exposed from underneath the water. You ran your hands along your limbs, slicking the sweat from your skin and letting it melt with the warm bath.

You continued to wash yourself slowly until you heard his footsteps approaching, heavy and loud. Right on time. You smirked again. It was almost too easy. 

You turned your head as he entered the room, his eyes falling on your naked figure and filling with a look of utter desperation. He wet his lips as he stared at you, his breathing quickening as you stared back at him, batting your lashes seductively. He exhaled slowly, and you felt the heat between your legs flare up once more.

"You're making it very hard for me." He muttered. You decided to play dumb.

"What's hard, Kylo?"

"I want to fuck you." He said simply, and you nearly started masturbating right then. But you held off. "So badly."

"Poor thing." You teased, your tongue tracing slowly over your lower lip. He shivered. "That must be torture for you. And why can't you just do it already?"

"Y/N, stop." He began to turn away, but you shifted in the water, raising your bare chest up and clear into view. He stopped, his eyes wide. "You know we shouldn't do this." He shook his head, tightening his jaw. But it almost seemed like he wasn't even talking to you anymore. He was trying to convince himself, looking quickly between you and the door. 

"It's up to you," You shrugged, moving your hand slowly from the side of the tub and down to your chest. You hummed, sliding your fingers down your body and moving to your heat. "I'll have fun either way." His breath hitched. "You can participate." You glanced at him, your lips curled into a taunting smirk, "Or you can just watch."

He just stood there, frozen. But you could still see the bulge in his pants, and you settled back against the basin, smiling to yourself. You slipped your hand further down, teasing at your clit and making yourself gasp. It wasn't as good as Kylo's touch would be, but it would be good enough to do the job. You circled around it, your head falling back as your mouth hung open. You moaned, rubbing faster and sending waves of pleasure through your core. 

You shuddered, slipping a finger into your cunt and feeling your walls clench around it. You hummed as you curled it inside of you, your body responding instantly. You could feel your nerves dancing on edge, their sensitivity peaked as you fucked yourself slowly. 

You nearly forgot that Kylo was there as you continued on, gradually slipping two more fingers in and gasping. Your legs trembled as the tightness in your stomach started to return, building back up quickly and drawing you closer and closer to your peak.

You stole a quick glance over at Kylo--who suddenly wasn't frozen anymore. He was frantically tearing at his belt buckle, throwing it to the ground with a clang and ripping his zipper open. It nearly tore from the fabric of his pants, which he shoved down his legs along with his underwear, his erect cock suddenly springing free. 

He groaned, fisting it as he stared at you, his chest heaving rapidly. He jerked himself as your eyes locked, and his breathing faltered, his cheeks growing red. You shuddered again as he ran his hand up and down his length, a bead of pre-cum leaking from his tip as he smeared it down his shaft. 

"Shit..." He cursed under his breath, his mop of thick hair falling over his eyes. Your heart fluttered, and you core throbbed desperately around your fingers. You moaned again, your thumb rubbing at your sensitive clit as you stared at him. He glanced at your breasts, and you responded, moving one hand up to them and pinching at one of your nipples. You gasped, your nerves frayed with overexcitement as Kylo groaned, jerking himself faster. 

You continued to play with them, squeezing at your soft flesh and letting the water drip over them, the droplets hanging on your skin. He huffed, cursing again and throwing his head back. 

"You're missing out." You breathed, smirking to yourself once more as you felt your climax threatening to crash over you. You were so close. "Oh--oh well." You took once last look at him before letting yourself snap, moaning loudly as your orgasm ripped through you. 

Your body trembled as you continued to twist your fingers inside of your cunt, waves of euphoria seeping through your bloodstream and reaching every corner and crevice of your body. You felt a surge of energy race though you, and you sighed, your body energized for the first time in what felt like years. You shifted in the water, moving your hands back to the sides of the tub as your peak slipped away satisfyingly. At some point, your eyes had fluttered shut, and you opened them again, beads of steamy humidity lingering on your eyelashes. 

You laid there, catching your breath as your body relaxed against the short wall. But after a moment, you turned to Kylo, who was still jerking himself, heaving wildly as he stared at you. But suddenly, he charged forward, reaching for you with his free hand and digging his digits into your scalp. You yelped, and he forced you forwards, your lips meeting his cock before you could blink. 

"I can't fuck your pussy," He growled, "But I can still fuck your disobedient little mouth."

You didn't protest at all, reaching hungrily for his dick and wrapping your fingers around the base of his length. He shuddered, and you continued, your mouth closing around his shaft as it slid back into your throat. You gagged, but he ignored you, beginning to thrust in and out, his grip in your hair tightening. You groaned, which only spurred him on. 

"Dirty slut," He heaved, pushing deeper. You retched. "You love my cock, don't you?" You nodded to the best of your ability, hot tears welling in your eyes. "You're desperate." He hissed, "You fucking need me."

You just whimpered, feeling his length hit the very back of your throat and making you gag again. 

"How will our child feel to have a whore for a mother?" He fucked your throat harder, seeming to push as far as physically possible. You only half listened to his words, your mind blurred with lust and a mixture of pleasure and pain. Your jaw ached as he thrusted in and out, your lips going numb as you sucked up and down. Tears leaked down your cheeks as he drew closer and closer to his climax, and he shook, his hips bucking forward once more. 

You felt him snap with a loud groan, his head falling forward as hot jets of his cum spilled into your throat. You gagged, the liquid leaking from your lips as he continued to pump in and out of your mouth, riding out the end of his orgasm and moaning through it all. 

You were gasping for breath as he finally pulled out, gripping the edge of the bath for support as your body trembled weakly. Your bust of energy had been quickly spent, and you collapsed back against the wall of the tub. Your jaw felt like it was broken, cum still dripping from the sides of your mouth as you stared up at him through half-lidded eyes. 

"Poor thing." He repeated your same words from earlier, reaching forward to run his thumb slowly across your bottom lip, "I told you not to test me." He glanced at the semen that came off on his fingertip, dunking his hand into the water and cleaning it from his skin. 

"Hm." You sighed, wiping your digits across your chin and collecting his seed. You brought it back to your swollen lips, sucking down them and swallowing the load. "You'll have to do better than that next time. I wasn't so impressed." He looked almost wounded for a moment, and you smirked. "Maybe if you hadn't gone all of these weeks without practicing..." You shrugged. He huffed disbelievingly, shaking his head. You weren't mad at him anymore, but you had to admit--Hitting him where it hurt felt good. Really good. 

He just stared at you as you rose out of the water, grabbing a towel from the side of the tub and rubbing it along your bare skin. You didn't wrap it around you as you stepped onto the stone floor, though. You continued to tease him, walking slowly by him and shooting him a quick glance before moving back out into the bedroom. You left him standing in the doorway as you slinked over to the bed, tossing the towel to the ground and sliding onto the mattress, your ass in the air and you cunt exposed to him. 

You wanted to taunt him. Drive him crazy. Because he could fuck your mouth all he wanted, but it would never measure up the real thing. And he knew that just as well as you did. You heard him exhale shakily as you spread your legs even further, and his footsteps began to approach you.

"You're driving me crazy." He muttered, and you suddenly spun around, closing your legs to him just as he was about to reach you. 

"I know." You smirked deviously. You paused, your brain tripping from the power you were currently wielding. "You know what?" You thinned your eyes at him, smirking, "Why don't you go sleep in the guest room down the hall." He furrowed his brows. 

"Wait, what? Why?"

"You didn't think you were just going to get off without any kind of punishment, did you?" You just blinked innocently at him, sliding back towards the headboard. "I may have forgiven you, but I haven't forgotten."

"But--"

"Down the hall." You interrupted him, "Fifth door on the right." He scoffed, at which you took the opportunity to spread your legs again, taunting him. He sucked in a breath through clenched teeth, his erection re-appearing in his pants. "Have fun sleeping alone, your majesty." You whispered, and he continued to stare at you with wide, hungry eyes. "I'll see you in the morning."

"You--" He shook his head, his fists balling. But he decided against whatever he was going to say next, grumbling to himself and looking down at the ground. "Fine."

"Yes--fine." You repeated, smiling innocently, "Now go." He took one last longing look at you before sighing and walking towards the door. He gripped the handle frustratedly, glancing over his shoulder once more before yanking it open and stepping into the hallway. He stopped.

"I love you." He called, and you smirked.

"Good."


	27. The Personal Made Public

You brought the thin glass to your lips, sipping lightly at your water as you glanced around the table. Your advisors stared back at you, their collars high around their necks and their napkins tucked neatly in their laps as they fiddled with their forks. You sound of clinking silverware had always hit your ears in the wrong way. And every time one of the men scraped their knives along the plate as they cut into their food, you winced. 

You cleared your throat, sitting back in your chair and glancing at Kylo in the seat next to you. He was looking down at his lap, yanking uncomfortably at his tight suit collar, his scar rubbing against the fabric. 

You'd taken the head of the table, and you peered down the line of men in front of you--who all looked nearly the same, their faces blurring together confusingly. Some of them you knew. They'd worked at the palace for years under your father. But some of the faces were brand new and unfamiliar, having come from The First Order to discuss how relations would be between your two kingdoms. You and Kylo had yet to decide what your relationship was exactly. You weren't sure how to put a label on it at this point. Engaged? Dating? You didn't know.

You'd assumed that you would still be getting married at first, but the more you thought about it, the more doubt started to creep in. Why would you still be getting married? For the baby, maybe. But the marriage was originally only a reality because of an arrangement that turned out to all be a hoax. It was orchestrated by four people who were dead, and now the thought of doing what they planned made you feel a little uneasy. 

It wasn't that you didn't want to marry him. You did--with all of your heart. But why move so quickly when you didn't have to anymore? You weren't going to stop being together no matter what the label on your relationship was, so why the rush? Plus, the idea of putting on a wedding dress in your current physical state made you feel nauseated. 

"My lady," One of your advisors cleared his throat, catching your attention from the other end of the table. "We've finished reconstruction in the city. All of the buildings have been restored to their previous state."

"I'm so glad." You nodded, taking another sip of your water, "It made me so upset to see the ruins that the attack left behind."

"Yes, indeed." The man nodded, pausing uncomfortably. You could tell he wanted to say something else, his eyes shooting around the table towards his partners. 

"What is it?" You peered quizzically at him, and he cleared his throat once more. 

"It's--it's about you and the King, ma'am." He nodded towards Kylo, who glanced up from his lap. "I'm concerned that the people won't like that you've decided not to get married after all."

"We haven't decided that." You shook your head, but the man continued.

"These are uncertain times, madame. The people are looking for some sort of stability. And in my humble opinion a strategic marriage would be the best way to calm the public's nerves."

"Strategic as it would be, we want to take our time to make the best decision possible." You looked over at Kylo, who just nodded. "We're clearly together, isn't that enough?"

"I'm afraid not, ma'am." He hung his head, pausing. "And with the news that broke recently..."

"Wait, what news?" You furrowed your brow, leaning forward. The man looked around helplessly, as if he was begging for someone else to say what he had in mind. But no one spoke up. He sighed. 

"Well--about your pregnancy, my lady. It was all over the headlines yesterday morning." Your stomach dropped. You didn't know that the people had found out yet. You'd barely told anyone. And even less people had seen you. You racked your brain, trying to come up with who it could have been that leaked it. A palace employee? A guard? Alex? The doctor? Had Kylo told someone? 

You turned to him, your eyes wide with panic. But he just stared back at you, shaking his head confusedly. 

"Who--" You stuttered, your mind spinning, "Why does that even matter?"

"I hate to say this, madame, and you'll have to forgive me for speaking so out of turn--but it looks bad for the kingdom if our new queen has a child born out of wedlock." You huffed, rolling your eyes. "If you're still engaged, and we hurry the wedding along fast enough, then maybe we can spin the story to say that you didn't get pregnant until after you were married. You're barely showing as it is. We can play it off as a silly rumor for now--"

"No," You shook your head, "Just--stop. I am not ashamed of my actions. And I will not lie to my people because you believe that they'll look down on me for what has happened."

"I am not trying to offend you," The man gestured innocently, "I am merely warning you about the backlash you'll inevitably receive--" 

"Why should I receive backlash!" You raised your voice, gesturing towards him, "I've told barely anyone. It's not my fault that people found out!" 

"You will ruin this kingdom's reputation if you continue on this path--" The man raised his voice with yours, and anger started to bubble up through your bloodstream. "Make a mockery of everything your parents worked so hard to build--" You stood up furiously, your chair screeching loudly against the marble floor as you threw your napkin on the table. You were fuming, your eyes locked on the man's in thin slits. 

"Get out." You hissed, your voice cracking. "Now."

"Madame, I'm sorry, I--" He tried, but you snapped, pointing your finger sternly towards the door.

"I said to leave. If you don't, the guards will be happy to escort you out." The man opened his mouth to say something else, but you just thinned your eyes even more, rage radiating off of your body in hot waves. He gulped, slowly removing the napkin from his lap and placing it on the table. Humiliation cast over his expression, he stood, taking one last look over the table before turning away and walking towards the door. 

The guards opened the doors for him as he trudged into the hallway, his head hung pathetically as he disappeared behind the wall. Your chest was heaving with fury as you slumped back down in your chair, awkward silence falling over the room as your advisors all stared at each other, their eyes wide and shocked. 

"Does anyone else want to tell me their opinions on my person life?" You asked sarcastically, your heart slamming with anger. No one spoke, the only sound echoing through the room being the clinking of forks and knives against expensive china. "Good."

With that, you stood up again, tearing away from the table and storming towards the doors. You could feel all of their eyes on you as you left, and you tried your best to ignore the guards' shocked expressions as you hurried by. You spilled out into the hallway, still radiating rage as you leaned against the cold stone wall, groaning and slapping your hands to your face. 

"Fuck." You breathed, your brain being overwhelmed by a million thoughts at once. Your head was spinning. You knew that on some level, the man was right. It wouldn't look good for you and Kylo to have a child out of wedlock, regardless of if it was anyone's business or not. You had to realize who you were. You were the queen now. Which meant that people would be watching you closely for any kind of slip up. 

You'd seen this sort of thing coming, especially since you'd gotten bad press even as the princess. But now things had gotten even more real. You were in change of the kingdom. You represented it. And you could understand how your current situation might mess with your reputation. 

But you were still so angry that your personal life felt like news to everyone else. And people thinking that they deserved an opinion on how you handled it made your blood boil. 

But you were snapped from your thoughts as you heard the door open again, and you pulled your hands away from your face. You sighed, meeting Kylo's eyes as he walked towards you. He offered you a sympathetic smile, opening his arms as you melted against his chest. You nuzzled your face against him, and he just wrapped his arms around your figure, rocking you back and forth comfortingly. 

"I shouldn't have kicked him out." You groaned, and Kylo just placed his hand at the back of your head. 

"Maybe not." He mumbled, "But you had every right to."

"He's not wrong, though." You leaned back, meeting his eyes again as you stared up at him, "People will be disappointed in me."

"Maybe some people," He pushed a piece of hair out of your eyes, "But not everyone."

"I don't take criticism well." You grumbled, and Kylo laughed. "Even a few people will drive me crazy."

"I know." He stepped next to you, leaning his back against the wall, "But you'll have to learn to deal with it. Not everyone is going to like you." You groaned, closing your eyes and placing your hands on your churning stomach. You felt nauseous again, but so far, you didn't feel like you were about to vomit. 

"How did people even find out?" You shook your head, "I barely told anyone."

"Who knows officially?" You paused, considering it.

"You. A nurse that gave me the pregnancy test. Another nurse. The doctor. Some guards. Oh..." You bit your lip, "And Alex."

"Alex?" Kylo furrowed his brow, pushing off the wall and standing back in front of you. "He's alive?!"

"Yep." You nodded, laughing uncomfortably. 

"Wha--when did you even see him?"

"Oh, well, he uh...stopped by the hospital a few weeks ago."

"He did?" Kylo's voice lowered, threaded with aggravation.

"Mhm." 

"And what happened when you saw him?"

"Well, he wanted to make sure that I was okay. It was after I first told you about the baby and you...didn't react well. I fainted when I left the room."

"You fainted?" Kylo's voice was raising now, and you shushed him, glancing around nervously. 

"Yes, but that's not important. The point is that he came to check on me. And when he did, we started talking about everything that had happened and he ended up--" You paused, biting your lip, "He tried to kiss me, but I didn't let him."

"He what?!" Kylo's eyes were filled with rage, but you grabbed his hand, trying to calm him down.

"No, it's okay because I told him that I was still in love with you. And then when that excuse wasn't enough I told him I was pregnant." Kylo scoffed. 

"And what did he think of that?"

"He was okay with it, actually. He said he'd been looking for a sign to help him move on. I guess that was it for him." Kylo rolled his eyes, shaking his head. 

"Fucking finally." He huffed, "Maybe now he'll actually leave us alone."

"Yeah." You chuckled, and Kylo finally cracked a smile, laughing with you. "But anyway, I still don't know who told the press."

"It doesn't matter." Kylo muttered, "They would find out sooner or later." He glanced down at your stomach, which was now clearly showing. Not dramatically, but you could definitely tell. You sighed, running your thumb over the back of his hand. 

"I know. I just hoped I would have more time to think about everything."

"Yeah," Kylo pulled you back to his chest, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. "What do you think about everything, by the way?"

"Do you mean between us?" He nodded, "Well, I'm not against getting married. I definitely want to at some point. I just don't see the need to rush into it."

"But could we rush into it?" He stroked the back of your head, and you smiled. 

"Do you want to?"

"I do," He nodded, "I love you. I want to be with you forever. There's nothing in the way."

"Well, soon there will be something in the way." You groaned, running a hand over your stomach. 

"We can wait until after the baby's born, if you want." He pulled back, resting his hands on your waist. "I don't want you to have any doubts." You beamed up at him. 

"I don't have any."


	28. We Can Do Things Our Own Way

You woke up slowly, the sun shining down on you though the wide windows behind your head. You yawned, rolling over to put your hand on Kylo's chest next to you. But when you reached for him, your eyes still closed sleepily, your hand fell on nothing. You furrowed your brow, your eyes opening to the sight of an empty mattress. The space he'd been laying in just hours before was vacant of his figure, and you sat up, rubbing at your eyes and frowning. 

His sheets had been pulled back neatly, folded into place with his pillow propped perfectly at the headboard. But on top of the comforter, a small note laid on the soft surface, your name written in cursive on top. You reached for it, unfolding it quickly and scanning the words. 

Y/N,

It read.

Meet me in the gardens when you wake up. I have a surprise for you. 

-Kylo

You smiled, holding the letter to your chest and sighing happily. You pulled the sheets off of your legs, sliding onto the floor and walking into the bathroom. You splashed water in your face, throwing on a flowy, loose fitted blue dress and slipping on comfortable flats. You glanced in the mirror, smiling at how your face had started to look less exhausted, the pale tint gone from your skin and replaced with a warm glow. You looked healthy for the first time in weeks, and you ran your hand over your stomach, admiring your figure in the mirror. 

It didn't bother you anymore--the way you looked as you glanced down at your abdomen. It represented you and Kylo. Your connection. Your future together. And now all it brought you was happiness. 

You strolled back out into your bedroom and then the hallway, walking briskly into the stairwell and descending it with a smile. You rushed out into the gardens, your eyes scanning around for Kylo but finding only trees and plants, the sun shining brightly on your face. 

You continued along, shielding your eyes with your hand as you peered around. Still, you couldn't see him anywhere. But then a thought popped into your head--a memory that felt like it was from a million years in the past now. But it floated to the front of your mind, and you wondered if it might help you find him. You played the scene in your head, smiling at how different things had been back then. 

A small stream had appeared before you, a wooden swing covered in green vines sitting on the grassy bank. You'd made your way towards it, running your hand along the faded timber as you sat down, taking in a slow, deep breath. He'd sat down next to you, making sure to keep a good distance between the two of you, which you'd appreciated. But deep down, you remembered wanting him closer. Much closer.

The two of you rocked back and forth on the bench, the stream's water running slowly over small rocks and pebbles, bubbling quietly. You could feel his gaze on you, scanning over your figure. You looked up to meet it, immediately falling into his dark irises.

"Do you ever feel trapped?" You'd whispered, getting too deep all too quickly, but you were almost never in the presence of someone who was in the exact same situation you were in. Someone who would understand. You hadn't been able to help yourself. He blinked, something swirling behind his eyes.

"Sometimes." He'd replied.

"I do." You sighed, "Every day."

"Because of the marriage?" He questioned.

"Even before that." You mumbled, staring down at the brook. "I don't think I was meant for this life."

"Sure you were," He said, "You just have to commit to it."

"But what if I don't want to?" You'd shaken your head, "Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just...left." Kylo hadn't respond, just stared at you, his hands sliding into his pockets. He sighed.

"When I was younger I had a problem with it." He muttered, "But then I realized that running away wasn't an option. It's my duty to serve my kingdom, even if it's not always what I wanted to do with my life."

"What did you want to do?" You turned your gaze back to him, "With your life." He paused, his eyes focused on his lap.

"I never really figured it out," He mumbled, "Never really got the chance to."

"Yeah..." You'd said, shaking your head solemnly. "Me neither."

You sighed, the memory fading away. But one thing stuck out, lingering in your mind. The bench. Maybe that's where he was. 

You moved forward in the direction of the stream, lifting your gown over your feet as you trudged on. You passed the place where you and Kylo had first touched. Really touched--the tall trees shading you from the relentless sun. You continued on, beginning to hear the faint sound of the stream bubbling in the distance. You picked up your pace, rushing towards it and seeing the top of the bench's frame in the distance.

You grew closer, your eyes falling on the wooden beams, covered in green vines and now, tiny white flowers, just beginning to bloom. And sitting on the bench, his back to you, was Kylo, staring out across the stream with his hair blowing softly in the breeze. 

You smiled, striding towards him and coming up behind the wooden fixture, your fingertips trailing over the faded material. Slowly, you placed your hands on Kylo's broad shoulders, hugging him slowly from behind as you leaned around to kiss his cheek. He responded, turning to you with a smile and meeting your lips, his digits grazing the side of your face and tucking your hair behind your ear.

"Hi." You whispered as you pulled away, walking around to the front of the bench and sitting down next to him. You sighed, relaxing back against the stiff wooden back and glancing down at the stream in front of you, the water running quickly over the stones and rocks in its way. 

"I wanted to bring you back here." He spoke, his voice soft and calm, "Because this is where we first really talked. Do you remember?"

"I do." You nodded. 

"That was the first time I really started to doubt my father's plan." He continued to look out at the stream, "Because when I spoke to you, something just felt--right." You smiled, nodding again. "No one had asked me how I had been feeling for so long. But you--you asked me if I felt trapped. I did."

"I know." You reached for his hand, taking it and squeezing lightly.

"I lied back then," He continued, "I told you that I'd accepted my fate. That I had no problem with what my family wanted me to be. But I also told the truth. I said that if I wasn't king, then I wouldn't know what to do with myself. And I really didn't. I had no drive. No purpose. Nothing to live for that made me happy." 

You glanced over at him, watching his hair blow into his eyes. You leaned forward, brushing it away as he spoke again. 

"Until I met you," He finally turned his head towards you, and your heart skipped a beat as your eyes locked. "You gave me a purpose. You made me feel something for the first time in years. And now I know that all I want to do for the rest of my life is to make you as happy as I possibly can." You smiled warmly, your heart melting inside of your chest. 

He paused, glancing down at your stomach as his eyes glazed over with something you didn't recognize. He shifted forward, sliding closer to you and pressing his hand against your abdomen, his fingers spreading out like a star. He breathed slowly, his thumb rubbing back and forth gently as he smiled. 

"And now, my job is to be a good father. I won't ever let our child feel the pain my father made me suffer through." You placed your hand on top of his, your fingers weaving together. "But that's not what I brought you here to tell you." He pulled away, leaning back against the bench and sighing. 

"What is it?" You questioned, nervousness beginning to spark along your nerves. Kylo smiled, reaching into his pocket. 

"I love you." He said, turning back to face you, "And I don't want to wait any longer for things to be absolutely certain."

"Wha--" You started to question, but before you could finish your word, Kylo brought his hand back out of his pocket, a small black box engulfed in his wide palm. Your heart stopped. 

"I realized the other day that I never actually proposed to you." He laughed, but you just stared at him, your eyes starting to well up. "So..." He grabbed the top of the box, popping it open to reveal a shiny diamond ring, the center stone surrounded by tinier ones, glimmering brightly in the sunlight. You choked. 

Kylo stood up from the bench, moving in front of you and dropping to his knee, taking in a shaky breath and exhaling. He smiled. 

"We can do things our own way, on our own time." He began, "But I want to make this official. So, Y/N...Will you--"

"Yes!" You blurted, and he laughed. 

"Will you m--"

"Yes, yes!" You repeated, and he groaned.

"Can I ask?" He laughed again. 

"Yes--god, sorry." You nodded, tears beginning to roll down your cheeks as you smiled at him.

"Y/N, will you marry me?" You sobbed, nodding wildly. 

"Yes, of course I will." You cried, and he lunged forward, wrapping you in a tight embrace and burying his face in your hair. You sobbed again, clutching him tightly as he rocked you back and forth, his hand wiping away the tears on your cheeks. He pulled back, smiling widely as you continued to cry. 

Grabbing your hand, he lifted it up towards him and pulled the ring out of its box. It glinted in the sunlight as he slid it onto your finger, warmth spreading through you as you cried more. 

"I love it." You breathed, moving your hand around as the stones caught the light.

"I'm glad."

"But I love you more." You shot forward again, catching him in a deep kiss and pressing him against the back of the bench. He reacted, moaning softly as his tongue slipped into your mouth, swirling around yours as he pulled you onto his lap. You straddled your legs over his hips, shifting on top of him and running your hands down his chest. 

Your heart was glowing joyfully as you pulled away, smiling down at him and brushing a piece of hair from his face. He nuzzled into your hand, and you ring gleamed brightly as it caught in the sun. 

"Who would have thought my father's stupid plan would give me you?" He laughed, kissing at your wrist, "Sometimes I still wake up and think that this is all a dream."

"I know." You leaned forward, kissing him once more. You leaned back slightly, your lips still ghosting together as he rested his hands on your thighs. "It all feels too good to be true."


	29. I Do

~six months later~

You ran your hand along the side of the flowing gown, feeling the soft fabric between your fingertips and smiling. The neckline, covered in tiny diamonds and embellishments, went straight across your chest, the white silk layered nearly in beautiful ruching. You adjusted the waistline, pulling it into place over your stomach and sighing as it fell down to your feet. 

It was loose fitted around your midriff. It had to be. You were nearly nine months pregnant now, and way past the point of being able to hide it. But you didn't mind it anymore, and you ran a hand over your stomach, your head spinning at how much time had passed. The last few months had been a whirlwind of stress and complications. But Kylo had helped you through all of it, never once letting it show how worried he was about everything. 

You'd both been coronated as the new King and Queen of your respective kingdoms. You'd made press statements about your engagement, plus an official announcement about your pregnancy. You'd finished reconstruction and signed a treaty about how your two kingdoms would interact. And finally, you'd set a date for your wedding--which just so happened to be today. 

You stared happily at yourself in the mirror, standing on a pedestal as your designer walked around you. She messed with little details on the dress, making sure that everything was perfect and zipping up the back.

"Alright," She smiled, looking at you in the mirror, "How are you feeling?"

"Amazing." You breathed, already starting to well up. The ceremony hadn't even started yet and you were already way too emotional. 

"I'm so glad." She squeezed your arm, "Lean down for me, my lady." She grabbed your veil off of its hanger, moving towards you with it as you squatted. She slid the clip and crown into your hair carefully, making sure to not mess with the intricate braid that surrounded it. She lowered the thin fabric of the veil over your face and adjusted it, the rest falling over the back of your head and down to the floor. It trailed behind you, following the train of your dress as it sprawled out around your legs. You sighed happily, staring at yourself again in the reflection. 

"How much time do we have left?" You looked over at the decorator, who glanced down at her watch.

"Ten minutes." She smiled at you, "We should probably go." You nodded, and she grabbed your hand, helping you down off the pedestal and onto the ground. You slipped on your heels, taking once last look in the mirror before you turned away, your heart beginning to slam. 

You were really about to do this. You were getting married. A part of your mind still refused to believe it. 

You walked out of the room and into the hallway, the designer passing you off to a group of guards as you were led down the corridor. They surrounded you as you left the palace, moving into the courtyard towards the limo waiting for you at the bottom of the steps. But as soon as you stepped outside, a million cameras and reporters started flashing and yelling your name. They struggled to get closer as more guards held them back, and you were nearly blinded by the bright lights as you were helped into the car. 

The guards closed the door, and the screams were reduced to a muted hum, the tinted windows helping to get rid of some of the flashing. You looked down at your lap, twisting your engagement ring on your finger and taking in slow, deep breaths. 

Your stomach began to churn nervously as the driver pressed on the gas, the car rolling forward towards the gates. And as you passed underneath them, leaving the crowd of reporters and on-lookers behind, you leaned back against the seat, closing your eyes for a moment. 

You wanted to savor every last second of this day, because you couldn't remember a time that you'd ever been happier. You glanced out the window, the newly rebuilt city appearing outside the car. The street sides were lined with more crowds, cheering and waving flags with the symbol of the Resistance as you passed by. It warmed your heart to see them. They were happy for you. They were excited for this day--the day that your two kingdoms would finally become one. For good. 

There would be no more war. No more conflict. Just peace. And you could only pray that it would last forever even after you and Kylo were gone. 

The car eventually pulled into another courtyard, this one belonging to a gorgeous cathedral that Kylo had mentioned his mother always loved visiting. You'd suggested that it would be a great place to get married, and he'd wholeheartedly agreed. 

The car stopped, and you gathered your dress, lifting it over your feet so that you wouldn't trip on your way out of the limo. You took in one last deep breath before a guard opened the door, and you stepped out onto the stone patio. Instantly, the same camera flashes and reporters' voices from before overwhelmed you, and you raised your hand over your eyes to block it out. People cheered and screamed as you were escorted by, heading for the grand front doors of the cathedral. 

You waved to everyone as you were led inside, the giant wooden doors closing behind you. Tall stained glass windows let the sun filter in overhead, colored in every shade of the rainbow. The light danced over you as you walked through the entryway, your heart beginning to slam now. 

It was almost time. 

A group of guards led you to the doors blocking you from the sanctuary where Kylo was waiting, and you started to feel as if you were hyperventilating, the loose dress suddenly feeling extremely tight around your chest. You closed your eyes, trying to calm your nerves, but nothing seemed to be working. You barely even noticed as a woman walked up to hand you your bouquet of flowers, which you gripped tightly, nearly crushing the stems. 

And as the music suddenly started playing from inside the room, you began to panic. Your face went pale as your hands trembled, and you reached up to your veil, making sure that it was lodged in place. You frantically messed with the layers of your dress, straightening your spine and sucking in quick, shallow breaths.

You felt extremely lightheaded as the guards reached for the door handles, opening them slowly towards you. You just stood there, frozen as they came apart, getting so lightheaded that you thought you might just pass out on the spot. 

But as soon as the doors opened all the way, and you stared--horrified, down the aisle, your eyes fell on Kylo. And as they did, your heart leaped.

He was standing on the far side of the room, next to the priest who was dressed in a white and gold robe, loose over his body. His suit was jet black with a white dress shirt underneath, and his hair was combed back neatly, not a strand out of place. Kylo stared back at you, a wide smile on his face as your eyes locked. And instantly, all of the nerves you were feeling moments before melted away. 

You focused on him as you began forwards, loud organ music sounding as you made your way down the aisle. But you could barely even hear it, the sound reducing to a faint muffle in your eardrums. All you were paying attention to was the look on his face as you stepped towards him, his eyes suddenly beginning to grow foggy.

You walked past the hundreds of guests standing in the pews, smiling warmly towards you as you made your way by. 

Eventually, you reached the alter, tearing up instantly as Kylo reached for your veil, lifting it over your face and letting it flow down the back of your head. A woman appeared by your side, taking your flowers from you and retreating back to the pews. Once they were free, Kylo grabbed your hands, taking them in his and squeezing tightly. You beamed at him, your heart glowing as your fingers laced together. 

"You look beautiful." He mouthed, and you smiled wider, bringing his hands to your mouth and kissing his knuckles. 

"Thank you." You whispered, a single tear rolled down your cheek as you both turned to the priest. He took in a deep breath.

"You may all be seated." He gestured to the guests, who all complied, the pews squeaking underneath them as the music came to a stop. "We are all gathered here today, to celebrate not only the matrimony of the new King and Queen, but also the union of their two kingdoms." The priest smiled warmly towards the crowd. "King Kylo Ren of the First Order and Queen Y/N of the Resistance. Today they make history, for finally bringing peace to our countries after decades of conflict." Kylo squeezed your hands once more, his thumb rubbing softly against the back of your palm. 

"But what is peace without love?" The priest continued, looking between the both of you, "Love conquers all things. It breaks all walls. It cannot be vanquished. Love bring people together that were once believed to be incapable of communication. It heals all wounds, and it cannot be killed." He took a deep breath, gesturing for the man next to him to come forward with the rings. He handed them to the priest, who held them in his palm. 

He turned to you, smiling. 

"So, your majesty," He began, and you nodded, "Do you take Kylo Ren to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?"

"I do." You barely got the words out, the lump in your throat masking your voice in a teary tone. Kylo squeezed your hand once more before the priest turned to him. 

"And do you, Kylo Ren, take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?"

"I do." You let out a quiet sob as he kissed your knuckles lightly, your heart glowing with happiness. And when he looked back into your eyes, your breath caught abruptly in your chest.

He was crying. Kylo was crying, a single tear rolling down his cheek and dripping onto his jacket. You'd only seen it twice before, both times because of his mother's death. But never over you. You shook your head in disbelief. 

The priest smiled, unfolding his fist and revealing the rings to the two of you. You took in a shaky breath, dropping Kylo's hands for a moment to grab one. You were quivering as you took them again, sliding the ring onto his finger and twisting it into place. He did the same, his thumb still rubbing comfortingly against the back of your palm as the silver band fit onto your ring finger.

You sighed, another tear rolling down your cheek as you look at them, the shiny metal catching the light that was still filtering in from the stained glass around you. 

"Now then," The priest raised his arms, gesturing for the guests to stand back up. "By the power vested in me, I am proud to pronounce you husband and wife." The crowd erupted in applause, and you sobbed again, a wide smile plastered across your face. "You may now kiss the bride."

Kylo laughed, grabbing your face in his hands and slamming your lips against his. You could feel him smiling against you, and you did the same, your entire body buzzing with excitement. He pulled away after a few moments, wrapping his arms around you and bringing you into a tight embrace. He stroked the back of your head as you nuzzled your face in the crook of his shoulder, rocking back and forth against his tall frame. 

You finally separated, smiling towards the crowd as you began down the aisle together, waving to the guests as they cheered. Kylo took your hand again, squeezing it tightly as you strode away from the alter, the long train of your dress following behind you. 

You stepped out of the cathedral, a million cameras going off again as reporters lunged towards you. But you didn't pay them any mind, rushing towards the car with Kylo while the guards cleared a way for you. You were laughing wildly as the two of your shoved inside, hurriedly throwing the rest of your dress onto the car's floor and slamming the door closed. 

You tumbled back into the seat, Kylo collapsing on top of you, still dying laughing as the two of you caught your breath. You struggled up, sitting up straight and falling back against the headrest. Kylo did the same, smiling brightly as he looked over at you, his pupils expanding. 

"We're married." He eventually breathed, and you nodded, beaming.

"We are."

"You're mine." He slid forward, his hand cupping your cheek, "Officially."

"I was always yours." You whispered, pressing your foreheads together and closing your eyes. You reached up, your hand trailing along the side of his face and tracing down to his chest. "Always."


	30. What Did You Miss?

~one year later~

You stood over the crib, gripping tightly at the wooden frame as the stress bubbled up through your body. His screams pierced your ears like alarm bells, and it took everything in you not to just run out of the palace and pretend that you didn't know it was happening. Your knuckles went white as you seethed, and you cursed in your head all the things you wished you could yell out loud. You took in slow, deep breaths as the high pitched screaming continued, and you closed your eyes for a moment, trying not to snap. 

"Stop," You pleaded, peering back down into the crib, "Please, just stop crying. I can't take it anymore." But your son just stared back up at you, not understanding a word you were saying as he continued to screech. You groaned, turning away from the crib and slumping down into your rocking chair, rubbing roughly at your temples. 

You'd warned Kylo that this would happen. Whenever he left you alone with the baby, things never went well. Surprisingly, he'd been the one to adapt more easily to parenthood than you had. It seemed to come so easily to him, like he wasn't struggling with it at all. It was just natural. And somehow, that made you ten times more frustrated. 

Because for you, it was the hardest thing you'd ever experienced. You couldn't seem to connect with the baby at all. You felt like he hated you, his dark eyes staring up at you in a way that seemed to be filled with rage. You knew that wasn't actually the case, and that you were probably just overthinking all of it, but that didn't stop your mind from convincing you that your son hated you, and that you would never be a good mother. 

What was wrong with you? You seemed to be resistant to any kind of natural maternal instinct. Or at least you felt that way. Kylo told you that you were doing a good job, but you didn't believed him. He just couldn't tell you the truth without hurting your feelings.

Ben stared up at you with wide, tear filled eyes as you sulked back over to the crib, screaming again as you reached down to comfort him. You pulled back, hugging your own figure defeatedly and sighing. 

It was days like these that cemented the idea in your head that you just weren't meant for this. Weeks like these actually, since Kylo hadn't been home for seven days now. He was off on a military excursion, mapping out the boundaries of your territories and setting up outposts in different locations. As King of the newly combined First Order and Resistance, he was in charge of the army, just like his father was before him. But he handled things a little differently than he had. 

You were lost in thought, your head spinning with stress and exhaustion as you suddenly heard a noise from out in the entry way. Your heart leaped, and you smiled, taking one last look at Ben before rushing out of the nursery and into the hallway. You spilled out into the living room just as the door was swinging open, the sight of Kylo's face meeting yours. 

You laughed happily, tears welling in your eyes as you charged towards him. His face lit up instantly as he saw you, his spine straightening as he opened his arms wide. You crashed into his figure moments later, and he wrapped around you, picking you up and spinning you around as he slammed the door closed. 

The two of you tumbled back into the room, collapsing down on the soft couch and melting against one another. You could feel happy tears rolling down your cheeks as he nuzzled against you, kissing your face and neck and hugging you tightly, his hands holding the sides of your head. His weight was crushing you as you rolled around on the sofa, but you didn't care at all, running your hands through his hair and smiling widely.

"God, I missed you so much," You choked, and he smiled, leaning in to kiss you with feverish intensity. He wrapped his arms underneath of your back, pulling your waist to his as he leaned against you. 

"I was supposed to be gone for another few days," He breathed between kisses, his heart rate speeding, "But I couldn't stay away from you any longer." You hummed, smiling against his mouth as he slipped his tongue between your teeth, swirling around yours as he groaned. 

"Please don't leave ever again," You huffed, sucking along his chin and neck. "I can't function without you." He shivered. "Please."

"I won't, I won't--" He closed his eyes, "I promise. Never again." You knew that probably wasn't true, even if you both wanted it to be. But you didn't care. In the moment, it was just what you needed to hear. 

You moved back to his lips, kissing him desperately as he shifted on top of you, and you could suddenly feel his cock pressing against your leg, begging for attention. You smirked, your hands shooting to his belt and undoing it with impressive speed. You threw it to the ground next to you, and he responded, fumbling with the hem of your dress. He hiked it up your legs, pinning it to your hips as you gripped the waistline of his pants, sliding them down to reveal his erection.

Your mouth watered as you stared at it, and you reached forward greedily, gripping his length between your digits as he moaned. But he pried you off, grabbing at the fabric of your underwear and forcing it down your legs. He shifted on top of you again, his chest already heaving in anticipation. 

His hands shot down to your knees, prying them apart forcefully as he stared at you with crazed, desperate eyes. His gaze drifted slowly down your body, stopping between your legs as he smirked, his hand sliding down to tease at the inside of your thighs. You shivered, whimpering as his digits grew closer and closer to your core, your nerves dancing excitedly after a week of touch starvation. 

"What do you want?" He breathed, his thumb suddenly ghosting over your clit. You crumbled, moaning loudly.

"You," Your voice came out shaky and pathetic. You cringed at yourself. "All of you."

"Hm." Kylo just mumbled, shifting back on the couch and leaning his face down between your thighs. You nearly screamed as his tongue replaced his finger, sliding over your clit and making your hips buck towards his face, seeking any kind of friction. He just laughed against you as your hands dug into his scalp, your eyes rolling back in your head. He pressed his lips to your slit, his tongue still moving slowly and working up a rhythm, and you threw your head back, humming with pleasure.

"Fuck," You breathed, your heart racing, "Fuck--Kylo..."

"How much have you missed me?" He whispered as he paused to breathe.

"So much," You dug your fingernails into his scalp, and he groaned. "So, so much."

"What did you miss?" His lips closed around your clit, and you yelped. 

"I missed your hands. I missed your--fuck--your lips. I missed your face. I missed your--" You were interrupted as two of his fingers suddenly plunged into your core, making your back arch towards the ceiling as you cried out. He twisted them inside of you, his tongue still circling around your clit. You could barely even form words in your head as he slipped a third finger in, your walls stretching around him and squeezing tightly. 

"What else?" He whispered. Your cheeks burned, and you concentrated hard to think of a sentence. 

"I missed your body." You forced out, your lips curling at the next few words, "And your cock." At that, Kylo growled, ripping his fingers from your core and grabbing around your waist. You yelped as he picked you up with ease, turning your body around and forcing you down on your hands and knees, your ass in the air and your cunt exposed. He shifted behind you, his dick pressing against the back of your leg as he leaned forward. 

You gasped loudly, your cunt aching for him as one of his hands suddenly cracked against your backside, a puffy, red handprint left behind. 

"Do you want to know what I've missed?" He growled, and you nodded feverishly, your cheeks burning bright red.

Crack. He smacked you again, pain and pleasure shooting through you all at once. He grabbed tightly at your waist, shoving your hips back towards him as his cock dragged along your backside. You shivered. 

"I missed your face. I missed your tits. I missed your body. And most of all, I missed your tight little pussy--" At that, he suddenly jolted forward, splitting you open with one strong thrust as your arms collapsed against the couch. You screamed, your walls aching around his length as he began to pump in a rough rhythm, his breathing labored and short. 

"Fuck--you feel so good." He moaned, his hands squeezing tightly at your hips, his fingertips leaving indents in your skin. You just whimpered in response, your mind flashing white every time he pushed into you, going further and further with each thrust. 

"What did you do while I was gone?" He heaved, fucking you harder and shoving your face down into the cushion. "Did you have to touch yourself every night to replace me? Filthy whore--" He smacked you again, the sound of skin against skin echoing through the room. You yelped, gasping for breath as your face smashed against the pillowy surface. 

"Mhm." You nodded to the best of your ability, "Every night." He growled again, sinking even further into your cunt and hitting your cervix with a painful jab. You cried out once more, gripping tightly at the cushion for some kind of support as he rocked you roughy back and forth.

He was crazed--pumping into you with animalistic thrusts until he suddenly pulled out with a low groan, wrapping his arm underneath your waist and flipping you back around to face him. You landed against the cushions, your breasts bouncing with your body's movement. 

Kylo's eyes seemed to light up excitedly as they did, and he suddenly reached forward, grabbing at the neckline of your gown and ripping it downwards. The fabric slid off of your chest, revealing your bare skin as Kylo let out a shaky exhale. 

He shifted on top of you once more, positioning himself back in front of your entrance as he spread your legs further. And with one powerful movement, he pushed back into you, making you scream as he split you open once more. You cried out over and over again as he picked his pace back up, his skin growing sweaty as he gasped for breath. 

"I thought of you every second of every day while I was gone," He whispered, his face falling beside your ear as he nibbled at your neck. You moaned, your hands digging into the fabric of his shirt. "And I hated that I couldn't fuck you every single night like I normally do." You just hummed in response, your legs curling around him as he continued. 

You shivered, moaning as one of his hands trailed up to your breast, grabbing at your soft flesh and pinching your nipple between his fingertips. You yelped, but Kylo just smirked, leaning down to your chest and kissing up your sternum. He continued to pump into you without interruption as his lips suddenly closed around your nipple, sucking softly and rolling his tongue over and around it. Your nerves screamed with excitement, and you threw your head back, your eyes fluttering closed with euphoria. 

He moved to the other side, then kissing up to your shoulder and neck, his lips leaving purple and red welts on your skin in the shape of his mouth. Usually, you would be nervous that someone would see them. But in the moment, you didn't care at all, arching your back towards him as he bit lightly at your throat. 

You could feel your stomach starting to tighten, your nerves preparing to peak as he continued to thrust, getting sloppier each time as he grew closer to his climax. You could feel him starting to get shaky, his breath skipping as he pulled back from your neck, moving to your mouth once more and kissing you feverishly. Your tongues swirled together as he groaned, the vibration from his throat traveling to your lips. 

"Shit--" He gasped, moving to kiss along your chin, "Do you want to cum?" You nodded weakly, whimpering again as one of his hands suddenly returned to your clit, rubbing his finger against it in slow circles. 

"Yes," You breathed, the air seeming to evaporate from your lungs as you clung to his body. "Fuck--please, Kylo."

"You'll cum when I tell you to." He delivered one particularly strong thrust to your core, making you yelp. "You have to beg for it."

"Please," You whimpered, your body tilting right on the edge. You couldn't hold off for much longer, "Please, let me."

"Louder." He quickened his finger's pace around your clit, and you moaned pathetically, gasping.

"Fuck--please!" You screamed, digging your hands into his back, "Please let me cum!" Kylo shuddered, his mouth falling open wordlessly as he pushed into you once more, his dark mop of hair falling over his eyes.

"Cum now." He ordered, his voice low and exhausted. And you did, letting yourself break as your orgasm tore through you, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. You screamed, your legs shaking uncontrollably as you clung to him, your cunt squeezing tightly around his cock. 

He shuddered again moments later, growling and gasping for air as his cum spilled into your core in hot jets. He continued to thrust weakly as he finished, riding out the waves of his climax and grunting softly. His hand left your clit, moving to support his body as he hovered over top of you, his eyes closed as he savored the feeling of his peak. You closed your eyes with him, your chest rising and falling quickly as you caught your breath, your body still tingling with the aftershocks. 

But after a little while, Kylo sighed, letting his arms fall out from underneath him and collapsing on top of you. You grunted, laughing as he laid against your chest, his face nuzzling against your bare breasts. 

"I missed you so much." He whispered, and you smiled, lifting one of his hands off the couch and bringing it to your lips. You set it back down after you kissed along his knuckles, moving to his scalp and massaging it slowly. He hummed happily in response. 

"I missed you, too." You ran your hands through his sweaty mop of hair, catching your breath as you stared up at the ceiling. And as you winded down, you suddenly remembered something. Something that never should have left your mind.

The baby. 

He'd stopped crying--going completely silent in the other room. You would have been relieved that the sound had stopped, but it was very off character for him to not be screaming at this time of day. 

"Fuck," You hissed at yourself, shooting up suddenly and accidentally shoving Kylo off of you--a little too aggressively than you'd intended to. He grunted at the sudden movement, flying off the couch and slamming the back of his head against the coffee table. You yelped, but he just fell to the ground, closing his eyes and wincing.

"Ow." He groaned, laying on his back defeatedly.

"Shit--oh my god I'm so sorry." You kneeled down next to him, helping him to his feet and rubbing at the new lump in his skull. You laughed, and he returned your sentiment, shaking his head.

"What was that about?" He asked as he tucked his length back into his pants, pulling them up his legs and buckling his belt into place.

"It just suddenly dawned on me that I forgot all about the baby." You sighed, fumbling with the neckline of your dress and putting your breasts back into place, "He was crying, and I just forgot about him. I'll just add this to the list of times that I was a bad mother."

"You are not a bad mother." Kylo shook his head at you, wiping the sweat from his brow, "You know that."

"Sometimes it feels that way." You grumbled, and he just wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to his chest and planting a quick kiss on your lips.

"You're not." He whispered against your mouth, smiling encouragingly, "I promise."

"Hm." You pushed off his chest, striding towards the nursery and trying your hardest to ignore the sticky liquid still dripping down your legs from your aching core. Walking was definitely painful after a week of not experiencing his size, but you couldn't focus on that now. You entered the room, rushing over to the crib and staring down at Ben, who looked back at you with wide, curious eyes. You sighed. Everything was okay. 

Kylo walked in behind you, and you turned to look at him, his face lighting up as he looked down into the crib. Your heart glowed as he smiled, leaning down and wrapping his hands around Ben's sides, lifting him into the air and laying him against his chest. He stroked the back of his head softly, and Ben giggled, his tiny hands grasping at Kylo's shirt and hair. 

"How did he get so much bigger?" He turned to you, "I've only been gone for a week."

"I have no idea." You shook your head, "He's growing so fast. It's scaring the shit out of me." Kylo held him back out in front of him, biting playfully at his stomach as Ben giggled again. 

"I wish they would stop pulling me away for excursions." He sighed, laying Ben against his shoulder, rocking him slowly. "I feel like I'm missing everything important."

"I wish they would stop, too." You walked over to your rocking chair, sitting down exhaustedly. You rubbed your temples, breathing deeply. "It's hell when you leave."

"What do you mean?" Kylo laughed, walking over to your side.

"I just feel like I can't seem to connect with him." You glanced up, "I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"He's not even one yet," Kylo reached down, rubbing your shoulder, "Don't stress about that now." You just huffed, shrugging.

"I know. But I can't help it when the two of you just click instantly. I mean look at you." You gestured towards him, "He would never let me hold him like that without struggling." Kylo walked back to the crib, kissing Ben lightly on the forehead before setting him back down. He strolled over to you, kneeling in front of the rocking chair and resting his hands on your knees.

"You are doing amazing as a mother." He met your eyes, reaching for your hand and squeezing it tightly. "And I know you think I'm just saying that. But I mean it." You huffed, slumping back against the seat. "Seriously. Stop being so hard on yourself for the littlest mistakes."

"A million little mistakes add up to big ones." You sighed, but he just rolled his eyes, kissing your knuckles.

"Ben loves you. I love you. That's all that matters." You smiled weakly, nodding as he stood up, pulling you from the seat and into a tight embrace. You nuzzled your face against his chest, taking in the sweet, clean scent of his clothing. He stroked the back of your head, rocking you slowly from side to side. 

"Remember when you were the one who was terrified?" You glanced up at him, and he just chuckled. 

"I do."

"Looks like the roles have reversed."

"I'm still terrified." He muttered, "I told you before, I'm just a good actor." You smirked, remembering the first time he'd told you that--at the broadcast where you'd announced your engagement. Your first engagement, that was. Not the real one. The same broadcast where he'd fingered you from behind the podium on live television. Now that you thought back to it, why hadn't you gotten more angry at that?

But your thoughts were abruptly interrupted as the door in the entryway snapped open, slamming against the wall with a loud crack. You pulled back from Kylo's arms, looking up at him confusedly. But he just shrugged, his brows furrowed worriedly as he rushed out into the hallway. You followed him into the living room, your gaze falling on a palace guard standing in the doorway, his chest heaving wildly as he gasped for breath. 

"What's wrong?" Kylo stepped towards him, "Are you alright?" The man rested his hand against his ribcage, catching his breath quickly and glancing between the two of you.

"General Hux--sir," He struggled out, his face red and sweaty, "coup--"

"What?" Kylo glanced towards you, but you just shook your head as he turned back around to the guard.

"General Hux staged a coup sir." The man finally spit out, his head hung, "I'm so sorry, we just discovered his plans. But he's going to attack the palace at any moment. What do we do, sir? The troops need orders." Kylo whipped around towards you, his eyes wide with horror as all of the color drained from his face.

"Get the baby." He whispered, your heart stalling in your chest. His voice was threaded with terror as he spoke again, his hands balling into tight fists. "We have to leave. Now."

~The End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I'm so sorry to end this on a cliffhanger, but if people really want me to write a sequel to this after I write some other things I will! But anyway, thank you all so so much for all the love on this story. I really enjoyed writing it, and reading everyone's comments always makes my day. I'm really sad that this story is over, but I have a new one called "The Fallen" coming out really soon (which is also Kylo Ren X Reader) and I would really appreciate if you checked it out! Anyway, thank you all again and please feel free to leave your comments/thoughts on this story down below. I'll reply to all of them <3.


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